Total Cat Mojo

by Jackson Galaxy

  The upshot of all this is that I don’t have a hard and fast rule for this potential roadblock—because we are in the world of cat/kid compromise. Anything goes as long as you try to adhere to the rules of Catification, and keep your kids from seeing a litterbox as an engraved invitation.

  For the cats’ sake, all I’m asking you to do is not give up and make the litterboxes completely unappealing for the cats, or put them all in the garage . . . or the garbage.

  THE THREE RS REMINDER

  By now, your family will have fallen into a certain rise-and-fall pattern of energy cycles, based solely on the particulars of your household activities. As discussed in chapter 7, you will want to establish key rituals and routines with your kids and cat, and base them all on your home’s natural energy spikes. This creates your unique home rhythm.

  Earlier in this chapter, we described the routine and ritual of feeding the cat while feeding your baby in the nursery, to create a particular household rhythm. But as your child grows older, your Three Rs will evolve, and you’ll find other ways of intertwining the various routines and rituals, so that your evolving family rhythm stays in sync. This will make all of your various “times”—mealtime, playtime, bedtime—rise, fall, and flow like a Beethoven symphony.

  The last word on this topic: the making of all beautiful music requires the willingness to make hard choices. Whether it comes to the temptation to close off the nursery or access to litterboxes from your cat, I would encourage you to make the opposite choice; figure out what makes the choice risky, examine your hesitation or even fear . . . and run straight at it!

  MATURING MOJO: EARLY CHILDHOOD AND THE CLOSING OF THE CAT GAP

  Much of what the parental role is in the early years of cat/child relations falls somewhere between a diplomat and a referee. We are attempting to protect one from the inadvertent actions or reactions of the other, all while fostering a common respect and reverence between them. Once the child gets beyond the toddler years and is better able to take direction, we can begin to instill those key foundational, Mojo-building do’s and don’ts that will set the two on a lifelong course as the best of friends.

  ANIMALS ALSO FEEL EMOTIONS

  Empathy and respect are two of the most prized Cat Mojo virtues that children could ever learn when it comes to their relationship with cats. At around the age of three or four, children are starting to put words to their own emotions. They can answer questions like “What does it feel like when you’re scared or happy?” This is also the age when kids start to understand other people’s emotions, too. They are beginning to understand that other individuals have their own thoughts and feelings (an ability known as theory of mind).

  The more similar to herself your child can perceive your cat to be, the more accurately she can identify your cat’s emotions. She won’t be able to take it much further yet, but you can still help her draw parallels. For instance, you can ask, “When scary things happen sometimes, how do you feel?” and whatever the answer is, you can say, “And do you think that when scary things happen, Fluffy feels the same way?” Of course, discussing positive feelings works wonderfully, too. For instance, “How do you feel when we go ride the merry-go-round?” and, whatever the answer is, “Do you think Fluffy feels that way when we play with her?”

  From there, you can use the same kind of dialogue to talk about comfort, love, and physical pain. These questions, and the way you guide your child’s answers, are the roots of empathy and the cornerstones for deep relationships with animals down the road.

  CAT DADDY DO’S

  Model Compassionate Interaction

  First, use a stuffed animal to demonstrate how to handle a cat: explain that we don’t pull the tail or ears, and that we pet gently. If your child is rough with the stuffed animal, ask him to pretend he is your cat, and to tell you how he thinks he would feel if someone treated him in such a rough manner.

  Next, teach your child how to let the cat “pet” him, and where most cats like being petted the most, which is usually around the cheeks (for more on this read about the Michelangelo technique on page 232).

  You should already know what kind of petting your cat appreciates, but with most young children, one-finger petting or petting with an open hand are safest. This is also a great time for kids to learn that most cats are not wild about repeated head-to-tail pets (which is not necessarily true for all cats, but avoiding this type of petting helps to avoid petting-induced overstimulation. May as well stay one step ahead of the game!)

  Remember: You can’t blame a young child for wanting to grab, and you can’t blame a cat for wanting to get away. But a lot of cats get only one strike before they are out, so you can supervise, give direction, and model good behavior to help your child be more gentle with the cat.

  Teach kids to always talk softly and gently to the kitty: No yelling or loud, excitable talking at, or around, the cat.

  Teach proper language—your cat isn’t an IT. I feel that this “do” is one of the most important because it addresses the big picture, and helps to cement what we hope to be the most compassionate generation in history. Hyperbole? No way! Internalizing the concept that an “IT” is a suitcase or a baseball, not an animal with a beating heart and emotions, will help tip the no-kill scales in our favor (and, of course, in favor of millions of cats). Plus, when it comes to the smaller picture, i.e., your cat, it will help her get treated in the way I’ve been discussing here. So, always refer to your cat by name or at least gender, and encourage your child to do the same.

  CAT DADDY DON’TS

  Never be rough—ever: No hitting, spanking, “patting,” or backwards petting (against the direction of the cat’s fur).

