Jax was adamant that he wanted to be part of a family.
My family.
It’s not going to work. It’s not going to work.
That rant, frenzied and so fucking sure of itself, rang in my head.
I put the car in reverse. I couldn’t take my tear-stained face to work.
As I sped out of the parking spot, another voice whispered in my head. It was meek.
But what if it does work, Liv?
24
Jax
Mark wouldn’t stop calling. And I didn’t give a shit.
He’d now brought in the big guns. Diane had left over ten messages, all saying the same thing.
“Your pilot is waiting at the airstrip.”
I was not getting on that plane.
I was serious about what I had promised Liv. I was going to see this through.
I couldn’t leave Ashland until I knew that Liv was on board with the plan.
I was open to anything. Negotiations. Concessions. I didn’t want to be without Liv. Even if we had miles between us, I had to know that she knew she was all mine.
I wanted to give her ample time to process my proposal. So I’d refrained from calling. I hadn’t seen her since she broke down in her car.
It was hard to watch. I wished she could let go of her mistrust, allow herself to trust me. I was ready to put in all the work it took to make sure it happened.
I fucking wanted her in my life.
Seeing her in my bed had opened the big box of memories. We were always good together. Liv made me better. She cared and made me give a shit about everything and myself. After eleven years of drifting like a listless paper boat in a swamp, I felt like myself again. Like I belonged. Anna and Liv were the only two people in the world I wanted to mean something to.
They meant everything to me.
My life in Seattle seemed so far away. I loved my Bellevue place and I missed being there, but it was so fucking empty. Just me and the housekeeper. It was a lonely existence, and I wasn’t looking forward to going back.
The only time I’d felt true happiness was when I was with Liv and Anna.
I wanted to hold on to it. Keep it. Nurture it.
It was pretty selfish of me, but I did want to give all that back to Liv. If only she would let me.
I found myself stopping in front of the florist. I was ready to go back to Liv and once again plead my case. I pointed to the long-stemmed red roses. “I’ll take three dozen of those. A simple bouquet, please.”
I reached into my pocket for the cash, already anticipating the look on her face when she saw them. Liv loved red roses. I smiled to myself as I remembered her once saying to me, “I’m such a boring person. I love red roses. I wish I liked orchids or hydrangeas. But no. Red roses are life.”
She’d been seventeen then. I still remembered the white jumpsuit she’d been wearing when she said that. I remembered with crystal clarity every single moment I spent with her. I didn’t tire of reliving those memories. Ever.
The florist was a middle-aged woman with a short, sharp bob. She smiled at me as she handed me the bouquet. “That’s one lucky girl, or boy!” she quickly amended.
I chuckled. “Girl. I hope she likes them.”
“She’ll love them.”
I handed the woman a hundred-dollar bill and stood waiting for change when I spotted Liv.
She was a vision in a white spaghetti-strap dress, standing outside a bookstore. Her hair was styled in natural waves that rested on her bare shoulders.
She kept looking toward the bookstore. I took a step forward. I couldn’t help but smile, wanting to surprise her.
The florist called from behind. “Don’t forget your change.”
I turned back only briefly, impatiently taking the change. I whirled around. Stopped dead in my tracks.
A man had exited the bookstore, grinning at Liv. He reached for her waist as she smiled up at him.
A sharp stab of pain shot through my chest. Life began to pass in slow motion. Pretty heartless of it because it took its time opening up gashes in my chest.
My eyes glued to Liv’s face. I looked for a sign—a sign that she didn’t want the man. But she smiled sheepishly, hooking her hair behind her ear.
I looked down at the flowers and swallowed the painful lump in my throat.
The bouquet of exquisite red roses dangling from my right hand, I strode forward before I could make a smarter decision. I closed the distance between me and the happy couple before they’d even stopped grinning.
The man looked at me strangely when I stopped right in front of Liv. But it was Liv’s reaction I cared about. That’s all I wanted to see. I had to be mistaken. God, I hoped I was. But I wasn’t.
The color evaporated from her face. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but no words came out. Her gaze dropped to the massive bouquet in my hand, and she quickly stepped sideways, away from the man who’d just been kissing her cheek.
“What’s up, man?” The guy sounded agitated that I’d interrupted his blissful day.
My eyes dragged over his tailored blue suit as if he were a serpent. I felt drained, like I’d wrestled a bear and wanted to curl up in a corner and take a break from this crazy life. I think Liv saw the pain in my eyes even though I fought hard to hide it.
“Jax.” Liv’s small hand pressed to the center of my chest as if she was attempting to create some distance between her boyfriend and me.
“You could’ve just told me, Liv.” I accepted defeat. “How could you keep this from me?”
All I felt was a sharp pain in my ribs. Probably my heart breaking. Is that how she’d felt when I left her at the airport eleven years ago?
If it was, she must really hate me. ’Cause this shit fucking hurt more with every passing second.
I wanted to be angry. I wanted to rant and rave and destroy something. I could imagine punching a wall in a state of fury. I could break something. If it was supposed to be my own hand as I punched drywall, so be it.
Go away, Jax. Walk away. Don’t do it. You’re at a disadvantage here. Liv is with him. Not you.
