Last Star Burning

by Caitlin Sangster

  “That’s why I like you.” Slowly, very slowly, his arms fold around me, pulling me up against him. I freeze, knowing that this is what I wanted two seconds ago, but now that it is happening, it frightens me. He smells like spicy Mountain soap, cinnamon, and nutmeg. One hand runs up my arm and brushes my jaw, softly turning my face up toward his. His breath is warm on my cheeks and nose, waiting. My mind races, wondering how this could happen to me. Is this a hallucination? Am I staring off into space under the stars with my lips burning?

  I don’t care. I lean forward a breath. And his lips brush mine. Again. A shiver runs through me, and my hands curl in his hair, brushing his stubbly cheeks.

  His fingers trail under my ear, down my neck, as he whispers, “I wasn’t lying when I said I’d follow you out of this place. I just can’t figure out why you want to take me with you.”

  CHAPTER 26

  SHING. METAL RINGS AGAINST METAL above my face. My head presses hard into my lumpy pillow.

  Again.

  It’s a knife, Cale’s face shadowy in the dark of our room. I keep very still as the blade lashes out again, a brush of air rushing down to dust across my eyelashes. I’m afraid to even try moving, knowing I’ll not be able to twitch a single finger in the midst of this nightmare. Terrified I’ll find myself trapped inside my own skin, Asleep again and living in a constant stream of hallucinations. The knife’s keen edge strikes again, even closer. Cale’s bone bracelet scrapes across my cheek.

  “Stay away from Helix.” Slam. The bed shakes with the violence of the blow. My lungs won’t inflate.

  “And stop running. We’re going to take it,” Cale whispers, blue eyes almost amused, as though she knows I cannot move. “Not even Howl can stop us.”

  The knife comes slower this time, tracing across my forehead.

  A hand on my shoulder jerks me awake. Mei doesn’t stop to make sure my eyes are open, jumping down from the side of my elevated bed as a gasp rips from my lungs. I put a hand up to my forehead, searching for evidence of Cale’s blade.

  “Inspection!” Mei hops on one foot, trying to tie her boot while opening the door with her elbow. “Put your clothes on before Captain Lan comes through, okay? Cale is already out for your blood.”

  Out for my blood? The comment drills deeper than it should, my heart still racing from the nightmarish hallucination of Cale’s cold blue eyes hovering over me in the dark. I jump out of bed, bumping into one of the support beams in my haste to comply, my hand scraping against loose paint as I grab the bedpost to keep from falling over. I am just pulling on my socks when Helix’s slicked head pokes through the door.

  Helix smiles as he looks me up and down, but he doesn’t say anything, just nods once and pulls back out of the room.

  Cale’s face flashes by the doorway, shadowing Helix’s leisurely check in each room down the hall. I meet her eyes as she passes, but I hate the way my heart races. I’m not going to be scared today. I’m done with fear.

  I try to let my mind go to happier things. To last night, just the thought of Howl starting a smile on my face. I finish pulling on my shoes, untangling the laces with cold fingers, wondering where all the flakes of paint decorating the leather came from. White paint. It’s all over my hands, too.

  When I give the room one last check, my eyes fall on my bedpost. A series of lines cut into the metal, paint scraped away in places where I grabbed it in my haste to get out of bed. White paint.

  Was it not a hallucination? Was Cale really testing her knife blade on my bedpost? I jerk with surprise as the door slams open again, ready for Yizhi white or Cale or worse. But it’s just Mei, ducking her head as she comes back into the room.

  I let my lungs empty, willing my heart to slow. “No training today?” What did Cale mean, they were going to “take it”? Take what?

  “Our unit is on active patrols tonight. No training.” She looks at the wall, one hand up against the side of her face. As if she’s hiding something. “How about some breakfast?”

  Howl promised to bring me some breakfast up by the maintenance grid. “I don’t know, Mei. I was going to . . .”

  “To what?” She looks up, smile stretching her wide mouth. But it’s broken. Both of her eyes are dark with bruises, and her lip is split. She ignores my look of consternation, speaking over the question I start to voice. “Come on. Eat with me.”

