Hopeless Vows

by Rachael Duncan

  Despite my best efforts, her mood hasn’t lightened much. She goes out of her way to nitpick at everything. I can’t do anything right, and she walks around with a scowl on her face.

  “Austin, why are your shoes in the middle of the floor?”

  “Austin, start turning off the lights when you walk out of the room.”

  “Is it really that hard to put your clothes in the basket?”

  “Do you have to have the TV up so loud?”

  “Start putting your dishes in the dishwasher. I’m not your mother.”

  Each comment comes with a lot of sighing and eye rolling. I’ll admit I’m a little messy, but I’ve been a bachelor for all of my adult life. None of it used to bother her though. I was tempted to ask her if it was that time of the month, but I value my life too much to go there. Plus, I know this has to do with Chloe’s perfectly timed confession. It’s like a switch flipped and she just shut down. Any attempt I make to start conversation is met with one-word answers, and nice gestures go unnoticed. Hell, at some point I think even the camera crew felt bad for me. I get it, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have tried to spare her feelings by keeping this from her. Whatever trust we had built disappeared the moment I omitted the truth. But if there’s any hope of us moving forward with our relationship and making it work, we have to get past this.

  It’s Monday and I’m sure Jillian is expecting flowers to be on her desk, but not today. Today, I have something else in mind. After I work for a few hours, I put on a button-down shirt, roll up the sleeves, throw on some slacks, and spend the rest of the afternoon preparing for this evening.

  A little before five o’clock, I park my car along the curb outside of her office and wait. The fall air is crisp, reminding me I need to get in a few more rides on Harley before winter arrives. I lean back against the side of the car and cross one ankle over the other. One hand rests inside my pocket while the other clutches a bouquet.

  A few minutes later, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on walks through the door. She doesn’t notice me at first, giving me the opportunity to watch her. She literally takes my breath away each time I see her, whether it’s when we first wake up in the morning, or she’s all dolled up for an event. There’s never a time where she doesn’t look fucking amazing.

  Her head turns in my direction and our eyes lock, her wide, blue ones to my brown. It’s obvious she’s surprised to see me here, and I’m glad. I want her off balance. Maybe that’ll help me get through to her and get us back to where we were.

  “Hey,” I greet her with a smile when she approaches me. Leaning in, I give her a tender kiss on the lips. Her sweet, vanilla smell envelopes me, making me want to bury my face in her neck. “These are for you.” I pull away from her and hand her the bouquet of white tulips.

  “Thought you were slacking this morning,” she jokes as she pulls the card out, reading three simple words.

  Forgive me, gorgeous.

  “I already have, Austin,” she says in a tired voice.

  “You haven’t, but that’s okay. We’ll work through it.” My arm wraps around her waist and pulls her to me. Her breath hitches when her chest hits mine. “Let’s get out of here,” I say quietly. Her only response is a nod.

  After helping her into the car, I walk around to my side and slide in before putting the car in gear and pulling out into traffic. The ride to our destination is quiet. It’s not as tense as it has been, but quiet all the same.

  “Where are we going?” Jillian asks after a little while.

  “We’re on our way to have some fun.”

  “What kind of fun?” Her tone is skeptical and I’m a little nervous she won’t want to do this, but it’s too late to turn back now.

  “The old school kind.”

  “You’re not going to tell me?”

  “Nope. Just trust me.” I reach over and grab her hand that’s resting in her lap over her flowers. Bringing it up to my mouth, I kiss the back of her palm before placing them on the armrest. She doesn’t say anything the rest of the way there, and I don’t let go.

  “Putt putt?” she asks once I park.

  “Sure, why not? Plus, isn’t that what normal people do when they date?”

  “Are you saying we’re normal?”

  “Never,” I reply with a wink.

  “I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but we kinda passed the dating phase.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I plan to date you for the rest of my life.” I stare into her eyes and see her walls coming down, the mortar holding them together starting to crack and crumble. But before they can fall, she looks away and breaks the contact.

