A Whiskey Sour Wipeout

by Constance Barker

  With a surprising stealth, the unlikely team of two motorcycle mechanics, a medium, a bartender, and a gravedigger moved through the woods to prepare for a take down. Piper and I held back a ways to let the others get to their posts.

  Once everyone was settled into position, we made for the front door. I never remembered walking so slow to an entrance, and I could tell Piper felt the same way.

  When we were about ten feet from the entry, as I was about to ask Piper how we should handle our questions, the large, heavy door swung open with an ominous creak. Linzi took a step out and smiled broadly. “Well, hello ladies. I was wondering when you were going to stop drawing in the dirt and come and say hello.”

  Piper glanced to me. “She seems to be well informed, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Maybe, but if you knew we were coming, why did you wait for us?” It was the best I could do on the spot.

  “Me and the Bitter Gentlemen have been wanting to spend some private time with you.” Linzi smiled and I felt it was how the snake smiled at Eve after he told her to eat the apple.

  Piper gagged. “I don’t know who the Bitter Gentlemen is, but something stinks to high heaven. You ever clean in there?”

  “There was a little experiment I conducted and have yet to finish. It is getting a little rancid now, but I can tolerate the smell since there is still so much to learn. You want to see?” Linzi’s eyes were wild, not like when we met at the wake.

  Piper took a peek over to me to see if I would object, but I made no response. She understood and answered for both of us. “We came here to see if we could talk with you a bit more. So, yeah we would love to come in and see what you have done with the place.”

  Piper led the way and we entered the well-lit interior. In the center of the one room cabin was a man tied to a chair. He was dead, apparently had been there a while since the body was clearly the source of the rancid odor. We slowly walked inside only a couple of steps, staying close to the door. On the dining table, I spotted a pill bottle and started to move towards it.

  Piper hissed at me. “What are you doing? Stay here, near the door.”

  “I need to see something.” I went and picked up the little container and then scanned the label. “I see you took an interest in Lugnut’s pill bottle like everyone else. But why do I suspect your interest was not in testing the pills?”

  “You’re right, of course. I took that one from Lugnut’s apartment so no one else could test it.”

  “This little star drawn on the bottle was your mark to find the right bottle, right?”

  “They said you were smart, Ginger.”

  Piper took an annoyed tone, “We get it. You covered up what you did to Lugnut. So, you seem to be comfortable with a dead guy tied to a chair as a centerpiece. Are you going to introduce us?”

  “He is no one special. Just someone I needed to get the supplies I needed.” Linzi flicked the back of her hand at him like she was sending a plate back to the kitchen of a restaurant.

  “I see.” Piper took one step back toward the door.

  Linzi chuckled. “Don’t be so fast to leave. You know who he is why I needed him, don’t you?”

  I winced. “Maybe. Guardrail mentioned a lab director that was reported missing at the VA hospital.”

  Linzi hummed a little then said, “Oh, don’t be so modest. You know all about the classified lab and you've guessed that I took the gas I needed from there. You know the only way for me to gain access to something like that was to use someone who worked there. And the director was so easy to control. The Bitter Gentlemen showed me how to do it, and it worked perfectly. He even made for a perfect guinea pig to test the blend I made. And as you can see it worked wonderfully. I don’t know why it didn’t work on Slick though? I think he must have smelled something funny and pulled the mask off too quickly. But Mr. Lab Director here was tied up. So, maybe I miscalculated on that one.”

  Piper shot back. “But you didn’t miscalculate with Lugnut. Your plan worked just fine and induced his heart attack.”

  “That was easy. I had access to Lugnut’s medication and the pharmacy. So, I just had to get the spiked pills back after the deed was done. The old coot had a dozen bottles scattered around the house and I almost did not find the right one. But I did and you can just keep on testing pills from his place now, no one will find anything.”

  “So, why are you telling us this all now?” Piper cut to the chase. I could tell she wanted out of this cabin.

