Hopeless Vows

by Rachael Duncan

  Me: I’m so so sorry. I’m on my way right now. See you in 15.

  His response is immediate, no doubt looking at his phone every few seconds now that I’m thirty minutes late.

  Austin: No worries. Be careful.

  It was surprising how fast he was able to book us an appointment for some showings. Maybe the production team has something to do with it to move us along.

  I slide my phone back in my bag and lay my head on the headrest. I had every intention of being out of work by five o’clock. I busted my ass catching up on all I’ve missed and getting my latest article to Mrs. Van der Boor. Of course, it wasn’t good enough the first time, and I was told I couldn’t leave until I had the edited version on her desk. With it being fifteen minutes until five, I knew my chances of getting out of there on time were slim to none.

  Not a minute too soon, we pull in front of an impressive, high-rise building. I swallow hard, knowing something like this is definitely way out of my price range. I know we said fifty-fifty split, but I doubt I can cover my half of a place like this in Manhattan.

  After giving the cab driver some money, I climb out of the taxi and make my way up the front stairs where I’m met by a doorman. “Good evening, ma’am,” he says with a tip of his hat as he opens the door.

  “Good evening.” Rushing through, I immediately spot Austin. He looks delicious in his gray slacks and blue buttoned up dress shirt. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, showing off his sexy tattoos. Seeing him standing there waiting for me, makes me realize I’ve actually missed him a little today. We spent every moment together for two weeks, so you’d think I’d be sick of him, but it’s the opposite.

  “Hey, gorgeous, you made it,” he greets me with a smile. He pulls me in for a hug and gives me a kiss. I’m not sure if he meant for it to be a quick “hello” kiss, but it quickly turns into more. My lips are hungry for his, devouring them like they’re my last meal. My mouth parts slightly and his tongue slips inside. But before I can deepen the kiss, we’re interrupted by a throat clearing. That’s when I realize we’re hardcore making out like a couple of teenagers in the lobby of this swanky apartment building.

  My cheeks redden in embarrassment as I put some distance between us. I chance a glance at Austin, and what I see has me grinning from ear to ear. He’s breathless, staring at me with desire-filled eyes as he adjusts his pants. Good, at least I’m not the only one affected.

  Turning to face our agent, which I have yet to utter a word to, my face almost crashes into one of the cameramen. Awesome. Looks like he was getting an up close and personal view of our moment together. With a sigh, I refocus my attention.

  “Forgive my rudeness. I’m Jillian.” I extend my hand out to her.

  It could be my imagination, but I swear she glares at me. I’m not sure if it’s for my tardiness, or my uncharacteristic display. Either way, I’m not getting a good vibe from this chick and it’s putting me on edge. “Chloe Rogers. As I was explaining to Austin moments ago, there are a few nice sized floor plans for you to choose from. I’ll be showing you the model, which is the mid-sized home. If you’d like something bigger, or feel it’s too much space, let me know and we can go from there.”

  “Okay, sounds good.”

  It doesn’t escape my attention the way she glances at Austin before she turns on her heel and sashays her ass to the elevator. Again, it could just be me, but it seems like she’s putting an extra sway to her hips. And I know that’s not for my benefit, especially after the warm reception I received just a second ago.

  Austin places his hand at the small of my back. I look over at him, and his eyes are traveling everywhere, taking in every detail of the building as we walk through. You know what he’s not looking at though? Chloe’s ass. Call me childish, but that makes me immensely happy. A smug expression possesses my face as I stand taller and walk with more confidence.

  Chloe leads us into the apartment. I have to admit, it’s stunning. With an open floor plan and huge windows that let in natural light, I’m sold from the moment I cross the threshold. Austin doesn’t seem as easily convinced as he inspects every inch of the place. Chloe hangs back in the living room while we explore the rest of the property. Walking down the hall, we come to a huge master suite.

  “Wow,” is all I manage. This is bigger and nicer than any place I’ve ever lived.

