Bleeding Love

by Harper Sloan

  “My daughter is here, Liam. ”

  “You don’t call me Lee like everyone else, why?” He questions, while ignoring me.

  “You can’t be here,” I say again, my voice wavering with panic. Molly has never seen me with a man. Well, she has, but never one on one like this. Alone in her home. Mainly because I’ve never been on a date much less slept with someone since Jack died. She isn’t ready for this.

  “I told you last night no more games. Knew you wouldn’t make it easy for me, baby, but this right here,” he stopped to point between him and me, “this is me not letting go. I’ll give you last night, even though I don’t like it, I was on shift and you needed some time, space. You didn’t need me breathing down your neck making sure you were okay. Nate did the calling, kept me in the loop. Cost me, staying away from you when every inch of my body was screaming to come and make sure you were okay. Gave you the day and now I’m here. With pizza,” he adds as almost an afterthought.

  “With pizza,” I parrot.

  He nods his head and my anger grows.

  “With pizza!” I shriek.

  “Pizza!” I hear screamed from the other side of my small ranch house and close my eyes in prayer.

  Please, please.

  Maybe she’ll forget she heard that and not come in here.

  Maybe . . .

  Not.

  “Pizza! Yay!” Molly comes bounding in the room and skids to a halt when she sees Liam standing with one hip against the island. “Hi,” she says with a huge smile.

  Liam smiles his knee-melting smile and pushes off the counter. I hold my breath when he walks the few steps over to Molly and drops to her level and holds out his hand. “Hi,” he says softly, his smile getting even bigger and even more knee-melting when Molly places her small hand in his.

  “You came Lee,” she sighs. Even my daughter is easily charmed by that smile.

  Wait. What? He came?

  “Yeah, little lady, I did. Told you I would,” he strangely responds.

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  She giggles, much to my shock, and pumps her small arm up and down to shake his hand.

  “Yup! I’m five. See,” she yells in her youthful glee and pulls her hand from his and holds it inches from his face to show him all of her pink tipped fingers. “Want me to give you a make-up-ver?” She asks with a big smile.

  Liam looks up at me with a smile and a question in his eyes.

  “Baby, Liam doesn’t want you to give him a make-over. He’s got to go. ” I give him a hard glare and hope he gets a hint.

  “Go where?” Molly asks.

  “Yeah, babe, where?” Liam adds with a smile. That damn knee-melting smile.

  “Home. ”

  “Nope. I don’t have to go home. ”

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “See! He said he doesn’t got to go, Mommy! Wanna do a tea party now?” Molly jumps and spins around the room.

  “A word, Liam?” I say through a clenched jaw as I watch Molly turn and grab the doll she dropped when she saw Liam. Making sure she isn’t paying attention to us before I return my focus to the man standing in front of me.

  “No. ”

  “No?” I gasp.

  “Megs, let me be clear here. The only word you want to have is the one that has me leaving and we both know that isn’t what you really want. Listen to me and hear it this time. I’m not leaving. I’m not letting you have weeks and weeks of avoiding me. I’m not giving up. And I’m not stopping until you admit to yourself that you see what we could have between us. ”

  “What . . . what we could have?” I whisper and shake my head.

  “You need some time to come to terms with it, that’s okay, I’ll give you that, but you’re going to have it with me doing everything I can to remind you what this is. ”

  “What this is? We had one night. ”

  He looks at me. His eyes burn brighter and his smirk turning devilish. “Yeah, I’ll give you that one too. But we’ve also been doing the foreplay dance long before that one night that solidified everything I needed to know, baby. What did that one night show you?”

  I open my mouth and snap it shut. What am I supposed to say to that? Logically I can argue that we don’t know each other, well past the biblical sense, but I know him. Just because I’ve done everything I can to avoid him because of what he made me feel during the night I lost myself in his bed.

  Over and over.

  “You have to go,” I breathe, my words coming out a hushed whisper that if it wasn’t for his eyes going soft, I would have sworn he couldn’t hear me.

