by Sasha Hibbs
May 2
I’m excited to see you this Saturday. I don’t know how my weekend could be any better. Fight on Friday and celebrate on Saturday with my girl. This is the last fight before Leo. I need to make it count. I’ve been training extra every evening. I need to step up my game. It’ll be the fight of my life. I had no doubt you’d get to skip finals. You are the valedictorian. I’ll find you Saturday night at the dance.
I folded his letter up and slipped it in my purse. I let out a frustrated sigh. He deliberately dodged my attempts at getting him to entertain college. He wouldn’t even talk about it. I was scared the future we dreamed of was one with each other in it and nothing else. We were walking down two different roads, wanted two different things. Why couldn’t we have both? Why didn’t he want more for himself? I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to take Mickey and keep him with me always.
****
Saturday arrived. My mom took me to get my hair done. Our hair stylist pulled all my hair up into a loose bun where highlighted wisps of hair swept tastefully across my forehead. Once I put on my gown, I finally saw her vision realized. My hair pulled back showcased my slender neck and bare shoulders. After I applied some light makeup and slipped into my heels, I went downstairs where my mom and dad waited for me.
“You look beautiful,” Mom said, pulling me into a hug.
I broke away from her and glanced at my dad. His face was filled with a mix of anxiety and sternness.
“You look very pretty, Autumn,” he managed to say.
We all turned once a knock came at the door.
“That’ll be your date, Autumn. I better get it,” Dad said.
“I promise Dakota and I are only friends. Please be nice, Dad.”
Dad gave me a playful look and opened the door.
“Come in, Dakota.”
My mom rushed forward to give Dakota a hug. I felt bad for him. He looked uncomfortably awkward. His cheeks were blood shot from what I could only surmise to be embarrassment.
“Are you ready to go, Dakota?” I said, rushing forward to save him from my parents.
“Uh, sure,” he choked out.
“Have her home by eleven,” Dad said in a fatherly voice that made me cringe.
I tried to shoo him out of the door before my parents could say any more.
“I want pictures,” Mom said.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll be home in a couple hours.” I closed the door behind me. “Thank you, Dakota,” I said as we got in his car.
“No problem.”
As we drove toward the school, I wondered why Dakota would offer to take me to prom under the pretense of being my date only to see Mickey once we got there. I’d had classes with him on and off throughout high school, but there was no special bond there that required this kind of generosity.
“Why are you doing this for me?”
“I like you, Autumn,” he said. “But I’m doing this for Mickey.”
“For Mickey?”
“I’ve owed him for a long time. He never held it over me, but what he did for me has eaten at me for a long time, and I knew this would be the perfect way to pay him back for what he did.”
“What are you talking about?” I gave a sideways glance at Dakota as he pushed his glasses back up on his nose.
“When we were in ninth grade, Mickey caught Josh Grady in the locker room beating me up in front of his friends. He grabbed Josh and blacked his eye so fast I almost missed it. He told him if he ever did that to me again, he’d leave him with a permanent scar. I’ve never been picked on by Josh or any of his friends since.”
I thought back to the beginning of the semester when I agreed to tutor Mickey. He was completely toying with and ignoring me. I remember feeling desperate, and for some unknown reason, Dakota happened to know how I could find Mickey outside of school. I understood now. They were friends.
“Wow. I never knew that,” I said under my breath. It seemed like I found out some new piece of information about Mickey every day.
“It never left that locker room. Mickey’s my friend. I would do anything for him, including rescuing his damsel in distress,” Dakota said with a boyish grin.
I smiled back at him.
“Did you know he liked me back then?” I asked. It felt strange to finally have a chance to talk to someone about Mickey like this. I couldn’t talk to Mary because she would be guilty by association. I couldn’t talk to my parents. I couldn’t talk to Daniel. He hated me. Jay left, too.
“Of course,” he said.
“That’s why you told me where Mickey was, that he was fighting. You were trying to put me in his way.”
“He’s saved so many people. As a friend, I thought it was time that someone save him.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Dakota and I went through the motions. As promised, we had pictures taken to produce proof to my parents that our date was legitimate. We even danced a few times. We tried to hold a conversation over the music which proved difficult. He told me he’d been accepted at Marshall University and was both excited and nervous to begin his freshman year. Once the first two hours passed, I grew nervous that Mickey wouldn’t show. Dakota tried to reassure me. At nine-thirty, I felt all my hopes that rose high crash and burn.
“There’s only an hour left,” I said, taking off the heels that were beginning to form blisters on my feet. “Maybe you should go ahead and take me home.”
There was something about looking around at all the other couples, the lights, the music … it was all too much. It was hard to see everyone else be so happy, throw all their cares away, when I felt nothing but devastation.
“It’s warm outside tonight. How about we go out in the courtyard for a few minutes before you give up?” Dakota asked, standing up and extending his hand out to me.