  “You like it?” he asks hopefully.

  “It’s really nice. No, better than nice. It’s beautiful.” Walking over to the bathroom, I peek around and am met with marble countertops, a shower that could fit a small army, and an amazing garden tub. I think I’m in love.

  “Can you see yourself living here with me?” he asks when he comes up behind me, encasing me in his strong arms from behind. Looking at each other in the mirror, he continues, “It’s close to your work, and I think it’s plenty big for the both of us. It even has a second bedroom for you to cast me away to should I ever land in the doghouse.” He winks before leaning in and kissing me on the cheek.

  My eyes study him, trying to memorize the way he looks right now. His eyes are warm, reflecting the optimism and happiness he has for the two of us. Whether that’s in response to renting out this place, or for our marriage, I’m not sure. There’s a small upward tilt to his lips, conveying his contentment. And being held in his arms like this, I have to say I feel the same, but one of us has to come back to reality and break the moment.

  “I can definitely see us living here, but . . .” I trail off, taking one more look around, “how much is this place monthly?”

  Turning around in his arms, I look up at him. He stuffs his hands in his front pockets and shrugs. “It’s not important.” He avoids eye contact, and that’s all the answer I need. It’s expensive. Really expensive.

  “I don’t think so, buddy. We agreed. Fifty-fifty. So fess up. How much is it?”

  Bringing his attention back to me, I can see he’s weighing his options. The moment he loses the battle with himself is evident because his shoulders deflate and he lets out a large sigh. “It’s eight thousand a month.”

  Holy hell! I wasn’t expecting that! My eyes bug out of my head as my mouth falls open. “Eight thousand a month?” I shout, not caring Chloe can hear me. Hell, the neighbors probably heard me. He has to be out of his mind. “Are you insane?”

  “Look, we’re not going to get what we want unless we pay for it.”

  I know what he’s saying is fact. I pay a small fortune for my tiny apartment. If you want space in the city, it comes at a hefty price tag. Even so, this is ridiculous. “Austin, I can’t afford four thousand dollars a month with utilities and other living expenses. That’s way out of my price point.”

  “Do you like it?” he asks, not breaking eye contact.

  “That’s not the point. I—”

  “It is the point,” he says, cutting me off. “I’ll ask you again. Do you like it?”

  “Well, of course I do.” Who wouldn’t like an apartment like this? It’s quite stunning.

  “Then it’s settled.”

  I ball my hands up into fists at his stubbornness. “No. It’s not. I don’t like the idea of you paying more than me.”

  “Why?”

  Because I don’t want to rely on anyone. I can’t rely on anyone. I don’t say that though. Instead, I make up something I think will pacify him. “Aren’t relationships about compromise? Meeting in the middle? How are we doing that when I’m only contributing a fraction of the costs?”

  “You’re right, that is what a relationship is about. But that’s not what this is. My job is to take care of you, so that’s what I’m doing. Don’t deny me, Jillian.” The firmness of his tone in the last sentence takes me off guard. He’s usually so easy going and lets me have my way, but not on this. His eyes dilate, taking on a harder appearance. I know this isn’t up for debate. We’ll stand here all day and he’s not budging.

  “It’s just so pricey.” I try once more with a slight whine.

  “
We haven’t discussed the specifics of our finances, but I promise you it’s fine. I can cover down on it. If I can’t, I can always pick up a second job.”

  My head snaps up. “What? No, absolutely not.”

  His deep chuckle meets my ears. “I’m kidding. Seriously, we’re more than fine. If contributing is important to you, then you pay what you’re comfortable with and leave the rest up to me.”

  With a big huff I cave. “Fine.” I know I sound like a petulant teenager, but I don’t care. “Just know I’m not happy about it.” I cross my arms over my chest for added effect. He just laughs again.

  “You’re cute when you don’t get your way.” With a sly grin, he grabs my hand and leads me back out to the living room where Chloe is waiting on us.

  “We’ll take it,” he announces.

