Ripped To Shreds

by Jeanne Glidewell

  * * *

  "Hey, Aunt Rappie! Over here!" Cora called out from across the crowded garage. Story, Wyoming, a town not too far north of Buffalo that fewer than a thousand folks called home, was having a city-wide garage sale all weekend. We'd already been to three places and found nothing of interest. Many of the same people we'd seen at the other sales were now shopping at this one, as well. Clearly, we were all on the same circuit. When I approached Cora, she was holding up a camouflaged box the size of a brick. "Here's what you need!"

  "What is it?" I asked.

  "A game camera!" I'd told her on our way to town about the screeching I'd heard in the forest. "You can attach it to a tree in the woods and get photos of any kind of critter that passes by. The lady who lives here told me it's motion-activated. It takes color photos during the day and infra-red ones at night. Cool, huh?"

  "Yeah, real cool. Except that'd involve actually walking into the woods where a mountain lion might be waiting to stalk me like a newborn moose. No thanks, sweetheart!"

  I had to admit, though, the possibility of capturing a photo of the critter making the spooky sounds was enticing. Unfortunately, at times, my curiosity was stronger than that of our fifteen-pound cat, Dolly. And you know what curiosity did to the cat, don't you? I turned my attention back to Cora as she tried to sell me a game camera that didn't even belong to her.

  "You really need to buy this thing, Aunt Rappie. Take Uncle Rip with you to set the camera up and then check it for photos occasionally. He does own a gun, doesn't he? After all, he was a county sheriff for six or seven years."

  "Ten, actually. But I'd never let him shoot an animal," I said. "Except maybe with his pellet gun, just to scare it off."

  After much debate with Cora, and even more with myself, I decided to invest in a like-new "critter cam". I hadn't planned on spending my entire twenty-dollar wad on only one item, but it was exciting to think about what kinds of critters I might get photos of in the forest. I could feel my enthusiasm mounting.

  Little did I know at the time that my new critter cam would snap a photo of a critter of the two-legged variety; one even more menacing and lethal than a mountain lion.

  Chapter 2

  "Good morning, dear," I said to the middle-aged lady at the counter as I walked into the Rest 'n Peace RV Park's little store. Glancing around, I saw a wall of shelving units with a vast variety of RV supplies displayed on them. The majority of the store was dedicated to toiletries, cleaning products, snacks and food items, and everyday household necessities. The remainder of the store was filled with souvenirs of every kind, from Bighorn National Park t-shirts to cheesy "I stayed at the Rest 'n Peace RV Park" bumper stickers that no one in their right mind would actually affix to their vehicle.

  "If you say so," was the lady's sourpuss response to my cheerful greeting. She looked perturbed, as if someone had slipped a ghost pepper into her breakfast burrito. The biggest part of the burrito remained uneaten on her desk behind the counter.

  I am one of those people who have the annoying habit of trying to brighten the moods of people who appear down, unhappy, or depressed, all three of which appeared to apply to this lady. So, with this noble goal in mind, I said, "I'm Rapella Ripple. It's nice to meet you. My husband and I are really enjoying this delightful campground."

  "Good for you."

  Strike one in my attempt. "And I must commend you on your wonderful shower houses. I'd have to say they're some of the cleanest we've ever encountered."

  "I fired the work camper in charge of cleaning them yesterday. I found her attitude to be disagreeable."

  A bundle of joy like you found the work camper disagreeable? How ironic! I thought, but didn't say.

  Strike two. One more strike and I was giving up on my mood-brightening objective.

  "That's too bad," I said, trying desperately not to come across as insincere as I felt.

  "Yeah, whatever."

  "And what did you say your name was?" I asked in my friendliest phony voice.

  "I didn't," she replied.

  I stood speechless for a few seconds. Most folks introduce themselves when someone makes a comment like mine. So after studying the nametag hanging crookedly from her collar, I took the liberty of introducing the lady to me myself. "Oh, I see it's Bea Whetstone. You must be the co-owner of this lovely park."