  “I wanted to meet the great Grumpy Chicken gang. The famous gang of misfits who solve murders using some paranormal help. You know, with my wanting to be a famous medium and all.”

  Star’s voice drifted through the open front door. She was moaning.

  Linzi’s crazy rant continued. “Oh, I didn’t tell you. I thought you might come out here to visit. So, I made preparations for potential guests. I can feel her fear and I would guess she senses The Bitter Gentlemen is here.”

  Dixie appeared in the doorway and was panting heavily and sweating. “Ginger, Star is possessed or something...Oh my God. I will never complain about tending bar again. Just let me survive this and get back to my bar. Is that man dead over there?” Dixie gave a half-hearted point to the dead lab director. “And it smells like low tide at the sewage treatment plant crossed with a skunk's butt in here.”

  Piper tried to keep her under control. “Dixie, why don’t you go back and see if you can help Star. Linzi, you have any advice that might help Dixie?”

  Linzi popped like a preteen girl answering her mother. “Nope. Sorry.”

  Dixie took off so fast I thought I heard that funny cartoon sound someone makes when they move really fast, like a an out of tune slide flute.

  Linzi strolled towards us and picked up something off the table. “You see this? It's a trigger. It will start a process of leaking the one triple two gas over there.” Linzi pointed at a large tank painted black with a red icon depicting flames. “Once there is enough gas in the room, it will explode and make that big propane tank outside explode, causing an even bigger boom.”

  Piper shuddered. “Let me guess, we will be inside the cabin when it blows.”

  “Of course, it just has to be this way. Sorry about that.” Then Linzi locked eyes with Piper. “Tell Dixie to bring Star here. And get those three men in the woods to come on in too. I will keep Ginger nice and safe as insurance to make sure you bring them all back.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Digger, Dog, and Guardrail were easy to retrieve. They were worried about me since Linzi held me captive while Piper fetched them. They came running to help.

  But Dixie and Star were a different story. Star had been afflicted by some sort of spell. Dixie figured out she could get Star to walk towards the cabin, but in no other direction. It was just a matter of holding her hand and leading the way since Star could not see. Her eyes were now deep black pools that seemed to eat light.

  Dixie and Star finally showed up and Linzi clapped like a play had just ended. “Oh goody. Now, we all know what is going to happen here, but you can make it easier on yourself if you help me with Star.”

  Guardrail snarled. “You're nuts. Stop this right now. No one else has to get hurt.”

  Linzi smiled back at him. “I need you to be quiet. Star and I have some work to do and I cannot be interrupted. Here, make yourself useful. Fetch that rope in the corner over there and tie Ginger and Piper to the chairs.” She pointed at the rope.

  “Don’t do it, Guardrail.” Dog’s voice revealed fear, but also anger.

  Digger added, “Let me do it. I know how to use a rope better than Guardrail.”

  Linzi eyed the old grave digger and nodded yes. “Alright. And, I can use the big guy to help me with Star.”

  Linzi took an odd-looking apparatus from a bag and placed electrodes on Stars temples. Then inspected Star’s eyes for some reason. “Good, the Bitter Gentlemen has her.”

  Piper and I were in the process of being tied to the woode
d chairs at the table. Piper blurted out, “Who in the blazes is this Bitter Gentlemen?”

  Linzi rocked her head like she was deciding something, then she spoke to no one in particular. “Oh well, it can’t hurt to tell them.” She came over to Piper and checked the ropes. “See, I have always been curious about the paranormal since I could sense things sometimes, and your pub was only about an hour from here so I always imagined taking a trip to check it out. After all the stories Slick and Lugnut told me. But as I read and learned more about being a medium, I stumbled onto a spirit willing to help me speed things up. But he needed help, too. So, we formed an alliance.”

  Piper asked, “What did you want?”

  Linzi shrugged, “To be as good as Star.”

  “And what did this Bitter Gentlemen want?”

  “Revenge. He claims he was wronged by someone very famous and very powerful. But he would not tell me who. He just needed me to do some things on our side to make his revenge happen.” Linzi seemed to be getting bored explaining to Piper.