  She clears her throat. “One problem, these aren’t exactly made for golfing.” She raises one long leg to show off the fuck-me heels on her feet. One day soon, I’ll have her in nothing but those heels as she wraps her long ass legs around me while I—Shit. I shake my head, trying to focus on the issue at hand and not all the dirty things I want to do to her sinful body.

  “I’ve gotcha covered.” Reaching behind her seat, I pull out a pair of flats I grabbed out of her side of the closet. If I wasn’t looking for it, I would have missed the small smile that graces her lips briefly. That’s progress. “Let’s go, gorgeous.”

  I’ll admit it; I fucking hate losing. But I would do it a million times if it meant Jillian would smile and laugh like she is now.

  “Par!” she announces with her hands in the air as she sinks the shot. Who knew she’d be so good at this? Especially when she said she’d never played before. I call bullshit.

  Rolling my eyes as she does her victory dance, I mark her score to see she’s beating me by three strokes. “First time my ass,” I mumble while I bend down to retrieve her ball.

  “Is that a sore loser I hear over there?” she teases as she cups her hand around her ear.

  “Oooh, my girl has a competitive side to her,” I throw back. She pauses mid laugh when I realize what I said. This is the first time I’ve called her mine. We might be married, but we’re still just two people trying to get to know each other. Then it hits me. I don’t care how long we’ve been together, she is mine.

  We stare at each other for what seems like minutes. Hell, it could be hours for all I know. The two of us are in our own bubble where our emotions can’t hide. Mine are laid at her feet, easy to see I want her now and after.

  She’s reluctant. It’s there in the depths of her eyes. She wants to give in but is holding back.

  Damn, stop fighting it.

  Stop fighting us.

  Stop fighting me.

  I let go of my golf club and it hits the ground. Stalking toward her a few steps, I stare her down like a lion on the hunt with a wicked grin on my face.

  “Austin . . .” she says in warning, cocking her head to the side.

  Before she can say another word, I rush toward her, picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder. She squeals as I run through the course and spin her around.

  “Austin! Knock it off!” she yells through her giggles. “I swear to God—” A swift smack to her ass cuts her off, causing her to yelp. “That’s it! You’re getting castrated when you put me down!” This makes me laugh.

  “Just say it and I’ll put you down.”

  She squirms some more and even pinches my ass. I spank her again in warning. At this point, everyone is staring at us like a bunch of deranged morons, but I don’t give two shits. “Say what?!”

  “Say you’re my girl.”

  “Austin, you’re being childish. Just set me down before you make a bigger scene.”

  “Nope. Don’t make me run down the street with you like this. Say it and I’ll set you down.”

  “No!” she says defiantly. I love this feisty side of her.

  “Do it!” I lightly pinch the back of her thigh, knowing she’s ticklish there.

  “Ahh!” she screams from my assault. “Fine! Fine! I’m your girl!”

  I slide her down my body, making sure each i
nch of me touches every part of her. When she’s firmly on her feet, we’re both breathless from laughing, yelling, and bickering. “Now, was that so hard?” I whisper as I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

  “What else do you want from me?” The vulnerability in her shaky voice is hard to miss as she glances nervously at the camera.

  Cupping the side of her face to regain her attention, I reply, “You. All I want is you.” The rawness of my tone surprises even me. I don’t try to hide it though. I want her to see I’m stripped bare for her. It’s all here for her if she wants me.

  Leaning in, I brush my lips over hers as my thumb rubs her jaw. She takes the lead as her arms wrap around my neck and she deepens the kiss. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed her. I savor the taste of her lips, the feel of her tongue as it grazes mine, and the warmth of her body as it melds with mine. Time stands still for us as we communicate with our bodies what we might be afraid to say with our words.

