Bleeding Love

by Harper Sloan

  “Dani, she’s afraid to feel. Don’t you get it? She lost her husband and you and I both know that’s the biggest issue here. She was alone long before Cohen and Chance dragged her into our group and even then she was alone until she let you in. Tell me, has she let any of the other girls in?” I wait until Dani gives me a sad smile. “I didn’t think so. She might talk to the girls, but you’re the only one that she’s let in. ”

  “That doesn’t mean much, Lee. She might have let me in, but she still won’t really talk to me. Not about anything major. I’ve tried. I know her and Jack were close, like we are close, they had a friendship long before they got married, but past that she doesn’t talk about him. I know she didn’t have a good childhood—or hell, life before her and Jack got married. No details though. Nothing past the basics. ”

  Jesus, this is going to be harder than I thought.

  “One step at a time. First things first, she has to remember what it feels like to be alive, Dani. ”

  “What? What the hell does that mean?”

  I smile and I know Dani can see my determination because she gives me one of her own. “Now I bring her back to life. One day at a time. ”

  “You’re crazy. ”

  “Nah, more like determined. ”

  “Well, what’s this grand plan entail?”

  “What’s the best way to feel alive?”

  “Lee, I don’t think you can just have sex with her every time you see her. Things might get sticky . . . no wait, that’s a bad word for it. Gross. ” She makes a gagging noise and wrinkles her nose up.

  “Shut it,” I laugh. “Not quite, however when that comes she definitely will remember how alive she is. No, I’m thinking more like doing things that make her heart pound. She needs to feel and as much as I can’t wait to have her in my bed again, that’s going to have to wait. Unfortunately. ”

  “You won’t last a week. ”

  “Dani, I’ll last a lot longer than a week. I had her one night, I know it’s worth the wait. ”

  She just smiles before pulling a piece of paper from her purse and a pen before turning back to me. I watch as she writes in her neat handwriting, Feeling Alive, and draws a line under it. “Let’s go, big boy. Let’s make a list of all the ways you can make Megan feel alive. ”

  Page 25

  I laugh and before I know it, we’ve filled up the whole damn sheet and Dani stands to leave. I look down at our list and smile.

  “You’re going to have one hell of a fight on your hands here, Lee,” she says and wraps her arms around me in a hug of support.

  “Yeah, but it’s one worth fighting. ”

  She gives me a squeeze and mumbles, “I’m here if you need me. ”

  “Thanks for today, Dani. Go get home to your boys before Cohen comes kicking my door in. ”

  After walking Dani out, I head over to my cell and pull up an empty text screen. I send what I need and with a smile I head to the living room to catch up on Sports Center before bed.

  I SAVED THE DOCUMENT I had been working on when my phone chimes. Molly crashed early, so I had been working for a little while before bed. It wasn’t often that I got to work before the late hours, so I was soaking it up while I could. One plus about being an author, I set my own hours. Of course the flip side of that, with each release, it was a little bittersweet because I didn’t have anyone to share those moments with.

  My phone chimes again and I’m reminded of the text that came through earlier.

  Unknown: Your house. Tomorrow. Noon.

  What in the world?

  I run through my mind who could possibly be texting me when my phone goes off again.

  Unknown: Don’t ignore me. I’ll find you.

  A shiver runs through me.

  Me: Who is this?

  Unknown: Lee, baby.

  I drop my phone and listen as it clatters against my desk. Liam. My God, he doesn’t give up. I pick up my phone and without much thought, program him into my phone.

  Me: I’m busy.

  Liam: Don’t lie, darlin', we both know you aren’t busy. Molly will be in school so don’t use her as an excuse either. It’s my last off day and WE have plans. Night, doll.

  Me: I won’t be here.

  Liam: Then I’ll find you.

  Me: Liam . . .

  Liam: Megan . . .

