Still Life and Death

by Tracy Gardner

  Finn wrapped both arms around Syd’s frame, and when the kiss ended, he pressed his face into her neck and hair, simply holding her.

  “Hey.” She tapped him on the shoulder. “Finn. Is everything okay? You’re super early.”

  He let go of her, nodding. “I’m all right.”

  “So...what’s going on? Want some coffee?”

  “God, yes.” He followed her to the counter where she poured two cups.

  “I’m guessing you just couldn’t wait all the way until nine a.m. to see me? You didn’t get enough of all this” —she made an exaggerated, sweeping motion over the llama PJs from her head to her toes— “last night at the arcade?” After Savanna’s birthday scavenger hunt and then covering Kate’s yoga classes, she and Finn had spent the evening at All Fun and Games, a huge go-kart and laser tag place they’d found in Grand Rapids.

  Finn’s slow, lazy grin deepened the shadows beneath his cheekbones. “There’s no such thing as enough.”

  Oh snap, he was good. “That must mean you’re not still mad I crushed you at Asteroids.” She came around the counter and sat on a stool facing him. “What’s up?”

  “I got some news. I didn’t want to tell you at the diner. I’m sorry it’s so early.”

  She waited, now a little worried. He never sounded this serious.

  “My H.R. guy called. With National Air Med Lifeteam. They need me to come now to Boulder. One of the medics just went on leave; his wife’s baby came early.”

  She frowned. “But—you had another month here. There’s more than only you, right? They can call someone else.”

  “It’s the same assignment I’m already contracted for, just ahead of schedule. They’ll bonus me for the short notice. It’d be crazy to turn it down.”

  “Okay...well, I’m sure the money’s good, since they’re asking you to drop everything and leave.” She tried to hide her disappointment. She supposed if he went early, he’d be back in Carson sooner, giving them more of the summer together. “Would you still be here for our trip to Sleeping Bear this week?” It was one of Sydney’s favorite places in Michigan. Finn had to see it. They’d planned to make it a day trip while Willow covered Fancy Tails.

  He traced and retraced a small figure eight just above her knee. “Not exactly. They need me before Wednesday. But we’ll go another time, I promise.” He looked up at her, somber eyes green through dark lashes.

  “You’ve already accepted.” Sydney felt warmth creeping up into her neck and cheeks, irritation threatening to turn into something worse.

  “Yes.”

  “But you’ll be here for dinner tonight.” She purposely made it a statement. He wouldn’t flake on coming to dinner, on meeting her parents and uncles and basically her whole family. They were all expecting him to be there. He couldn’t let her down like that.

  He was quiet for a moment, gazing intently at her. “Syd.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, moving on her stool so he wasn’t touching her knee any longer. “You leave today? What, like, now? Does this at least stay a two-month assignment, or will you be gone an extra month now?”

  “It’ll make it three months.”

  She stood. He’d agreed to a whole extra month away from her, without any thought of how she’d feel. Her face burned, and she was sure her cheeks were flaming red. “You’d better go, then.” She struggled to keep her voice level and pushed away the sudden urge to cry. She would not cry in front of him.

  “Syd.” He reached out to her, and she stepped away. He stood but made no move toward her. “I didn’t plan this. I’m sorry about the timing. I can’t let my team down.”

  But he could let her down? She felt the first hot tear roll down her cheek and blinked hard, nodding. “Got it. We’re just dating. You don’t owe me anything.” As she said what she assumed he wanted to hear, she realized the words were true. He’d made a decision about his job, that was all. But how could he think she wouldn’t be upset?

  “We’ll reschedule dinner with your parents, I promise. Will you tell them I’m sorry to miss it?” The things he didn’t say were even louder than his words. He didn’t wrap his arms around her and tell her she was wrong, they weren’t just dating. He didn’t address what she’d said at all.

  This was exactly what Aidan had warned her about last year. He’d said Finn could be unpredictable, never stayed anywhere long. Maybe she’d thought she was different—that he’d be different with her. How many other girlfriends had he put second to his job? She hated that she was now in that very un-special group.

