The Difference

by Kaylee Ryan

  It’s been a few weeks since I confessed to him that I loved him. I didn’t need his words to know he felt the same, but I will admit hearing him tell me gives me a sense of completion I’ve never felt. When my phone vibrates, I know it’s him. He’s been texting me all morning. He and Justin and a few of their friends go fishing in Michigan every summer. He’s been looking for reasons not to go all weekend.

  * * *

  Lucas: What if you get lonely sleeping all alone?

  * * *

  I can’t help but smile.

  * * *

  Me: Oh, Javier is coming over to make sure that doesn’t happen.

  * * *

  I giggle. I already know what his reaction is going to be.

  * * *

  Lucas: Addyson!

  * * *

  Lucas: See. I’m staying home.

  * * *

  Lucas: He’s not getting his hands on what’s mine.

  * * *

  Me: It’s already scheduled. I had to pay big money for him too. No refunds.

  * * *

  Lucas: Addyson!

  * * *

  I’m full on laughing now when my phone rings. “Hello,” I sputter.

  “You’re enjoying this,” he says.

  “Kind of,” I admit.

  “Do you have any idea what it does to me to think of another man in your bed?”

  “Oh, I had planned on staying at your place,” I say sweetly.

  “Fuck,” he mumbles under his breath.

  “I’m teasing you. Go hang out with the guys. Have a good time.”

  “I’ve never not wanted to go,” he admits.

  “I’ll still be here when you get back.”

  “Come with us.”

  “That’s a negative. Besides, it’s a guys’ weekend. Harper and I have plans for movie night and some shopping.”

  “Fine,” he grumbles. “Sunday night… make that Sunday afternoon, those assholes are getting up early so I can get home to you. I’m coming for you,” he says huskily.

  “I’ll be here waiting. I love you. Have a fun, safe trip. Are you headed out now?”

  “In a couple of hours. I can swing by and see you,” he offers.

  “I have a patient still today, and then my own appointment after.”

  “Right. Okay. Well, I guess I’ll see you Sunday.”

  “It’s two days, Luke. Not even two full days. You saw me this morning so it’s just tomorrow.”

  “That’s too long.” I can hear the humor in his voice, but I know he’s being serious.

  “Mom’s calling me,” he says. “We need to meet the parents, babe.”

  “I agree. Now, have fun. I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

  “I love you, too.”

  After a couple more goodbyes, we finally end the call. I sit back in my chair still wearing a smile.

  “Addyson.” The receptionist, Samantha, peeks her head in my office. “Your last patient is here.”

  Looking at the clock on the wall, I see it’s five minutes past the appointment time. The rule is if you’re fifteen minutes late you have to reschedule. The majority of my patients are children, who have no control of how or when they get here. This one in particular is usually always punctual. Always, so I’m sure his mom has a good reason. “Thanks, Samantha. Go ahead and put him in a room.” I’m leaving early today for a doctor’s appointment.

  “He’s by himself,” she counters.

  “What? What’s going on?” Nolan’s mom is always with him.

  She shrugs. “Not sure. He walked in on his own, signed himself in and everything.”

  “Okay.” I stand from my chair. “I’m right behind you.” This is highly unusual and with his age, I won’t be able to treat him today.

  “Hi, Miss S.” Six-year-old Nolan waves his hand high in the air over his head.

  “Mr. Forrester,” I greet him, and he giggles. “Where’s your mom?”

  He shrugs. “My dad bringded me today.”

  “Your dad brought you today,” I correct him. He nods his little head up and down. The mention of his dad surprises me. I’ve been working with Nolan for almost a year now and not once have I met his father. His mom has mentioned in the past that he’s not involved in Nolan’s life. He calls every so often and sometimes visits. Only when it’s convenient for him. So to hear that he’s the one who brought him today and left him no less surprises me.

  “My mommy had to wok,” he explains.

  “Where is your dad?” I ask him.

  He shrugs. “Hims said himed drwopeded me off and was calling my mommy.”

  “Well, let’s get started.” I give him a bright smile, not letting him know that what his dad did was so incredibly wrong.

  “Yo dwess is pwetty, Miss S,” he says, climbing into the chair across from my desk.

  “Thank you.” He truly is such a sweet little boy. All his mother’s influence I’m sure. “So tell me what’s been going on with you?” I ask him. Part of speech therapy is to get them talking and help correct them when they’re speaking.

  “Nufing,” he says, propping his little arm up on the arm of the chair.

  “Nothing.” I say the word slowly, and he tries to repeat me. This isn’t his first rodeo. “How’s school?”

  “Good.”

  Okay, one word answers it is. Usually he’s a little chatterbox. I can only assume it’s his father’s influence. That’s the only change that I’m aware of. “Did you get all signed up for baseball?”

  “Yeah,” he sighs. “I wove football. My unc pways wif me lots.”

  I smile. This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned his uncle. I slowly repeat his words back to him. He then tries to sound them out as I’ve said them. “That’s great, Nolan. You know what else?” He shakes his head. “I bet if you asked your uncle, he’d play baseball with you too.”

