Rising Up: Finding Me book 1

by J J Harper

  "Probably, I didn't notice I just threw it on." I shrug my shoulders, I'm not going to let her know that I sleep in it. Wrapping my arms around my stomach I try to hold myself together.

  "Of course dear." Her smile is all too knowing for my liking.

  "Anyway what brings you here Nancy, not that I'm not happy to see you, I'm just surprised." I happily accept the coffee and my hands clutch the cup with a death-like grip as I try not to be afraid of what she is here to say.

  "Oh Imogen darling don't be obtuse, it doesn't suit you." A plate of eggs and bacon is placed in front of me. "You know exactly why I'm here. I understand that you are going back to work tomorrow, have you worked out what you are going to do when Mason sees you there?"

  I stutter as I try to speak. "I... Um... I have tried not to think of him Nancy, it hurts too much. I'm just trying to pull myself back together. I hope that we will be able to be professional." I know that this excuse is not going to cut it with her.

  "Now you listen to me Imogen." I look up at her stern face. "None of this is your fault, you were groomed by your dreadful parents and handed over to a man they knew was a violent rapist and this was all fuelled by their greed.

  Mason loves you so much, I have never seen him like this over a girlfriend before, and that Lauren girl was just a dreadful little tramp who was only after a free ride through life. That man sat waiting for you to wake up, you may not remember how long you were out for, but it was coming up for nearly two whole days.

  After the anesthetic, your body decided to shut down while it tried to repair itself and Mason didn't leave your side once. He didn't see the bruised and battered Imogen, he will only saw the beautiful, strong and brave girl he first set his eyes on. So let's have less of this worrying and more of getting you back where you belong."

  "I don't think he will want me back Nancy, he saw what Jake did to me, he watched that bastard rip my heart and soul from my body and stamp it into the ground. How will he ever be able to look at me again without seeing that in front of his eyes? I can't and won't see the pity in his eyes."

  I push the uneaten plate of congealed food away from me and stand up. "I just want to be normal, I've never been allowed that luxury, not by my parents and definitely not by Jake Bloody Williams. I don't think he will let me be that, he will take me over and even though his intentions will all be good I can't be controlled by anyone else anymore."

  "I understand that dear, but you are not letting yourself be normal, you are dwelling on the past rather than focusing on your future, and even though you don't want to believe it yet, my son is your future. You don't have to let him take control of your life but at the moment he is hurting because you decided to control what happens in his."

  I gasp at her words. "I don't know what you mean?" I'm getting angry now because she has just confirmed my own fears. "Just because I wanted time to recover by myself."

  "You decided not to let him help you. You decided he was better off without you and you decided to end it. None of that was in Mason's control. And because of those actions he is hurting and feels you think he is not worthy of you because you refused to let him help."

  I collapse down on the sofa and cover my face with my hands and sob and sob as she voices my own feelings and concerns and it’s not quiet lady-like sobs it’s hard, raw and loud sobbing. The pain erupts from my heart and pulls me down. Then I feel two arms wrap themselves around me and Nancy's soft voice soothes me.

  "It is going to be alright Imogen, you'll see. You can fix this sweet girl. He wants you so much, and I can see how much you love him, just let him back in to your life, you won't be completely healed until you do, he is afraid of coming to you in case you reject him again, so it really is up to you to make the first move."

  Her arms stay around me as she rocks me gently as I start to relax and pull myself together, not able to find a tissue I wipe my nose with my sleeve and dry the tears from my face. "Oh Nancy, I miss him so much, do you really think he will want me back? I don't know how to approach him."

  "Oh, I think you'll find a way, he is desperate to see you. Have you spoken to Maddie lately?"

  "No, not really. She called round a couple of weeks ago but I couldn't really think of anything to say to her. She broke my trust and I don't think I will be able to get over that."

  "Well, maybe that's something else for you to think about too. Let her apologize, if she wants to and see how it goes from there. It's always a shame when life-long friends lose their way, trust me when I say I know how that feels." Her kind face looks sad for a moment then in a blink it has gone.

