Murder Breaks the Bank

by Maddie Cochere

  This neighborhood also consisted of bungalow houses. I was so used to rambling around in Glenn’s two-story house, I couldn’t imagine living in a small house like one of these.

  Hmmm. Glenn’s house. If he actually transferred the deed into my name, too, would I stop thinking of it as his house? We were married now, so why did I feel like I should pay him for my half of the house? That was just silly. My money was his money and vice versa. We had joint bank accounts, and the money I deposited this week from selling my house went into our savings account.

  An older woman stepping out of the house next door caught my eye. Utilizing a cane, she made her way down the driveway to her mailbox. On the way back, she stopped to look at one of the envelopes. With her next step forward, she tripped and fell to her knees, dropping her mail. I waited to see if she could get back on her feet.

  “You should try harder to find that heart of yours more often, Jo. You’re not always a very nice person.”

  Pepper’s words rang clear in my mind. She or Jackie would have already jumped out of the car and rushed over to help the woman. My cold heart kept me seated and waiting to see what happened.

  The woman still wasn’t on her feet when I reached her side. I leaned down and held out my forearm for her to grasp. “Here. Let me help you.”

  It only took a second to right the woman.

  “I’m so embarrassed,” she said. “I only took one step without my cane, and that doggone knee of mine gave out on me.”

  I gathered her mail and handed it to her. She took a step forward with her cane and nearly fell again. I slipped my left arm around her waist, gripped her arm with my right hand, and said, “Let me help you inside.”

  “It’s the weather,” she said. “My arthritis is always worse this time of year. I guess I should use my walker instead of my cane when I get the mail.”

  I kept my grip on her until she was seated in what appeared to be her favorite chair in the living room. The well-worn recliner faced an older television set.

  She breathed a sigh of relief before pointing to an open doorway. “Would you be a dear and turn the stove off for me? I have a pan of water boiling, but I think I’ll save my cooking for later.”

  Pepper and Jackie would have offered to do the cooking for the woman, but I honestly didn’t know if I’d have that much time.

  The water on the stove had come to a rolling boil. I switched the burner off and looked around to see what she had intended to cook. If it was something simple like macaroni, I’d offer to fix lunch for her.

  I wasn’t entirely surprised to find freezer bags and a basket of fresh Brussels sprouts on the kitchen table. What did surprise me was that the sprouts were on stalks. I had no idea Brussels sprouts grew on stalks. Other than seeing them as individual sprouts in the produce and freezer sections of the grocery store, I had never given a thought as to how they were grown. I could have made a few guesses, but I never would have guessed they grew on stalks.

  I returned to the living room and perched on the edge of the sofa. “Did you hurt yourself when you fell? Would you like me to call someone for you?”

  She made a pshaw noise. “Heavens no. If I called someone every time this knee gave me fits, they’d have to move in. I’m still young enough to handle a few spills. I take supplements for my bones, and I eat my vegetables. You should, too. It’s never too early to keep your bones strong. You don’t want them going all brittle on you and breaking every time you fall.”

  “I saw you were planning to freeze some Brussels sprouts,” I said.

  “They’re rich in vitamin K, and that’s especially good for bone health. Do you like Brussels sprouts?”

  I tried not to screw my face up at the thought of the one time I tried to eat a few – and the gassy result. “Not really.”

  “Put them in your diet. You’ll develop a taste for them, and your bones will thank you.” She pointed to a Buxley Beacon on her coffee table. “You’re the headline this morning.”

  I nodded. “That I am.”

  “I recognized you right away. That’s why I let you help me in the house. I didn’t think a police officer’s wife would give me any problems.” She glanced at the newspaper again. “Are you the brick bandit?”

  “Of course not,” I said with some indignation. “I’m a private investigator. I was working the vandalism case last night, and Officer Collins decided to take me in on something unrelated. He didn’t have a leg to stand on, so I was released right away, but I’m not as mad at him as I am at the Beacon reporter. It’s a misleading headline.”

  “Not to mention an unflattering picture,” she said.