  Finn came over to her and pulled her into his arms, and she let him. “I’ll fly back the first chance I get. I promise.”

  “You make a lot of promises,” she said. She felt small.

  “Hey now.” He bent his head, hands on her upper arms, and waited until she looked up at him. “Syd, I love you. I’ll be back as often as I can. It’ll go fast.”

  She kissed him goodbye at the kitchen door and then wished she hadn’t. Sad kisses were the worst. She watched him leave and wondered if she could talk herself out of loving him by the time he came back.

  She shoved away the urge to go back to bed, and set out on a five-mile bike ride up Lakeview Drive that took her all the way north past Mitten Inn and back. She spent half the round trip crying out loud in earnest, not caring if anyone saw or heard her. The crying made her feel worse. She pulled into a scenic turnout and dropped her bike and sat in the cool grass, closing her eyes and struggling to use her calming yoga breathing techniques. She spent the ride back home summoning all the things that bugged her about Finn. His impulsive, unpredictable nature. His obsession with his career. His constant joking. His cocky attitude.

  Sydney’s mind supplied other Finn-traits against her will. His dedication to his niece Mollie. His instant willingness to help. His impulsivity—she couldn’t even count all the times he’d come up with crazy, wonderful plans on the fly. His obsession with his career—how thoroughly he loved those risky, lifesaving runs. His joking nature—his ability to see things through a lighthearted lens. His cocky attitude—the confidence that had initially drawn her to him.

  She was doomed. She didn’t want to feel this way about someone who could just take off without warning, without even considering how it’d affect her. After a long shower and a stop at Happy Family Grocery, she headed to her parents’ house to start dinner. She called Savanna on the way, hoping she might meet her there early to talk, but had to leave a voicemail for her. Her sisters could always help her find her footing, but she knew Skylar was with Travis and the kids at the zoo today. She needed Savanna.

  The Shepherd family home was oddly silent as Sydney made enchiladas, Savanna’s favorite dish, in honor of her birthday. She assembled them, put them in the oven, and set the timer. Then she wandered outside onto the patio outside her parents’ kitchen. With time to kill before family arrived, Sydney curled up in the big canvas hammock with Pumpkin. She checked her phone, but Savanna hadn’t returned her call yet. No word from Finn, either. The warm sun, the purring cat, and the slow swing of the hammock provided the soothing Syd needed. She’d just close her eyes for a minute.

  Fonzie sprang to attention when Savanna turned into her parents’ driveway. In the back seat, Mollie giggled as the little dog whined to be let out of the car. Aidan opened the door, and girl and dog came bounding out. Mollie took off across the lawn after him, her white-blond hair flying. Aidan laughed, glancing at Savanna.

  “And you were worried she’d be shy,” Savanna said. “Nolan should be here soon. He’s a few years younger than Mollie, but I bet they’ll have fun.” Mollie had found the swing set. Harlan had updated the sisters’ play area when Skylar had been expecting Nolan. He’d probably be thrilled to see another child enjoying it.

  Savanna and Aidan came around the corner of the house to find Sydney just sitting up in the hammock, rub
bing the sleep out of her eyes.

  “Oh my God, what time is it?”

  Aidan checked his watch. “About five-thirty.”

  Sydney looked relieved. “Okay, good.”

  Savanna followed her into the kitchen. “I listened to your voicemail on the way over. I’m sorry I didn’t hear it sooner. You sounded...” She frowned, assessing Sydney. Her normally vibrant, animated sister was quiet and subdued, something that had become too common since Libby’s death. “Are you okay?”

  Sydney had the oven door open and was removing the foil from the enchilada pans. She straightened up and looked at Savanna and Aidan behind her. “I don’t know. Have you talked to Finn today?”

  “Me?” Aidan asked. “No, why?”

  “He’s not coming.” Sydney picked up the stack of square white plates from the counter and carried them to the long dining table.

