Without a Country

by Kulin, Ayse

  As soon as she was free of Hanna, Elsa went back to the post office and called home.

  “I found the blood you were looking for,” she told Gerhard.

  “What? Who is it?”

  “You’ll find out when the time comes.”

  “I need to know in advance. I must screen for certain diseases.”

  “She’s healthy—it’s Suzi’s sister.”

  There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

  “Are you out of your mind, Elsa?”

  “If you’re too proud to accept help for the sake of your grandchild’s health, you’re the one who’s out of your mind!” Elsa hissed before hanging up.

  To a dead line, Gerhard said, “Don’t make me depend on the child Hanna’s trying to pass off as my daughter.”

  The Unraveling

  Elsa focused all her attention on the preparations for their grandchild. She and Gerhard were still sleeping in separate rooms and speaking to each other only when necessary. Thanks to Suzi and Demir staying over so many nights and frequent dinners with the in-laws, at least they didn’t have to spend much time together on their own.

  Gerhard tried not to let on how stressed he was by the prospect of moving to Ankara, adjusting to a strange city and new colleagues. He had decided to stay in university housing until the summer rather than rent a place off campus. How he rued that drunken night so many years ago! It had changed the course of his life, depriving him of what should have been a joyful period anticipating and then enjoying his first grandchild. His one consolation was that his old friend, Hirsch, would also be living in Ankara. It was Hirsch, in fact, who had been instrumental in getting him a position there.

  One uneasy day was much like the last until the news came that Demir would be stationed in Ankara. Suzi and Demir were thrilled. He would be a mere overnight train ride away, and she could stay with her father when she visited. What they didn’t realize was that Gerhard would be living in a single room as small as any student’s.

  The Schliemanns marked the arrival of the new year at home with some close friends. Elsa grudgingly roasted a turkey and asked Fatma to help make a rice pilaf with onions, nuts, diced liver, and currants. Suzi decided to celebrate with her husband and friends rather than her family, but feeling guilty, she’d stopped by during the day with a box of profiteroles.

  The little dinner party was more of a success than Elsa had expected. At least she and Gerhard managed to hide the strain on their marriage, though Hirsch and Holde did a poor job of hiding theirs. At one point, Hirsch drew Elsa aside to whisper his apologies: “Elsa, I’m sorry if we’ve ruined the evening. I promise it will never happen again. Holde now agrees that a legal separation would be best.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Elsa said. “We’ve all had a bit too much to drink. What’s more, there isn’t a family in the world that doesn’t have its problems. So much happens behind closed doors. Believe me.”

  The couples bid each other a joyless good-bye at the end of the night.

  The following morning, the Schliemanns’ front door was the scene of another unhappy parting. His bag packed and waiting at his feet, Gerhard embraced his wife and said good-bye. Elsa didn’t push him away or resist, but she was unresponsive and unyielding in his arms. “Have a safe journey” were her last words, and she didn’t accompany Demir and Suzi to the train station to see Gerhard off.

  A few days later, Suzi said to her mother, “I’m surprised by how much I already miss Dad. He always left early in the morning and never came home before seven, but the house just doesn’t feel the same without him. It’s funny, isn’t it?”

  “I felt the same way when Peter left. I even missed your squabbles. It’ll pass. You’ll get used to it.”

  Suzi wondered why her mother was moping around instead of embracing the opportunity to spend time in Ankara and get out of the rut of her daily life. Maybe it’s true, she thought, what they say about women making a big deal out of nothing. She herself would never do that and would certainly not let her husband go and live in another city.

  Suzi was still adjusting to her father’s absence when Demir received his marching orders. Unlike Gerhard’s muted departure, Demir’s was attended by his aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, friends, parents, mother-in-law, and wife, all of whom flocked to Haydarpaşa train station.

  Elsa watched in amazement as a tearful Nazmi Bey hugged and kissed Demir. Turks can be so emotional, Elsa thought. They send their sons off to military service as if they’re going off to war.

  Having lost their husbands to Ankara for very different reasons, Suzi and Elsa were now alone at home together for the first time, and they grew as close as they’d ever been. Not that they didn’t find plenty to disagree about. For example, Suzi couldn’t understand why her mother was still friends with Hanna. When she complained about Elsa having bought all the wool and thread for the baby clothes from Hanna’s shop, Bedia Hanım said, “It’s only natural that Elsa Hanım would want to spend time with someone who speaks her mother tongue. Try to be a little more understanding.”

  “As if she can’t speak German with me,” Suzi wanted to say. But she held her tongue and tried to be accommodating to both her mother and her mother-in-law.