  I ignore him. If I continue with this bazaar game he seems to be playing then I’ll just encourage him. I turn my attention back to my computer when my phone chimes again. I spend a few seconds telling myself not to look. Just ignore it. My willpower lasts all of five of those seconds and when a reminder chime goes off, I snatch the phone up and I can’t help the smile that slowly tugs my lips up.

  Liam: Sweet dreams, darlin'.

  I don’t respond. I don’t acknowledge the warm feeling that covers me like a blanket either. But I also don’t stop smiling until long after those sweet dreams he told me to have had taken over.

  Each and every one of them included Liam Beckett.

  “Mommy! I want to wear the white ones,” Molly whines and points to her dress shoes.

  “Baby, not today. Let’s wear those when you get home from school. The last time you wore them you had blisters. Remember how bad you said your feet hurt?”

  She wrinkles her little button nose and her smile drops.

  “How about when you get home we can put on a fashion show? We can both wear our pretty shoes. ”

  Just as quickly her mood changes and a big smile takes over her adorable face.

  “Kay!” she screams and leaps up to wrap her arms around my neck, causing me to lose my balance from where I had been hunched down to pull her shoes out of the hall closet.

  We both land and laugh before I climb up and finish getting her ready for school. By the time we leave the house we’re already running ten minutes behind. I try not to pay too much attention to how beautiful my yard looks now that Liam spent yesterday morning giving it some much needed attention. I definitely don’t look at the fence on the side of the house that now doesn’t look like it is about to fall apart. I most definitely don’t look at my now weedless flowerbed and its addition of a wide variety of new flowers he planted yesterday in a rainbow of colors. Nope. I don’t notice any of that. And I for sure don’t have a huge grin on my face as I drive away from my now perfect yard.

  After I drop Molly off at school, I head to the grocery store to get a good shop in while I don’t have an energetic five year old with me. The last time she was with me at the store, she very loudly told me and everyone around the freezer section how her ‘gina’—what she calls her vagina—got cold when I opened the door to get some ice cream. That’s my Molly. No filter at all.

  By the time I finish up my shop it’s only nine so I rush home and unload before heading back out to run some errands. Errands I really don’t need to run.

  My plan is to stay as busy as possible. I have to pick up Molly at two thirty, so I have a lot of time to kill. So I do what every woman does when you need to kill a few hours, just walk into a Target. You could probably lose a decade of your life in one shopping trip, not to mention spend enough money to need a second mortgage. That store, it’s my crack.

  Page 26

  The last time I looked at my watch, while browsing through their book section and peeking for my own—and finding it—it was almost eleven. Two hours so far spent shopping for stuff I don’t need, but now don’t know how we got along without them. I mean everyone needs wine sippy cups, right? Well, probably not, but they were cute. I just need one more hour and I can start my ride home. Surely Liam will know I’m serious when he shows up and I’m not there.

  I turned the corner to take me to the movies and stop dead. Leaning against the new release section with that damn knee-melting smile lighting up his face, is Liam.

  I don’t move. My full to bursting cart acting as my lifeline and guard against him. He shov
es off and starts toward me, but I back up and move the cart toward him to stop his progress. His smile grows.

  “Hey, darlin’. ”

  My mouth waters as his deep voice hits my ears. Not to mention I can feel my sex clenching in want.

  “You see, I’m not a stupid man, Megan. I didn’t think you would continue to play games though, but that’s okay—I’ve always loved to play. Especially when I can take my time and make sure every single move counts. ”

  Surely he didn’t mean that as dirty as it sounded? Right? Something tells me that he knows exactly what his words made me think though, because that smile of his hits a level that is just downright sinful. My knees don’t just melt, my whole body does.

  “Do you want to play games, darlin’?” he asks, sidestepping the cart and pulling my hands from the handle. “I think you would love the kind of games I have in mind. ” He whispers and leans down. His hands come up and his warm palms frame my face, his fingertips pushing into my hair and he tilts my head up so I’m looking at him. “I would love to show you some of my games, baby. I guarantee you’ll be screaming my name again before the day’s over. ” My mouth drops open and I gape at him as he gives me a wink. His eyes never leave mine as he lowers his head and gives me a bruising kiss.

