House of Goths

by Maria Bernard

  Friday night, while the Goths were out, performing in a local college bar, Becky quietly packed her suitcase. She then dragged it down the steps and placed it by the front door. In the morning, she would simply call for a taxi and leave.

  She then got ready for bed. She hoped to fall asleep quickly so that she would wake up feeling refreshed and ready for the long journey.

  Unfortunately, her frazzled nerves got the best of her. Becky spent the early hours of the evening, tossing and turning, getting herself even more upset. Soul destroying feelings of loneliness overtook her. Could she do this on her own? Would she even make it to the train station without losing her mind?

  She would have to no matter what. She didn’t have a choice, she realized with a stifled sob.

  She did eventually doze off, only to wake hours later. It was still only three o’clock in the morning, she realized miserably. What now? Shivering uncontrollably, she began to panic. Desperate and beyond consolation, Becky did the only thing she could think of.

  Resolved to the task, she quietly got up and crept into Kelley’s room. It was the closest bedroom to hers, thankfully. She sighed with gratitude at finding him there in his big old bed. Seeing his sleeping form underneath the covers, she was both relieved and scared to death. Would he think she was crazy? She wouldn’t blame him if he did.

  Very quietly, she padded across the floor until she was right beside his bed. She hesitated at first, nearly changing her mind. Then she looked at him. He didn’t look like the angry hurtful Goth from the other day. In fact, he looked calm and peaceful. She only wanted that same sense of calm and peace for herself.

  This was the Kelley that she needed right now. The very same Kelley that had looked after her when she was sick. She couldn’t stand to be alone with her thoughts a minute longer.

  Surely, he would understand her reasons for crawling into his bed. Holding her breath, she dared not get too close. It was enough to just be there beside him, hearing him breathe.

  An hour or so before her alarm clock was set to go off, Becky stirred awake. Good, she thought without actually opening her eyes, hoping to leave Kell’s bed before he noticed her there. She started to creep out when she realized that not only was Kell well aware of her presence in his bed, he was also the very reason she’d woken up in the first place.

  Opening her eyes one at a time, she found him right up beside her, leaning up on his elbow, staring down at her with a bemused expression on his handsome face.

  She immediately started to apologize, expecting him to be angry at her, but then he did the most wondrous thing. He wrapped his arm around her and buried his nose in her hair. “What you doing in here, love?” he murmured sleepily.

  Overwhelmed with emotion, Becky started to sputter and cry.

  “Aw, don’t cry, Becky,” he said, pulling her into his warm chest. Whatever it was that brought her to his bed, didn’t matter so much at the moment. He was just simply glad she was there. He was also very glad that he’d been too tired to take off his pants before falling into bed. “I’m sorry I was mean to you.”

  When he had found her suitcase by the front door the previous night, he had assumed that she was leaving because of what he’d said. He had slept on pins and needles, hoping to catch her before she left. “Please stay.”

  The more he talked, the more she cried. She was so relieved and grateful for his presence in her life at that moment. Whatever the other day had been about, it was absolutely forgiven as far as Becky was concerned.

  “Kell…”

  “Kelley,” he murmured, cradling her sweetly in his arms. Oh, how he’d missed the sound of his name wrapped in her sultry little voice. “Call me Kelley, please.”

  “Kelley… I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared and I couldn’t sleep,” she sobbed, pausing for a series of hiccups. “Granny…”

  Suddenly realizing the situation for what it was, Kell drew away from her to better look at her face. “What happened? Did she…?”

  “Not yet, but I’m afraid she will… soon.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say the word out loud. “I have to go see her before it’s too late.” She started to sit up in a panic, looking around for a clock.

  “Becky, what do you need? How can I help you?” he asked, noting her agitation.

  “What time is it? I have to catch a train. I have to get up.” She made a move to get out of bed when he pulled her back in beside him.

  “Sh…” he whispered, calming her. “Forget the train. I’ll drive you there myself.”

