BE MY BRAYSHAW

by Meagan Brandy

  I pull back from her heat and her hand and she falls against me.

  As her breathing slows, I gently wash her hair, carefully avoiding the small wound on her left temple, and as my hands go down, I close my eyes, grabbing both her breasts in my palms and gently massaging the soap along them. Her nipples harden once again into sharp little peaks.

  I can’t help myself, I grip them between my fingers and squeeze.

  She moans. “More.”

  So I tug and twist, and when her legs begin rubbing together, I release them, ready to move farther down, but freeze.

  I don’t know why, but a hint of fright stings my fingertips as I ready myself to feel along her belly, her scars. Scars I’m not sure she cares to hide, but hide to protect the words scrolled along her skin, just under my right palm.

  “Captain,” she whispers, her hands coming up to cover mine. “Every piece of me is yours.”

  My heart hammers in my chest as she glides our hands slowly along her stomach.

  Graze after graze scrapes along my palm, and with every one, a promise locks in my head.

  For every sting she felt, I’ll feel.

  Every cut she took, I’ll take.

  Every pain she suffered, I’ll settle.

  She holds our hands just above her abdomen, letting hers fall as I slide slower, washing her between the legs.

  I bend, nipping at her ass cheeks as I massage along her thighs and calves.

  I stand, moving from the water completely so she can rinse easier as I quickly wash my body.

  My eyes fall to the drain as the blood that was matted deeper into my hair, the blood that didn’t come off with the quick rinse I took before I could go back to Zoey, washes away.

  Victoria sees it, too, and turns.

  She looks up at me, stepping closer with a soft smile on her lips. She pushes onto her toes, wrapping her arms around my neck.

  She hugs me to her body as my arms do the same, and for the first fucking time tonight, maybe in days or weeks even, the nails hammering me down are removed, a weight lifted.

  What a couple fucking months of trials.

  I thought I was tested to the brink when I learned I had a daughter I couldn’t find, let alone see, and again when I did locate her and was forced to leave her where she was until I could get her home, until it was safe enough for her to come home.

  I was so fucking wrong.

  That was nothing but the lead-up, the training for the finals.

  In the back of my mind, I knew I’d have to face Mallory in some way at some point, but I buried it beneath rage and disgust, when really, she deserves none of that.

  Not my hate, not my anger.

  Not a fucking thing.

  She made a decision, one I’ll never understand, but it was hers to make, and I get that now.

  Some people aren’t meant to be a parent, or maybe they are, but they’re ready in their own time, should that ever come.

  Deep down, though, an active parent or not, there’s love there. I didn’t believe it before, but I can’t deny it now.

  Conner Perkins, a man I would have been happy to never have seen again, the man who gave my mother a son when her husband could not. Cancer took his ability, and though it happened all wrong, Perkins gave them me.

  He didn’t claim me, not even when they died, and I hate to admit it was the most selfless thing a man could do. I had a family, a purpose and place in life, and he allowed me to keep it when the world was ugly.

  But the man showed up today, concerned for a girl he came to know, ready to help, and then when I thought he turned his back, hung up and ran when I reached out for help for the first time in my life, he showed up, giving his for mine.

  I’m standing here because of him.

  And Zoey came into this world because her mother allowed it.

  They loved what they let go, if even only a little.

  Will my daughter grow up and wonder why she left her?

  I imagine the answer is yes, but I’ll do all I can to make sure she never hurts because of it. I’ll love her with all I have, and I have no doubt the girl against me will, too.

  I’ve watched them together, and I tried to refuse what I witnessed, but today, everything came into perspective.

  Zoey has no idea what a mother is, but everything my brothers and I got from Miss Maybell, time and attention, love and comfort, she’s gotten since before she was born, and from the most unsuspecting person.

  The girl from the group home.

  The feisty, rebel blonde I might have missed had she not put herself in front of me, but the second she did, something in me stirred.