  Before security gets called on us for indecent behavior, I reluctantly pull away. Looking down at her is the best feeling I’ve had in a week. There she is standing before me emotionally naked. Her features are relaxed, the stress lines having vanished. The tension in her posture is gone as she leans into me, letting me be her support. Her doe eyes are wide, innocent, and open, ready to accept everything I want to give her.

  It might sound crazy, but I think I just went all in and fell for her completely with that one look. Because with it came the realization she wasn’t only mine, but I was hers too.

  Jillian

  “SO YOU’RE JUST going to forgive him like it’s no big deal he lied to you?” Janey asks over the phone. A few days after my work event, she finally called me back. Neither of us brought it up and pretended her crappy attitude never happened. If I think about it, it sort of pisses me off she was so childish, but I guess I’d be bummed out too, so I’ve let it go.

  I let out a sigh. “I’m not saying it’s not a big deal, but I can’t dwell on it forever. We hardly spoke the last week, and he made a real effort last night.” As hard as I tried to stay mad at him, his impromptu date to miniature golf won me over. A small smile forms on my lips just thinking about it.

  “I don’t get why you care. You’re breaking it off after next week anyway.” Looking down at my calendar on my desk, we have less than two weeks left. Thirteen days to be exact. A lead ball forms in the pit of my stomach and my mouth goes dry. “You are breaking it off, right?” she asks hesitantly when I don’t respond.

  “Uh, yeah.” I clear my throat. “Yes,” I say firmly.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me, Jillian.”

  “What?”

  “You’re not going to do it,” she accuses, her voice rising.

  “Of course I am. It’s the right thing to do.” That’s what I have to keep telling myself. He’s a great guy and I can’t mislead him like this.

  “Uh huh, we’ll see.” She doesn’t sound the least bit convinced. If I’m being honest, I’m not either. If I listen to my heart, it tells me to stay. Live my life, let Austin make me happy, and forget about the past. But my head tells me this would be a disaster and a fucked up way to start a relationship. My head is smart. My heart is a fool. For that reason, I shut off my emotions the best I can and try to push through this. The only problem is Austin makes it nearly impossible.

  “I am. I promise.”

  “Good, then I’ll have my best friend back. We never see each other since you got married.” I pause for a second, her comment striking me as odd momentarily.

  “I know, I’m sorry,” I reply, snapping out of my thoughts. “Things have been a little crazy, but as soon as these next two weeks are up, I’m all yours.” She’ll be all I’ll have left. We say our goodbyes and I get back to work.

  The rest of the day is uneventful. I do a little research, make a few phone calls, set up an interview with a fabulous up and coming jewelry designer, and start on my article for next month’s issue.

  When I get home, my nose is assaulted by the most delicious scents I’ve ever smelt. My stomach instantly growls and my mouth salivates. Walking into the kitchen, I see Austin standing in front of the stove, his back to me, stirring something in a pot with a dish towel resting over his shoulder. He’s dressed casually in some jeans that hug his ass just the right way, and a T-shirt that exposes his toned arms with intricate tattoos running down one of them. If I thought he looked sexy on his bike, he looks damn near edible right now. A man who can cook and knows his way around the kitchen? Sign me up.

  I could get used to coming home to this.

  Shit! There I go again. But as I stare at his back, it wouldn’t hurt to enjoy this while it lasts, would it?

  “How was work?” he asks, still facing the stove.

  My hand goes to my chest. “You scared the shit out of me. How’d you know I was here anyway?”

  He spins around and pins me with a heart-melting smile that shows off his perfect, white teeth. “I heard you come in the door. Plus, when you’re around, I always know.”

  “Do you now?” My arms cross over my chest.

  “Yep,” he says as he walks toward me. His hands rest on my hips while he draws me closer to him. “It’s like I have Jill-dar.”

  “What’s Jill-dar?”

  “You know, like a radar. Some people have gay-dar, I have Jill-dar. My heart beats differently when you’re around.” He ends his cheesy line with a wink, making me laugh.