  My concern forced me to ask, “Is this going to harm Star? I don’t like the look of that contraption.”

  “Oh, it will kill her. It is the only way. But she's not going to need her skills for much longer, so it would be a shame not to pass them on.” Linzi talked like she was annoyed that we did not know what she wanted.

  “You can do that? Transfer paranormal abilities?” Piper was stalling, I could tell.

  “Well, I think so. I have never actually done it. But the Bitter Gentlemen told me we could.”

  “Is this the Bitter Gentlemen we are talking to right now?” Piper had her journalist voice and I could tell she was trying to form a plan.

  “Sort of. I am his conduit to this side, but it's not possible for him to speak through me.”

  Digger was scanning the trigger on the table and I saw him look at the big black tank. He asked, “You rigged it to blow, didn’t you?”

  “Oh, yes dearie. I already told Piper and Ginger all about it. It gets rid of all this evidence, and you and your friends.”

  Dog whispered to me. “A gas needs to mix with air to explode.”

  I nodded, “Yeah, she said there would be delay once she triggered it.”

  Dog added, “I can get the trigger, I think. She has it in the table and I think I'm faster than her.”

  Linzi stood straight and her voice boomed. “That is not a good idea. And it will only work for me, it has a bio-metric authorization. Now, you seem to be a handful, Dog. I guess I need to handcuff you to the sink.” And Linzi proceeded to do just that with Dog protesting all the way. “Now you big guy. I got one more set of cuffs. Let’s cuff you to the toilet.” Linzi made Guardrail wrap his arms around the small toilet in the tiny bathroom and went back to tending to Star.”

  Dixie had been silent. I think I even heard her praying at one point. But she chose to speak, “Linzi, where did you get all this stuff?”

  She laughed and put her hands on her hips. “You obviously don’t know what it's like to work in a veteran’s hospital. The VA is full of all kinds of technology and people who know how to use it. And it's so easy to get what you need. These cuffs came from the VA police office. And Mr. lab director here built this trigger for me. He would take his bows, I am sure, if he was breathing.”

  Linzi looked around the cabin like she was trying to find something. Digger quipped, “Can I help you find something?”

  Linzi picked up some more rope. “Nope. Dixie and Digger, I am sorry but I am plumb out of places to tie or cuff people to. You will have to be tied to each other.”

  Linzi made them sit on the small bed and tied them together. After checking they were bound tight, she went back to Star seated in the fourth wooden chair that served the lone table in the room. She seemed to fiddle with a few switches on a small black box connected to the electrodes. Then tried again. “Damn it! You said it would work!”

  Dog shot back. “Aw, having a bad day are ya?”

  “Shut up! I am sooooo angry. And now it appears I have to leave because your friends sent more people out here to help you. All this to leave without Star’s powers. Shame, now what am I going to do?”

  Piper threw out an idea. “You could let us go.”

  Linzi went into a rage and grabbed a few of her possessions. Then she grabbed the trigger device and flipped it on. A big red light lit up and gas started to hiss from the big black tank. She let out an evil laugh, then threw the trigger device on the floor. “Sorry to have to run kiddies, but there is no more time for me to work with you.” Then she promptly exited.

  Digger started grunting and groaning. “Come on, Dixie. Help me. I puffed myself up when she tied us up so it might be loose enough to get out when we had a chance. Well, I think this would be good time to get out of these ropes.”

  “How could you puff yourself up? You always look puffed up.” Dixie stopped talking and starting groaning like Digger. Suddenly the ropes fell off.

  “Voila! We only have a few seconds. I am going to drag the tank to the river and throw it in the water.” Digger pointed and Dixie understood. They both sprinted to the tank and dragged it to the door. “I can take it from here. No need to put us both in danger.” And Digger made off for the river dragging the tank across the ground.