  She will love her like a daughter loves a mother, confide in her when she can’t me, fight with her when she doesn’t get her way, and she won’t always.

  Together, we’ll protect her and love her and show her how to be strong, independent, and watch as she grows into who she’s meant to be, whatever she wants to be.

  The water begins to chill, so I reach out and shut it off, and she pulls back, looking up at me.

  My hand sinks into her hair, dripping wet and slick to her back, her brown eyes so fucking soft and open.

  I tilt her head, and her lips part, gaze bouncing between mine.

  My thumb runs along the plump edge, and her eyes close on a slow blink.

  When they open, her pupils are dark and dilated.

  “These lips,” I rasp, dipping down to drag mine across them. I groan. “I’ve dreamt of them, imagined them sliding along mine, opening for me, for my cock and my tongue.”

  Her hand comes up to grip my wrist, eyes wild.

  “They’re mine.”

  “So take them.”

  My dick twitches at her words.

  My free hand comes up, gripping her jaw as my other pulls her closer, my feet shifting in as she tips her head back more, begging. Ready.

  Mine.

  My pulse is out of control, my heart pounding against my skin, against hers.

  I close my eyes, and my fucking toes curl into the puddled water at our feet, anticipation racing up my spine in an exhilarated zing.

  I inhale as she does, and my lips press into hers.

  She sighs, her lungs seeming to expand, taking in more and more air as I close my mouth around hers, my palms squeezing tighter and then her back hits the wall, and my tongue dives into her mouth, hers fights back, pushing and twisting and rolling with mine.

  I groan, and she jumps up, wrapping her legs around mine, letting her ass slide down until she’s aligned with where she wants me.

  I grind against her, memorizing her mouth, her sounds and motions.

  I reach around, squeezing her ass and she gasps, her head falling back.

  And that’s it.

  I fly from the shower to the bed.

  With her still latched tight around me, I push the comforter down, burying us beneath the sweet satin, knowing I’m about to enter an even sweeter one.

  Her legs stay locked around me as her head pulls away, her hands gliding into the hair at the base of my neck.

  She lifts, kissing me with slow full strokes, as she shifts her hips, aligning me at her entrance.

  Her eyes pop open, locking with mine, and I push inside.

  My mouth opens, my forehead creasing as I sink into the softest fucking heat, my body shaking as hers opens, welcoming me fucking home.

  “Goddamn, baby,” I moan, pushing in farther and her head falls back.

  I take advantage, my mouth trailing kisses down her throat, and with each one her back arches more, driving me deeper, my kisses lower until I can pull her nipple into my mouth.

  “Oh, fuck,” she croaks, rolling her hips as she grips and squeezes her free breast the same.

  I bite and she twitches, I flick my tongue, and she pulls the other tight between her fingertips.

  My baby likes her nipples played with.

  I pull out slowly, sliding back in, and she moans, her legs coming up to her sides. I do it again
and again and she starts to pant.

  “Oh my god… Captain, mmm,” she whispers, her hands gliding across my back and pulling my body down on hers.

  She begs for my weight so I give it to her, her moans now right in my ear, lighting me up.

  “Mm,” she whimpers. “Harder. More.”

  I swiftly squeeze my hand behind her and yank her up more so she’s halfway up the headboard and scoot with her.

  My hand comes down, using her ass for leverage, my other hand on the wall behind our heads, and her legs fall open.

  I shove inside to the brink and she gasps, a slow smile forming along her face as she pushes back.

  I fuck her into the mattress, both our moans filling the air around us.

  Fire spreads through my groin, my muscles tightening, and I move faster and faster, until she’s attempting to force me still as it becomes too fucking much, too damn good, but I keep going and her features pull tight, her orgasm right there, ready to set her free.

  I thrust in farther, grinding, and she falls apart, her moan loud and airy and in my ear.