  “That’s wonderful,” she beams at him. “The views are amazing.” She places her hand on his bicep. This is a one-hundred and eighty degree turn from the ice queen I dealt with. Upon further inspection, there seems to be a familiarity in the way she touches and looks at him.

  Discreetly, he moves back a step. “It is. So what do we have to do next?”

  “Always back to business, huh? I’ll have the paperwork drafted up for you to sign. After the deposit is made, then you’ll be able to move in.”

  “Perfect.”

  “When and where would work best for you? You could always meet me at my office. It’ll give us a chance to catch up a bit.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize you two knew each other.” I try to mask the surprise in my voice by maintaining an even tone. I’m not sure I’m successful.

  Austin opens his mouth to reply, but Chloe beats him to it. “We used to date.” The emphasis on the word “date” isn’t lost on me. When I look back at her, my suspicions are confirmed when she arches her eyebrow with a smirk firmly in place.

  My blood boils and I want to wipe that disgusting look and ugly ass orangish-red lipstick right off of her face. Oh, God. Is this what jealousy feels like? The realization is like a slap in the face.

  No.

  I don’t get jealous. I can’t. Especially over Austin.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see a cameraman move in closer. Austin rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “Chloe and I have known each other for a while. We went on one date and decided we were better off as friends.” I’m not sure if Austin’s attempt to clarify their relationship makes me feel better or worse. He searches my eyes, almost pleading with me to believe him.

  Refusing to let her think she got to me, I smile tightly, praying it looks natural. My arm wraps around his waist, staking my claim but also hoping to relax Austin a bit. “Oh, how nice. Why don’t you come over for a glass of wine or two once we get settled then?”

  Her expression drops. One point for me. “Sure,” she replies stiffly.

  It doesn’t take long for her to make arrangements for us to sign the appropriate forms and pick up the keys. Once the two of us are seated in a cab, Austin turns toward me. “I’m really sorry about that back there. I should’ve told you we went out, but she’s the best at what she does. I promise it was nothing serious though. It was just one date.”

  “You afraid I’m going to shun you to the guest room already?” I tease.

  He relaxes instantly. “Maybe . . .”

  “It’s okay. Really. It does explain why she was staring daggers at me though.”

  “She was not.” He rolls his eyes as if to downplay her reaction to him and I together.

  My eyebrows rise up my forehead. “You didn’t see it?” He shakes his head. “What’s the saying? If looks could kill . . .”

  He laughs softly. “I guess I didn’t notice since I couldn’t tear my eyes off of you.” He leans in and plants a chaste kiss to the corner of my mouth.

  I keep my head forward, only glancing at him from the corner of my eye. “Real smooth, Mr. James,” I say sarcastically.

  “I’m smooth like butta.” He drapes his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in close to him while I crack up with his cheesy line. And just like that, my earlier fit of jealousy is forgotten.

  I STRETCH MY Limbs over my head while yawning. The early morning light from the window rousing me from sleep. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s almost seven. Carefully, I turn to my side to look at Austin, but he’s already awake, watching me. I’d expect to feel embarrassed or shy waking up next to a man I hardly know. Especially one who’s studying me so closely, but I feel neither of those things. I’m surprisingly at ease, comfortable even. Sure, we slept in the same bed during our honeymoon, but this is different. This is more real, not some fantasy we’re living out in paradise.

  This could be my forever. The thought is fleeting as it crosses my mind, but is quickly dismissed as soon as it surfaces.

  With a sleepy smile, he says, “Good morning, gorgeous.” His groggy voice gets me every time, always causing a swarm of butterflies to take flight in my stomach. No man should sound so sexy when he wakes up. Add that to his smooth, bare chest, tousled brown hair, and dreamy chocolate eyes, and he’s every woman’s fantasy. And for now, he’s all mine.

  “Good morning,” I reply.