  "It's only one syllable, pronounced Bee, not Be-a. It's short for Beata," she informed me as if it was a comment she'd made a zillion times before.

  Beata was an attractive woman, I'd have to admit. She had short blond hair with a lot of red-highlighted strands, pale green eyes, and an unblemished olive complexion. Bea Whetstone was about my height of five-eight and appeared to be in her mid-forties. She had a trim, well-toned physique like her husband, Boonie. And her tan, which I would guess was sprayed on, was very becoming as it contrasted with her itty-bitty white and pink tank top that left little to the imagination. But she wore a frown that took away from what otherwise would have been a classically beautiful appearance.

  "Pretty name for a pretty lady." I forced myself to spit out the compliment. I felt it best not to start out on the wrong foot with the co-owner of the campground in the event I needed a favor from her in the future.

  Rip and I had served as work-campers on numerous occasions in the past. This stay most likely wouldn't be one of those times during which I found myself bored and restless and wanting to offer to help out around the park for a cut on our site fees, or a little extra spending money. For one thing, we weren't staying long enough to make it worth the while. Plus, it might not take this woman long to realize I wasn't always all that agreeable either. Still, I had no desire to burn a bridge I might later want to cross.

  "Thanks! The meaning of the name Beata is blessed," Bea replied, even though I hadn't inquired. She actually sounded amicable and turned her frown upside down for a moment. Her straight pearly-white teeth were on exhibit just long enough for me to recognize the fact she was truly a stunning creature. Super-model material, in fact. But the moment was fleeting and her frown reappeared. It seemed almost as if the mere effort of smiling was painful for her.

  "You don't say!"

  "Or 'the bringer of joy'," Bea added solemnly. I could sense she was very proud of her given name even if its meaning could not have been any less fitting.

  "Why do you go by Bea rather than Beata? Beata's such a nice name. And unique, as well."

  "So is Bea."

  "Yes, of course," I agreed quickly. I hadn't meant to imply otherwise.

  "And it's much easier and quicker when I have to pen my signature," Bea explained.

  "I understand." I didn't understand one iota. If leaving two letters off her signature saved such a significant amount of time for the lady, one would have to assume that when she wasn't busy snarling at customers in her campground store, she was walking the red carpet somewhere, signing autographs for her multitude of fans.

  Being persistent in my effort to improve her disposition, I told her my little anecdote about being scared spitless after hearing the eerie screeching while doing laundry the previous day. I instantly regretted sharing the story with her when she didn't appear to find it amusing—or even interesting, for that matter.

  Unfortunately, I was never one to give up easily. I'd noticed a unique gold tennis bracelet on her right wrist. It was an inch or so wide, and had several gems imbedded in it. I decided to try one last time to bring a smile to her face. "What a beautiful bracelet you're wearing. Real gold?"

  "Of course." Bea's response made it clear she was affronted I'd even suspect otherwise. Although I'd never wear a bracelet with a real diamond the size of the one the bracelet boasted, I decided it'd be a waste of time to ask Bea if it was genuine. I knew the answer would be a scornful "of course".

  "Do the gems represent anything in particular?"

  This time Bea showed a softer side, almost nostalgic, as she explained the significance of the large diamond and two smaller emeralds. "My birthda
y is in April and my twin brothers were born in May. It had been a gift to my grandmother but she gave it to me many years ago. She said wearing it would bring me good luck."

  "Oh, goodness!" I gushed, with much more enthusiasm than the situation called for. "That is such a heart-warming story. Your grandmother must have been a real sweetheart."

  Bea shook her head in denial. "Not really. She was a hateful old shrew. However, this bracelet has seemed to bring me luck nonetheless."

  Strike three. Or was it four? Maybe even five, I thought. Obviously, Bea's apple had not fallen far from the hateful old shrew tree.

  My efforts to brighten her disposition had been futile and I decided to get down to business before the ill-natured woman brought my cheerful mood down to her level. "So, Beata, I'm here to buy a can of pepper spray so I won't be snarfed up by a mountain lion, or not without at least putting up a fight. Boonie told me you sold it here in the store, and I thought carrying some around might ease my anxiety when I'm out and about on the park's grounds."