  I groan, twitching as I fill her, my forehead falling to hers. “Fuck, mmm.” I push in more and she gasps.

  Slowly, her muscles ease, and I go to climb off of her, but she quickly wraps her arms around me, holding me there, perfectly fitted against her, the final piece to my puzzle.

  Her hands draw small circles along my back, her breathing growing back to normal.

  “Hey, Cap?” she whispers.

  “Beauty?” I kiss her neck, tasting the sweat I earned.

  “I love you.”

  My tongue freezes on her, my muscles right there with them, but her touch never slows, her fingers continue to draw on my skin.

  I pull back, meeting her eyes.

  So sure, so honest and open and infinite.

  My baby.

  My Beauty.

  I smash my lips into hers and she slides her hands into my hair, smiling against my lips.

  “I think there’s a little girl waiting for you out there,” she says when it takes me two seconds to get lost in her all over again.

  “No, baby,” I whisper, kissing her lips quickly and pulling away, tugging her up onto her feet with me. I push her hair from her face. “She’s waiting for us.”

  She inhales deeply, nodding.

  “But first, pajamas.”

  She laughs, moving to her drawers while I grab a towel to wrap around my waist and move for my room.

  As I reach for the handle, I glance back at her, and her eyes are already on mine.

  “In case you weren’t sure, or had any doubt, don’t,” I tell her, opening the door. “I love you with all that I am, and I’ll never stop.”

  Tears fill her eyes and she nods. “See you in five, Cap.”

  “In two, Beauty.”

  She laughs, turning away as I head to my room to get dressed.

  The second I step back in the hall, Zoey and Royce step off the stairs.

  She runs past, spotting Victoria right as she comes out of hers while Royce pauses beside me.

  He holds up the popcorn and thermos full of what I’m sure is hot chocolate, a pack of foam cups hanging from his mouth.

  I laugh, yanking it from his teeth and he grins.

  “What do you say, brother?” He nods his chin.

  My smile is soft, and I nod, hitting his back and he grins, walking ahead of me, following the girls into the media room.

  Victoria grabs the remotes while Royce sets the items on the table and begins pouring small cups.

  I drop onto the couch and Zoey climbs up beside me, Royce lowering beside her while Victoria moves over to my free side.

  The moment she gets the TV on, Maddoc and Raven walk in, hand in hand.

  I look to Maddoc who shrugs, and the two walk around, sitting beside Victoria.

  Raven bumps her in the shoulder and she laughs, glancing her way.

  Royce smiles around the room and leans forward, pouring a couple more cups.

  “Got one more?”

  All eyes snap to the doorway when our dad speaks.

  He holds up Zoey’s blanket and she gasps, her hands lifting and waiting for him to toss it over.

  Royce nods, revealing one last cup in the bag.

  He pats the seat open on his other side. “Come on, Dad.”

  Our dad sits down and the six of us look to Zoey.

  “What are we watching, ZoZo?”

  Everyone laughs as she shouts, “Trolls!”

  The answer was expected, and any other night we might try and convince her to pick something different, but not tonight. Tonight, we take whatever we’re given, all taking comfort in what each of us clearly need right now—each other.

  Our family.

  Brayshaw.

  I run my hand along Zoey’s head, and she swings her smile to me, climbing onto her knees to grip my face.

  She rubs her little nose on mine, smiling when I do the same back.

  “Eskimo kisses, Daddy.”

  And butterfly hugs, baby girl.

  With ease in my mind, and a full heart, I smile at the TV screen.

  This.

  This is what life is about.

  Chapter 38

  Captain

  “Daddy, who’s that?” Zoey asks as I place a framed photo on her little vanity.

  I stare at the man’s face, at the smile I never got to see in real life but shines bright, young and youthful, in the photo my dad gave me. “That’s your other grandpa. His name was Connor.”

  “Can he come to the zoo with me and Papa, too?”

  I swallow. “No, ZoZo, he can’t.”

