Would They Miss Me

by Anne Lown

  “I was scared.” What else could she say? At least those words were true.

  “Well, we can’t go back to the party like this. People will wonder what we’ve been up to.”

  “I think I want to go home.”

  Jason nodded, his shadow moving in the darkness. “I’ll just get my records first, then I’ll walk you home.”

  Annalise got up and stood in her wet clothing, her hair plastered to her head. She felt a mess, but what could she do? She allowed Jason to lead her from the pond and through the trees to the lane heading to the village hall. Hopefully, he wouldn’t take long, and she could go home to get ready to leave Chapel End for good.

  Chapter Seven

  Annalise stopped on the path after they’d crossed the lane. She observed the door they’d gone through earlier in the evening. It stood wide open, but there was nothing inviting about it. Her breathing was shallow and rapid, and she still trembled from shock. Jason had gripped her hand from the duck pond, encouraging her to return with him. He thought she didn’t want to go inside because of how wet she was. If only that were true.

  He had to collect his records, it wouldn’t take him long. “Wait here, I’ll be back in a minute.”

  She watched him disappear into the hall. Annalise was shaking. She clasped her hands to her chest, elbows tight at her sides. The sound of her teeth chattering irked her, pain already settling in her jaw. She stood near the door and leant against the wall, her head grazing the rough brickwork. Water still dripped from her hair. She squeezed it out for the fifth time, until there was barely any left.

  Not wanting to be seen, she slipped around the side of the building, but she’d left it a moment too late. A creeping sensation clawed up the nerve endings in her back and into her neck, her shoulders jittering in response. Someone was behind her, cornering her from help.

  “You didn’t answer me earlier. What did you take from the kitchen?” Mr Selby waited for her to speak.

  Annalise looked past him, wondering how long Jason was going to be. She didn’t want to get stuck outside with this awful man. Her leg muscles tightened. She wanted to flee, but he was blocking her exit.

  Did Martin tell him what he’d just done at the pond?

  Mr Selby made no mention of the state she was in. It was as if it hadn’t happened. There wasn’t an ounce of compassion in his face.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  She tried to walk around him, but he sidestepped into her path. Annalise stopped short, not knowing what to do. The sound of a latch being lifted behind her caught her attention. The gate Martin had pulled her through and was locked from the inside, swung open. A few young people strolled through the gap; they hadn’t failed to notice her appearance. They stared and made comments in the way teenagers do. Annalise took the chance to get among them and was swept along back to the road. Waiting for Jason was no longer an option, so she decided to head home.

  Other people peppered the streets, some coming back from the pub and others arriving from Bishop. Annalise did her best to avoid them, not wanting to deal with anyone gawping at her. Her neck ached from the growing bruises. She rubbed at it, but that just made it worse. She’d have to tend to it in the bathroom mirror when she got home.

  The lights were on in the house. She gingerly approached her front door, hoping to sneak up to her room without her mother noticing. It was not to be. Annalise turned around from gently securing the latch. The living room door opened, and Frank stood in the doorway, his sneer changing to shock when he saw her.

  “What the hell have you been up to?”

  Annalise froze at the end of the hallway, not knowing what to say, but caught like a deer in the headlights.

  “Where’s Mum?”

  He nodded towards the ceiling. “In bed, where you should be.”

  Frank licked his lips. She recoiled, understanding his intention. It was too dangerous to stay. She’d have to leave and come back later when he, too, was asleep. Annalise grabbed her mother’s winter coat from the pegs by the door. She was so cold it’d be a relief to wrap herself in something that could warm her.

  Annalise turned back to grab the latch and released it. The door was swinging towards her when a hand slapped hard on the wood and slammed it shut.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  She caught her breath, not wanting to look at him. Her chin quivered. “Jason’s outside, he’ll be angry if I keep him waiting.”

  “It’s about time you got rid of that loser. Nothing good’s going to come of him.”

  “Don’t say that, it’s not true.”