  Savanna’s eyes widened as she met Aidan’s confused gaze. He shrugged and shook his head. Savanna followed Syd with the cutlery and napkins. She set them out at each place setting, trailing Sydney around the table. “Hey. What happened?”

  “Why do you even need to ask? You guys warned me about him. I should’ve listened.”

  “What did he do?” Aidan asked, his tone uncharacteristically clipped and angry.

  Sydney stopped, plate in mid-air. “He’s gone. Or if he’s not, he will be any minute. He took a last-minute assignment. I guess I’m lucky he told me in person.”

  “Syd. What do you mean?” Savanna took the remaining plates from her sister’s arms and set them on the table. “What assignment? When will he be back?”

  Sydney dropped heavily into the nearest chair. “Three months. He was going to be around for a whole month until his Boulder contract. But they needed him now, so he went. He came over this morning to tell me.”

  “Oh.” Savanna wrapped her arms around her sister. “I’m sorry. It...I’m sure it was important?”

  “He said one of the guys had to go on leave and they were short. We were supposed to go out to breakfast, but he came to the house and told me. He probably didn’t want me to yell at him in the diner in front of everyone.”

  “Well, he wanted you to be able to yell at him, I guess,” Savanna said. “Did you?”

  Syd shook her head. “Not really. I’m just surprised he’d make a decision like that without any kind of discussion first. He’s missing tonight, missing meeting Mom and Dad and Uncle Max and Freddie and Ellie, and plans we’d made for the next few weeks. Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

  “It matters,” Aidan said. “I’m sorry.”

  “That’s nice of you,” she said. “You told me what to expect. I was hoping you were wrong.”

  Aidan looked crestfallen. “I was too,” he said, his voice quiet. “Maybe I was; maybe they really did need him. He’s been here in Carson longer than I’ve ever known him to stay in any one place. That’s because of you, you know.”

  Savanna’s gaze went from Aidan to her sister. He was such a good man. She loved seeing him try to make Syd feel better.

  Sydney’s stony expression softened. “That’s good to know. I—” Her thought was interrupted by the rest of the family’s arrival.

  Skylar’s family came through the kitchen door, Nolan followed by Travis carrying baby Hannah, Skylar, and Harlan and Charlotte behind them. Nolan did a lap around the kitchen island, snooping for any chance of a dessert preview, then ran back out into the yard where Mollie was playing. Charlotte set a large white bakery box tied with string on the countertop, its pink-and-black Main Street Sweets sticker the giveaway to something delicious inside.

  Aidan said his hellos to her family. Why had she been nervous about inviting him? He already knew everyone. Harlan shook his hand, and she caught a snippet of their conversation—catamaran versus sloop, ketch versus yawl, tiller versus wheel. Oh, jeez. They’d plunged right into boat talk. Savanna hoped Aidan wasn’t telling her father about the gift. She wasn’t even sure what to do about that yet.

  The oven timer rang, and Savanna grabbed Aidan’s hand. “Sorry, Dad! We’ll go round up the kids for dinner.” She pulled Aidan with her outside, and began waving Mollie and Nolan in.

  “I’m getting his input,” Aidan said, reading her mind.

  “Did you tell him you’re buying me a boat?” She stared at him.

  “Am I?”

  “No. I don’t know. Stop it,” she said.

  “I’m either buying one for you or for us. Let me know,” he said, flashing a quick grin at her.

  Uncle Max and Uncle Freddie arrived with Ellie. Uncle Max’s arms were overflowing with a bright, cheerful sunflower bouquet, and Freddie carried a bottle of champagne. Ellie handed Savanna a gift-wrapped box and hugged her, wishing her happy birthday. Her cousin was effortlessly pretty, with stick-straight, long, dark hair with bangs that highlighted her large brown eyes.

  “Thank you!” Savanna exclaimed. She made introductions between Aidan and her uncles and Ellie. “Ellie, this is Dr. Aidan Gallager. Aidan, my cousin Eloise May Watson Quinn.”

  “Ellie,” the girl said, as Aidan shook her hand.

  “Ellie,” he repeated. “What a great name, though. I’ve never known an Eloise.”