  “Yeah, that’s the last thing I need to do. Come on, Megs, come pick out some pizza and let’s eat. ”

  With that, he turns, smiles down at Molly and proceeds to charm my daughter with pizza and that damn knee-melting smile.

  “WILL LEE BE HERE WHEN I wake up, Mommy?” Her lyrical voice is tired with sleep but I can’t miss the hopefulness in her eyes.

  “No, baby,” I sigh.

  It’s been Lee this and Lee that for the last three hours. One of which I spent throwing daggers at him across the table while him and Molly chatted about everything and anything and the other two while we watched Frozen, while he held her in his arms and watched every second. I, however, spent the entire movie freaking out while I watched my daughter become enamored with him.

  “But—”

  “Goodnight, my princess. Tomorrow I’ll make blueberry pancakes, okay?”

  She smiles, all thoughts of Liam forgotten with the mention of her favorite breakfast.

  “Love you, Mommy. ”

  “Love you back, baby, to the moon and beyond. ”

  I give her another kiss and turn to leave the room, shutting off the light and closing the door. I rest my head against her closed door for a few seconds before I turn to walk down the hall. Stopping short when I see Liam leaning against the wall at the end of the hall.

  “You need to leave,” I tell him, ignoring the fact that he watched me and my little silent moment of freaking out.

  He doesn’t give me a chance to pass him, his hand sweeping out in front of me and curling around my body before pulling me toward him. My traitorous body sings its joy when his skin touches mine.

  “We need to talk. ”

  I shake my head and narrow my eyes, which just earns me a laugh.

  “Yeah, I can see we need to talk. ”

  “I don’t see what we need to talk about, Liam. We had a night, one night, and I’ll admit it was good . . . what?” I question when his brow shoots up.

  “Good? Baby, that’s all you have for me?”

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  “Well it was. ”

  “Good wasn’t when you came against my mouth the first or third time. Good wasn’t when your thighs squeezed me so hard I might even have bruises months later. GOOD wasn’t when you screamed my name, and baby you did, so damn loud my ears felt that for days. Good doesn’t even come close. ”

  “Well, it was good. ”

  “No, Megs. It was fucking unbelievable. ”

  His words stop me and I—for the first time—really look at him. His nostrils are flaring and his eyes have turned into that gold flecked burning that brought me to my knees, literally. Good lord, he’s serious.

  “It’s Megan,” I say weakly.

  “You felt it,” he presses, ignoring me.

  I shake my head, refusing to give him what he wants.

  He tips his head back and I can see his lips moving.

  “Are you . . . counting?” I question.

  He doesn’t answer right away, but his lips continue to move and he is definitely counting.

  “Why are you counting?”

  His breath comes out and his lips thin. Then to my ever growing frustration, he continues to count.

  “Why are you counting?” I ask, again.

  He continues before looking b
ack down. His eyes hold mine for a few beats before he looks down at my lips before meeting my eyes again. My breath stalls in my throat with the intensity I see in his eyes.

  “I’m counting, Megan, because if I don’t, I’ll take you right here in the fucking hallway. Your baby is right down the hall so that would be a bad idea. I’m counting because I’m trying to have enough patience for the both of us. I’m counting because my damn cock is so hard, I’m not sure how there is any more blood flowing through my body. I’m counting, Megan, because I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life and that frustrates the shit out of me because you either can’t or won’t see it. I need you to see it, baby. I really need you to see. I’m counting because since last night, leaving you when I wanted nothing more than to drag you home where I can keep you safe, I’ve been filled with nothing but worry about how you’re handling everything. I guess you could say I’m counting so I don’t lose my shit. ”

  I’m shaking my head before he even stops talking and he just sighs deeply.

  “Why?” I ask, ignoring the vast majority of what he just said.