  A grin lights up his face. “Hims will,” he agrees.

  “He will.” We spend the next twenty minutes working on sound articulation. Nolan has come a long way with his therapy. When the appointment ends, I walk him out to the waiting room. Nolan rushes ahead of me, and swings open the door. He cheers and then he’s gone. When I make it to the door, I see him run to a man who is smiling widely at him. I see him run right into the arms of my boyfriend.

  I stand frozen at the door as I watch Nolan jump in his arms and hug him as tight as his little arms will allow.

  He has a kid.

  But that can’t be right.

  I search for anything that can explain this, but Nolan’s words come back to me. They sit heavily in my stomach.

  Luke lied to me.

  There must be another explanation. My mind races to find one.

  My heart can’t accept the fact that he might be like all the others.

  I can’t deal with this. Seeing Nolan is safe, I step back into the hall and close the door behind me. I’m certain Luke didn’t see me as Nolan had all his attention. My legs feel like rubber as I make my way down the hall and back to my office. There’s an ache in my chest so profound I feel as though it’s been cut open. Hot tears prick my eyes, but I hold them off. Choking back a sob that wants to break free, I stumble into my office and shut the door. As soon as the click of the lock is turned, I lose my battle and the tears begin to fall. I know I need to talk to him. I need to face this, but my head is muddled with what this means. I have an appointment to get to and he’s leaving for the weekend. We can talk when he gets back. It will give me time to get my thoughts in order. Prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best.

  Pain.

  Heartache.

  Betrayal.

  How could he do this to me? How could I be so blind? Lucas always seemed so open and honest. The way he looks at me… it’s as if I’m his world. How could this happen? Did his mom lie to me too? There has to be another explanation for this. Surely, his family knows. What’s wrong with me? Why do these things keep happening to me? A million thoughts race through my mind. M
y phone vibrates on my desk.

  * * *

  Lucas: I miss you already.

  * * *

  I stare at the message. Is this all just a game to him? His insistence that he’s going to miss me, that he missed me already. He’s with his son, the one he hardly has anything to do with, and he’s texting me. He’s rushing off to a guys’ weekend when he should be spending time with his son. My fingers hover over the screen, poised to send him a message. Instead, I lock my phone and toss it back on my desk. Slumping down in my chair, I bury my face in my hands and try to rein in my emotions. I know what I saw, but I also know there could be a logical explanation. I can’t go firing off messages before he leaves to go out of town accusing, not before giving him a chance to explain himself. I’ve been through this before. I should be used to it. Lucas… he was different. The love I have for him was so much more than any before him.

  Grabbing some tissues from the box on my desk, I clean myself up the best that I can. Closing down my laptop, I pack up my bag and my notes. I’ll have to finish charting this weekend. I hate being behind, but right now, I won’t be able to wrap my head around any of it. Double-checking I have everything, I throw my purse into my work bag and toss it over my shoulder. I snag my phone and keys from my desk and turn out the light.

  “Heading out?” Samantha asks.

  “Yeah. I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “Have a great weekend,” she says with a bright smile and a wave.

  Samantha is always smiling and laughing with the kids. They adore her. I’m lucky that she’s my assistant. “You too,” I tell her. “You leaving early today?”

  “Nah, I’m going to get caught up on some filing and a few other things. Saving my time for the wedding.” She holds up her sparkling diamond engagement ring that her long-term boyfriend proposed with a few weeks ago.

  “Good plan.” I give her a fake smile. I love Samantha. She’s worked for me for a couple of years now. I don’t begrudge her happiness. I just wish that I could find mine. I keep falling for these guys who are boys. One day, I want to find a man who will love me, honestly and truly. Until then, I need to deal with my current situation. I need to confront him and see what he has to say for himself. I have all weekend to prepare myself for what might be the end of us. Although it’s hard, I push it out of my mind and head to my appointment before I’m late.

  I’m sitting in the exam room in a thin cotton gown, with an even thinner paper blanket covering my nether regions. The joys of being a woman. I hate these appointments. They’re quick but always very uncomfortable. Men don’t know how good they have it. They treat us like shit after everything we go through to bring life into the world. Not that I would know anything about that, but the idea is there. I have a monthly cycle, cramps, acne, mood swings, the list goes on and on. All I ask is for someone to love me, to respect me enough for me to be the only woman in their life.

  There’s a quick knock on the door before Dr. Edwards steps into the room. “Hello, Addyson. How are you?”

  “Good,” I tell her. “Ready to get this over with.”

  She chuckles. “You’re not the only one. It’s a necessary evil of being a woman.”

  “It’s like you read my mind,” I mumble.

  “What’s that?” she asks.

  “Nothing. I was just thinking about everything women go through. Men don’t realize how easy they have it.”