  She found the nerve to push past him and strode into the kitchen, shutting the door behind her. Once out of sight, Annalise ran to the back door and quietly opened it. She closed it quickly, hoping it’d be a minute or two before Frank realised she’d gone out the back way.

  The fence at the bottom of the garden was made of low wire mesh to stop the wildlife getting in. She held on to one of the wooden posts to climb over it with the aid of an upturned bucket, balancing her foot on the top wire and jumping down the other side.

  She left the alley that graced the bottom of all the gardens and headed towards Jason’s uncle’s house. Annalise hoped Jason would find her there if she hung about long enough. Maybe she could wash off the pond water in his bathroom. She gathered the coat around her—it’d taken on a dampness that was no longer warming.

  Damn that man, I could’ve changed my clothes.

  Annalise sat on the wall outside Jason’s home. There were fewer people on the streets than before. She hunched her shoulders and stroked her arm, daydreaming of the new life she’d have, in a place where people liked her. A tear trickled down her cheek. Jason was the one thing she wished she wasn’t leaving behind.

  Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t notice something coming down the street until a car slowed nearby, the ticking of the engine alerting her to the possibility of someone not trying to park their vehicle. She glanced up to see two men from the village hall.

  Annalise leapt from the wall and ran in the opposite direction. The car engine behind her let out a roar, the tyres screeching their resistance on the tarmac. She pumped her arms by her sides, the coat flapping out behind her.

  Please, no!

  The motor was gaining ground but came to a sudden halt. The brakes complained, and a car door slammed as she sprinted between two houses and into the recreation ground beyond. Feet slapped the pavement in her wake—the man wasn’t far behind.

  She flailed her arms, spinning about in her panic to work out where to go. She couldn’t stay on the path, the streetlights would give her position away. She needed to hide, but where?

  The cricket hut hunkered down in the shadows of the wooded land on its other side. Annalise raced across the grass and into the darkness, hoping to reach it before she was seen. The blister on her heel meant she had to hobble part of the way. She didn’t dare glance back, it was all she could do to stop herself from whimpering, the sounds from her mouth appearing louder in the silence.

  She grabbed the far edge of the hut and swung herself out of sight, her feet skidding on the grass. Annalise pressed her back to the wooded boards, her chest heaving with her gasps for air. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend she was safe, but she knew she wasn’t. Slowly, she peered around the side of the building, knowing the shadows hid her from view.

  The man stood on the path. He leaned forward, scrutinising his surroundings and trying to see past the sodium glow from the streetlights. She knew he couldn’t see her, but that didn’t stop him coming to check if she’d gone in this direction. Annalise pushed away from the hut and headed for the woods, being careful where she put her feet. Her hands outstretched in front guided her between the trees. She’d been in there many times before so knew what to expect.

  She inched her feet along the ground, trying not to snap any twigs. It slowed her progress, but if he heard her she might as well call out his name. B
ranches scratched her face and tugged at strands of her drying hair. Eventually, she stopped to listen, holding her breath to hear better. She could hear him on the other side of the trees, his voice trying to coax her out.

  In a bid to hide where she was, Annalise sat. Nettles on the ground stung her legs. She clasped her hand over her mouth to stifle a gasp, trying to endure the sensation of being attacked by a hoard of angry ants from the hollow hairs of the plants digging into her skin.

  She blinked more tears, screwing her eyes shut to block out the growing intensity of the sting. Annalise needed to move, get up and out of the nettle patch, but the man was still there. She pinched the back of her hand, more pain radiating through her nerve endings, but it was one she could control. It drew her mind away from the torment.

  Please go!

  Annalise opened her eyes and listened. She squinted and searched the shadows through the trees. Nothing seemed to move. She would have sat there longer, waiting to make sure he’d truly gone, but she couldn’t. The prickle over her skin propelled her to her feet. She hopped from one foot to the other out of the nettle patch and leant against a tree. She rubbed furiously at her shins, intensifying the pain and yelping in response.