  “Mei . . . what . . . ?” I touch my own eye, and she flinches.

  “I . . . messed up yesterday.”

  “What do you mean, you messed up?”

  She shrugs uncomfortably. “Helix really wants our unit to be chosen for some operation they’re working on upstairs.”

  “Helix might as well give up now.” A male voice intrudes, making me jump again. It’s Kasim, slipping into the room and closing the door. “Because my unit could bend yours over backward. Can I trick you two ladies into sitting with me for breakfast? I haven’t seen our little celebrity since she first got here.” He doesn’t even look twice at the bruises decorating Mei’s face.

  Mei doesn’t bring it up either, grinning back at him, but flinching when the crack in her swollen lip breaks open. “Kasim, if they catch you on this floor again, General Root is going to bump you down a rank.” She gets up to check the hallway. “Come on. I think it’s clear.”

  Kasim offers his elbow, but I put a hand up. “I’m supposed to meet someone.”

  “Got something special planned?” He gives me a knowing grin. “Because I happen to know that all of Nei-ge is locked up in some meeting.”

  “Why would meetings in Nei-ge interfere with Sev’s plans . . . ?” Mei’s shadowed eyes go back to me. “You’re . . . involved with that guy? The First?”

  A blush creeps across my cheeks, the clear memory of Howl’s arms around me last night a warm glow in my chest. “I . . .”

  “Yeah, look at the way she’s going all red.” Kasim’s smile is too wide, and he lazily drapes an arm around my shoulders. “You’ve got me all curious. Howl never had much to do with girls before.”

  Mei goes to the door again, her characteristic smile turned downward. “I don’t know why they let him in here. He’s never gone a day without a bath and a shave, walked straight into a cushy job up in the Heart . . .”

  Kasim starts to interject, but then looks at me and seems to think better of it.

  “I can tell you you’re wrong about the bath part,” I supply, when Kasim doesn’t speak. Mei just rolls her eyes in answer, turning away when I continue. “I was a First until I turned eight. They are people too.”

  Her voice is quiet when she answers. A growl. “Those slavers don’t deserve more consideration than the time it takes to aim. You know why I joined the Menghu? So I can tell them I have a name, not a number. Show the City that I am worth more than the rice quota for the day.” She picks up my hand, fingers digging into my star brand. “How can you defend any of them? He’s the one who did this to you.”

  I shake my head. “He’s here. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

  Her fingers loosen from around my wrist. “I guess we’ll see.”

  I look at Kasim, expecting him to speak up for his friend, but he’s humming to himself, looking at the ceiling. “Well, Mei, you work on teaching him how to tie his own shoes and I’ll make sure to shove my brand in his face every few minutes or so. Maybe we can make him cry. Would that help you feel better?”

  Mei laughs, and the intense, violent version of her tucks itself behind that broken smile. “Get him to take out a Red or two. Then we can talk.”

  I grimace, wondering if Mei can hear the carnage in those words. She doesn’t seem hard the way Helix is. Maybe this is Menghu talk, a way to avoid looking the soldiers they’re shooting at in the eyes. Mei checks outside again, then gestures for us to follow. “Come on. I’m starving.”

  When I don’t move, she gives me a cute little smile. “Fine. But I’ll be back for you later.”

  Back for me? For all that I want to trust her, I can’t help th
e prickle of alarm that dances across the back of my neck as she slides through the open door. “What for?”

  “More dancing, of course.” Kasim stands up and looks both ways down the hall before slipping out the door after her.

  • • •

  Later, as Mei leads me down to the dance hall, I catch a flutter of white jacket coming around the bend. Even if Howl did very publicly warn the Mountain not to drag me down to hospital, I don’t want to test it out. Unfortunately, the Yizhi is around the corner and walking by before I can get out of the way. It’s Sole, the medic I bumped into when I first got here, touching things as she walks by. She glances at me as she passes, but doesn’t stop.

  The room is crowded, the air clouded by too many people breathing too hard. Kasim appears out of the mob, hand extended.