  She laughs. “You’re not the first to mention that.” She takes a seat on her stool and turns to face me. “Okay, let’s chat. Anything new since last year? Any pain or discomfort with sex? Discharge?” She goes on to ask a laundry list of embarrassing questions.

  “No to all of the above.”

  “Great. We’ll do a quick exam and get your urine results and get you on your way.” She types a few things on her computer. “Hmmm. Addyson, it seems that I have some news.” She turns to face me.

  “O-kay,” I say slowly, not sure where she’s going with this. We haven’t even gotten to the exam yet.

  “I know you’re here for your yearly exam and birth control refill, and I can do one of those two things. However, your refill I can’t do.”

  “What? Why? Is there something else you recommend?”

  “Addyson, you’re pregnant.”

  “I’m sorry. Could you repeat that? I thought you said I was pregnant.”

  “I did.”

  “No. No. No. No. I’m on birth control.” This cannot be happening. If she would have told me this morning I was pregnant, I would have been shocked, but happy. Now, after learning that Lucas lied to me, after knowing he has hardly anything to do with his son, I can’t be.

  “Have you been having unprotected sex?” she asks.

  “Yes.”

  She nods. “Nothing is 100 percent effective. Have you been on any medications or under a lot of stress?”

  “No.” I run through the past few months, and nothing stands out. If anything, I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been being with Luke.

  “Again, nothing is 100 percent except for abstinence. Is the father in the picture?”

  “My boyfriend,” I croak. Technically he’s still my boyfriend. I’m not sure how true that statement will be after I confront him about what I saw today.

  “Addyson, are you all right?” Dr. Edwards asks.

  “Y-yes,” I say, clearing my throat. “H-how far along? I mean, I don’t know when….”

  “We can do a vaginal ultrasound today and have a better idea of how far along you are.”

  I nod. Words escape me. Dr. Edwards tells me she’s going to go see if the tech is available and leaves the room. Stepping off the exam table, I grab my phone from my purse and send a text to Harper. We were supposed to meet at her place later, but this can’t wait.

  * * *

  Me: Appointment ended early. Thought I’d stop by and see you.

  * * *

  Harper: Of course, it’s been forever. You can see my new desk.

  * * *

  Me: Okay. Need anything?

  * * *

  Harper: Nope. I’m off at that time. We can grab a drink in the bar here.

  * * *

  My fingers hover over the screen. I can’t tell her over the phone. Hell, I’m not sure I can tell her at all. This is so messed up. Only me. Only my life would turn out to be a damn soap opera.

  * * *

  Me: See you soon.

  * * *

  I leave my reply vague. If I say no to a drink, she’s going to know something’s up. I don’t want that. Not until I decide what to say, how to tell her. And really if I tell anyone first, it should be Luke. He’s a lying bastard, but he still deserves to know.

  Forty minutes later, I’m walking out of the doctor’s office prescription in hand. Only this is not the one I was hoping for. Prenatal vitamins and images of a little black blob are more than I bargained for, but what I got all the same. Dr. Edwards talked to me about choices, but there is only one choice. I’m keeping this baby. I might not ever find a man who will love me, but this baby will. Maybe it will be a little boy. Setting my purse in the passenger seat, I place the pictures and the prescription in the glove box. I’m not ready for anyone to see them. Not yet. After I see Harper and tell her about Luke, I’ll have all weekend to figure out what I’m going to say. I need to consider how I’m going to tell him he crushed my heart and gave me one at the same time. Tell him we’re over and then oh by the way… you’re going to be a father. Again.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Lucas

  * * *

  I’ve checked my phone at least a hundred times today. I texted Addy a couple of hours ago and still haven’t heard back from her. That’s not normal for her. My gut tells me that something’s wrong.

  “So what was the deal with Nolan?” Justin asks.

  “Fuck, can we not go there? I can’t deal with that drama and Addy ignoring me.” I check my phone again; it’s been a whole thirty seconds.

  “Luke, man,
can you put that thing away?” Nick says, twisting the top off another beer.

  It’s late, a little past midnight, and we just got to the house on Lake Michigan that we rented for the weekend. Well, now that we’re older, it’s more of one day of fishing. Adulting’s a bitch. I take one more glance at my phone then slide it into my pocket.

  “She still not get back to you?” Trevor asks.

  “Nope.”

  “Harper said they had dinner and a few drinks. She’s at her place,” Justin tells me.

  I’m glad to know she’s safe, but that still doesn’t explain why she’s ghosted me.

  “Chill out.” Nick chuckles. “Your girl will be there when you get back. Unless of course, she’s already moved on to someone else. What was his name? Javier?” He laughs.

  It’s my fault. I made the mistake of rambling about our earlier phone call when I couldn’t get hold of her. I knew better with this group, but I don’t give a shit what they dish out. I’m worried about her. This isn’t like her, so of course I’m going to worry. About a half an hour later, we’ve finished our beers and head off to bed. We have an early day tomorrow and a long one at that. Settling in my room, I send her another message.

  * * *

  Me: Goodnight, Addy. I love you.

  * * *