I didn’t want to show Dakota how hurt I was by Mickey ditching a dance he asked me to, but this on top of everything else was hard to juggle emotionally. I was also grateful to Dakota for facilitating something that otherwise would have been impossible. I owed him more than the depression I felt. I looked up at him and there was something about his genuine personality that was infectious. So what if Mickey stood me up? I could cry about that later tonight once I got home and was in the safety of my room. I had all night to do that. However, I only had one hour left of my senior prom, could never get it back again, and I was going to make the most of it. I took his hand and he helped me stand up.
“Milady,” he said, taking the lead and escorting me outside.
Once we were out there, I appreciated the distance from the crowd and noise. It was nice to clear my head, but I also hear the faint tune drifting out from the inside.
“Can you hold on a sec?” Dakota said after finding us a bench to sit on.
I arched a questioning brow at him and replied, “Sure.”
As Dakota walked off, I gazed around at the few couples scattered about outside. We were all the same age, give or take a few months. I couldn’t help but wonder what their futures held. What dreams did they have? Would they go to college? Get a job instead? Tell themselves they would go and then not? Stay together? Get engaged and then married? Fall apart? We all seemed so young and innocent under the starlight. It was hard to imagine anything beyond the lives we led now.
“You’re even more beautiful than I’d imagined.”
My heart rose and my spirits soared as I turned toward the familiar voice I thought had abandoned me. I sucked in a sharp breath. I had always seen Mickey in jeans and vintage rock t-shirts or the sporty, relaxed clothes he wore when practicing or warming up for boxing. There was always this bad-boy appeal and air of not giving a damn about what people thought of him that attracted me. It still did. But the polished boy looking down at me took my breath away. His hair was brushed and styled in a way that suggested he took a gamble and strayed outside his comfort zone. He wore a crisp black tux and the smell of intoxicating cologne assailed my senses. He was everywhere … all I could see.
>
He held his hand out for me, and as I slipped my hand into his, at once all the past weeks of doubts, insecurities, and fears left me. He drew me in close, his hands pressed into the small of my back. He lowered his lips against my ear and whispered, “I’m sorry, but I had to wait until I felt sure most of the chaperons had already checked out before I could find you.”
Of course that was just like him. For the last two hours I was distracted and disheartened, thinking he wouldn’t come when all along he’d been worried about me. He had nothing to lose by being caught with me, but he knew I stood to gain a significant amount of added pressure from my parents if they found out I was with him. I smiled inside.
His lips left my ear and found my mouth. He brushed feather-light kisses against my lips while he twirled me around slowly. I could faintly make out a soft tune accompanied by a haunting male voice.
“Do you know what song this is?”
“It’s the one I had Dakota go in and request,” he said with a smile in his gaze.
“Oh, yeah?” I said playfully.
“It’s one that reminds me of you.” He lowered his lips to mine again, kissing me, moving to my jawline and then whispering in my ear, “‘Thank You’ by Led Zeppelin.”
I made a mental note to go home and look it up. The melody was moving, but I especially had an interest in hearing the words now. Dancing with Mickey, having him hold me close like I was the most precious and dearest thing in the world to him, everything simply melted away. I couldn’t remember what it was I feared. I struggled to remember all the opposing sides in a relationship that couldn’t be anything but together. If our future entailed nights like this where we held each other, encouraged each other, and were together, how could it not work?
I wasn’t so naïve as to think Mickey and I wouldn’t hit rough bumps in the road. What relationship was devoid of problems? But I realized the source of all my fears came from him and I being separated. Because together, I felt I could take on the world.
There was something about his rough skin against my own, the way he took care to caress me as though he’d hurt me that made my knees weak. It was well beyond a physical attraction. He said he loved me, and looking up into his eyes, I could see it trapped there in an expressive gaze that said he truly did. I wanted to be near him always. His mind was beautiful, his heart generous and caring, the way he worried about his family and friends, the silent hero … my love and resolve to be with him intensified with each passing day.
What was seventeen but a number? Rather than worry about us being too young, I now felt thankful we found one another early in our lives. We would grow together. I’d heard that love could conquer all. My faith was shaky in that belief because it was all so new to me, these emotions and feelings that were coming at me so fast I struggled to process them. Dancing with Mickey, his gaze burning into me, through me, it was all so crystal clear now.
I couldn’t live without him.
Chapter Thirty-Five
May 8
I just finished The Catcher in the Rye. At best, it was a novel meant to inspire coming-of-age decisions, at worst it was about a spoiled kid who couldn’t get it together. It’s something to imagine … running away like that, shirking responsibility. I can’t conceive wasting the opportunity he had. Private school, running away to New York City … I have no idea why in our senior year Mr. Romano would pick that as our final read. Fahrenheit 451, now that’s a book. I’ve got a job lined up for the summer. After this last fight, I don’t know what boxing will look like for me, and I’ve got to start thinking of something more stable. June 1st feels like such a long way off. I don’t know if I can wait until graduation to see you. In the meantime, I have our last night together to think about. That helps.
