Taking It All

by Maya Banks

  “I’ll wait outside,” Damon said, leaving unsaid the fact that he’d wait to see if Chessy changed her mind about wanting him to see to her ride from The House. But it was implied in his tone.

  As soon as Damon left the room, Chessy allowed the blanket to fall loosely away but hunched forward protectively as if she didn’t want Tate to see her. Tate immediately turned her on the sofa, swearing softly when he saw the welts on her back. There were already bruises forming at her hips where the asshole’s hands had gripped her.

  “How far did he take things?” Tate asked hoarsely.

  She shrugged indifferently. “Far enough.”

  He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Chessy pinned him with the weight of her stare, her eyes accusing and utterly devastated. “Oh, I’m sorry, Tate. Have I annoyed you? How selfish of me that I’m not giving you my full attention.”

  The heavy sarcasm in her voice made his heart sink. Self-loathing filled him, brimming in his heart until hatred was a living, breathing emotion in his soul. He was utterly sick at heart, knowing full well that he didn’t deserve forgiveness for what he’d done. For what he’d allowed to happen to her.

  She got up, moving away from him to dress. She yanked on her clothing without care and then glanced down in disgust at the formfitting dress.

  “I’m ready to go,” she said.

  “Chess, are you sure I don’t need to take you to the hospital?” Tate asked uneasily. “How badly did he hurt you?”

  Her gaze found his and she stared unflinchingly at him. “Not nearly as much as you have.”

  EIGHTEEN

  THE ride home was silent and tense. Chessy leaned against the passenger door, her forehead pressed to the glass as she stared sightlessly at the passing streetlights. She was strangely numb. She felt empty and desolate but couldn’t summon any emotion. No anger, no sorrow. Just . . . nothing.

  Her marriage was over. As far as she was concerned, Tate had crossed a line he could never erase. While such knowledge would have devastated her twenty-four hours ago, right now she couldn’t bring herself to feel anything but resignation.

  She could feel him looking her way, but she didn’t acknowledge him. Instead she pretended he wasn’t even there, already making plans for a future that didn’t include him.

  When they finally pulled into their drive, she opened her door before the car came to a full stop and she got out, the concrete tearing her stockings at the feet. She hadn’t brought her keys so she had to wait for Tate to unlock the front door, but as soon as he accomplished that, she pushed past him in a direct path to their bedroom.

  Wasting no time, she went to her closet and hauled out one of her large suitcases, flinging it onto the bed to unzip it.

  “Chessy, what the hell are you doing?” Tate demanded from the doorway.

  She ignored him and went back to her closet to yank clothing from hangers, returning to dump them into the suitcase without bothering to arrange them in any way.

  His hand closed around her wrist and she froze when he prompted her to look up at him and meet his gaze. His features were gray, deep grooves lining his forehead. Sorrow and regret swamped his eyes. He looked tortured.

  Not her problem.

  She wrested her hand from his grip and took a step back, her tone as frigid as an Artic wind.

  “Do not touch me.”

  He took an immediate step back and when she went to her dresser for underwear and bras he repeated his earlier question.

  “What the hell are you doing? Where do you think you’re going?”

  She paused, her hands full of her intimate things. Then she turned and stared him down until unease crept into his eyes.

  “I’m leaving,” she said simply. “I would think that much is obvious. But if you need me to spell it out for you, I’m packing my clothes and then I’m getting in my car and then I’m getting the hell away from you.”

  He flinched, his features going pale. “Chessy, please don’t go. I know you’re angry. God, you certainly have the right to be. But please don’t leave when you’re so upset. I’ll go. This is your house. I’ll get a hotel and come back tomorrow when we can talk this out.”

  “Exactly what are we going to talk out, Tate? The fact that you lied to me? That you made me promises that once again you didn’t keep? Or maybe the fact that you took a phone call when your wife was helpless to defend herself against a man you chose and were supposed to have been guiding every step of the way. Let me make myself perfectly clear. There isn’t a single thing you have to say that I care to hear. There’s no going back. No forgetting what happened. No way to undo what’s already been done. You made your choice and it damn sure wasn’t me.”

  Tate sank onto the edge of the bed, his head bowed. His hands shook visibly and his shoulders heaved as he struggled with his emotions. Chessy tossed the rest of her clothing into the suitcase, only wanting to get it done so she could get the hell out before she broke down and completely lost it.

  She grabbed an oversized bag from underneath the bathroom sink and quickly emptied the drawers of all her toiletries and then decided that whatever she didn’t get she’d return for at a later time. Preferably when Tate wasn’t here. His precious clients could keep him company from now on. She was done waiting around for every crumb of attention he threw her way.