  “What’s your favorite childhood memory?” he inquires. Since we moved in together three days ago, we ask each other questions before the cameras barge in and start rolling. It was a suggestion he made the night of our wedding. We’re under strict orders not to do anything like this and to wait until the crew is present, but how are they going to find out? Honestly, I kind of like it. It’s almost like we’re rebelling against the system or something. Plus, what are we supposed to do? Stare up at the ceiling and ignore each other until seven?

  I think back to my childhood reluctantly. There aren’t many bright moments, but one sticks out. Maybe because it’s the only positive memory of my parents I have. “There was this one time my parents took me to McDonalds. I got a happy meal and got to play on the playground for a while.” My eyes lose focus as I reflect on that day. It was nice to be a kid, if only for a few hours. We were together with no fighting or yelling. To anyone looking at us, we looked like any normal family, and that’s probably why I clung to it. As I grew older, I would hold on to that moment, trying desperately to block all others out. If it was the only thing I could remember of our time together, then all the bad shit would disappear like it never even happened. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. No matter how much I try to hide from the ugly, it’s there in the recesses of my mind.

  Snapping out of the past, I look back at Austin who has a puzzled look on his face. I can see he wants to ask me so many questions about this. Mainly, why is that my favorite memory? What he doesn’t know is it’s the only time I remember my parents being sober enough to acknowledge my existence. He doesn’t get to dig any further though because we’re interrupted by knocking at the door.

  “Showtime,” he says on a sigh as he jumps up to answer the door. It’s nice to know he finds the intrusion just as bothersome as I do. At the same time, I’m relieved for the interruption as it stopped further probing into a past I wish like hell I could forget.

  He glances over his shoulder at me, and I give him a slight nod, which is my signal I’m decent enough for company. The crew files in once the door is open and takes their usual places around the room. I’ve found they don’t move around much, mostly taking up post in the corners. It makes it easier to pretend they’re not there.

  “Just a heads up before we start rolling, but from now on, if you have to go somewhere, transportation has been arranged for you. That way there are no issues with filming.” Amanda, the producer, gives me a pointed look. It takes every effort not to roll my eyes, especially since I’d already been lectured on this before.

  “We don’t need to remind you of the terms of your contract, do we?” she asks with an air of condescension.

  Arching my eyebrow at her tone, I reply, “No.”

  “Good, then you know you should’ve waited for us to
hook up before leaving.”

  “Look, I was already running late. I couldn’t wait for you guys to get consent forms signed and to hook up gear.” She starts to interject, but I hold up my hand and continue, “This is a reality television show, correct? Then don’t you want to capture real life? Waiting for you to bug a taxi isn’t real life. It’s not candid, and you’re interfering.”

  “We want to make sure we capture everything.”

  “You didn’t have a problem with it on my way to work. You guys just trailed me. Plus, it’s not like you missed any deep or meaningful conversations. I was in the cab alone.”

  “But you could have called someone, had an argument, who knows what could have happened.”

  Now, I’m just pissed. I realize I signed up for this, but she’s talking about me like I’m some sort of puppet and she’s the puppeteer. “Here, you want to check my phone log?” I say as I hold out my phone. “I text messaged Austin to let him know I was on my way, that’s it.” My words are dripping with attitude and annoyance.

  She squints her eyes at me, debating on whether or not to keep arguing the point. It’s moot anyway since we can’t turn back time. “We’ll table this conversation for now, but it will be addressed in the future and corrected.” It almost sounds like a threat, but I can’t be bothered by it. Because really, I just don’t care.

  “Oh good, saves me on cab fare,” I reply sarcastically when I focus on the present. Austin’s snicker beside me causes my lips to twitch slightly. I told him about being scolded by the production team since we spent the night at our own homes. He, too, thought it was ridiculous. Honestly, when I applied for this, I had no idea there would be such an invasion of privacy. I’m not sure what I had expected, but it’s almost to the point where I feel like I have to let them know I’m about to take my birth control pill, or go pee in case they want to film that. Wouldn’t want to miss something important.