  The musty smell of rotten eggs from her damp clothing filled her nostrils. She needed to change what she was wearing. Annalise stood and sucked in cleaner air between her teeth. She couldn’t stay like this; her legs needed attention, too. There would be ointment in the bathroom cabinet at home.

  Her mind was made up. She’d skirt the recreation ground and head for home. By the time she got there, Frank might be asleep. She’d wait outside until the lights were off and then sneak back in. At some point she needed to get her rucksack, it could easily be now.

  Annalise listened again. She was sure the man had gone. His chance to catch her hadn’t worked out, so it was unlikely he’d hang about in the dark on the off chance he’d find her. She crossed her fingers on both hands, a silly thing to do, but right this minute she needed all the luck she could get. Slowly, she shuffled along the ground in the same fashion she’d done on the way in. Part of her couldn’t quite believe she was alone, not wanting to risk getting caught. Her outstretched hands bumped against the tree trunks, guiding her back the other way.

  She stood on the edge of the woodland, darting her gaze to anything she thought was a movement or sound. There was no one there; it looked like she was finally free of him. She hopped out from the last of the undergrowth and planted her feet firmly on the grass. If she stayed in the shadows far from the lit path, she had a hope of getting to the other side nearer home.

  With nothing around her to give any sensory cues, heat stung the backs of her eyes. The tears prickled as they forced their way into her tear ducts and onto her cheeks. There was a sour taste in her mouth, and her chin quivered, a whimper escaping from her.

  Could things be any worse?

  She shook her head; this point was the lowest she’d ever been. Why the hell she was bothering to carry on, she didn’t know. Even when she’d sliced at the flesh on her arms, she’d been trying to change how she felt. Causing herself pain that was of her own making and something she could control. It had helped for a while, each time distracting her mind from the real source of her torment, but even though the scars healed, the torment remained.

  Annalise noticed her right hand; the thoughts of the scars had her absentmindedly rubbing the freshest wound. Since she’d been in the water the skin had itched. No doubt an infection was setting in. She needed to give the site a clean and apply some of the cream she still had from her last doctor’s visit. He knew she cut herself and tried to be kind, offering her the number for the mental health services in his bid to help. She would have to refer herself if she wanted to use them. The thought of talking to more adults had filled her with fear, so she’d thrown the number away instead.

  A new life is what I need, that can’t be had in this village.

  A movement over by the path caught her attention. She hadn’t been sure at first if she’d really seen something, but while standing stock still and holding her breath, she’d noticed it again. Slowly, the face of a fox slid into the lamplight, sniffing the ground, paws poised to run if need be. Annalise didn’t move, not wanting to scare the creature away. If someone was still hanging around, they would have seen it, too, and might wonder what had made it run. It was a chance she wasn’t willing to take.

  The surprise came when the fox lifted its head and stared straight at her. Her eyes bulged, shock contracting her muscles. It knew she was there. She turned her head, flitting her gaze in every direction. The fox had just given away her position, and she needed to move.

  Her feet pounded the solid mud beneath the already dried-out grass. She ran, the long coat flapping out behind. Her vision picked up nothing in front of her, so she had to hope she could find her way from memory and not collide with anything in her way. To her right was the gentle sound of running water. A small river ran through the village and down to the valley below. Currently, it was a pleasure to walk past, the dry spell reducing the force of its flow. In the winter it was a torrent to fear, gushing with rage, damaging anything that fell in and sweeping it away.

  Annalise slowed as she approached it, not wanting to lose her footing and fall in. Not that it would be such a bad thing, because the need to wash the stinking pond scum from her body was overpowering. She glanced about. It seemed like she was alone. Maybe she was. Did she dare to strip off and take a dip in the water? It would mean her having to return home just wearing the coat. Waiting a few moments, she listened for any other noise, but there was nothing there.