  After dropping the toiletry bag by the bed, she closed her suitcase and zipped it up. Tate hadn’t moved, seemingly frozen and in shock that she was leaving. It didn’t surprise her. Their relationship was a study in her giving and him taking. Of her never bucking his authority. Always ceding to his wishes and control.

  That was all coming to a screeching halt starting tonight.

  “At least let me drive you to where you’re going,” Tate said in a low voice. “I’m worried about you driving, Chessy. At least give me that. I want to make sure you’re safe.”

  She gave him a scornful look and then shook her head. “That’s a laugh. You want to make sure I’m safe. Forgive my amusement over the flaming hypocrisy of that statement.”

  Tate closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “I deserve your anger. I deserve whatever you dish out, but God, please, Chessy. Stay so we can work it out. Don’t leave. I love you.”

  “I believe you love me,” Chessy said honestly. “You just don’t love me enough and you don’t love me as much as I love you. I suppose I would have settled for that once. But not any longer. I deserve better.”

  She yanked the suitcase off the bed and slung the toiletry bag over her shoulder before heading out of the bedroom, Tate on her heels. She wished he’d just let her go. There was little point in trying to change her mind. He should know her well enough to realize the futility of dissuading her when she was set on something.

  Before she would have appreciated his determination to save their marriage, but that was when she thought they had a viable relationship. Now, she just wanted to be away from him so she could vent her devastation, but she was just as determined that she not break down in front of him.

  She had to be strong for herself. No longer would she depend on Tate for her emotional stability. Her faith and trust had been sorely misplaced. She would have never thought him capable of what he’d done tonight. Yes, he’d put business before her for quite some time, but never in a situation that was fraught with peril and her safety was truly at risk. In her heart, she’d always known that he’d protect her when it really counted.

  How very wrong she’d been, and it broke her heart.

  She kicked open the door that was still partially ajar from their entrance just minutes before and she dragged her suitcase over the step and onto the front porch. Tate tried one last time, gently capturing her arm with his hand. Though his grip wasn’t bruising in the least, it was firm, commanding her attention.

  She stared pointedly at him and then down at his hand, silently telling him to let her go.

  “Chessy, please don’t do this,” he begged softly. “Stay. Tonight at least. We’ll t
alk in the morning. I won’t go into work. We’ll go away if you like. Somewhere we can be afforded complete privacy. I’ll do whatever it takes for you not to go.”

  “It’s too late for that. Going away won’t fix what’s wrong. It only delays the inevitable. I can’t force you to make me your priority and furthermore I wouldn’t want to try to make someone feel something for me they don’t. The truth always wins out in the end. Tonight proved that.”

  “If the truth wins out in the end then I’ll get you back,” Tate vowed. “Because the truth is I love you and that’s never going away. I’ll do whatever it takes to have you back home where you belong, Chessy. So be warned. I’m not giving up and I’m not letting you walk out of my life or our marriage.”

  “You already left our marriage,” she said sadly.

  Then she turned and lugged her suitcase to her Mercedes and threw it in the backseat. She didn’t look back at Tate. She forced herself to open her door, slide into the driver’s seat and drive away. But as she drove away, she couldn’t help but glimpse in her rearview mirror and see Tate’s silhouette outlined by the porch light as he watched her drive away.

  NINETEEN

  CHESSY had no clear destination in mind as she left her neighborhood. There were three options available to her. She could check into a hotel, go to Joss’s or go to Kylie’s.

  She instantly vetoed the hotel because the very last thing she wanted was to be alone. Which left either going to Joss’s or Kylie’s. In the end she decided on Kylie because Kylie was closer and Joss was pregnant. Chessy didn’t want to cause Joss undue stress, nor did she want to keep her up all night. Besides, Joss couldn’t drink and Kylie could and right now a stiff drink was definitely in order.

  She pulled into Jensen’s driveway and parked beside Kylie’s car. She sat there a moment, trying to collect her scattered thoughts. It hit her all at once. She’d walked out on Tate. She’d left him. Her marriage was over.

  Tears gathered in her eyes but she gulped in air and swallowed convulsively. Then she braced herself and got out of her car. She hauled out her bags and walked up the pathway to the front door. She hadn’t even rung the doorbell when the door opened and Jensen filled the doorway, his expression one of concern. Then he took in her suitcase.

  “Shit,” he murmured. “I’m going to kill him.”

  She promptly burst into tears and Jensen immediately pulled her into his arms, kicking aside her luggage and closing the door behind her.

  “Come inside,” Jensen said kindly. “Let me get Kylie. She just got out of the shower.”

  Chessy sniffled. “Thank you. I’m sorry to burst in on you unannounced like this. I just didn’t know where else to go.”

  Jensen’s expression grew fierce. “You are always welcome here, Chessy. Now sit tight. Let me go get Kylie for you.”

