Tired of Death

by Neil Hartley

  "Fresh meat!" she cried, spying Redthorne and darting forward, a blur in the air.

  Fast as she was, Dreth was faster, intercepting her and batting the diminutive aggressor away with his hand, causing her to tumble backwards and land roughly on the ground.

  "Ow! Watch it ugly, or I'll bite your ears off!" She sat up holding her head.

  "You can try," said Dreth standing over her. "Now, tell me who you are before I step on you and squash you like a bug."

  The small figure spat and stood up uncertainly. Dreth squatted down and examined her more closely. Now she was still enough to make out her features, he could see a pretty face surrounded by long dark hair. She looked like a tiny human female, maybe early twenties, clothed in a simple black dress which looked like it had seen better days.

  "Draw a picture, it will last longer," she said nastily. "Who the hell are you anyway?"

  "Name's Dreth, Guardian of the Undead way. What's your moniker shrimp?"

  The small woman sighed and sat down on a pebble. "I'm Smudge, Fearie from the Black Garden."

  "The Black Garden? Never heard of it," Dreth said.

  "It is some way from here, presumably anyway, near a hidden entrance to the dungeon. I was with a group when a large party of elves came through. They captured me but I managed to escape, and now I'm lost. Hungry too." She eyed Redthorne meaningfully.

  "Since when do Faerie go around eating meat and attacking innocent zombies?" complained Percy.

  "I said a Fearie, not a Faerie you blundering fool!" the small creature sneered at him. "There is a noticeable difference. Fearie are superior in almost every way." She sniffed a superior sniff to emphasize her point.

  Dreth stood up as Smudge launched herself into the air again, flitting about like an oversize black wasp. "Well, you're welcome to tag along with us if you want, but no biting the wizard."

  "Hmmph." She sniffed again. "He's probably too old and stringy anyway."

  "Here, take a snack from my supplies," said Dreth, gesturing at Cuthbert to open the bag. "They're a bit old I'm afraid, but better than nothing."

  Cuthbert passed Smudge a hand, which she struggled to carry, finally settling down on Sprat's head to eat it as they walked.

  "Tell me about these elves," said Redthorne. "What tribe were they from?"

  "I don't know," shrugged the Fearie, her mouth full of finger. "They all look the same to me. Seemed pretty determined to get into the dungeon though. Very strange actually, Elves don't usually care about treasure, at least as a community."

  "I see," said Redthorne and fell back a little, deep in thought.

  "Something wrong?" asked Dreth.

  "What? Oh, no, nothing." The wizard waved a hand in dismissal and then looked up. "I think we're coming to the end of this cave."

  Dreth noted the change of subject but didn't comment. The cave was indeed narrowing. Off to one side a stout wooden door was set into the wall, looking totally out of place in the rough rock.

  Cuthbert placed an ear to it and listened for a moment. "aarn eearanfuu," he mumbled.

  "What?" asked Percy.

  Uuuu aad... uuu aaaarn eeer ufffuuu", Cuthbert repeated.

  "I think he said he couldn't hear anything," said Dreth. He pushed at Percy. "Open the door, see what's behind."

  "Bah. Bully," the zombie muttered, but pulled on the portal anyway. It creaked open to reveal a gray stone dungeon tunnel behind, running left to right. The undead stuck his head through and looked carefully around. "Can't see anything," he said and stepped through.

  The floor immediately gave way beneath him, dropping him into space. There was a scream, a moment of silence and then a dull thud.

  "Uuueee!" shouted Cuthbert, and ran forward to peer into the trap.

  They all looked down into the pit. Percy was lying on the floor, a large spike through one leg. "Help!! Help! Get me out of here!" he screamed.

  "Shhhh!" said Dreth, making gestures with his hands. "No telling what monsters around here." He looked up. "Smudge, Spit, go and check out the passageway a little, make sure nothing is coming. Cuthbert, get the rope out and haul him back up."

  Smudge mumbled something about being ordered about, but flew off a little way down the tunnel. Sprat did the same, sliding past the trap and grumbling about how some people couldn't remember his name.