  Respect the “personal space bubble”: Don’t disturb the cats when they are eating, sleeping, using the litterbox, cocooning, or in their vertical space.

  Hands are not toys: It’s never too early to teach this. We can’t count how many cats wind up in shelters thinking hands are toys, and that ends up being a huge strike against them for getting adopted. Be consistent and use toys for play. Hands should be for holding the other end of an interactive toy—which is tons more fun than having your hand scratched up anyway, right?

  Teaching Kids the Basics of Cat Body Language and Vocalizations

  As I’ve been highlighting throughout, teaching kids to develop their own sense of empathy (just as you’ve done in becoming the Cat Mojo Toolbox) is a more organic process than just giving them a list of do’s and don’ts. By tapping into their sense of how they would feel about and respond to certain situations, the talk about how to approach cats, and when not to approach them, becomes easier. For example, if the cat’s tail is swishing, her eyes are big, or her ears are flat, these are all indications that she is not feeling especially sociable at the moment. A low growl, a moaning vocalization, and of course a hiss or a spit (whether it signals fear or agitation is inconsequential) are fair warning!

  For more information, humaneeducation.org is a great resource.

  MORE MOJO-BOOSTING IDEAS FOR KIDS

  If you’re wanting to get the kids more proactively involved with your cat’s life, that’s great! Here are a few ideas:

  Things young kids can do with or for cats:

  Have your child help with feeding so that your cat associates him with great things.

  Your child can tend a cat garden; he can grow herbs such as parsley, sage, or catnip. Nowadays, there are plenty of easy-to-use kits available.

  Young children can play with the cat using an interactive toy once they have some motor control—but no earlier than that, because they can all too easily move a toy too fast and scare the cat (not to mention that a simple fishing pole toy can resemble a medieval weapon). That said, with parental supervision and guidance, interactive play can be a great way to engage both cat and kid, and can be an amazing educational tool about the nature of the Raw Cat.

  CAN KI
DS HELP TO TAKE CARE OF THE CAT?

  A lot of parents want to teach their children responsibility by giving them chores related to taking care of a companion animal. It’s great for children to understand the idea of being responsible for another’s life, and the concept of guardianship and being a pet parent. We just have to keep in mind what is reasonable and what is setting them up for failure.

  A child’s level of responsibility for a cat’s care depends on the parents. You should communicate with your children about what needs your cat has. Help them see that their needs and their cat’s needs are not that different. Being a good friend to their animal means providing their cat with a clean bed and litterbox. Cats need food, water, a warm and dry place to stay, and an animal doctor to go to when they are sick.

  Should a six-year-old be scooping a litterbox? It depends on the child. But generally you can at least have your child assist you with the food, water, and litterbox duties.

  Again, day-to-day life provides plentiful and wonderful opportunities to reinforce empathy. Keep reminding your child that this is not simply a chore, but a way to show your cat how much you love him. After all, this is what a parent does; we demonstrate how much we love our family members by taking care of them, feeding them, keeping their rooms clean, etc.

  BEST OF FRIENDS FOR A LIFETIME: YOUR ROLE IN THE MOJO

  One of the reasons I loved telling you all about your Cat Mojo Toolbox in chapter 6 is that once the concept becomes more than a concept, once it is a part of you that you can call upon, it becomes a gift for others, and I don’t just mean the animals in your life; the toolbox is a gift to be passed down to your kids.

  Cultivating their own toolbox also makes it much simpler to reiterate one of the foundational points of Total Cat Mojo to your kids: you are in a relationship with your cat. So you are not providing them an education just on animals, but on the concept and nature of relationships. They learn how to listen with compassion and how to act toward another as if it matters to their own life. They will also be better grounded in the notion that the quality of relationships (with other humans or animals) will hinge largely on two things: how well you communicate with them, and how accurately you can interpret and better respond to what they’re communicating to you.

  In the case of our relationship with cats, this process can be uniquely complex, as it will involve both spoken and unspoken communication—and, let’s not forget that the language being received is a completely foreign one. Spoken communication is (obviously) all about the words you use to communicate to your cat, and also about the words you use to internally define the various communications your cat is transmitting back to you. You might be tempted to think, “How could any of this matter? My cat doesn’t know what I’m saying, let alone thinking.” Aahhh, but know, they do.

  Unspoken communication is more about the overall “vibe” you’re projecting—body language, emotion, gestures—and what we often perceive to be the “harmless intangibles” we carry around in the presence of our beloved cat, not thinking they would even notice. Aahhh, but notice, they do.

  In the case of both spoken and unspoken communication, there is an ongoing dialogue that you are having with your cat, around the clock, that she not only is aware of, but is often responding to. Therefore, the Total Cat Mojo factor in our relationship with our cat is largely on us.

  In this next section, I will reveal a handful of the most important ideas that I’ve learned over the years that we can embrace, and actions we can take, to help ensure a thriving, long-term relationship with our feline family members.