  Dixie untied me and Piper and the we tried to get Dog and Guardrail loose. We couldn't find a key but Dixie fashioned a paperclip into a makeshift key and got them both loose. Guardrail stood and rubbed his wrists as he stretched. “That was really uncomfortable. Thanks. Where did you learn to jimmy handcuffs, Dixie.”

  Dixie smiled at him, “I’ll tell you some other time. But right now, we should get out of here.”

  Dog rocked his head at his cuffs. “Come on, I ain’t exactly loving this.”

  Dixie went over and began jiggling the paperclip key in Dog’s cuffs. “Yours are a little...” She never finished the sentence. The explosion was so large it blew out the two small windows of the cabin and removed one of the metal panels from the roof.

  Piper was thrown to the floor, but she popped up after a couple of seconds and looked around. She screamed a single word. “Digger!”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  One Month Later

  Dad and I visited Digger’s grave and I brought some flowers. We stood there for a moment and took in the beautiful day. “They gave Digger a perfect spot. It is so beautiful.”

  Dad nodded. “They sure did, sweetie. He worked this place his whole life, it is fitting he got a nice spot here.” Dad took out a little flask and took a sip. The he poured a little on Digger’s grave.

  “I hate when you do that. It just seems kind of rude to me.”

  “Ginger, you know better than that. It is an old Irish tradition to give the dead a little taste. It is actually a sign of respect.”

  “I guess. I’m still overly sensitive to everything I think.”

  Dad sighed. “It wasn’t your fault. No one can figure out how that tank blew. No one.”

  “I know. But I still feel responsible.” I heard the sounds of horses coming and spun to the sound.

  Dad didn’t move. “You know who it is. He's worried about you.”

  “It’s Sheriff Morrison, yes. But it’s Aunt Mae, too.”

  That made Dad turn and look. He waved at the two as they approached us.

  Sheriff Morrison dismounted and came over to the site and shook our hands. He then removed his hat and said a small prayer before speaking. “You've been coming here a lot. Your aunt and I are worried about you. It's been a month and you need to start returning to your life.”

  “Digger was part of my life. So, it is kind of hard to get back to it.”

  Aunt Mae came over and put her arm around me. “You knew things could get dangerous. And so did Digger. He once told me, though, that working to solve cases with you made him feel more alive than he thought possible. He loved it, even the weird parts that scared him sometimes. It's what he wanted to do, solve mysteries with you an
d the gang.”

  The tears made it hard for me to see. “It is like a nightmare and I keep hoping to wake up and see him all grouchy at the end of the bar.”

  Sheriff Morrison cleared his throat. “I've heard through the grapevine that Linzi is driving the feds nuts with her spirit talk. I'm just happy they were able to capture her before anyone else was hurt.” The Sheriff took an envelope from his pocket. “It would seem Digger made some arrangements and he left you a letter. I brought it for you. Here.” He held out an envelope.

  Aunt Mae asked, “Are you going to open it?”

  “Nope, not now. I’m not ready. But thanks for delivering it.” I put the envelop in my coat pocket.

  Dad checked the saddles on the horses. “I can’t believe you let Mae take her out.”

  The Sheriff sighed. “To be honest, I can’t either.”

  Aunt Mae hugged me and then climbed back into the saddle. The Sheriff remounted and they rode back to town.

  Dad and I took our time and walked back to The Grumpy Chicken. We talked about Mom the whole time.

  As we entered the pub, Dog and Guardrail were arguing. Dog insisted, “Why would he want his stool moved. It should stay right here. But we need to put a plague on it.”

  Dad bellowed, “I’m not putting up with another argument about what to do with Digger’s stool. It’s commendable that you want to honor your friend, but I can guarantee you he did not want you guys arguing.”

  Dixie added, “Digger will always be here no matter where his stool is.”

  Star was sipping a soda and put it down. “I haven't sensed him, yet. But it takes a while for some to get their bearings on the other side. And we all know Digger is not good with directions.”

  I was happy to see Star back to her normal self. It took a few days to regain her sensibilities again, but she was now back to being her normal self.

  Dog shot back, “He was not good at a lot of things. Like social skills.”