  Before he could move, Kylie walked into the living room, her hair wrapped in a towel.

  “Jensen? Was that the front door I heard . . .”

  Her voice trailed off when she saw Chessy sitting there.

  “Oh no,” Kylie whispered. She rushed over to where Chessy sat and pulled her into a hug. “What happened?”

  Jensen handed Chessy a tissue but Kylie took it and gently wiped at Chessy’s tears.

  “It’s over,” Chessy said brokenly. “I left Tate.”

  Kylie exchanged shocked looks with Jensen. Jensen had a baffled expression as if he couldn’t possibly understand why Chessy was sitting in his living room telling them she’d left Tate.

  “What happened?” Kylie prompted again.

  Chessy closed her eyes and then spilled the entire ugly tale. By the time she was finished, Jensen wore a murderous expression, rage emanating in waves from him.

  “Un-fucking-believable,” Jensen swore. “I’m going to kill him,” he said, repeating the words he’d uttered in the doorway moments before. “What he did is unforgivable. How could he have let it happen?”

  Kylie had gone pale and she looked stricken as she stared at her friend. “Chessy, are you hurt? Do you want me and Jensen to take you to the hospital?”

  Chessy shook her head. “I’m fine. Okay, I’m not fine, but physically I’m okay.”

  “Show us your back,” Jensen said bluntly. “Or if you aren’t comfortable with me in the room at least show Kylie. I doubt you can see if the skin is broken but it needs to be looked at just in case.”

  Chessy had ignored the pain over her shoulder blades because the pain in her heart overshadowed everything else. Slowly she turned, presenting her back to Kylie and Jensen, and allowed Kylie to lift the T-shirt she’d changed into at home so she could see the damage inflicted by the strap.

  She heard Kylie’s swift intake of breath and Jensen’s savage curse. She winced at the colorful expletives that exploded from Jensen’s mouth.

  “How bad is it?” Chessy whispered.

  “Bad enough,” Jensen said, but then he was never one to sugarcoat things. Chessy had only known him a few months, but she liked his no-nonsense air and the fact that he was always plainspoken.

  “The skin’s not broken, thank God,” Kylie said, soothing over Jensen’s more terse response. “But there are raised welts and bruises already forming.”

  Kylie lowered Chessy’s shirt back down and Chessy turned to once again face Kylie and Jensen. She was mortified by the fact that they were witnessing the results of Tate’s negligence.

  Kylie opened her mouth and then closed it again, visibly uncomfortable with whatever it was she’d started to say. Then she stared directly at Chessy.

  “I know you’ve explained some of what you and Tate do, but is this . . . normal?” she asked in a faltering tone. “I mean is this what he does to you? I’ve never known Joss to wear bruises but then what if I just don’t see them? I guess I don’t understand the dynamics of the lifestyle you and Joss live.”

  Jensen sighed and rested his hand on Kylie’s shoulder, squeezing. “It’s not something that should ever happen, honey. A Dominant is charged with the absolute safety and well-being of his submissive. He’s supposed to safeguard that gift and cherish it and her. What Tate did tonight . . .” He broke off, shaking his head in confusion. “I still can’t wrap my mind around it. What was he thinking? The idea that he allowed Chessy to be hurt when she was such a short distance away sickens me.”

  Chessy teared up all over again and Jensen looked immediately contrite that he’d caused her more upset.

  “No, it’s not how our relationship works,” Chessy said in response to Kylie’s original question. “He’s never left bruises on me. He’s always been so careful and mindful when he uses a crop or flogger. I don’t expect you to understand the reasons why, but the line between pain and pleasure, if done correctly, can be exciting and edgy. Pleasurable. And tonight isn’t something new to us. It’s something we’ve enjoyed before. But in the past, Tate’s focus was always solely on me. He always made sure that my pleasure came first and that the man he chose never went too far. Tonight that wasn’t the case. He took a damn phone call while another man had me tied and helpless and unable to protect myself.”

  Anger surged in her voice, becoming stronger the more she explained. Her rage surprised her. She’d expected to feel a whole host of things, but the storm of fury temporarily edged out her absolute despair.

  “I want to go over there and beat his ass,” Jensen said darkly.

  Chessy sent him a watery smile. “Thank you, but don’t bother.”

  “I’m so sorry this happened to you, Chessy,” Jensen said, sincerity ringing in his voice. “Tate is a goddamn fool. I can’t believe he doesn’t recognize the treasure he has in you. But I’m glad you left his sorry ass. It’s high time you stuck up for yourself.”

  She sighed, knowing that she’d been a doormat for far too long. Even her friends could see that and it shamed her that she’d never recognized it until now.

  “I hate to ask this,” Chessy said, embarrassment making her cringe. “But can I stay here tonight?
I left in a hurry and haven’t even figured out where I’m going or what I’m going to do for that matter.”

