Missing Pieces of My Forever-Heart
Page 14
Oh boy, I don’t think I could follow that. But I had only prepared a few words because I had spoken all the important ones to my husband many times in the last few days of his life.
“Thank you all for being here today to celebrate my husband Jame’s life. I sat down the other night and counted up the actual time that Jame and I spent together:
Seven months in 9th grade- when we were ages 14-15, nine months in 11th grade-ages 16-17, nine months in 12th grade- ages 17-18, and nine months now at 45 years old.
Thirty-four months total, in person, but that doesn’t take into account the hours and days and years I longed for him, hated him, thought about him, lived with the consequences of loving him and loved him with my entire being.
He was a complicated man, yet simple in his wants and needs. He knew how to get things done and the first time he said he wanted to find our son, I threw him out of the house. Sorry, Michael, but Jame prevailed and we moved forward on the search. Then my amazing daughters came through for us and brought Michael home to be a part of our family. For the first time in my life, I felt complete because all my loved ones were here together.
Jame didn’t want to leave us, he fought hard, but God must need his energy and powerful spirit in heaven right now. He leaves us reunited. He leaves us stronger as a family and as human beings. His energy and love live on in us.”
Chapter 44
The next few days were filled with time spent with Shirley, Mrs. Patterson, and the kids all lingering, not ready to get back to life. But their responsibilities and deadlines beckoned, and I finally found myself in total silence in my house that day after everyone had gone.
Bo attached himself to my side like a burr and taking long walks in the cold January air made me feel a little better. But oh, there was such a hole in my heart! As I lay down in our bed that night, Bo looked forlornly up at me.
“All right, come up here, but it’s for one night only, you got that?”
Bo climbed up on Jame’s side of the bed and settled his head right on the pillow.
“You can smell him in his pillow, can’t you boy? I do too.” I scratched his head as I propped myself up on my pillows and pulled out Jame’s letter. I wasn’t sure I wanted to read it. To me it would be a final goodbye- Jame’s last words to me.
Buck up, Cath. You’re the tough cookie, right? I opened his letter.
Cath, my wife and forever love of my life,
We’ve said so much these last few weeks. I want you to hold deep in your heart all my love that I have always and will always feel for you. My time on earth in this life brought me the greatest gifts- you, the girls and Michael, the baby we created when we, or at least, I wasn’t ready for and that altered all our journeys.
Being able to love you and be in your life again with our kids has been the happiest time of my life. Thank you for opening up your heart to me again and again.
So enough with the past. Now on to the future! Crazy you say? Of course! You need to be crazy with passion for living again, Cath, or all we went through won’t be worth anything. Please don’t be sad for too long. I’ll always be with you and will be whispering in your ear or visit in your dreams to love and encourage you.
Go back to your work. You touch so many lives with your words and showing people how others live and need help. Travel to hurting countries to help those that need your spotlight on their problems. Go to the corners of our country to expose and transform the ills of our society. Celebrate life and live your passion!
Sounds like my soapbox speech? It is. Tell Ed soon you’re ready for work- that you’re hungry for work that will fill your heart up again. Don’t leave that beautiful, loving heart empty for too long, please my love.
Oh, and if you think this is the last word from me, think again! I left you some “pep talk” notes in various places. You’ll never know when one will pop up, but trust that it will show itself at the exact time you need to hear the words. I’ll give you a hint for the first one. Go where we keep our treasures and follow my words.
Love you forever and ever, Cath. And I’ll be waiting here for you when you join me after you’ve lived a long and happy life.
Your forever husband,
Jame
PS Would love it if you tell our grandkids all about our story. And tell them I love them too!
I laughed through my tears. Of course! Jame hated wallowing. No slacking! He only wanted to see the positive side of life. He wanted to right the wrongs and lift everyone up.
So he left me “pep talk” notes, huh? Go to where we keep our treasures… Hmmm.
I went down to our office and opened the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. We had a folder filled with pictures and lists of our future “treasure hunts,” places we wanted to go to and things we wanted to do. We never really got to do any of them, like go skydiving together or swim in the waters of Bali. But we dreamed. Oh, how we dreamed about the possibilities.
I opened the “Treasure” file and saw the yellow note card right away.
Cath,
Even though we don’t get to do this together, I want you to choose the first thing you are going to do, when you’re ready, and GO DO IT! I’ll be with you in spirit and we’ll have a great time.
Please don’t put this off for too long, sweetheart. I know you might be tired and wrung out for a while, but give yourself something to plan for and look forward to. Make a treasure come true for both of us!
I love you.
Jame
OK, Jame Patterson, I’ll do this for you. And for me. He really knew what would get me going. A tiny seed of hope ignited in my heart. Jame would help me survive this.
I took the treasure file upstairs and laid out all the photos on my bed. Bo raised his head from Jame’s pillow as I scattered our treasure dreams.
“Which one should I choose, Bo? What do you think, boy?” I held a few of my favorites in front of his furry face.
Bo cocked his head, checked out the photos and sniffed at one in particular.
“Well, that must be the one then!” I flipped it over and looked at the treasure Bo helped me choose.
I smiled. That could be amazing. I shoved all the others back in the file and tucked our choice under Jame’s pillow. As I lay my head next to Bo’s and inhaled Jame’s scent, I felt comforted, hopeful and not so lost.
Jame whooshed back into my life and made great treasures come true-reuniting us with our son and our forever-love. I vowed to love and remember Jame Patterson forever and ever.
Come to me in my dreams, Jame. We’re not done yet.
Janet Grosshandler is a writer for over 20 years, a former school counselor for 30+ years, and a life coach.
You can email her at janet@getstrongergirlfriend.com.
Visit her site at http://facebook.com/GetStrongerGirlfriend