I clutched Liv’s hand that was still pressed to my chest.
Her boyfriend decided to open his big mouth. “Get your hands off Liv. Who do you think you are?”
As soon as he took a step toward me, I acted on impulse and gently pulled Liv aside.
She yanked at my arm, catching me by surprise and managing to yank me away from her man.
I looked at Liv. “We need to talk.”
She was happy to walk away with me. She turned back only once to call out to the guy she’d been with.
“I’ll call you, Greg. I promise to call you tonight.”
She unlocked her car. “Get in.”
I stared at her. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
Liv paused, and the guilt on her face was well-deserved.
“I’m the other man, aren’t I?” It was hard to get the words out. Why did my chest hurt? “My skin is crawling thinking about how you lay there in bed. And you let me fuck you.”
“Stop.”
“How could you?” I scoffed. “You on your eternal, winged high horse. Screwing me behind his back.”
She drew in a shattered breath, as if registering my heartbreak and giving me a moment. “You say you want to talk, but this is hardly a discussion. These are your assumptions.”
“Do you have another story to tell me? ’Cause I’m all ears, sweetheart.”
She stiffened at the ill-placed endearment. I bet it hit her like an insult, like it was supposed to. Even though I hated myself for it.
“All I have to say is, it’s not what it looks like.”
“Then why can’t you look me in the eye when you say that?”
“You know what?” She yanked her car door open. “I don’t owe you an explanation. You and I aren’t together. I don’t want to be with you. I didn’t promise you a fucking family. Just because you’re Anna’s biological father, and now Your Highness has
decided he wants to give daddying a shot, I don’t owe it to you.”
I wanted to argue, but her words hit me in the gut. Here I was, thinking I was offering her the world with an arrangement that entailed me being in Seattle half the year. I thought I was offering a pretty sweet deal.
Who the fuck did I think I was? Liv had far better options than a pompous running back for a boyfriend.
Damn, of course she had men around to take her on fun bookstore dates, men who clearly treated her well and were kind and considerate. They were attracted to her like moths to a flame. Liv was charming, funny, and smart. She owned her own successful business and lived an independent life. She didn’t need a man to save her. And she certainly did not need the half barrel of an offer I’d made her.
Of course she didn’t want me. Of course she didn’t want to be with me.
I might have thought I was all the rage with my millions and mansions, but Liv hardly needed a sugar daddy. She deserved a man who was offering more than just “Sometimes I’ll show up during the off-season.”
No wonder she didn’t jump for joy when I offered her that chump change of a relationship. She could have her pick from the dating pool, and for Liv, the pool was pretty damned big.
She was a freaking catch.
My body broke into a cold sweat in panic unlike I’d ever known. “So you want to be with him?”
“Stop it.” She pressed both hands to her ears. “I can’t do this. I don’t want to speak to you right now because you clearly don’t want to hear anyone but that voice in your head telling you you’re right and I’m wrong.”
If only Liv knew that the voice in my head was laughing at me for believing I was the catch. I’d be one lucky bastard if Liv chose me, which she wouldn’t.
Liv would never choose me. Now I believed she deserved better.
I watched Liv get in the car, and I pulled the passenger side door open to stall her.
I leaned over to look her in the eye. “If you don’t want me, just put me out of my misery. Dating two men at the same time is cheating in the game. I have no patience for cheaters.”
The red in her cheeks paled as she looked at me.
“I didn’t get the idea of being part of your family out of the blue. You know you dangled the possibility in front of me. Now that I want it, you won’t let me have it. You’ll never let me have it, will you?”
She bit her lip, and I admired her for not throwing words back at my face.
“You’ve already got your family. I’m just a dalliance. Oh, what’s the word you used? ‘Temporary amusement.’” I pointed at my chest for emphasis. “That’s me. I’m the temporary amusement. Thanks for that. I deserve it.”
I dumped the bouquet into her passenger seat and slammed the car door shut.
But I wasn’t angry at Liv. I was pissed off at myself.
25
Liv
It gave me chills, remembering the pain in Jax’s eyes.
I’d never seen him looking like that.
The guilt was burning me inside out. He was hurt and lashing out. It wasn’t like Jax to get provoked into arguing in the middle of the road. Ever since I’d known him, he was cool, and kind.
He did come across as an extremely assertive man. It wasn’t his fault that his heavy, baritone voice was enough to get people running to do his bidding.
Last night, he looked ready to throw a fist into Greg’s face. I’d braced myself for some explosive physical altercation.
His hand had fisted. And in an ultimate visual oxymoron, his other hand held the most magnificent bouquet of my favorite roses.
Roses that he’d gotten for me. Before he assumed I was dating two men at the same time. I didn’t have the patience to date one man properly. Dating was exhausting and took way too much effort out of me.
That’s exactly why I’d broken up with Greg three months ago. Long before Jax even returned to the picture.
The doorbell rang, and it made me want to hide underneath the covers. I didn’t want to see Jax. Not right now. Anna was home and in bed with a tummy ache. If I didn’t get the door quick, the doorbell would wake her.
Maternal concern for my child’s nap trumped my own sense of self-preservation. I hurried to the door and opened it.