  I’m not even sure what I’m asking, but clearly he does, because without letting go he turns and leads me to the living room. He stops at the worn leather loveseat letting me go long enough to settle his body before he reaches out with both hands on my hips and drags me down. My knees hit the seat and my bottom presses against his hard thighs. He moves around until he’s leaning back and pulls both my hands forward. I watch in fascination as he pulls one of my clammy hands toward his chest. My right hand right above his heart. I try to pull my hand away, but he holds strong.

  “Let me tell you something. I’ve been watching you, Megan. You came into our group kicking and screaming, even if you didn’t do it physically, you were resisting all the same. Dani, being all that is Dani, pulled you in and refused to let you go. She has that way about her, always seeing what people need even if they can’t see it for themselves. Months. It took months before I saw you even smile. But I still watched. Watched and waited. ”

  “Waited for what?” I ask, the words coming out as shaky as I feel. His heart beating strong and steady under my palm.

  “For you to see. ”

  I cock my head to the side and wait for him to continue.

  “You saw it that night, baby. And you saw it last night when you went from shivering in fear to a comforting calm just with my hands on your body. I wasn’t alone in that bed, Megan, and I damn sure wasn’t alone last night. ”

  “It was dark,” I say lamely thinking about our night together.

  “Yeah and what I’m talking about is something you don’t need light to see, baby. ”

  Well, now I’m even more confused.

  “You won’t get it right away. Hell, you might not even see it, but you will eventually. I’ve been waiting, Megan and after last night, I’m done waiting. It’s time for me to help you see. ”

  “See what!” I snap.

  “Everything. ”

  That’s it. That’s all he says. He gives me a smirk, his dimple coming out with his knee-melting smile and his eyes burning bright. I sit there like a dead weight on his lap with my hands still against his chest, his heart beating steady under my palm and try to understand his words.

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  “Everything? What is that even supposed to mean?”

  His smirk grows into a smile. One that has my fingers curling into his skin and my thighs involuntarily pressing against his legs to try and ease the pressure building.

  “You’ll see. ”

  “Look, Liam. You’re a nice guy and all that, but I just don’t think you and I are on the same page here. ”

  “Same book, different chapters, baby. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to read fast. ”

  “Ugh! I don’t think you get it. I mean, I tried to be nice about it. It was sex, Liam. Just sex. I needed it, you gave it, and we both got something out of it. Why can’t you just leave it at that?”

  He throws his head back and laughs. I literally stop breathing at the sound. That burn in my gut coming back tenfold.

  A burn that I haven’t felt in so long.

  Feelings.

  He turns his eyes back to mine and smiles when he sees my expression. “Ah, I see you’re starting to understand. ”

  Okay, now I’m getting pissed. I rip my hands from his grasp, instantly missing the warmth of his chest against my palms. I want to kiss him and I want to slap him all in the same breath.

  “You don’t understand, Liam. I can’t . . . I just . . . I can’t do this. ” My nose burns and I can feel the emotion start to climb up my throat, but I beat it down. I try to get up but his hands quickly grab my hips and he pulls me tighter against his lap. “I can’t,” I choke out, once again fighting the emotions from bubbling out.

  “Wrong, Megan. You can, you’re just afraid. ”

  “You’re fucking right, I’m afraid. ” My eyes widen when I realize what I’ve given away. I shake my head and struggle against his hold. His face softens and his eyes don’t leave mine when he lifts his hands from my hips. I scramble off his lap so quick that I lose my balance and crash to the floor. He moves quickly to help me, I hold my hand up and give him the back of my head. “No. Don’t. ”

  “Megs. ”

  “It’s Megan, dammit!” I scream before clamping my lips tight. “Please, it’s Megan. I haven’t been Megs in three years, Liam. I need you to get that if you don’t get anything else. ”

  He doesn’t say anything and when I get the courage, I turn and look him in the eyes from my position on the floor. He’s pulled his body to the edge of the seat and his arm is still outstretched to help me off the floor. His eyes, they’re telling me everything his silence isn’t. He gets it and to my shock it looks as if it hurts him just as much as it hurts me.