  She trod carefully towards the edge of the river, aware its banks were a gradual decline to the riverbed. While keeping a lookout for anything that would change her mind, she slid out of the winter coat and folded it neatly. It was put in its own pile. There would be no need to add the other clothes to it because she wasn’t going to put them back on. One by one, the other garments were removed and placed a short distance away, so they didn’t get mixed up or lost in the dark.

  Annalise stood naked on the riverbank. A slight breeze caressed her skin, lifting goosebumps and hairs. Again, she turned in every direction, listening intently, trying to see if something moved, her coat at her feet and ready to be put on in a hurry. She heard and saw nothing.

  The foliage on the descent clawed at the soles of her feet, digging in and scratching the delicate skin. She ignored the pain from sharp stones and the lumps of dried mud crumbling under her weight. Annalise slipped, hitting the deck with a bump. Now low to the ground, she crouched so she could guide herself with her hands on the earth behind her. She stretched out her legs one at time, crawling down the embankment like a crab, her bottom grazing the terrain.

  The first sensation of the cold water licking her toes had her retracting them on impulse. She was going to have to be brave. It was no different to her falling into the pond, except this time she was in charge. She could stop herself going in too deep and get out all by herself. The quicker she got the deed done, the sooner she could put on the coat and warm up. Annalise forced herself to bear the shock, sliding her legs in first, allowing the water to rise up her torso and over her shoulders. She kept her head up, the thought of water lapping over her face again a memory she didn’t want to recreate.

  Or did she? It would be so easy to sink beneath the surface. To breath out and feel the water enter her lungs. With no one around to rescue and revive her, if she gave in she wouldn’t survive. To live or to die? The thought of letting go felt like the least painful of the two. Once it was over she’d be gone. There would be no more torment, no one could hurt her, and the suffering would end. It was tempting. But then so, too, was the lure of the new life away from the village. Surely, she should give it a try, a last-ditch effort to take her life back and make it what it should have been all along. Her friend in the outside world was waiting for her. If nothing else happened to her before she left, then she de
served that second chance.

  It was a relief to smell the earthy scent and feel the gritty texture of the water swirling past her. She leant her head back, rinsing her hair in the flow. She reached one hand out and hung on to the branch of a low-hanging bush, swishing the strands free with the other to release the dirt it contained. Finally, Annalise felt clean. At least, better than she’d done before she’d entered the river.

  Now it was time to get out. She still clung on to the branch with her left hand. She used it to pull herself towards the bank, her feet gliding just above the muddy surface. It was tougher getting out than she’d expected. She used both hands to haul herself up the slope, grabbing each branch in turn to aid her progress. Halfway up her foot slipped, and she landed with a thud, her knee colliding with a large stone. She yelped, the noise escaping from her mouth before she had a chance to stop it. Loose, dry mud stuck to her damp skin, the effort to be clean destroyed in one fall. She struggled back to her feet, feeling the bits of twig and dried leaves that had also transferred.

  Annalise took a moment to collect her herself and steady her nerve. She would soon be at the top of the slope where the coat was waiting. From here she took each step slower, determined not to fall over again. It worked. The top of the embankment appeared, and she leant forward to grasp at the flat earth and heave herself over the rim. She was almost there when a hand took hold of her arm. The strong grip dug into her biceps, the pain radiating down to her hand. She would’ve screamed, but her breath caught in her chest and wouldn’t come back the other way. She widened her eyes. She didn’t know what to do.

  Her body was yanked forward, her feet and free hand scrabbling on the ground with the motion of being dragged. Now on to the level of the recreation ground, Annalise stood naked next to her captor. She hadn’t a clue who they were. Was it the man from the car or his accomplice? Surely Martin hadn’t managed to follow her again? She pulled her head away and turned her face in the other direction, searching her surroundings for a chance of safety. There was none to be had. Tears streamed down her face, her mind not wanting to go to the places it had already been, the words from the book she’d found playing like a movie and giving her a foretaste of what was to come.