  Jensen scowled and Kylie added her own frown.

  “That is not something you even have to ask,” Jensen said. “You’ll stay here with us for as long as you need to. We aren’t kicking you out in the morning. You need friends right now.”

  Kylie nodded her agreement. “You’re staying indefinitely,” she said in an adamant tone. “I know what it’s like to be by yourself in misery and believe me, it isn’t pretty and it isn’t fun.”

  Jensen flinched, knowing she was referring to the time she and Jensen had spent apart, alone and miserable after Jensen had stupidly broken things off with her.

  “No, it isn’t fun,” Jensen agreed. “Which is why you’re staying here where you can be among friends. You’ve always been an invaluable source of support for Kylie and I can never repay you for that. You staying is the least I can do so that we can return the favor. And we won’t take no for an answer.”

  “Thank you,” Chessy said with deep relief. As much as she hated intruding on Kylie and Jensen’s newly formed relationship, she really did need her friends around her. Now more than ever. Because now the pretense would be dropped. No longer would Kylie and Joss bite their tongues and hold back their opinions. It would now be open season on Tate.

  It was part of the Southern Girlfriend code of honor and etiquette, one of the first entries being that a friend will be there to bail you out of jail but a VERY good friend will be sitting in the jail cell WITH you.

  And well, Chessy needed to view her husband through the eyes of others for once. Because she had only what she’d built into her mind and so it had become truth when in fact it was all lies. It was time for the blinders to come off and for her to see what everyone else had seen for a long time. Just maybe not tonight . . .

  “Uh, Kylie?” she hedged.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie? Is there something you need? Something Jensen and I could get you?”

  “We’re running low on wine and I wouldn’t mind running out to restock the cabinet,” Jensen said with a smile. “When my girls get together a lot of alcohol is laid to waste. I’m beginning to think the three of you could drink a whole horde of military guys under the table.”

  She was in turns delighted and saddened by Jensen’s endearment. His girls. It gave her insight to the fact that he’d long ago accepted Joss and Chessy’s role in Kylie’s life and that he encouraged those friendships. Wasn’t threatened by them whatsoever.

  The sadness came in because Tate had always referred to Chessy as “his girl” or “my girl” and each version did something deep in her heart. It squeezed parts left untouched by years of neglect and feelings of being unwanted. He’d touched those areas, and now? They’d fade back into the bleak memories she carried of her childhood and how she was raised. Unwanted. Unloved. Because it was precisely how she currently felt about the way Tate treated her.

  “I think that’s a lovely idea, darling,” Kylie said, her eyes growing warm as she looked up at her lover. Boyfriend seemed so 1980s and a term used for teenage kids.

  “Uh, before you go, and I realize the chances of this are slim, but there are a few things I wanted to bring up,” Chessy said, her chin quivering in her nervousness.

  Jensen eased down on Chessy’s other side, adding his support to Kylie’s.

  “If either of you happens to run into Tate, please don’t cause a scene. Not because of me. I’d rather you just look past him. But he’s your friend too and I don’t expect you to dislike him just because of something that happened between us.”

  Jensen snorted but remained silent.

  “The other thing, and I know this is complete chicken shit of me, Kylie, but can you call Joss in the morning and give her the rundown for me? I don’t know if I have it in me to rehash it all over again. And I didn’t want to barge over to her house at this hour and potentially upset her. She hasn’t been sleeping well and her mornings have been hell with all the morning sickness, so maybe you should wait until she’s feeling human to dump all of my misery on her.”

  Kylie patted Chessy’s hand and then squeezed. “Of course I will. I don’t want you to worry about a thing. Tomorrow we’ll send Jensen over to pick up the rest of your things. Just give him a list so he’s sure to get everything you want.”

  “I can go,” Chessy said quietly. “I need to go. Maybe moving my own stuff will be the beginning of closure. Of acceptance that my marriage is over.”

  “No way,” Jensen said emphatically. “You aren’t going over there to face him by yourself.”

  Chessy smiled sadly. “Oh, he won’t be there. I’m sure he has some important client meeting. Why else would he have been on the phone when he was supposed to be paying attention to me?”

  “Still, I think it’s a better idea if Jensen goes with you,” Kylie soothed. “For that matter I’ll come too. Won’t take long with the three of us working. Dash can man the office by himself for the day. And when he and Joss learn what’s happened, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dash doesn’t show up himself.”

  “All right,” Chessy conceded.

  “Now, do you want a drink or would you prefer to go straight to bed?” Jensen asked. “I’m sure Kylie doesn’t mind staying up with you as late as you need her, and since I’m her boss I get to tell her she’s going to sleep in tomorrow and blow off work.”