Not Jax.
“John! You’re back.” I smiled, but it was hollow and superficial.
Jax’s father, John, held a suitcase in each hand, which meant he hadn’t seen the inside of his own house yet. And he hadn’t come face-to-face with the son he hadn’t seen in over a decade.
I glanced toward the house next door. John had a surprise waiting for him at his place. A surprise that was very, very angry—just in time for John’s arrival.
Guilt. More guilt. Bile rose in my throat.
The father-son reunion was eleven years overdue. I’d paved the path for it to be a complete failure. Jax was fuming, and I knew he didn’t recover from any feeling quickly.
When he was excited, he was excited for a long time. Now he was angry. I didn’t expect that feeling to go down any different. Actually, I expected it to be drawn out longer.
“How are you, Liv?” John asked, beaming as he peeked over my shoulder.
I moved out of the doorway. “Oh, please come in. Anna is taking a nap. She has a stomach bug.”
“Oh. I was really looking forward to seeing her. I’ll come back later.”
I smiled. Anna loved John. He was great grandfather, and he’d been around to play his role like a boss. He was a good man, and I really wanted to do him a favor: prepare him for the cosmic hurricane of fury that was waiting for him at his place.
John glanced toward Anna’s closed bedroom door. “Does she know?”
“What?”
“Does Anna know that Jax is her father?”
“No! No, she doesn’t.”
“I swear I didn’t know he was coming back. Or I would’ve told you.”
I signed in relief. John knew about the land mine in his house. “Is that why you came home early?”
“I would’ve been here a week ago, but I couldn’t get out of Nepal. Getting a ticket changed is harder than finding God, I tell you.”
I stifled a chuckle and wrapped my arm around John’s narrow shoulders in a hug. “I missed you. We missed you. I’m so glad you’re back.”
“I guess I should get going. I have to see Jax.” He stopped in the doorway, looking like he was dreading it.
“Would you like me to come along?”
His sigh of relief almost brought tears to my eyes. “Would you? I’d really appreciate a buffer.”
“I’m hardly the buffer you need, John. Jax wants a stake through my heart.”
John laughed. I think he thought I was joking. I didn’t have the heart to break it to him that I was pretty darn serious.
“I have to apologize to Jax. I was really mean to him yesterday. So maybe he’ll be so busy being mad at me, that he’ll give you a break.”
“I’m not scared of Jax. He’s always mad at me.” John may not be scared Jax, but he was clearly terrified of seeing Jax.
The lights were on in the window at the back of the house. “I think we should go in through the back.”
John entered through the back door. I was right behind him. I’d barely put my foot across the threshold when I heard it. A woman’s voice.
“Dump the girl next door, Jax. Her work is done. You need to come back and start living in the real world. This isn’t a fantasy.”
I stiffened, and so did John.
A man’s voice resounded in the house. It was not Jax. “You’ve done good, man. Your image has recovered. Everyone’s talking about the poor little pretty single mom you were dating. It’s done. You made a good choice. You played this well. Now it’s time to move on.”
My jaw fell open. I knew exactly who the two eternally-concerned-about-Jax’s-image people were: Diane and Mark.
Humiliation and pain mixed into a powerful concoction that coursed through me. The sy
mpathy and pity in John’s eyes only made it worse. My mortification blew up.
I was tempted to run out the door, overcome with a sudden urge to curl up and cry at my stupidity. I really thought Jax meant it when he said he wanted me. Even though I kept turning him down, I had believed that he truly cared, and that had fixed most of the broken parts of me.
Only to end up in this moment. He’d done what he always did. Made a fool of me.
I whirled around in a rush to get out of there. My toe smacked a chair leg, sending me headfirst onto the floor. I landed on my forearms, wincing. My toe throbbed in agonizing pain, my elbows bruised to match my self-confidence.
The unmistakable sound of footsteps coming closer.
Tears streamed down my face and adrenaline pumped through me. I needed to get out before Jax knew.
Too late.
“Dad. Liv! Are you okay?”
He reached for me. Without thinking, I smacked his hands away before they even touched me. I gave him such a cold stare, I was surprised he didn’t turn into ice on the spot. “Keep your hands off me.”
John, now fully apprised of the situation, reached down to help me up.
I left the house. I could hear John arguing with Jax.
Unable to fight the tears anymore, I sobbed. For John. He had met his son for the first time in eleven years, and his meeting was completely fucked. All because of me. Because I had allowed Jax to make a complete fool of me.
The door opened behind me. I hoped Jax hadn’t decided it was a good idea to follow me out. I needed to be alone. Stumbling through the agonizing pain in my foot, I made my way across the backyards connecting our homes. I’d just opened the screen door when a strong, familiar grip tightened on my forearm.
“Are you okay?”
I wrenched my arm out of his despicable hold.
I lowered my voice so Anna wouldn’t hear. “Don’t pretend to care about the poor, pretty little miserable single mom you fucked in Ashland. It was all a plot to fix your image. For Christ’s sake, Jax. Other people matter too. You can’t use people for your advantage like this, you selfish bastard!”
Baby's Daddy: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 16