  When her little shoulders fall, I bend down, kneeling in front of her with a small smile, and pull her into me.

  Her little hand comes up, and she sticks it in the small pocket on my t-shirt, her eyes slowly lifting to mine again.

  “He might not be able to go places with you, Zo, but when you go to sleep at night, before you close your eyes, you can tell him all about it,” I offer her all I can of the man who gave his life for mine. “If you want.”

  “Okay!”

  “Okay,” I whisper. “Grab your backpack, you’re gonna go play with Mac and Chloe for a little bit, remember?”

  “Yep.” She grabs her bag and runs ahead of me, not stopping until she meets Royce outside, who has his backdoor open and ready for her to climb inside.

  The others walk out then, too, Maddoc and Raven taking their own car as well, our dad and Maybell riding with them.

  “Meet you out there?” he asks.

  “Right behind you.”

  I watch them drive off, pulling my phone out as soon as they’re gone and forward the email that just came through to Victoria’s phone.

  She steps on the porch right as her phone pings.

  She opens it, looking to the screen with a small frown on her face as she reads the opening.

  Captain,

  As asked, here are the final recordings off of Maria Vega’s voicemail. I find it an odd request, being ten out of ten are from you.

  My best, James.

  Victoria’s eyes fly to mine, and she shakes her head in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

  With a small smile, I wrap my arms around her, pulling her against me.

  “The day I found out she died, I was an asshole to you, and yes, a lot of that was because I was angry something so huge in your life happened and you didn’t think to share it with me, but I was also angry that you were so sure I didn’t care.”

  Her eyes move between mine.

  “For the last two years I went to bed listening to a voicemail left by Maria. Every single night, she’d call me and tell me about Zoey’s day. What she did, the things she said or discovered. Every detail she could remember, and it wasn’t given like a list or a chore,” I tell her. “Maria would laugh and sometimes I thought she might have been crying when she’d share little things, and then Zoey came home, and the voicemails stopped.”
>
  “You started calling her,” she whispers.

  I swallow. “Every night.”

  Her eyes fill with moisture and she smiles. “You have a big heart, Cap, and despite all the bad shit you felt she was a part of, you knew what it was like to have to go to sleep every night without her.”

  I nod.

  It couldn’t have been easy. She had already lost two children, if I count myself, in her life, and she’d just lost a third. She helped take care of my daughter from infant to toddler, too. She loved her and I know Zoey loved her back.

  “She listened to them, all but those last ten,” I tell her, reaching for her arm and pulling her close. “I want you to be the one to listen to those.”

  She swallows. “Why?”

  “So you know what I was feeling when I acted like I felt nothing.”

  “You told her about us?” Her voice breaks.

  “I did, Beauty. I was lost and angry, but I have no doubt she died knowing you’d be safe with me.”

  She pushes against my chest, bringing her lips to mine for a slow, soft kiss. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you,” I tell her. “I was a piece of shit. I hurt you, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Ever.”

  “I know, you’ve told me a million times, Cap,” she whispers. “But you should.”

  “I won’t, but thank you for wishing I would, for forgiving me. For giving me more than I knew I needed, and for going with me to this thing today.”

  The softness she reserves only for me covers her eyes as she leans in. “Always.”

  The corner of my mouth lifts, and I slide my lips along hers. “Remember you said that.”

  She laughs, allowing me to tug her along, and the two of us climb into my vehicle. We make the twenty-minute ride to the Brayshaw memorial park.

  I’d never been to an actual funeral before today, and I’d be happy never to again. I don’t like when people cry, and there were tears all over this afternoon, most from people twice my age, people who knew Connor Perkins a hell of a lot better than I ever did.

  It’s been exactly two weeks since the man gave his life protecting mine, his son. The son the world never knew he had.

  I think we gave him a goodbye my mother and the man I consider my birth father, would be proud of. I think him getting peace after death would mean a lot to them.