  "If you say so. It'll be twenty bucks."

  "Twenty dollars? Seriously?" I asked the lady as she reached for her half-eaten burrito. "You're charging twenty dollars for this little can of pepper spray? I saw this exact brand online for just over ten."

  "Then go order some online and get out of my hair so I can enjoy a little peace and quiet while I eat my lunch."

  After her rude remark she took a bite of her breakfast, chewed and swallowed it, and then sneered at me as she added, "Or you can save a few bucks if you'd feel safer carrying around a bottle of Resolve Stain Remover, which we sell here for five dollars. It's very comparable to Shout, you know, and just as effective at fending off wild animals, no doubt."

  I again regretted sharing my story with her and was appalled not only by her mockery, but also that she'd charge her customers five bucks for a bottle of Resolve that they could pick up at Wal-Mart for under three. But I really did want the comfort of having pepper spray with me and didn't want to drive to town looking for another store that'd be apt to carry wildlife repellant. The peace of mind it would give me was worth twenty bucks. Even if, number one: it cost me as much as my new critter cam had; and two: the rather pathetic weapon wasn't likely to do anything but antagonize a hungry mountain lion or a protective mother bear. And a pissed-off lion or bear was ten times more perilous than the threatening animal would have been if you hadn't just sprayed its nose and eyes with the irritant. Still, I was in a blissful state of denial and wanted the pepper spray for what little comfort it would provide me. To be honest, I was also disgusted with myself at how much I was prepared to give for it at that moment.

  "All right, Beata," I said. "I guess you have me over a barrel. I'll have to remember to make a trip to town for any other items we might need while we're here. I always try to be conservative with our hard-earned money and just hate being taken advantage of by opportunistic business owners."

  "Good for you," Bea replied. By this point I wasn't sure which one of us was the more disagreeable. But to my credit, I had valiantly tried to cheer her up and somehow allowed her to cheer me down instead.

  Just then the back door of the shop opened and Bea's husband, Boonie, walked into the store. He greeted me in a friendly manner before informing his spouse he needed money to go fill up a gas can. He told her, "If I don't get the outer perimeter mowed soon I'm going to have to rent a brush hog and baler."

  He was exaggerating, and I laughed politely at his facetious comment and then cringed when Bea replied, "Yeah, whatever. 'Bout time you got off your lazy butt and did something productive 'round here."

  Her spiteful response went in one of Boonie's ears and immediately whizzed out the other like a bullet. Boonie was obviously accustomed to being slighted by his wife because her foul remark didn't appear to affect him. Whistling a popular George Strait tune, Boonie removed a fistful of bills from the cash register and exited out the door he'd come in just a few moments earlier. Before the door closed behind him, with sarcasm dripping off each word, he said, "Always a pleasure to see you too, my love."

  The resentful exchange between the Whetstones left a sour taste in my mouth. Rip and I might not always agree on everything, and what couple did? But even when we did have a difference of opinion, we never treated each other with such blatant contempt. I had to wonder what Boonie had ever seen in this woman. It was feasible her personality had grown more repulsive over the years due to an unhappy marriage. But, if I were a betting person, I'd wager Bea was born with her obnoxious demeanor.

  As I set the small aerosol container on the counter, I remembered Rip had told me to pick up a water regulator while I was at the campground store. The water pressure at our site was extremely high and had a tendency to surge even higher on occasion. Rip was worried it might bust the water lines in our trailer. The ideal range was between forty and fifty pounds of pressure, and this park's water pressure was well beyond those levels.

  Many RV parks had built-in regulators on their main water lines to keep the water pressure consistent at all the sites, but this one did not. I soon learned why not having a built-in regulator was beneficial to this particular business establishment. It became evident to me the Whetstones' retirement account was being substantially funded by the sale of individual regulators when Bea placed the regulator down on the glass counter, and said, "Twenty bucks."