  She said it with such innocence, I knew she wasn’t making fun of me. I couldn’t help laughing. “The photographer missed my good side.”

  I knew I was pressing my luck by continuing to talk with the woman. Pepper and Jackie could already be in the car wondering what happened to me.

  “By the way,” I said. “I’m Jo Wheeler.”

  “I’m Gladys Buttons. Nice to meet you. At least I think it is.”

  I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow. “Why do you say that?”

  “While I appreciate your help, I couldn’t help seeing you get out of a car in Wally’s driveway. And seeing as you’re a private investigator, I wonder what you were doing at his house.”

  I tried to look innocent. “Me? Nothing. I was sitting in the back seat minding my own business when I saw you fall. I know I would want someone to help my mother if she fell, so I ran over.”

  She looked guilty. “I thought maybe Wally hired you.”

  “Why would he hire me?”

  Her guilty face morphed into frustration. “If you must know, I think he’s called the police a few times about the Brussels sprouts missing from his garden. I’ve seen the patrol cars at his place. I don’t know why he won’t let it go. It’s not really stealing. It’s more like sharing. He grows more than he could ever eat.”

  I reached into my purse, opened the box Pepper had given to me, and pulled out one of my disturbing new business cards. I handed it to Gladys. “He didn’t specifically hire me, but he is talking to my sister and the journalist right now. I’m sure they’ll be paying you a visit soon.”

  Twenty minutes later, I was napping again in the backseat of Pepper’s car.

  I had a crick in my neck when Jackie nudged me awake. We were pulling into the mall parking lot.

  I rubbed my neck. “Geez, you guys, why didn’t you wake me when you got in the car? And what took you so long? What happened with Mr. Kline?”

  Pepper’s voice verged on nasty when she said, “You didn’t want anything to do with the case, so we just let sleeping dogs lie. … You being the dog, of course.”

  “Oh, come on. I said I was sorry. I know I’ve been snapping at you the past two days, but I haven’t been myself. You know that. We’re family. You have to forgive me.” I rubbed my neck harder.

  “I don’t have to forgive you.” She waited a few moments before saying, “But I will. And for the record, you still snore.”

  She popped the lid for the trunk and went back to retrieve the coat. Jackie and I exited the car and stood staring at the old mall.

  “I haven’t been here in ages,” I said. “There’s hardly anyone left.”

  “I know. You can’t even walk around inside anymore. All the remaining stores have outside entrances. The building is going to be demolished in the spring. A developer is going to build condos here.”

  “I remember when this was the first mall in the area. Mama used to bring Pepper, Hank, and me over here for our new school clothes. It was a special treat for us to eat in the food court.”

  The memory of those days caused a wave of love for my family to wash over me. I walked over to Pepper and gave her a bear hug – smelly coat and all.

  She pushed me away, but that didn’t diminish my smile.

  “What’s wrong with you?” she asked.

  “I’m just letting you know I love you,
and I really am sorry you thought I was being mean to you.”

  “You were being mean to me, and I love you, too, but you don’t have to be so demonstrative in public.”

  I looked around. “And who do you think would see?” I broke into a country jig, arms flailing and making hoe-down music sounds.

  My movements caught Jackie off guard. Her eyes flew open wide in disbelief. A few seconds later, she was howling with laughter.

  Pepper couldn’t help smiling even though I knew she was trying not to. “Now I know you hit your head. You haven’t done that since we were kids.” Her eyebrows suddenly shot up and her eyes were bright. “You did that here!” She recalled the memory aloud, “We were getting new clothes for school, and Mama was getting food for us at the food court. Some guy with a guitar was getting ready to play music for the lunch crowd, and you asked him if he could play something to go along with your dance. Then you started that crazy jumping around. By the time Mama got back, there was a crowd, and you had money in a cup.”

  “Jo did that?” Jackie asked. “No way.”

  “Yes, way,” Pepper said. “Hank and I were perfect children. It was Jo who acted up and embarrassed Mama everywhere we went.” She turned back to me. “Boy were you mad when she made you give all the money to the guy with the guitar.”