  “I can’t be Megs,”

  “All right, darlin'. I understand,” he says softly. “I need you to be honest with me, sweetheart. Please. I get that this is new, sudden and scary for you. You get me when I say I’ve been waiting?”

  I shake my head.

  He sighs, “Can you please let me help you off the floor?”

  I shake my head again and use the coffee table to pull myself to my feet, going to sit on the couch opposite from him instead of the chair next to where he’s sitting on the loveseat.

  His eyes get hard, but as quickly as his frustration was shown, it’s gone.

  “Yeah, I’ll let you have that play, baby. You need to be as far from me as you can to think that will put some distance between us, that’s fine. Won’t work, but I’ll give you that. ”

  “You drive me nuts. ” I tell him honestly.

  “Probably. But I want you to think about it and really think about it and tell me that it’s a feeling you don’t like. ”

  I narrow my eyes, “Who in their right mind would like being driven nuts?” I ask him, my voice growing higher.

  His lip turns up, just the side with that damn dimple, and I harden my gaze. All that earns me is the other side curling up until he is giving me the full force of that smile. Thank God I’m sitting or I would melt in a pile of goo. He smiles at me for a few more seconds before his face grows serious. My chest starts to rise and fall with each breath as he sits there and just looks at me. His dark eyes seemingly see right through me. I curl my arms around my chest and wait. It isn’t until he opens his mouth that I lose every ounce of air in my lungs.

  “You like it because it makes you feel, Megan. ”

  I gasp.

  How? How can he know? How can he have a clue that I, for the first time in three years, felt something other than my love for Molly and I only did that because of him?

  “You’re getting it. I’m a patient man, Megan. I’ve waited for you. Waiting for that person that would make me feel and, baby, I’m ready. You aren’t, but you will be. I just have to make you remember how good feeling is. ”


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  “You don’t know me,” I evade, ignoring his all too accurate nail on the head.

  “I know you, Megan. You’ve been around this group for over a year now. A year of you being in a fog while everyone around you was living. You’ve forgotten what it’s like to live and I’m going to remind you. And while I’m reminding you, all you have to do is feel. Then you’ll get it. ”

  “Get what,” I say softly.

  “Everything. ”

  I open my mouth but close it when he shakes his head.

  “It’s sudden. You don’t get this now, but you will, what feels sudden to you, feels just right to me. I’m not going away, Megan. ” He pushes off the loveseat and walks over to where I’m sitting in shock, and kneels in front of me. “You were going to be mine long before you tripped into my arms at the reception, Megan. You moaned my name as your body greedily sucked my cock dry and I knew you would be mine. And you became mine last night as I held you trembling in my arms. I’ve got all the time in the world to make sure that happens. Sleep tight, I’ll see you in the morning. ” He lifts up, gives me a long look until he sees whatever he’s looking for and before he’s completely standing gives me a kiss on my forehead. “Lock up behind me. ”

  And with that, Liam walks out the front door.

  I rush forward when the door closes and turn both the locks before I turn my back to the door and slide down until my ass hits the floor. Looking across the entryway, my eyes take in the pictures that are sitting on a small table across from the door. Right there is a picture of Jack holding a newborn Molly. I look into his handsome face, his bright blue eyes and black hair shaved close to his head, and let the sob that had threatened earlier bubble up.

  It’s time, Megs.

  I close my eyes tight when I hear his voice filter through my mind. Shaking my head back and forth as the tears fall rapidly.

  He’s right. You need to feel again, Megs.

  My eyes clamp tighter.

  I miss him. My Jack. My best friend.

  It’s time, Megs.

  The voice repeats.

  I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them.

  It feels wrong, after everything that Jack had done for me, to feel this way for Liam. It shouldn’t feel like guilt, but it does. I’m still here when Jack is gone. I’m still breathing when he gave his life for me.

  He’s right. It’s time. I need to take this final step and open myself up to live again.