  “Real smooth, Austin,” I say with a playful roll of my eyes.

  “I thought so.” He leans down, capturing my mouth with his. His lips move over mine slowly, as if he’s memorizing the feel of them against his. Right when I don’t think I can take the slow torture anymore, his tongue darts out, taking the subtlest of swipes along my bottom lip. Butterflies take flight in my stomach and I desperately want more.

  Taking initiative, my tongue moves past my parted lips to meet his. He opens up automatically in invitation, giving me exactly what I want, what I need. My hands trail up his large biceps as we engage in a sensual tango where only our lips and mouths do the dancing.

  His large hand crawls up my ribcage, grazing the side of my breast before going around to the back of my neck and into my hair. He pulls me closer, our pace picking up speed as we become more frantic for each other. His need matches my own, which is evident by our roaming hands that rub, squeeze, and pull at the other.

  He backs me up until the back of my thighs hit the armrest of the couch. With a slight nudge, I fall over the side and land on the soft cushion, a small gasp leaving my mouth. Before my brain can process another thought, he’s on top of me, his weight braced on his forearms on either side of me, trailing kisses up my neck. My head tilts to the side, making it easier for him to hit all the spots that make my core tighten and pool with need.

  “Oh, God, Austin,” I whimper.

  He responds by running his hand beneath my shirt and over my skin. His touch leaves a trail of burning flames in its wake. My heart rate accelerates, my breaths come out in short pants, and I’ve begun to writhe beneath him.

  When his hand makes its way to my breast and pinches my bra covered nipple, my back arches off of the couch. My legs wrap around his waist, drawing him closer to me if that’s possible. I grab the back of his shirt and start to pull it up. He takes the hint, leans back, grabs his collar, and pulls it off. Disappointment hits me when he doesn’t give me a minute to marvel at his perfectly sculpted body before he’s on me again. My disappointment is quickly forgotten when he reaches back under my shirt and pulls the cup of my bra down. He cups my bare breast, kneading it with his strong hand.

  With my elbows dug into the couch, I push myself upright, Austin again taking my lead. His lips are on mine, making it hard to remove my shirt. Needing to pull myself away for a second, yet not wanting to, makes removing my clothing a difficult task.

  Suddenly, there’s a sizzling noise coming from over Austin’s shoulder. At first, I don’t pay it much atten
tion, but it gets louder the more we ignore it. Austin’s the first to pull away. When we look over to locate the source of the interruption, we see water boiling over one of the pots on the stove.

  “Oh, shit! Dinner!” Austin springs up and runs over to shut the eye of the stove off and remove the pot.

  My head leans back on the couch to try to catch my breath when I notice the camera crew in the corner of the room. Everyone is staring at me, frozen in their spot with mouths open and eyes wide.

  I. Want. To. Die.

  Faster than I’ve ever moved in my entire life, I run to the bedroom to hide. How am I going to face these people again? I just gave them a live showing of a soft porn! My humiliation quadruples when I realize this will probably be all over TV when it airs too.

  I let out a groan as I flop onto the bed, hiding my shame in the pillows. Dammit, how could I be so stupid? And how did I forget about the third wheel that’s always in the room?

  It’s Austin. That’s how. All rational thought flies out the window when he’s around. He makes me feel reckless and do stupid things. It’s exhilarating and terrifying. And at the moment, completely mortifying.

  I hear the door open, followed by, “Dinner’s ready, gorgeous.”

  “Okay,” I respond into the pillows.

  “What’s wrong?” There’s obvious concern in his voice. He’s the most considerate person I’ve ever met, so he’s probably thinking my freak out has to do with what we did on the couch. I mean, it does, sort of, but not for the reasons he’s probably thinking. And that’s alarming considering I should be panicking about losing control with him and becoming more and more intimate. I should be distancing myself, not getting closer.

  “The camera crew just saw you maul me.” Lifting my head up, I notice relief relax his features.