  "Oooooohhh, what a day!" groaned Percy from his landing place. "First bitten half to re-death by a flying black midget, now my best leg ruined! And I think I've broken a rib too." There was a cracking sound, then a squelch as he pulled something free from his chest. "Yep. Look at that. No good to anybody now." He threw the bone away, and then saw something lying nearby. "Hey! I've found some treasure!"

  "What is it?" Hissed Dreth, still worried about attracting attention. "Pass it up!"

  "Ho! Wouldn't you just like that?"

  "Pass it up or we leave you down there to rot," said Dreth. Then, because he was a bit of a stickler for detail, added: "More."

  "Oooh, one day you are going to get what's coming to you." Percy grunted as he threw the sack up. It fell back and hit him in the face. "Ohhh! For Dreg's sake. Why me?"

  Eventually, with a lot of groaning and complaining both Percy and the sack were recovered. Dreth snatched the bag away from him. "Now, what have we here?" he said, and opened it...

  ~ * ~

  Silth Harshlore peered around a corner and scowled, his white teeth gleaming against black skin. Curse this area! It all looked the same. He slid around the wall and moved smoothly forward, eyes darting left, right, up and down, checking for traps as he went. He had already nearly been skewered by spikes and squashed by falling rocks. This was a perilous region.

  He found a small alcove and, after checking it carefully, squatted down to rest. How could they have lost it? It must have been stolen, despite what Scut had said before the squad leader had gutted him for dereliction of duty.

  Anyway, if they didn't find it they would all be made an example of. He fingered his sword. Perhaps he should try and make it out on his own, he knew of a colony not too far away, in the Shadow Mountain Range.

  Silth's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of something approaching. He stood up and moved back against the wall, further into the shadow, as a hulking figure loomed into view.

  The solid form of the Golem stopped, and Silth cursed as a piercing red glare swung around to appraise him.

  "I am Silth Harshlore, Drow Elf scout. I carry nothing of value, killing me would be pointless," he said boldly as the eyes drew close.

  The Golem bent over to address him face to face. "Where are they?" it asked.

  "Where are who? My party? I will not tell, gut me if you will, for they will do worse should I betray them."

  "I am not interested in your pathetic group. I'm searching for the one called Dreth."

  Silth shook his head. "Never heard of anyone by that name. I'm not from this area though."

  The Golem rumbled and drew closer, the eyes seemed to burn into him, and for a moment Silth thought his time had come. Then it stood up again and stepped back into the passageway again.

  Heaving a sigh of relief, Silth leaned against the wall. There was a sudden 'click' and he just had time to look around before the trap's darts skewered him.

  He grabbed at his side as acid sizzled and smoked, burning his flesh away. A fiery pain spread down his body as clothes and skin succumbed to the corrosive. The Golem watched, unmoving as he slumped to one side, his internal organs now exposed to the air.

  "Help... me," he gasped, holding a hand out towards the stone creature. His fingers started to dissolve where he had touched the dart, and one fell off. As he dropped to the floor in agony the watching giant lost interest, and turned away to clump off down the corridor.

  As his liver was eaten through, Silth thought he heard it humming to itself. Then everything went black.

  ~ * ~

  "What," said Dreth, pulling a bundle out of the sack, "in Dreg's name is this?" So saying he h
eld up, by a leg, a chubby baby wrapped in a ragged cloth.

  "It's a baby elf! A cute, young, juicy baby!" exclaimed Percy. "Oh please, please! Give me a bit! I have never tasted baby elf before! Just and arm, or maybe a leg."

  "Uuuugg uuuuur!" agreed Cuthbert.

  Dreth held the baby upside down and looked at it. It gurgled and attempted to put a fist into its mouth. Big green eyes stared at him in a sickeningly cute way. He grimaced. "Very well, but I get the liver and the brain. Here, slice it up." He started to pass the infant to Cuthbert when he was interrupted.

  "HOLD!!" Redthorne stepped forward, his staff blazing light. "I had forgotten what foul beasts you really are! I will not allow you to devour this innocent."

  "Oh foo! What are you going to do Mr. Wizard?" asked Percy, though he eyed the pulsating staff warily.

  "I will use all my power to stop this depraved act, even if it costs me my life," replied the mage.