  I don’t say a word when he pulls away, all sense of thinking has dried up with that kiss.

  “Come on, let’s get you checked out. Game time, baby. ”

  Games? Oh. Shit.

  Of course, Liam doesn’t allow me to pay. Which causes a good five minute standoff in the checkout lane that ends, with him snatching my card right out of my hand with a wink before swiping his own.

  He grabs my hand and pushes the overflowing cart with his other, and drags me to the parking lot.

  “I’m parked over there, Liam. ” I snap, pointing in the direction of my car.

  “I know where you’re parked. As soon as we get to your house I’ll have Nate meet me there to get your keys. Don’t worry, darlin’, when we get done, your car will be safe in your driveway. ”

  “What?” I fume.

  “You heard me, Megan. Help me out here without throwing too much of that sexy attitude and let’s get these bags in the cab. ”

  The shock of his actions only adds to the fury his determination has sparked in me. I can’t remember the last time I wanted to choke someone at the same time wanting them to take me against their truck. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much raw energy.

  “You make me so angry. ” I tell him and he oddly smiles at my words.

  “Good. ”

  “Good? You want to make me angry?”

  He turns and looks at me. My feet braced apart like I’m gearing up for a fight and my hands fisted at my hips. I’m sure my face is the mirror image of a raging bull.

  “Darlin’, angry is the last thing I want you to be. But, as far as I can see I’m doing something right because you, babe, are feeling something. ”

  “Huh?”

  “You’ll get it soon and once those light bulbs click on I hope to fuck you’ll let me show you how beautiful being alive can feel. ”

  He leans over and gives me a kiss against my cheek and with a smack to my rear, he turns and continues to throw my bags in his truck.

  With no other choice, I climb into the passenger seat and ignore him while he finishes up. He takes the quickest route back to my house and as I’m slamming the door he laughs before speaking again.

  “Darlin’ go put on something old. Something you don’t care to get a little dirty. ”

  I look over at him and roll my eyes before stomping up the path to my front door. Before I open the door, I notice the perfectly pruned rose bush and my anger dissolves a few notches. Not completely, but hey he did spend four hours working on my yard yesterday, he can’t be all that bad.

  Page 27

  Tossing my purse on the kitchen counter, I spin and have every intention in ignoring his request, but as he walks in the door, dropping the bags softly on the kitchen table, he turns and gives me a wink.

  “Come on, Megan. Unless you want me to get you undressed myself. Something tells me we wouldn’t make it out the door if that happens and I would hate to lose our appointment time. ”

  I sigh, “I have things to do, Liam. ”

  “Like what?”

  “Work. ” That should work. You can’t argue with someone that needs to work.

  “Babe that can wait. ”

  “No it can’t. ” I argue.

  He steps forward.

  I back up.

  His smile grows.

  My frown deepens.

  “What do you need to work on that can’t wait a few hours?”

  “Stuff. ”

  He throws his head back and booms out a laugh. I notice my mistake the second his eyes look behind me into the formal dining room. I woke up this morning before Molly to get some paperbacks signed from online orders. I had them all lined up with their invoices neatly tucked into each book. There were, if I remember correctly, twenty-seven individual books lined up on the dining room table, eight more piles of series book orders and that doesn’t even count the piles that I had yet to personalize and tag with their shipping information.

  All my books. The secret life that I’ve been able to keep from everyone since Jack had passed away. The part of me that I didn’t share with anyone anymore—exposed.

  I close my eyes and wait for the questions. I wait and wait, my eyes clamping tighter with each passing second. When he doesn’t speak I lift my eyes and look where he was standing, only to come up blank. My heart speeds up and a cold like fear seeps through my veins.

  Oh, God.