  “Really?” she asked, half afraid that he’d change his mind.

  “Yes, of course. I won’t have you go alone, dragging that big old suitcase behind you.” He placed a chaste kiss on the back of her head and drew her into his arms. “For now, close your eyes and relax. It’s still only five o’clock in the morning.”

  “Kelley, I don’t want to leave it too late,” she whined.

  “We won’t, I promise. Just another hour.”

  “Thank you so much, Kelley.”

  “You’re welcome, so much.”

  Chapter 10

  As promised, a little over an hour later, Kelley and Becky were backing out of the driveway. In the backseat were Dorian and Crispin, always on the ready for a road trip destined for Toronto.

  Although the guys were aware of Becky’s not so pleasant reason for going, Crispin and Dorian couldn’t help but be excited. Toronto was a great city with endless possibilities. Having originated from there, they couldn’t wait to visit their old haunts.

  On their way, Becky discovered a lot about her housemates. Sadly, not all of it was very pleasant to hear. While Dorian hadn’t had much of a childhood, having grown up in low-income housing with his alcoholic mother, at least, he had a sister who lived nearby in Napanee with her husband, and two kids, who he was quite close with. Apparently, that’s where he’d spent Thanksgiving.

  Crispin, on the other hand, had no one. He’d grown up in foster care his whole life. When Becky asked if there was anyone he’d like to visit while in Toronto, the surly Goth merely snickered and refused to answer her question.

  Kelley stayed quiet and pensive for most of the drive. Now and then, noting Becky’s building agitation, he would reassuringly pat her on the knee.

  At one point during their journey, they hit some heavier traffic. For at least half an hour, they were stopped dead. The groans of frustration were growing considerably. Even with the stereo cranked, the whining from the backseat could be heard. Looking sideways at Kelley, she could tell he was trying very hard to contain his own frustration. Turning her attention elsewhere, she glanced out her window at the minivan beside them. Two kids, a boy and a girl aged between eight and ten were staring back at her. Well, not so much at her but at the guys in the backseat.

  Wondering what had their attention, she glanced behind her and saw that both Dorian and Crispin were making horrible faces at the awestruck children.

  “What are you two doing?” she admonished. Weren’t they scary looking enough in their Goth-inspired darkness without adding to it?

  “Giving them what they want,” Crispin snickered, glaring at her.

  “They think we’re freaks as it is,” Dorian shrugged indifferently. “Why not play along?”

  “Because it’s childish,” she said with a disapproving frown.

  Moments later, another car drifted alongside theirs. This time it was a carload of college aged girls, probably on their way to Toronto as well.

  Glancing at their expressions of disgust in the direction of the backseat of Kelley’s car, Becky didn’t dare look at what the guys were doing now.

  Instead, Becky focused her eyes straight ahead at the bumper of the car in front of her. To her horror, she saw two teenaged girls, no older than fifteen, making eyes at Kelley. Obviously, these girls found nothing wrong with his overall appearance.

  “Does this happen often?” she asked, wondering how they handled the attention, both bad and good. />
  “You get used to it,” Kelley said as he playfully waved at the young girls in the car ahead. She could swear, she could hear the giddy squeal the girls let out.

  “Do you really?” she said, suddenly feeling the urge to stick her tongue at the precocious young flirts.

  At her question, Kell simply smiled and turned up the music. Thankfully, the road opened up and they were on their way once again.

  Hours later, tired and road weary, they finally spotted the impressive city skyline of Toronto. The sight never ceased to impress Becky, yet on this day, apprehension overshadowed the beauty of it.

  “Right then, what’s the plan, Becky?” Kelley asked, realizing that in their haste, they hadn’t discussed where they were staying for the night.

  “Plan?” she asked, coming out of her unpleasant musings. All she could think about was getting to Granny’s side before it was too late.

  Kelley took a deep calming breath. “Did you happen to book a hotel?” he asked as he turned onto Lakeshore Blvd.