  Submitting to a dance sounds about as exciting as volunteering for torture. It even looks like torture for the Menghu already circling the cement pillars, faces frozen in grimacing concentration. I shake my head, “I’ll watch, thanks. I’m kind of . . .” I search my mind for an excuse, the most blandly boring one finally coming out. “I have a headache.”

  But Kasim hangs by me for a minute. “Is it being underground?” he asks. “A lot of people get headaches from the electric lights. We could fix that. My unit is out on patrols tonight along with yours.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Come with us. I’ll take care of you.”

  Back in the corner of the room, a couple catches my eye, spinning and kicking across the floor, oblivious to the ripples their flawless performance is creating. They move as though they are one person, the girl’s auburn hair bright against her partner’s shoulder. Eyes closed as she follows him, she draws the steps out like a picture on the floor. It’s a life story, one that makes me begin to understand why the Menghu like to dance so much. It’s a fight, a struggle. Just as violent or passionate as training and patrols must be. It suits them.

  Mei slides down into the chair next to me, waving at Kasim as he goes off to find a partner who will actually dance. Her eyes follow mine to the red-haired girl as she storms across the floor. “That’s Rena. She grew up here, dancing. You can tell the Mountain-born from the rest of us just imitating. The dance is part of them.”

  Caught up in watching Rena’s tight turns, I don’t notice Helix until his hand is on my arm. “Care to learn a few steps?” he asks.

  Mei flinches when she sees him, hand going to her bruised cheek. Helix’s hand feels too heavy, making me fidget with discomfort at his touch. Is Cale waiting just outside, ready to drag me down to the hospital? “No, thank you.”

  He ignores the rejection, pulling me up with a pointy smile. “I don’t usually dance with newcomers, but I’ll make an exception for you. Come here. You’re just the right height.”

  Not wanting to cause a scene, I follow, skin crawling as he pulls me in close, his arm curving around my spine. Menghu coat gone, he wears a simple T-shirt and black pants. His unremarkable clothes remind me of a propaganda ad they ran in the City a while back. A picture of a shaggy-furred, fanged monster trying to sit with a group of Thirds during self-criticism. REPORT THE FIRST SIGNS YOU SEE! it said. I always thought whoever drew the poster must have been deluded to think that SS would be so easy to spot. Yet here Helix is, trying to slip in with the rest of us, like he isn’t a closeted serial killer.

  For all the promise of teaching me steps, Helix just wrenches me around the floor. Every jerk makes me a little angrier until my temper is simmering dangerously close to the surface. His hand wrapped around my back is sweaty, seeping through to my skin.

  “So is this how you reeled Cale in? Manhandling her around the dance floor?” I cross my foot under his and he trips.

  He recovers, pulling me in again. “You’re angry.”

  “Curious.”

  “I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Well, I don’t really want to breathe the same air as you, much less talk.”

  Helix’s black eyes hold at my shoulder, thoughtful but refusing to look at me as he leads. “Is it because of that Wood Rat?” he finally asks.

  Anger rises all the way up to my cheeks. “Is what because of that Wood Rat?”

  “You seemed much less . . . angry when I met you. Is it because of that little Wood Rat? I’d think you’d be grateful, since it was Howl’s head on the chopping block that night. You two seem so close.”

  I shake my head, fingers numb in the grip they have on Helix’s arm. “June. Her name is June.”

  “I saved your life. It’s what we do, Sev. Kill or be killed.” Helix’s voice purrs like a rabid lion. “You don’t know who is good and who is bad. I made a decision you didn’t agree with, so I must be bad, right?” He gives my hand a squeeze. “Yet I’m here opposing the City, so I must be good.”

  “No, I stopped you from murdering my friend for no better reason than you had an extra bullet itching in your gun. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t leave any room to wonder where you fall.” Helix’s breath is in my face, slithering down my neck.

  His voice twists around me and my ears feel oily just from having to listen. He’s caught some of my anger. “I want to be safe. To have a home, a place I can have a family. And June . . . all the Wood Rats . . . could bring that crashing down anytime.”

  “A fourteen-year-old girl? She was going to destroy your life? I thought everyone was welcome here in the Mountain?” Everyone who isn’t infected.