  HUMAN EMOTION AND BODY LANGUAGE

  Cats feed off of human emotion, and this is largely displayed, subconsciously or otherwise, by body language. Cats will mirror your energy, and if that energy is frenetic, it takes just a single spark to set them off. For example, if you are fearful, tentative, hovering or hunching over them, cats will sense that you don’t trust them. Or if you are supernervous when you are petting a cat and jerk your hands away, he might perceive this as prey running away, causing this simple, unconfident gesture to lead to a misunderstanding, and maybe even a bite or a swat.

  So, how should you approach a cat you’re either just getting to know or who is a bit skittish? First, put your fear aside; when guardians are confident, that positive energy feeds off of itself. It’s all about energetics, and you need to come from a place of stillness and calm. Be a nonthreatening ambassador, and carry a friendly message, entering feline territory with quiet confidence. This is especially true in the face of Wallflowers or Napoleons, who are just looking for an excuse to either run away or make a power play.

  Another way of saying this is that for the most part, the best way to approach a cat is just to ignore them. This is especially true with fearful cats. Back off, get low (meaning off your feet, not hovering over the top of them), and let them come to you. Have you ever thought about the fact that in a room full of people that cats have never met, it’s not the ones who identify themselves as “cat people” that the cats are attracted to? It’s the ones who are either allergic or who identify as “cat haters” or “dog people.” Because, in not wanting anything to do with the cats, those humans have opened themselves up to being scoped out and explored by the cats, who, at the same time, are avoiding and dodging the hands and forward-leaning bodies of those who are busy trying to convince you that “ALL cats LOVE me!”

  CAT GREETINGS

  Let’s take a closer look at the subtle art of the cat greeting, starting with one of my all-time favorites. This one will work anytime you meet a new cat, and also as a reliable way to communicate good Mojo to your own cat.

  The Slow Blink (a.k.a. the “Cat I Love You”)

  Cat behaviorist and author of The Natural Cat Anitra Frazier learned, perfected, and wrote about a technique she called the “Cat I Love You,” just by looking at cats in windows on the streets of New York. She observed that, when approaching, if she softened her face and gazed at the cats, the cats would slowly blink at her. She took this as a cue and began initiating this when approaching—and the cats, or at least the vast majority of them, would blink back. Using this discovery with her cat clients, many of whom were traumatized, anxious, aggressive, or flat-out untrusting and scared, she found that the blink was a Rosetta Stone, an “in” to the hieroglyphic nature of cat language.

  So why is it called the “I Love You”? In my opinion, it’s because this moment is rooted in demonstrating trust through vulnerability. Remember, cats are also prey animals, and slowly closing their eyes to you is not something they would naturally do. In the wild, it’s in their wiring to “sleep with one eye open,” 24/7. So to close their eyes to an “unknown entity,” a potential aggressor, is the ultimate show of vulnerability, trust, and, therefore—in the language of the predatory world—love.

  We humans can return that vulnerability by offering this reciprocal display of trust. When I do the Slow Blink to a cat client, especially a hyperaggressive one, I’m essentially saying, “You could scratch my eyes out right now, but I trust that you won’t.” I generally start with the Slow Blink as an initial greeting to a cat because I need to demonstrate, right off the bat, that I am truly vulnerable (which cats know; you just can’t lie through your body language to a cat, any more than you can verbally lie to a polygraph machine). This demonstration of trust is key. (Conversely, staring into the eyes of a prey animal like a cat can elicit a fight-or-flight response—the last thing you want when you’re trying to build trust and make friends.)

  When practicing the Slow Blink, make sure you keep your eyes “soft” and simply gaze, as opposed to stare. There’s a very subtle but very important distinction to make between gazing and staring. Go look in a mirror right now and try both. You’ll notice that a gaze is light, relaxed, nonconfrontational, and will set up the trusting Slow Blink; a stare is uneasy, obtrusive, confrontational, and will possibly set up a claw to your face if it’s a st
range cat who is already feeling threatened. Focus on your cheek muscles, your jaw, even your neck and brow. Before meeting, if you are the least bit unconfident, try a progressive relaxation exercise in which, for instance, you raise your eyebrows to the ceiling, hold them there for a ten count, then release. Do that for all of the muscle groups from the shoulders up, and you should soon be in a place of physical neutrality.

  Now try it with your cat: Gaze at her, soften your eyes, blink, and think, “I love you.” “I” with eyes open, “Love,” eyes closed, “You,” eyes open. Wait for an eye blink back, or at least for her whiskers to go neutral. Even a partial return of the Slow Blink is a good sign. If you don’t get a blink in return, look away or down, and try again.

  Of course, some cats just don’t return the blink, and for others, it’s about proximity, and you may need to step back a few and try again. The point is, it’s about learning a new language (for the human), so don’t take it personally if you aren’t getting the response you desire; at the very least, you both learn something very valuable about the other, and that “in,” that Rosetta Stone, still exists between you.

  Three-Step Handshake