  "I understand Nancy and I promise I will try to find a way to reach out to him and maybe to Maddie as well." I pull away and stand up. "Thank you for coming to see me today, it must have been hard for you to step in, but I am grateful. I will try to approach Mason tomorrow but I am not going to beg I've done that far too many times in my life. I'm building my own self-respect back up again slowly."

  "Aw pish! I don't think for one moment that you will need to beg but remember Mason has his self- respect too. You will know what to do. Anyway, I've got to go and meet Beth for lunch and a shopping spree." She looks at me slyly. "You are welcome to join us if you would like."

  I pause for a moment as the automatic 'No' starts to emerge from my mouth and then straighten my shoulders. "Y'know Nancy I think I would like that, are you able to wait for me to get ready or shall I meet you both."

  "I have time to wait for you, I'll call Beth and let her know I will be a little bit late." The twinkle in her eye shows that this had been part of her plan all along, and for that I am grateful so I rush off to get changed.

  Mason

  I let Lake in and head back off to the kitchen. "What's going on with you Lake?" Not that I care, I really can't be bothered with anything anymore. How many more weeks do I have to struggle through without her? I’ve stopped myself countless times from going to get her back but the nagging doubt that she will turn my away again, I don’t think my bruised heart could cope with her rejection again.

  "I thought I'd let you know that Ginny is coming back to work tomorrow." He gives me a sly glance as he helps himself to coffee. "What did your Mom want this morning? I haven't seen her here for a while."

  My head whips up. "What do you mean? I haven't seen her today, when did you see her?"

  "I was just coming back from a run and saw her get into the elevator before me. I presumed she was coming to kick your ass in to shape." Taking a seat on my sofa he puts his feet up on the table in front of him.

  "Well she sure as hell didn't come here. How long ago was it?" I push past him knocking his feet to the floor and walk over to the window and look down and see her car is in the car park below.

  "What is she doing?"

  I reach over to grab my cell when I see her walking back to her car with her arm linked through Ginny's and they are laughing at something, my heart lurches when I see Imogen's face smiling and looking happy, it's been the longest month of my life, not seeing her or touching her soft skin.

  Her scent has gone from my bed and the apartment long ago but I can still recall every touch, sigh and moan she ever had with me. The anger I felt when she made me leave has left me now and I just have hollowness and ache in my chest where my heart used to be.

  So as I watch them, I can't help myself from calling my mom. "Hey Mom, how are things? I haven't seen you for a while. What are you doing today I thought about coming over." I can see her stop and look at Imogen who turns round and looks up at my window I don't think she'll be able to see me this high up but I step back anyway.

  "Oh Mason honey, sorry I'm out today I'm meeting up with Beth for some lunch and a bit of shopping. Why don't you call in after work one night this week?"

  "Okay, maybe. Is it just you and Beth I wouldn't mind lunch with the two of you." I know my voice is strained.

  "Mason, just leave it today. I think you know who else I'm with so you'll just have trust my judgment on
this. I'll call you later. I love you, bye Mason."

  "Yeah, I can see who you're with I only hope you are not meddling. Don't butt in Mom. I'll speak to you this evening. Bye." As I end the call I can’t stop myself from watching Imogen walk away from me and my heart tears just a little bit more.

  Lake has walked over and stood with me while I watch Imogen look up again before getting in the car. "I sure hope your Mom knows what she's doing. Come on let's go and have a few beers and watch Lucas get shot down by Tamsin again. She sure has got it in for him, but he keeps going back."

  "Yeah, fuck it! Why not? Gimme ten minutes. Go and shout Lucas and I'll meet you at your place. What's Maddie up to today?"

  "Fucked if I know, she went off in a right strop this morning when she found out about Ginny coming in tomorrow. So I'm keeping out of her way till she calms down."

  "We sure have fucked up lives right now." I look back out of the window and see the car pull out of the lot. "I just want her back Lake and if my mother has anything to do with it I'll get her soon."