  I studied the shiny brass gadget to see if I could determine why it was so much higher than the previous ones we'd purchased. It seemed to have all the same features, which basically amounted to nothing more than a female hose thread on one end and a male one on the other. We'd never paid more than ten dollars for a water regulator in the past, so naturally I was even more surprised when Bea added, "It's a used one."

  "Twenty for a used one? Good grief! How much is a new one?" I was floored.

  "Twenty bucks."

  Are you freaking serious? I wanted to ask. But I chose to take the high road and resisted the urge to respond angrily.

  "So you're telling me this used regulator is the same price as a brand new one?" I inquired with an unmistakable hint of disbelief in my tone. For a short while I was concerned I might be more in need of hearing aids than my husband, who rarely wore his ultra-expensive pair. He'd purchased them a year after he retired on the premise "he'd never be able to hear what I said to him without them." Clearly, he'd quickly realized he really didn't give a rat's behind what I had to say. After a couple of weeks of routinely utilizing them, he'd tucked them away in his toiletry bag and now only fished them out when we were scheduled to be in the presence of people whose words he really did value. For Rip that was a rare occasion.

  After Bea ignored my inquiry, I asked her again, louder this time. "New and used regulators cost the same here?"

  "Yes. This used one's the same price because it's like brand new." Bea responded without even having the decency to look embarrassed by the highway robbery she was committing. She went on to justify the price. "The Bankstons, from Arkansas, bought it here when they arrived last week and forgot to remove it from the water spigot when they left. Happens on a regular basis. Chances are you'll forget to take this same regulator with you when you head out, too, and I'll resell it here in the store. For twenty bucks." For once, she sounded delighted. A bit too gleeful, in fact.

  I'd have been more offended by her comment if not for the fact it was the exact reason I was in the store requesting a water regulator that morning. Rip had left our last one behind at the Summerlan RV Park in Raton, New Mexico, where we'd stayed overnight on our way to Wyoming. This would be the third regulator we'd purchase in the last year alone. As the lady had said, leaving them behind at campgrounds happened on a regular basis, since they were only used when water pressure was an issue.

  "Wow! You could make a decent living just selling the same handful of used regulators over and over again for twice the price a person could buy a brand new one anywhere else."

  "Yep! It's called capitalism, l
ady. And, in my book anyway, it's also called astute business acumen."

  "We apparently have different tastes in reading material because it's called 'greed' in my book," I countered. "But, once again, you have me over a barrel. We need it to protect the water lines in our trailer because the water pressure here is quite high. Ridiculously high, in fact."

  "Imagine that."

  I made a mental note to ask Rip if he knew whether or not a campground could intentionally raise their water pressure to such a lofty level that their customers would be forced to attach pressure regulators between the campground's spigots and their water hoses to protect their RV's water lines. It would certainly increase the sale of regulators in the campground's store. And Bea Whetstone didn't appear to be above adopting such a lucrative practice. All in the name of "capitalism", of course.

  Even if I had the desire to be taken on as a work camper at the Rest 'n Peace RV Park, my chances had lessened significantly, I realized. And that was just fine with me. I couldn't in good faith charge a customer twenty bucks for a used water regulator, even if I hadn't been the one responsible for its exorbitant price.

  Shaking my head in disgust, I pulled my Mastercard out of a back pocket and waited silently as Bea rang up my purchases on her cash register. She asked, "Before I total this up, do you need any Aqua-Kem? I have the three-packs on sale today."

  "Really?" We were halfway through our last bottle. It'd be nice to restock the holding tank chemical at a reduced price. "How much are they on sale for?"

  "Twenty bucks."

  I gasped. "Does every item in your store cost twenty bucks? Are those twenty-dollar Butterfinger bars on that rack over there next to the chest freezer? Would five postcards cost me an entire C-note?" I smiled as I spoke to appear as if I were only kidding. But I wasn't. I'd be danged if I'd pay twenty dollars for another marked-up product in the Rest 'n Peace RV Park store.

  Beata neither returned my smile or replied to my derisive questions. Instead, she appeared totally indifferent. "Want any or not?"