Mickey
As I folded Mickey’s letter into a neat square and put it in the box under my bed with the others, I knew exactly why Mr. Romano chose The Cather in the Rye for our final read. I’d finished it the night before, and afterward, I drew so many similarities to the main character, Holden, and Mickey that it may as well have been a connect-the-dots book. Holden was turning into a man, going through the motions of life at an age where his decisions would impact the rest of his life. It was like staring down an ocean, knowing his purpose was in one of those waves, but against millions it felt overwhelming and too big to contemplate. Mickey could never be accused of shirking responsibility to his family, but to himself … that’s exactly where he and Holden were alike. Holden wanted to protect children from losing their innocence. It may have been an unrealistic dream, but there was common ground in that Mickey wanted to provide for his little brother. It was martyr-like. He avoided the college talk like it was the plague. Would never give me the answer I wanted. That he too, could go and become something more. Maybe my dreams were too ambitious, but I still believed them possible. I knew it would be hard on me and Mickey, but the thought of him throwing away such a beautiful mind was too tragic for me to dwell on. I would convince him. I would.
****
May 11
Are you nervous for graduation? I’ve been trying to think of a valedictorian speech that doesn’t sound lame. It’s hard to talk in front of so many people. I want it to mean something. I want to inspire people with it. We don’t have to wait until graduation to see each other. Mom and Dad gave me back my car. They are slowly coming around. Someone’s turning eighteen in seven days. Dakota’s going to help me. Clear your schedule because I’ve got a date with the birthday boy.
Your girl
Since Mom and Dad restored my driving privileges, I asked Dakota for help in surprising Mickey. This mostly consisted of him agreeing to provide a cover for me. The days under my parents’ roof were limited. I should’ve been okay waiting out the time until Mickey and I both turned eighteen. But I wanted to give Mickey a special day, show him how much he meant to me. One would only turn eighteen once, and I wanted to make his memorable.
I wracked my brain on what we could do together but not get caught in the process. I couldn’t exactly ask Daniel for help but why couldn’t I Dakota? He felt like he owed Mickey so much for standing up for him his freshman year, but Dakota owed me nothing. The sweet boy that he was, it was no surprise when he caught me after class.
“I managed in a roundabout way, to find out what Mickey would most likely have fun doing over the weekend.”
“Do you think Daniel knows I put you up to it?”
“He never said, but he’s Mickey’s best friend. I’m sure he guessed I was the middle guy,” Dakota said.
“Shoot. He doesn’t like me very much. I don’t think he minded me in the beginning, but after Sean—”
“Daniel and Mickey have been best friends since grade school. Daniel’s had girlfriends on and off, but nothing steady. Mickey’s never been serious about anyone either, until you. Now that Daniel sees how Mickey feels about you, he feels threatened. What happened with Sean only gave him an excuse to lash out at you.”
“I wish he didn’t feel that way.”
“If he’s really Mickey’s friend, he’ll get over it.”
“I hope so.”
“Anyway, Daniel said that Mickey loves to swim. He said that they all used to go to Arden and camp. They stayed by the river, had bonfires, that kind of thing,” Dakota said.
The wheels in my head started turning. Arden was an hour drive. I’d never been up there personally, but I’d heard people talk about it in passing. It was a state park or something. Most likely it wouldn’t be too crowded this time of year and the chances of someone being there who would jeopardize my plans were slim. I started getting excited.
I pulled Dakota in for a tight hug.
“Thank you so much, Dakota.” I released him. “You’re a good friend.”
“Glad I could help.”
****
May 13
Saturday is perfect. Mom has a big party to cater that night and Jimmy is spending the night with one of his friends that lives down the stre
et. She’s cooking me a birthday dinner Friday. Are you sure? I don’t want to go through with this if it’s going to cause problems between you and your parents. I have to admit … I am curious to see what you have planned. I don’t care what it is as long as I get to see you.
Mickey
“What are you smiling about?” Mom asked, coming around the corner. I jumped at the sound of her voice and nonchalantly folded Mickey’s letter in my lap.
“I was just rereading WVU’s scholarship offer. I can’t believe I’ll be graduating in a little over two weeks and starting college in the fall,” I said, trying to remove any suspicion Mom had.
“WVU is a good school, but you don’t have to settle on that one. Marshall has such a beautiful campus and there’s always Penn State.” Mom leaned up against my bedroom doorway.
“I don’t know about moving out of state. I love it here and if I went to WVU, I could stay close to you and Dad.”
My mom had a thoughtful look on her face. “There’s always the opportunity to study abroad in a year or two. Perhaps over the summer. Could you imagine Italy or Greece?”
“I bet they’re beautiful,” I said absently.
Mom looked past me out my window as though trying to recollect something. When she glanced back at me there was something sad in her features. She unhitched herself from the doorway and lowered herself down beside me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It’s slowly occurring to me that my baby isn’t a baby anymore.” She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’ve turned out to be a beautiful young lady. Soon you’ll leave and—” She became choked up.
“Are you okay, Mom?” I asked. This was a strange moment passing between us. It wasn’t that I felt like my mom didn’t love me, she was just so distant. I often felt like she preferred the company of her alcohol over me and I had long since quit competing for the attention. Our family was what it was.
“It’ll get lonely here without you.”