  “The only one I know of besides me is the one who lives at the Plaza Hotel,” Ellie said.

  “Those were Ellie’s favorite books when she was little,” Savanna said.

  “My daughter loves them too,” he said, as Mollie trotted over to them. “Mol, meet Eloise.”

  Mollie tilted her head, looking up at the girl. “You d-d-don’t look like her.”

  Ellie smiled at Mollie. “I know! You look much more like Eloise than I do.” Ellie tilted her head sideways and leaned a bit toward Mollie. “I did have a pet turtle though, when I was younger. I even named him Skipperdee, like in the books.”

  “You did?” Mollie re-emerged, dropping Aidan’s hand and staring at Ellie, enthralled. “We just have Jersey and Cookie. Daddy says we have a dog and a guinea pig and we don’t need a turtle.”

  “Life is so unfair sometimes,” Aidan said, drawing down the corners of his mouth into a sad face for his daughter.

  Sydney poked her head out of the kitchen. “Are you all joining us for Savanna’s birthday dinner, or having your own little private party out there?”

  There were twelve of them around the dining room table, counting Hannah in her high chair. Savanna had missed hearing Syd tell their parents why Finn hadn’t joined them as planned, but she could tell her dad wasn’t happy. He always doted on Sydney, but this evening even more so. For her own part, Sydney’s mood seemed to improve a bit with her family gathered around her.

  Savanna found an opportunity to broach the topic of Libby when most of the table was finishing their second serving of enchiladas. Uncle Freddie was grousing about the extra hours Max had to work lately.

  “I don’t mind,” Max said. “Being surrounded by blooming flowers and plants is no hardship. I expect this is all temporary anyway, while Anthony sorts things out.”

  “Uncle Max,” Savanna began. “Do you spend much time with Anthony Kent?”

  “A fair amount now,” he said. “He comes in much more often since Libby’s passing. Rachel puts in hours as well. She’s a sweet girl.”

  “How does he seem to you?”

  “How do you mean, love?”

  She knew it was too general a question. “I mean, I’m sure he’s struggling. He and Libby were married a long time.”

  “Right, right. He’s as you’d expect, I suppose. One day he’s fine and the next day he snaps over every little thing, sometimes even at his daughter.”

  “What about when Libby was alive? Did you see them together often? Did they get along?”

  Max’s brow furrowed as he thought. “I can’t say I had a sense of their personal relationship. Running a business
is stressful. Most of their interactions involved things like finances, orders, inventory, parking.”

  Savanna latched on to the last point. “Why parking? They argued about having to use the lot behind the store?”

  “Oh, no. They had an ongoing issue over designated parking areas for each of the building’s businesses. Libby’s had the largest parking area—I assume because her shop was there first, wasn’t it? The dance school and the yoga studio have much less. Priscilla Blake came over once to talk to Libby about using some of the lot during the lead-up to the recital, and Anthony wouldn’t budge. I couldn’t really tell whether Libby was on board with that or not.”

  “But that’s crazy,” Sydney spoke up. “How many customers can a flower shop have at once? A handful? Priscilla’s is always packed. Why wouldn’t the Kents have just given up some spots to Miss Priscilla?”

  Uncle Max shook his head. “I don’t know. I try to avoid eavesdropping when Anthony’s in the office.”

  Charlotte spoke up. “I wonder if that’s why Miss Priscilla won’t use Libby’s Blooms anymore for her recital flowers. Did you know that, Savanna?”

  “No! They’re right next door! Why? Just because of some dumb parking spots?”

  Charlotte shrugged. “Libby’s used to supply the flowers, but Priscilla switched to Carson Greenery way out on the highway during the second or third year you girls were in dance there. I always thought it was kind of a smack in the face.”

  “It is,” Savanna agreed. “So, the bottom line is there was some animosity between Libby’s and Priscilla’s.”

  “But that doesn’t mean anything,” Skylar said, playing devil’s advocate. “Animosity doesn’t equal murder.”

  Chapter Twelve