  “No…” she said with a frown. Actually, she hadn’t even thought of that. Of course, they would need a place to stay overnight. “I suppose I should have.”

  “Yeah… that would’ve been handy,” Kell said with another heavy sigh. She really was impetuous in a lot of ways, he thought with a frown. What would she have done if she’d come out here on her own? Lugged that suitcase around the entire city? Where would she spend the night? On the couch in the lobby of the retirement home? He was suddenly very glad that he’d insisted on coming with her. The girl obviously had no survival skills whatsoever.

  “No worries, mates,” Dorian said, popping his head in between them. “Just let us out down here by the market. Crispin and I will find a place. It shouldn’t be a problem. We’ll give you a call with the details later.”

  “You sure?” Becky said, looking at him with a mixture of concern and gratitude. She didn’t like the idea of leaving them on their own. As irrational as the thought was, she didn’t like the idea of abandoning them.

  “Of course, that’s a fine idea,” Crispin agreed, restless to get out and wander the city streets.

  “Thanks, that’ll be great. I’ll let you off right over here,” Kell said, pulling up by the sidewalk near the St. Lawrence Market.

  “Perfect,” Dorian said, following Crispin out of the car.

  “Careful,” Becky called after them. Whether they heard her or not, she couldn’t tell. They were quickly swallowed up in the crowds of people.

  Kell smiled to himself at her misplaced concern for the two streetwise Goths. Those two were more at home in this city than anywhere else in the world. Of course, looking the way they did, no one would give them any trouble. Except perhaps for the clerks at the hotels, he thought with a wry smile.

  “Right then, where to, love?”

  ***

  By the time they arrived at the retirement home in the city’s west end, it was already too late. In fact, had they gotten there hours earlier, it still would have been too late.

  Kell should have guessed it by the way they were greeted at the front desk. When Becky had introduced herself, the receptionist’s expression couldn’t have been any graver.

  Unsure of his role in this situation, Kell hesitated in the lobby when Becky was asked to sit and wait for the person in charge. All he could do was stand beside her. When a man with a name tag, wearing a tweed jacket came along and introduced himself to Becky as Dr. Smith, Director of Operations at the home, Kell just about lost it. He simply couldn’t go through this again. Seeing the loss come over Becky’s face upon hearing the news that her beloved granny had passed away sometime during the night, brought back flashes of his own experience when he had discovered his entire family had perished.

  His first instinct was to bolt for the sliding doors. To run as far away from this situation as possible. There was no way he could do this. It was too much. In fact, he’d started to take a step towards freedom, when he suddenly paused and made the mistake of glancing at Becky’s face.

  She was sitting there, holding an already drenched tissue in her fisted up little hand, her shoulders were trembling. She wasn’t sobbing, just simply crying quietly with huge droplets of tears streaming down her face. The man was still talking to her, but it was obvious Becky wasn’t able to process what he was actually saying.

  In that moment, Kell forced his selfish fears aside and came forward. Taking a seat beside Becky, he introduced himself to the older man. After the initial look of scepticism that he was used to getting from the general public passed, Dr. Smith explained all the necessary information to him.

  Although, she couldn’t bring herself to speak at first, Becky listened intently to everything that was said. Granny’s body had been taken to the funeral home located next door. As per her will, Granny had made it very clear that she wanted to be cremated as soon as possible, and her remains to be placed in the niche in the cemetery that she had recently purchased.

  The whole affair would take place the very next day as per Granny’s wishes for a neat and speedy service. She clearly did not want a fuss. With most of her friends living at the retirement home, no extra invites would have to be made. When Dr. Smith asked her what she would like to do with Granny’s personal items, Becky suggested they be donated to the other residents in the home. Next, Dr. Smith asked Becky if she would like to see Granny’s remains before the cremation. At this, she hesitated.