  “I danced extra hard when people started putting quarters in my cup. I deserved that money.” I almost broke into another jig, but I couldn’t believe I did it the first time and hoped no one had seen. “It’s a good thing I’ve matured since then.”

  “Well, un-mature,” Pepper said. “You were a lot more fun then.”

  “I’m fun,” I said defensively but still with a smile on my face. “Come on. Let’s get your smelly coat appraised.”

  “It’s a Russian sable,” she said with excitement in her voice. “Do you think it could be worth more than a thousand dollars? Maybe they’ll buy it here, and I won’t have to rely on Mama to sell it.”

  “What’s Mama’s commission?” I asked.

  “She takes a listing fee plus forty percent of the sale,” Pepper said. “I told her that was way too much, but she said with online seller fees, storage, packing, shipping, and paperwork, charging any less wouldn’t make it worth her time.”

  “I can see that,” Jackie said. “Matt’s brother had a space in an antique store for a while. He said his online business took most of his time and energy. He hated packing items for shipment.”

  We were now standing in front of Knight’s Furs. Pepper pulled the door, but it didn’t budge.

  A voice came over a small speaker near the handle. “What is the nature of your business?”

  Pepper was flustered but only for a moment. “Uhm. Ahh. Uhm. I have a Russian sable coat I’d like to get appraised.”

  The door buzzed allowing Pepper to pull the handle.

  This wasn’t a store. It was a small closet. A rack with fur coats was to our left. It was a double-decker rack with coats on top and bottom. Before us was a counter with just enough room for one person behind it. The three of us took up the remaining space.

  The man wasn’t cordial. “Show me what you’ve got.”

  Pepper unzipped the garment bag and pulled out the coat. The man instantly pulled a haughty face and frowned. “Mothballs are not the proper way to store fur. I’m not interested.”

  Pepper spluttered, “But, but, but … I know it smells, but it will air out. I’m hoping to find out what it’s worth. I have someone ready to sell it, but I don’t know what to ask. Do you offer appraisals?”

  The man sniffed. “No appraisal necessary. Skunk.”

  Pepper argued with the man. “I know it smells bad, but it’s a mothball odor, not skunk.” I could tell her patience with the man was waning.

  The man shook his head. “The coat is skunk. In words you will understand … the fur is from an animal known as a skunk.”

  “What?” Pepper shrieked. “It’s Russian sable. The people who bought it should know.”

  “Sable is brown. What you have is the black fur from a skunk. This is an American fur. It was made in the thirties. If it were mine, I’d burn it. If you want to resell it in this condition, it’s worth at most one hundred dollars.” He appeared to take a stand. “I’ll thank you to take this odiferous item from my store.”

  Jackie had been making small gurgling sounds the entire time we were in the store. I was so focused on Pepper and the man, I hadn’t looked her way to find out what she was doing. Her sudden, full-blown laughter with snorts cleared up the mystery. The entire exchange between Pepper and the man had struck her funny bone.

  The situation was funny - Pepper getting an expensive fur coat out of the blue, then finding out it was blighted with a mothball smell, then thinking she would be rich by selling it, and then finding out it was basically worthless. The icing on the cake was that it was skunk. American skunk to be exact.

  It only took a second for me to laugh as hard as Jackie.

  The man hit the buzzer on his door and didn’t let go. Pepper was near tears as she shoved the coat back into the garment bag. I wanted to stop laughing and assure her we weren’t laughing at her personally, but with every out of control snort from Jackie, I laughed harder and couldn’t speak.

  Pepper shoved the bag into my arms and stormed out the door. Jackie and I filed out behind her.

  When we were in the car, and Jackie and I had regained control, telling Pepper how sorry we were, she said, “I get it. If this had happened to one of you, I’d be laughing, too. It’s just that it was such a great thing that happened to me not someone else. I was the one who got a free fur coat. At least I’ll be able to get a hundred dollars for it. Oh, wait. Mama will get forty of that. At least I’ll have sixty dollars for my trouble.” She sighed. “Unless I have to spend more money than that to have the smell professionally removed from my house.”

