Step Six: Visual Access
With this step, you add to the scent stimulation you’ve already established by setting up a baby gate or screen door during our feeding ritual. Many of the same visual access strategies discussed in our cat-to-cat introduction process will work here: a cracked door, pet gate, or screen door, along with the idea of the gradual reveal via a blanket.
Only you will know when the time is right to try this.
If you attempt a little visual exposure and the dog tries to sniff too hard, or gives excitement/anxiety cues like stiffening or whining—or the cat gets freaked out (and you should know what that looks like by now!)—simply take it back one step and then try again over the next few sessions. Repetition with predictable outcomes is what convinces everyone that the new “other” can be trusted. And you’ll know you’re making progress when the dog barks and the cat doesn’t have every hair standing on end; or if the cat smells or sees the dog and she doesn’t start to hiss, with ears flattened, because she feels completely threatened.
Step Seven: Eat Play Love (EPL)—Cat-to-Dog Style
I think that EPL is just as valuable when introducing cat-to-dog as cat-to-cat, but, as you’ve seen with these other steps, for different reasons. The main goal of this step when dealing exclusively with cats is successfully sharing territory and having the experience of pure Jackpot! only in the presence of the other cat, repeated over and over again, until that positive association is cemented. Again, it’s about planting the seeds of communal Cat Mojo. In the case of cat-meets-dog, the endgame is a little different because the species are different. Here, the goal remains much the same for the cat, but there is the extra bonus of getting a crash course in Dog 101. By watching a dog play, solicit love, respond to that love, get excited, and eat and pursue food, the cat can learn a foreign language at a physically safe distance.
You might be asking “Can’t this education be done while life is just happening?” Meaning, while the family is just hanging out with dog safely on a leash and the cat is free to explore and learn dog language at her own pace? Yes, the education can and will also happen that way over time. But if your cat is already a Wallflower, leaving her to explore this new and potentially scary other at her own pace may just mean that it’s not going to happen anytime this year. With EPL, you turn this education and exposure into an enforced ritual, helping the cat to get over that initial Challenge Line faster than if we left her to her own devices.
Because each animal’s energy level will naturally be heightened during this ritual, you also get valuable information that can prevent some pretty negative outcomes down the line. For instance, if the dog is watching your cat play and suddenly his predatory instinct is triggered, that’s information that you need, and a pretty strong indication that it’s time to bring in a dog trainer to prevent what could be a pretty dangerous problem.
Also, let’s not forget that cats can be dangerous to dogs, too. One of the great things about EPL is that you are dictating the distance, excitement level, and tempo of this part of the introduction/education. Let’s say that the dog, playing with maximum excitement, triggers your cat’s fight-or-flight response or at least heightens her anxiety level to a point where a redirected aggression or overstimulation incident could unfold. The ensuing fight would not be just physically damaging, but damaging to the trust you are trying to instill. The dog now feels unsafe around the cat. Remember: although cats are defensive rather than offensive animals by nature, if cats feel threatened, they are accomplished fighters who know how to stay alive. There’s a reason why, in the equation of fight-or-flight, fight comes first.
“DOGS ARE GOOD”
As I’ve said before, the world of building positive associations is not complete until promises that were made are fulfilled (especially when a cat’s instinctive fight-or-flight alarm bells tell her not to do that something you want her to do). Let’s imagine the situation as if your cat were your human child who will not sleep without the lights on in his room because he is convinced that there is a monster under his bed. You can reassure him by checking under the bed every night while he watches, telling him with confidence that the coast is clear, and saying good night. The chances of being able to turn the light out still remain iffy. If you can get him to look under the bed with you, praising him mightily as he crosses his Challenge Line nightly, you’ve helped build his mojo so that he can participate in the decision to go lights out. That said, whether cat or child, all of that mojo building still depends on one singular outcome: a monster can never appear.
Coming back to our cat: the day that alien dog-being enters her life, it’s like you hand the cat a little note that says: “Dear Cat. Dog is a good thing. Love, Human.” My point is that, from that moment on, and through the course of the introduction techniques, the monster can never appear from under the bed. All our positive associations go straight out the window if the dog chases the cat, cornering her under a bed or on top of the fridge. Of course, it’s not an insurmountable setback, but the process is about building trust—and you’d rather not be in the position of rebuilding.
MANY TIMES WHEN I’m approached by those who identify as “cat people,” they will express surprise (and sometimes disapproval) that the “Cat Guy” posts so many pictures of his dogs on social media. At which point I will bring up my surprise that the “cat person” vs. “dog person” division still exists. I use the word “bipetual” as a lighthearted way of declaring my devotion to both, and I hold that sign up proudly every day because I want everyone to experience it.
Yes, dogs and cats are Yin and Yang—they bring very different, but at the same time very complementary, energy to one’s home and life. Hopefully, this section has given you not only the tools but insights into a bipetual life that, once implemented, can lead to lifelong friendships . . . and not a world dominated by cartoon frying pans.