  Dreth paused, the baby still held in one hand, and looked at the scowling Redthorne. He glanced over at the zombies, who would have been drooling if they were capable of such. Even Smudge was licking her lips.

  "Well, I don't know. I mean it is a baby. We don't often get such a morsel down here you know..."

  "You may kill me," growled the wizard, "but I will take the zombies and the flying shrimp with me at least. And who knows? You may find you're not so tough yourself."

  Dreth scratched his ear and thought about it. He was fairly sure he could take out the wizard, but the mage had the right of it. It was likely that Redthorne would do a large amount of damage before he could stop him, and Dreth couldn't really afford such a setback.

  "Here then, you want it, you look after it." He passed the baby over to the wizard, who nearly dropped it in shock.

  "Aaaawww! What did you do that for? Do you know the last time we had a baby down here?" moaned Percy.

  "Uuuhuuu!" said Cuthbert.

  "That's right! Never! You're such a spoilsport." Percy folded his arms and tried to sniff.

  "Uuu uuu uuhhh ahhh uuuung?" asked Cuthbert, gesturing to the baby and his mouth.

  "No, you can't have its tongue. It's too small anyway," said Dreth. "Now, fix Percy up. We still have that Golem behind us, remember?"

  "Bah. This will come back and haunt you, mark my words," said Percy. Still, he held out his leg as Cuthbert reached into his bag and drew out the zombie fixing kit.

  "It can't have been in that pit very long," said Smudge, hovering over the infant, which clapped its hands in delight.

  "You're right." Dreth looked about. "Whoever left it may still be near. We'd better be careful."

  "At least it seems to be in good health," said Redthorne. He leaned his staff against the wall and made a complicated gesture. There was a flash of light and a bottle of milk appeared in his hand. "Dinner time."

  "Very convenient," said Dreth. "You always carry a milk conjuring spell with you?"

  "I am a wizard of the 11th order of White Light, capable of many spells beyond your ken creature," replied the mage haughtily, as the baby sucked happily at the meal.

  "Mmmm." Dreth wasn't convinced. There was something going on here. However, centuries of half-life had taught him patience. He would find out in due course, or it would be baby brains for breakfast. He looked at the zombies. "Are we ready?"

  Percy was standing up carefully, testing his damaged leg whilst leaning on Sprat. "I think so."

  "Good. I suggest you watch where you step from now on." Dreth turned to the wizard. "Keep the brat quiet, or I'll be having a sudden snack." He gestured at Percy. "Let's go."

  The zombie muttered something under his breath, but limped through the door, being careful to step around the pit. The others followed, with the mage, still holding the baby, bringing up the rear. Sprat trotted next to him, fascinated by the little elf.

  ~ * ~

  Furn sloped forward, bow ready and senses straining. The rest of the group was close behind, in standard dungeon formation. The sorceress was in the center, protected by the other warriors.

  He wiped his brow. Elves weren't supposed to sweat, but the strain was beginning to take its toll on them all. They had encountered several dangerous creatures, and brave hunters had fallen in battle fighting them off. Still more had succumbed to a swathe of deadly traps, and they had just discovered the half eaten remains of Fyy Fleetfoot, their best scout.

  Still, they were the best of Jollygreenwood, so they pushed on. They had a job to do, and they would do it or die trying. Unfortunately, thought Furn, it was looking as if the latter would be the likely outcome.

  He stopped suddenly, raising his hand as they rounded a corner. A short distance away was a creature. A zombie! He drew his bow back and fired in one smooth motion, hitting the beast in the arm. It fell back with a dry hiss.

  The other elves moved forward, bows ready and blades drawn. The mage started to chant a spell.

  The zombie crawled back, to be replaced by another figure in a long robe. Another zombie, Hurn though as he threw his bow to the ground and drew his rapier. No, not a zombie, it was moving too fast, he barely had time to get his weapon up as the attacker swung his black blade around in a low sweep.

  He blocked, but the dark sword simply smashed through the metal of his rapier, leaving him staring at a stump.

  As the others rushed up to help him, the creature thrust, moving far faster than he had ever seen anything move before. The blade pierced his chest, and now he could hear the laughter, the cold evil laughter, in his head.