  “The ones who want to come in, not the ones trying to kill us for Mantis.” Helix glances down at me. “I need to tell you about something. It might change your mind about me.”

  I push against him, as far away as his arms let me go. “You would have killed her, Helix. Dead because she put rocks in your pack, because she didn’t bow down to the scary Menghu. Which wouldn’t have helped anyway, considering how you treat your own trainees.” I look over at Mei, who is watching us, eyes wide. “When’s Mei’s death date, Helix? The next time she steps wrong in your war games?”

  Helix turns sharply, crashing my head and back into the cement wall. “Is that the best you can do?” he whispers. “Call me a cold-blooded killer? You want to talk about indiscriminate killing, go talk to your buddy up in Nei-ge.”

  “Get away from me, Helix.” I push him away, but he grabs my wrist, pulling me back. His fingers are too long for his hand, curling all the way around my arm.

  “I’m more of a friend than you think. I asked for you to be put in my unit so I could keep an eye on you. Warn you.”

  I raise my hand to explore the bruise I can feel blooming on the back of my skull, my head still ringing from impact with the wall. “What? Stay away from Cale, so she doesn’t murder me because I’m standing too close to you?”

  Helix flashes those pointy teeth in a smile. “No. That’s a fight I would actually like to see.”

  I narrow my eyes. “You want me to win?”

  “Depends on what the prize is.”

  Helix doesn’t expect the slap, but the print of my hand stands out, white against his reddening face. He stops the second blow with ease, swatting my hand away like an annoying fly. We just stare at one another, his hand clamped around my wrist as if it might snake out of his grip to bite him.

  “I thought you deserved to know. To make your own decision instead of being trussed up like a chicken and slammed down against the chopping block, you stupid little Seph.” He steps back, anger riding every line of his body, the veins at his neck bulging. “Maybe even give you a little excitement for your last few days. You are going to die. You don’t even know why. And your friend Howl is ready to do whatever it takes to keep you from finding out.”

  I turn my back on him, pushing the door open so I can get away before I do something I regret. Something violent.

  Helix’s voice follows me down the hall, and he’s laughing again. “Don’t be blind, Sev. Why do you think he brought you here?”

  CHAPTER 27

  STARING AT
THE CEILING FROM my bunk, I trace the hairline cracks in the paint with my eyes. The memory of the kiss up on the roof tingles through me, but I force it down. My mother’s face keeps popping into my head, her beautiful smile glowing over me right up until the moment she abandoned me.

  Why do I trust Howl? Even Tai-ge couldn’t put our not-quite relationship before who he was. Tai-ge’s commitment to his parents, his stars, kept an unbreachable wall firmly between us. It didn’t matter what he wanted, the times I felt his hand against mine, his eyes lingering a little too long on my face. The times I imagined looking back, pulling him into an alley, and kissing him, just to see if there were any chinks in that wall.

  I never did it because I knew there weren’t. I’ve had the word “traitor” chasing after my name since I was eight. Now someone is treating me as though I’m worth something, and I’ve been ignoring how weird that is.

  I push the thoughts away.

  My feet start moving before my brain catches up. I find myself walking up one of the stone staircases spiraling up from the Core, people milling back and forth across the twilight-dark chamber below me. I look up into the waning light, the huge mouth of the Mountain peering up into clear sky.

  I don’t know where Howl sleeps. Somewhere up here. Skipping past the rabbit warren of rooms and passages, I go up, up to where the carpet is thick and the walls are not cement. Where the telescreen disappears, and the funny little icons flashing after me can no longer warn that my approved activities don’t take me anywhere near the Heart.

  After running past the book room, past Dr. Yang’s office, I burst through a closed door and find myself looking up at the stars, blurry through the high glass ceiling. Two Menghu guards stand at attention next to a door at the other end of the room.

  One unconsciously touches his cheek, mirroring where my birthmark sits. Nose in the air, I stride past them, and they don’t stop me. Down a dim hall to a door, slightly ajar and leaking light onto the floor. Voices float out from inside the room.