11
Cat/Human Relationship Mojo
Introductions, Communications, and Your Role in the Mojo
BY THIS POINT, one thing that I hope I’ve impressed on you, especially as we dove into chapter 6 and the Mojo Toolbox, is that your life with your cat or cats is not an arrangement of ownership but a primary relationship. This very basic tenet is also the primary plank in the Cat Mojo platform. Now we’re going to dive into what it means to own the relationship at different stages of the human experience, and how the status of that relationship drives your desire to make the best life possible for both of you.
CATS AND KIDS: RAISING THE NEXT GENERATION OF CAT LOVERS
In my close to decade-long tenure at an animal shelter, I worked almost every position imaginable—which, many years later, I realize was an incredible blessing. I’ve had the horrible responsibilities associated with the pet overpopulation crisis, but at the same time, I’ve been given a periscope that allows me to scour the landscape and help chart a new course toward a more humane future.
One of my jobs along the way was director of community outreach. Although I was admittedly in the dark when it came to children, I relished the idea of being able to help instill in them a love for, and empathy toward, animals while they were at such a crucial developmental phase of their lives.
One of the more challenging aspects of life in the trenches of any movement is that . . . well, that you’re in the trench; you can’t, for the most part, know that the work you’re doing is of any value. But you know it feels good, and it feeds your soul.
Today, there’s nothing that gets me more emotional than to see children who are growing up with animals—children I meet at fund-raisers or work with in my practice. More and more, those children “get it.” They truly love their animal companions, and at the same time, they demand that others around them do the same. That radical empathy from such a young mind often brings me to tears—really! I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that child is going to be one more body in a growing army of compassion.
That’s on
e of the reasons this section is so important to me. All children should grow up with animals in their lives and learn empathy and compassion (not to mention that it’s amazing and fun and cool!). Kids should be part of raising a cat, not just as witnesses but as guardians. These kids are the next generation of cat lovers, and the reason we won’t be killing cats in shelters in the future. If you want to help ensure that your child grows up aware of the world around him, instilled with the desire to be of service, add an animal to his life.
The other reason this section hit home for me is this: far too often, I’ve noticed that when a couple is expecting a new baby—especially a first baby—their cat ends up in the shelter. The guardians are often saying good-bye before the baby is even born, and, sadly, this decision is often born out of tired old myths, the likes of which we’ll be addressing in this section.
We’ll also talk about establishing real-life preparedness for bringing home a baby to your cat, or a cat to your kids; what you can do in terms of Catification to ensure a better life for your children and your cat; and, of course, how to set the stage for your child to become a member of Team Cat Mojo twenty years from now.
CATS AND BABIES: MYTH BUSTING
If you’re expecting a baby and have a cat, you may have gotten hints from friends, family, or even your doctor that you should brace yourself for the possibility that you’ll need to “get rid of” the cat. These suggestions are largely based on myths we cling to about safety when it comes to cats and kids. Let’s start with busting some of those myths.
Myth 1: The Cat Will Suffocate the Baby
People still believe the myth that cats will somehow “steal a baby’s breath,” either because they are jealous of the baby, or because they are attracted to a baby’s “milk breath.”
Backstory: This myth most likely originated from an incident in the 1790s, where an infant’s death was attributed to a cat. The report stated, “It appeared, on the coroner’s inquest, that the child died in consequence of a cat sucking its breath, thereby occasioning a strangulation.”
Truth: Sadly, the infant may have suffered from something more common, such as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or an asthma attack—not from a cat stealing his breath.
Did you know? As mentioned in section 1, these irrational allegations were not uncommon for those times. Since cats were associated with witches back then, they were unjustly blamed for a lot of bad that happened.
Myth 2: The Cat Will Give the Baby Allergies
Expecting parents wonder, Is my child going to be allergic to cats because of exposure to them when they are infants?
Truth: While some newborns could turn out to be allergic, research suggests that growing up with pets may actually help children avoid allergies. But for those children who wind up with a legitimate cat allergy, there are a number of ways to manage the issue, from air filtration to allergy shots and many stops in between. Since this landscape is quickly changing (for the better), due diligence is your best friend.
Did you know? One study showed that exposure to multiple pets (cats or dogs) during the first year of a child’s life could reduce the risk of responses to multiple allergens at the age of six or seven. A study of children who lived in urban areas (where they are at higher risk of respiratory disease) found that exposure to cat dander before one year of age was associated with fewer allergies when the children were reassessed at three years of age.
Myth 3: My Cat Will Give Me or the Baby Toxoplasmosis
Due to the connection between toxoplasmosis and cats—and the misinformation about how the disease may be transmitted—many concerned parents feel it’s too risky to have a cat in the home with a pregnant mother or an infant.