  As he felt his life energy sucked away into the metal of the sword, the shouts of his comrades faded, to be replaced by a dark voice that became his whole world.

  "Blooood," it hissed. "Blooood."

  ~ * ~

  Dreth pulled Darkblood out of the body of the elf and whirled to meet another attack. He swung again, but the elf he was now facing ducked, and he clove naught but air.

  He risked a glance around as his enemy danced back to avoid his follow-up thrust. Cuthbert had dragged himself backwards and was busy pulling the arrow out of his arm, moaning all the while.

  Percy and Sprat were trying to fend off another elf, whilst Smudge was flying around yet another, nipping in and biting where she could, whilst avoiding the swings from his sword.

  Parrying a blow, he stepped back. They needed to do something quickly, in a moment the elves would overwhelm them.

  "Down!" cried Redthorne from behind, and he obeyed as a large pulse of yellow energy passed over his head, enveloping several of the enemy and reducing them to cinders. Cries went up from several of the elves and Dreth grinned to himself.

  However, the spell faded far too quickly. As it dissipated Dreth saw a tall female elf in long robes, chanting a counterspell. "Damn," he said. "There's a sorceress with them!"

  The surviving elves moved forward again, whilst Dreth and the others withdrew slightly.

  "You will die for eating Fyy, foul beasts," said one of the elves, who was dressed in gilded armor and wielding a glowing white sword. Evidently the leader.

  "Who the Dreg is Fyy?" asked Dreth, trying to take a position that would block the corridor.

  "Who cares?" said Darkblood, "just let me at him, I will suck his life force out to feed my own."

  The elves scowled.

  "Not helping sword," said Dreth. He braced himself as they closed in.

  Something large and indistinct leapt out of a side passage with a howl, and landed on one of the elves guarding their mage. The elf screamed in agony as his arm was torn clean off, spraying blood everywhere. Another two beasts followed, jumping into the Elven hunting party and throwing them into confusion.

  "What is it? What is it?" cried one, swinging his sword blindly in front of him as his colleague went down.

  "Ware!," shouted the sorceress. "They're invisible!"

  Dreth stared at the Elven leader as he looked back and forth between his howling men and the undead party, his position now compromised.

 
As another of his warriors screamed, he snarled at Dreth. "Damn you! This isn't finished, I'll kill you later."

  "Hah, join the queue," said Dreth, but he was talking to air. The leader had jumped into the fray against the new attackers, evidently able to see the creatures.

  "What's going on?" asked Smudge.

  "Let's get out of here whilst they're distracted," he answered, turning and moving quickly away down a random tunnel. "Leave that thing Cuthbert!" he said, but the zombie shook his head as he heaved at the elf Dreth had killed earlier.

  "Uuuh huuu."

  The group trotted away, nearly losing Sprat to another pit trap.

  Eventually, after well and truly losing themselves in the maze of passages, Redthorne cried out for a rest.

  Dreth nodded, and they stopped in a corner. "Percy and Sprat, go back a ways, make sure no one is following us. Cuthbert, Smudge, check down there and over there." He indicated the two passageways ahead. "Be careful of traps."

  Percy looked longingly at the Elven corpse, but he and the others moved off into the gloom to make sure they were all clear.

  Dreth drew Darkblood and wiped the blade down.

  "Delicious," hummed the sword. "I always did enjoy elf. They have so much more energy in them."

  "What were those creatures back there?" said Redthorne, patting the baby, who was squirming about in his grasp.

  "Some kind of invisible wolf-man as far as I could see," replied Dreth. He looked at Darkblood. "Was that your doing, me being able to see them? The others obviously couldn't."

  "Just one of the advantages of carrying me into battle," said the blade smugly.

  "Hmm," said Dreth, looking up as Percy and Sprat returned. "Well?"

  "I could hear something in the distance, but it didn't seem to be getting closer," said the zombie. "I think we're alright for a little while." He squatted down and took a large bite out of the arm of the elf Cuthbert had brought along.

  "Oh! Elf meat is so tender!" he said, chewing blissfully. "Here lad, I promised you a liver." He turned back to the body, but was interrupted by Smudge, who came zipping back at a fast pace, even for her.

  "What's wrong?" asked Dreth.