  Lake was right about Lucas and Tamsin, she's just knocked him back again and it’s so funny to watch him flounder. "Seriously dude she's just not in to you, give it up and move on."

  Lake slaps his back hard and leans back in his chair laughing. The afternoon has been good for me, I've been shutting myself away for too long now, I did this after Lauren, I'm not going to be beaten by this, it's time to stick my neck out and get my girl back. But just then a familiar tingle goes down my spine and I know Imogen has just walked in.

  "Shit Lake, Ginny is here. I can feel her." I don't want to look around but Lake does.

  "Yeah she's walked in with Amber, I know you have this freaky reaction to her but leave her alone today, it's the first time she's been out and I'm telling you mate she knows you're here, but looks a lot like a deer in your headlights, she looks really nervous and shit, Mase she's lost shit loads of weight."

  That's it, that's enough for me, and I stand up and turn to face her and as she looks at me her face crumbles and her shoulders droop. I can't stop myself from walking over to her and pulling her in to my arms. "It's all right babe, I'm here and I've got you." Then the unbelievable happens and she puts her arms around my waist and holds me tight against her too thin body.

  "Oh Mason, I'm sorry." She’s squeezing me even harder and before I know what I'm doing I lean in and kiss her softly on her lips, she replies by opening her mouth and sweeping her tongue across the seam of my lips, and as I open up to taste her a sigh leaves her lips and her unique scent washes over me. That's it I've found her and me again.

  "Oh Mason, I've missed you so much. I've been lost without you. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. Can you forgive me?"

  "Imogen, there's nothing to forgive you for, I told you I would wait for you, I love you babe. Do you forgive me for letting you down, for not protecting you the way I should have?"

  "Mason, he would have found a way to reach me one way or another, it was not your fault."

  "Can we get out of here?"

  My arms have released her and my hands are now running down her arms to reach her hands and hold on tight to them. "Are you comfortable being alone with me?" I step away from her to look in her eyes, the dullness is fading but the sparkle hasn't returned yet.

  "I'm okay with being alone with you Mason, I think we have things to say to each other but right now I would like us just to be together." She picks up the bags from her shopping spree and turns to walk out, not even noticing that everyone around us has been holding their breaths.

  "Holy Shit Mason, you are one lucky son of a bitch. Go on, go after her. Just don't let her go this time and for fucks sake feed her, she looks like she's wasting away." Lake smiles and punches my arm.

  "Can I say 'I told you so' yet Mase?" Lucas laughs. "Oh ye of little faith."

  CHAPTER TWO

  Mason

  Stepping back into my apartment with Ginny gave me the most amazing feeling of comfort, of being whole again. I watch her run her hands over the surfaces as she reacquaints herself with my home.

  "I've missed being here you know, my apartment just doesn't feel as good as this one. I feel like I can finally breathe again." Standing there with her head stretched up taking deep breaths into her lungs, my heart swells again and starts beating properly, it's in time with hers again.

  "Imogen, come here babe." I open my arms and she rushes into them, her head presses into my chest as her shoulders shake. "Shhh, Ginny, it’s okay babe. It's all over."

  "I feel so stupid! I hated myself and what had happened to me and I didn't want you to be with me out of pity." She sobs into my shirt.

  "What happened today with my mother?

  Please don't tell me she bullied you into coming back to me, I don't want your pity either Imogen." I lean back and look in her face for something telling me I'm right but there's nothing there, just her honesty shining through.

  "Well...” She almost giggles but it turns into a hiccup. "She read me the riot act and gave me a few home truths."

  I frown when I hear this. "Was there an argument Ginny, 'cause if there was I'm gonna kick her butt!"

  "Yeah right, like you'd stand a chance with her. But no there wasn't any arguing and she really did help me see past my problems, and recognize that I was the cause of a lot of yours. Your mother loves you very much Mason and came round to help.