Backstory: Toxoplasmosis, and the danger it presents to fetuses, has always seemed to cause waves of panic in expectant couples. A few years ago, this panic hit a fever pitch when a scientist claimed he had evidence of links between toxoplasmosis and various mental disorders. Since then, two large-scale studies that followed people from birth to adulthood found no effect of toxoplasmosis or growing up with a cat on mental health.
Truth: What’s the connection with cats? Typically, a cat eats an infected mouse or rat and the Toxoplasmosis gondii parasite lays eggs in his digestive tract, which spread to other animals via contact with the cat’s poop.
T. gondii is a common parasite. Over 60 million humans in the United States alone are believed to be infected, but for most of those who have healthy immune systems, you’d never know it. For pregnant women (or those with compromised immune systems), toxoplasmosis can be a serious health threat, and since toxoplasmosis can cross the placenta from Mom to her in utero baby, prevention is paramount.
Did you know: Toxoplasmosis is so easy to prevent that the Centers for Disease Control does not even consider being a cat guardian a risk factor for contracting it. The biggest risks? Eating undercooked meat or unwashed vegetables.
What to do: Even with this minimal risk factor, here are a few more facts and precautionary tips:
It takes one to five days for the eggs to become infectious after being shed in the cat’s poop. If you scoop the litterbox every day, you don’t have to worry about exposure.
Cats shed toxoplasmosis eggs for only a few days in their entire life; it’s one and done, further reducing your risks.
To be extra safe, pregnant women should either not scoop the litterbox, or scoop daily while wearing disposable gloves.
Indoor-only cats are rarely exposed to toxoplasmosis because they aren’t likely to eat those infected rodents. This is yet another good reason to keep your cats indoors!
Myth 4: My Cat Will Be Jealous and Pee on the Baby’s Stuff
When a cat pees in the nursery or on the baby’s things, we humans often presume it’s because the cat is jealous of the new addition and all of the attention that is being directed her way. Worse yet, many anticipate this behavior as part of a cat’s “jealous nature,” which then leads to unfortunate decisions being made to avoid such behavior.
Backstory: This is classic human projection, based on how human siblings sometimes respond to a newborn’s arrival into the home. So when humans observe this kind of behavior from a cat, they presume it’s because “the cat must be jealous of the newborn.”
Truth: In almost every case I’ve worked on in which a cat peed on an infant’s things, it was a territorial issue. Typically, when expectant parents prepare for their baby’s homecoming, they set up a nursery (or special “nursery area”), and bring in new objects and furnishings. These adjustments are too often deemed “off limits” to the cat, a move that backfires completely. First, it constricts the cat’s territory on two levels: by total volume, and by causing the cat’s scent to disappear from the room she’s been banished from. And then the anti–cherry on top is when the baby comes home and everything in the cat’s daily routine changes, so that everything revolves around the room she’s been banished from. A cat’s ensuing reaction is a classic Napoleonic example of “overowning”—marking key places in the nursery as a highly insecure way of claiming ownership of an area that was taken from her.
What to do: There are plenty of proactive strategies you can employ before the baby comes home to minimize or prevent this kind of thing from happening. Most revolve around having a more cat-inclusive attitude regarding the nursery areas, and acclimating your cats in advance to some of the new sights, sounds, and smells that will be turning up in their territory. We will be discussing specifics later in this chapter, in “Prepare Your Cat for the New Baby.”
Myth 5: My Cat Will Hurt the Baby
A lot of new parents are concerned that their cat will randomly attack their baby or younger child.
Truth: Cats don’t “randomly” attack for no reason and, by and large, they don’t attack offensively; they aren’t going to make the first move, for example, and run at a target from across the room that they think at some poin
t might be a threat. Remember—one of the things that has helped cats successfully endure as a species for this many thousands of years is that, as equal parts predator and prey, they are keenly aware of how not to pick a fight.
That said:
Cats can attack in a defensive manner when they are cornered, if they feel their safety is threatened, or in a knee-jerk reaction to rough handling (tail pulling, etc.).
Cats can also “respond” in a predatory or playful manner when their need for ample, energy-burning playtime (HCKE) has not been fulfilled, and there is something beckoning their hunter drive. In this case, wiggling toes under a blanket could be gleefully treated as a play target, just as much as your ankles would be as you stride across the living room floor.
What to Do: There are a few things that will help prevent these kinds of mishaps between cat and child. We’ll cover these suggestions in more detail in this section, but for now, here are the essential CliffsNotes:
One of the first things your child should learn is empathy, respect, and proper “handling” of his feline family member. We cover this in Do’s and Don’ts a bit later in this section. Until he is old enough to learn these lessons, proper supervision is an absolute must whenever the cat is in the proximity of the baby.
Make sure your cat has a proper outlet for the draining of her energy. The last thing you want is for your Raw Cat to be amped up to ten, with her Energetic Balloon ready to pop, while hanging out with your child who, at that moment, is moving like prey. In this case, there is a more appropriate play victim—an interactive toy!
Total Cat Mojo Page 20