  With a deep breath, I turn, and watch in horror as he lifts one of the unsigned books out of a box I had sitting on the floor in the corner. His eyes take in the cover, a simple dark shaded cover with a heart broken in two with ashes falling from the center. Bleeding Love imprinted in a beautiful font that doesn’t quite match the darkness of the cover.

  And my pen name, Megan Sands, like a freaking neon sign right there on the front.

  He still doesn’t speak, running his fingers over the cover before turning the book and reading the back. I know what he’s reading. I wrote that book when I was at my darkest point. It was the one and only book that I wrote the year that Jack died. In a way, it was the only thing, besides Molly, that kept my head above the water. It was through that book that I was able to find some sort of healing peace with the loss of my husband.

  I let my love for Jack bleed out between the loss and redeeming love that the main character, Mia, found when she was faced with a tragic loss of her own husband. I let my mind drift over the plot of Bleeding Love and it isn’t until I think of the name of the hero that my gaze snaps up to Liam’s. How could I have forgotten? Someone up there must be having a field day with my life today.

  Mia found her peace with her white knight . . . Liam.

  God, shoot me dead now.

  Liam, still holding the book, opens his mouth to speak but closes it before his words are formed. I wait, knowing they have to be coming.

  I watch in shock as he gently places the book back in the box, letting his fingers linger over where my name is printed, before he walks over to me. His eyes are swirling with questions but he doesn’t voice a single one. He takes my face—his fingers lingering over where I had been held by that douchebag last night—between his hands and bends to place a light kiss against my lips. When he pulls back, his eyes haven’t lost a single ounce of intensity.

  “Liam,” I whisper.

  “Yeah, baby. We’re going to get there. ”

  I frown and he leans forward to kiss the crease between my brows.

  “A love worth having, is worth fighting for. ”

  I gasp when I recognize the quote from the back of Bleeding Love and I feel my eyes grow wet.

  “Go get changed, darli
n’,” he whispers.

  As raw as I feel right now, I don’t even fight him. I turn, walk down the hall to my room, and grab an old pair of jeans to pull on with one of my paint tank tops.

  Liam doesn’t say anything when I return to where he’s standing. He takes a look at my outfit before giving me a small nod. “Nate’s waiting outside for your keys, grab them for me, babe. ”

  I mutely dig in my bag and hand over my keys. Liam doesn’t say anything just turns and walks out the front door. I stand there and look around the room and take in all of my books lining the small area. There is no way he doesn’t know they’re my books. How can he not have questions?

  Page 28

  “Here, throw this on. ” He tosses a Hope Town Police Department hoodie at me and waits for me to listen.

  “Isn’t it a little warm for this?” I ask, looking down at the big HTPD block letters across the front.

  “You can thank me later,” he oddly responds.

  “Uh, right. ” I jam my head into the hoodie and feel my pulse race when his scent floods my senses.

  After I’m dressed, he waits for me to set the alarm and lock up, leading me back to his truck, opening my door before making his way to the driver’s side.

  “Can I get a clue?” I ask meekly.

  “Just go with it. Promise me though; if for one second you aren’t having fun, tell me. And darlin’,” he pauses waiting for me to give him my full attention. “Just feel,” he oddly says.

  I don’t respond. I keep quiet until we pull into the local paint ball center. He parks in the lot and kills the engine. I take in the building, surrounded by a tall fence and look back to Liam.

  “Step one, even when you feel pain you can be having the time of your life. You don’t have to let that pain be the only thing you feel. The fun in paintball is all in the game. Take that pain and remember, it’s only temporary and when you get to the end, the only thing that’s left is some colors on your skin that help you learn how to play the game better. ”

  “What game?”

  “The game of life, darlin’. ”

  “You make no sense. ”

  “Like I said, it will make sense soon darlin’, and I can’t wait for you to get it. ”

  He drops out of the truck and walks around to my door. I wait for him and we walk into the center, his hand never leaving mine for a second.