  When Kelley took her hand, she was reminded of his presence. He’d been there with her the whole time and she was very glad of it. He’d been like a rock for her to hold onto even though she’d been in a state of semi-awareness.

  “It’s up to you, love, but it’s probably best you do this for yourself. Otherwise, you might never have closure.”

  He was right, of course. Even though she dreaded the idea of actually seeing Granny’s dead body, she had to remind herself that it was the least she could do. “Yes,” she finally said.

  “Now then, we just need you to sign some forms and then we can proceed with the funeral,” Dr. Smith said, leading Becky over to the front desk.

  With an encouraging nod from Kell, Becky went ahead and filled out all the required forms. She was then given a copy of her grandmother’s will and a large envelope containing the old lady’s wallet, a gold chain, and crucifix Granny had always worn. In her will, she’d specifically requested that Becky be given the necklace.

  It all happened so fast, Becky thought, standing there in a daze. She hadn’t even had a chance to say a proper goodbye to the dear old lady. Her sweet granny, who had taken her in without hesitation at the tender age of five and single handily raised her with all the love she could muster.

  “Ready, love?”

  Kelley’s soft voice broke through her thoughts and she blinked her eyes at him. What a relief to have him near. She inwardly shuddered at the thought of having to go through this difficult situation on her own. Thank God, she’d snuck into his room last night. Thank God, he’d offered to come with her.

  What a complete and utter nightmare, Kell thought to himself, seeing the uncertainty and grief all over her face. How would he get through the next few hours, let alone attend the funeral tomorrow? Becky needed him to be strong for her, he realized that, but could he be that source of strength that she so desperately needed? Did he have it in him to give? He seriously doubted it, since all he really wanted to do, was to get as far away from this situation as possible. Why, only moments ago, he’d contemplated calling Dorian or even Crispin to take his place.

  “I think I’m ready, Kelley,” Becky said, placing her hand in the crook of his elbow.

  He flinched slightly at the feel of her shaky little hand on his arm. With a reassuring smile, he steeled himself to the task. Once again, Kell put aside all his fears and hesitations. Becky needed him right now. Not Dorian or Crispin. God help him, he would be there for her. Even if it killed him.

  It amazed him really, how well Becky kept it toge
ther. Other than her initial tears, she hadn’t shed another throughout the entire time spent at the funeral home. She even insisted on going in alone to see her granny’s body, for which Kelley was eternally grateful. As it was, it had taken all of his courage to even step into the depressing facility in the first place. He’d been more than happy to wait for her in the lobby.

  When she finally emerged from somewhere in the back, he could tell by the stoic expression on her face that it was taking all her resolve not to fall apart right there and then. Sensing the impending breakdown, he gently tucked her hand into his elbow and hastily walked her to his car. He opened her door for her. She needed no encouragement to enter as she slid into the passenger seat.

  He quickly jogged around to his side and got in, shutting the car door behind him, effectively cocooning them away from the outside world and all its distractions. The moment he sat down next to her, she lost it. Sobbing like a lost child, mumbling incoherent words in between gasps for air.

  He did the only thing he could. He wrapped his arms around her and held her weeping form to his chest. Sitting there, holding her, absorbing her pain was like experiencing his own loss all over again. He understood it all too well, and it only made him hold her tighter.

  “She’s gone,” Becky repeated over and over again. She buried her face in Kelley’s chest. His intoxicating scent, a blend of leather and spice comforted her. His arms were strong around her, and she was so very glad for them. Her world had just fallen apart, yet in his capable arms, she felt oddly safe and cherished.

  “You’re okay, love,” he whispered, rocking her gently in his arms. “You’ll get through this.” Where the words were coming from, he didn’t know. “You’re not alone.” He only wished that there had been someone to say them to him all those years ago.

  “Granny…” She paused for a breath. “I’ll miss her so much.” He could only nod at that. It was true and there was no getting around that fact. “Oh, Kelley… I’m so glad you’re here with me.”