  But she isn't the reason I'm back here, I've wanted to come back to you from the moment you turned and walked away. Being on my own for these last four weeks has given me time to focus on my faults and to come to terms, that although I was led to Jake like a lamb to slaughter by my parents there were plenty of times I could have put a stop to it all and I didn't and I now recognize that my desire to please him came from never having any praise from my parents as I grew up, I craved his attention just because it was some sort of attention."

  "You sound like you've had some help with your feelings." We've separated from each other now and are sat at the breakfast counter.

  "I have, can you hear the therapist speak throughout all of that?" She laughs and reaches out to tentatively touch the back of my hand which I automatically turn over to hold on to hers.

  "I can but it sounds like you found a good one and it has helped you." My eyes roam over her body and I can feel my passion for her rising in me, but now is not the time for that, I'm going to let her take the lead with that. She just raises her eyes from staring at our linked hands and nods. I lift our hands up and kiss the back of hers.

  "Ginny, you've lost so much weight why haven't you been looking after yourself? I'm going to have to feed you up starting right now."

  "I couldn't be bothered to eat, I didn't like my body very much so feeding it wasn't very high up on my agenda. Tamsin and Amber would come round and bring a take-out so I would eat then but I just sort of forgot when I was by myself."

  "Well that stops now and I'm hungry so you must be too, did you eat out with my Mom and sister today?"

  "I did, we went to a very quaint little Italian place just off the market square, I liked it a lot."

  "Okay so not Italian tonight, how about Mexican? I can rustle up a pretty decent enchilada." I start hunting through fridge and the cupboards gathering everything together.

  "That sounds good. Can I help? I'd like to." She steps up to the sink and starts to wash her hands.

  "I'd love you to help, you're a great cook." We settle down to our tasks of chopping and dicing. "What did you buy today babe, whenever you go shopping you seems to come back weighed down with bags."

  "I decided it was time for a new start so I bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes." She glances sideways at me before saying. "I went to see Trudy too and bought some very nice things from her."

  My mouth goes dry as I digest this information and have to swallow hard as I imagine what she has purchased from my friend. "Anything I might get to see some time?"

  "Oh yes I'm sure you will, the
dresses she has are stunning I can't wait to have a party to go to so I can wear one of them." She knows full well that that wasn’t what I was referring to.

  "Am I gonna have to spank that delectable ass of yours soon? You should know better than to tease me." Then I look at her and she has gone still and has her head down.

  Shit I've overstepped the mark with that comment. "Fuck Ginny I'm sorry I didn't mean it. Shit! Babe look at me please." But when she does she’s smirking at me and the bright green sparkle is back.

  "Oh you're for it now Missy!" I turn to grab her but she slips past me and runs into the lounge and dodges behind the dining table.

  "You're not going to get away from me babe, so be a good girl and come here." My eyebrows are raised up at her and I'm laughing.

  "No way Mister you want to spank my arse and that really isn't going to happen." She darts off again but this time towards my bedroom.

  "There's no escape from here Imogen so be a good girl and come here." I stalk towards her and I can feel my body adjusting and dominating the room, and with one quick grab as she runs past me, I grab her around the waist and pull her down on to the bed and I cover her with my body.

  We are both breathless when we look at it each other, and our lips crash together, and as we start to devour each other’s mouths a deep groan releases itself from my chest and my hands are running through her beautiful hair. Just as it reaches its crescendo a loud beeping interrupts us.

  "Shit! That's the smoke alarm I left the pan on the stove!" We both jump up and run laughing back to the kitchen, luckily it was only the oil in the pan.

  "I don't think that wasn't the only thing that was about to catch on fire Mason, I've missed your body on mine."

  "You can't say things like that to me right now Ginny. I want you so much but I want us to reconnect with each other before we start sleeping together again." As I turn to look at her face has fallen and again she won't look at me. "Imogen what have I said to upset you?"

  "You don't want me like that anymore, I didn't think you would but I hoped I would be wrong. I think I'll go back to my place now. I'll see you at work tomorrow." She starts to walk away and begins to collect all her shopping and her purse when I reach out to stop her.