  “Look on the bright side,” I said. “You have to admit your life is an adventure, and this was just one more adventure. You’ll laugh about it later.”

  Seeing her face in the rearview mirror, I saw she attempted a smile for me. “I know. I’ll probably laugh when I tell Buck the fur coat he gave me was skunk. Unless I cry.”

  Poor Pepper. I couldn’t control a few more chuckles. “Tell me what happened at Wally Kline’s today.”

  “He was a really nice man,” Jackie said.

  “He has a lot of laxatives in his medicine chest,” Pepper said. “He prefers suppositories.”

  “Ewww,” I said. “Too much information.”

  “TMI,” Pepper said. “You don’t have to say all the words. Everyone knows TMI means too much information.”

  “How would I know that?” I asked. “I don’t use all that cryptic stuff in texts like you guys do. I could never tell a client he gave me TMI. He’d think I was talking about an STD.”

  Jackie turned her head to smile at me.

  “So?” I continued. “Did he convince you it was his neighbor who was stealing his Brussels sprouts?”

  “He made a good case,” Pepper said. “The garden was his wife’s hobby. When she was alive, she shared what she grew with the neighbors. He keeps a smaller garden now that she’s gone, and he didn’t keep up the tradition of sharing.”

  “But why does he suspect Gladys rather than one of his other neighbors, or an animal, or kids?”

  Jackie answered my question. “Wally asked Gladys out about three months after his wife died. Gladys called him a letch and told him it was too soon for him to be dating. He thinks she copped an attitude toward him and has been stealing his sprouts to teach him a lesson.”

  I smiled. He couldn’t have been further from the truth.

  “I met Gladys while you were talking to Mr. Kline,” I said. “She fell in her driveway. I helped her up and into her house. Did you guys know Brussels sprouts grow on stalks?”

  Pepper’s mouth hung open as she made eye contact with me in the mirror. “You helped her up? You got out of the car and we
nt to someone’s aid?”

  Jackie flashed a smile my way.

  “Yes, Pepper. Yes, I did. I’m not entirely heartless.”

  She shook her head in disbelief before saying, “Brussels sprouts don’t grow on stalks. They’re dug up from under the ground like potatoes.”

  Jackie giggled.

  I made a loud humph noise. “Even I know that’s not a possibility. They’d be full of dirt. I never thought about how they were grown before. I was surprised to find them on stalks in Gladys’ kitchen.”

  Jackie’s smile broadened. “You caught her with the evidence.”

  I nodded my head and fished in my bag for two pieces of paper. I handed one to Jackie. “This is a letter of apology from Gladys to Mr. Kline. She promises to never help herself from his garden again, although she would appreciate his reconsideration of sharing from his bounty.” I then handed the second, smaller slip of paper to her. “And this is a coupon for six jars of strawberry freezer jam when Gladys makes it again next year. She said he always loved it, and it’s her way of paying him back for the Brussels sprouts she’s already taken.”

  Pepper was impressed. “For not wanting to be involved, you solved the case on the first day.” Her look softened. “You really are a good private investigator, sis. I’m glad you’re finally getting your license. You’ve worked hard for it.”

  The soft gooey feeling toward family returned. If she hadn’t been driving, I would have given her another hug.

  Chapter Nine

  “Am I a mean person?” I asked Glenn as he stacked dishes from the dinner table.

  “You? A mean person? No, of course not.”

  “Pepper and I are ok now, but she was really mad at me earlier today. She said I was heartless and mean.”

  He frowned. “Did she use those words? Heartless and mean? That doesn’t sound like Pepper.”

  “She said I wasn’t always very nice and I could find my heart more often.”

  He smiled. “That’s not as harsh as you made it sound.”

  “Maybe, but she was serious.”

  Glenn sat down in the chair next to me. “It’s not that you’re heartless or mean. I think you don’t suffer fools lightly. Have you heard that saying before?”