  A Baby Already on Guard

  Sude was born on a day in June with the roses in full bloom. Demir had been unable to get leave and would not see her until the weekend, but Gerhard, who was in Istanbul for the birth, had taken Suzi to the hospital when her contractions started. Elsa had hurried to Hanna’s for Rozi. Hanna had been calling several times a day to ask after Suzi’s health, in a show of solicitousness that seemed excessive and odd. Elsa couldn’t stop wondering: If Hanna decided not to let Rozi donate blood, would they be able to find someone else? What if there was an emergency? As Elsa fretted and fielded Hanna’s calls, Gerhard and Suzi were oblivious to her distress.

  Thankfully, on the morning of the birth, Hanna was friendly and compliant, and even agreed not to come.

  When Elsa first arrived at the hospital, she left Rozi in the garden and went up to her daughter’s room. She asked Gerhard to go down and explain to the donor what would be required of her.

  “Who is this donor?” asked Suzi.

  “It’s Rozi. She’s the only person we could find who shares your blood type,” Elsa said.

  Suzi made a face—either from labor pains or in reaction to the news.

  “Suzi, please be nice to Rozi. She didn’t have to agree to give blood. Thank her when you see her.”

  Elsa walked over to the window and looked down at the garden. Gerhard and Rozi were standing under a tree, talking. Not for the first time, Elsa observed that there was absolutely no resemblance between them. She opened the window and called out, “Come upstairs. Suzi wants to see both of you.”

  By the time Gerhard and Rozi got upstairs, two nurses were preparing to wheel Suzi to the delivery room.

  “Listen, Dad,” Suzi said. “I don’t want you in the delivery room. If you follow us in, I swear this baby’s not coming out.”

  “Okay then. But I won’t go far. I want to test the baby’s blood as soon it’s born.”

  “I know, Dad. We already talked to the doctor. And thank you, Rozi. Truly.”

  Rozi blushed and hung her head. Elsa was relieved that both girls were acting so angelic. Not that she expected it to last.

  “Would you like me to be there?” Elsa asked.

  “No, Mom,” Suzi said. “And if Demir were here, I’d say the same to him.”

  As the nurses pushed the wheeled bed down the corridor, Gerhard said, “Come along, Rozi. Let’s head down to the laboratory for a quick test.”

  Alone in Suzi’s room, Elsa sat down in a chair by the window. If Rozi’s blood ended up saving the baby, perhaps Gerhard’s indiscretion all those years ago was a blessing in disguise. Hanna had turned up just as Elsa was leaving for Zurich. Then her return to Istanbul had been unexpectedly delayed. And Gerhard had chosen that momen
t to get drunk, which, to be fair, he did rarely. It was almost as though Rozi had been specially created to save Suzi’s child one day.

  Should she forgive Gerhard?

  Elsa’s thoughts were interrupted by Demir’s parents.

  “Elsa Hanım, why didn’t you call sooner?”

  “I’m sorry, Bedia Hanım,” Elsa said. “Things happened quickly. But don’t worry, Suzi was just taken to the delivery room. Nothing’s happened yet.”

  “Is Gerhard Bey there with her?”

  “Dr. Erez will be delivering the baby. Gerhard is around here somewhere.”

  Ten minutes later, Elsa went out into the corridor and started looking for Gerhard. Perhaps he’d decided to wait outside the delivery room? She went over to the desk and asked the nurse on duty if he’d seen her husband.

  “He went down to the laboratory with a young woman,” the nurse said. “He said something about getting a blood sample.”

  “Where’s the laboratory?”

  Following the nurse’s directions, Elsa found the laboratory two floors below at the end of a long corridor. She pushed open a glass door. The nurse inside was attaching a label to a small test tube. Spying her husband and Rozi, Elsa went up to them.

  “Bedia Hanım and Nazmi Bey have arrived,” she said.

  “We were just about to join you. Our work here is done,” Gerhard said.

  “You already took blood from Rozi?”

  “No, no. Just a drop from her finger. It didn’t hurt at all, did it, Rozi? We’ll wait until the birth to find out if the baby needs a transfusion. I’m sure it won’t.”

  Elsa leaned close to Gerhard and whispered, “What’s going on? Did she change her mind?”

  “I’ll explain everything later, Elsa,” Gerhard said. “Let’s wait until after we see our grandchild.”

  Gerhard and Elsa went upstairs and began waiting with the Atalays. A few hours later, the news came that Suzi’s cervix was already fully dilated. The birth was imminent, and the mother was doing well.

  “I’m going to go to the delivery room and wait by the door,” Gerhard said. “Just in case.”

  “Take Rozi with you,” Elsa said.

  “She can stay here for now. I’ll let you know if we need her.”

  A little while later, Rozi said she needed to go to the bathroom. When she didn’t come back, Elsa assumed she was with Gerhard.

  Gerhard ran into Dr. Erez on his way to the delivery room.

  “Congratulations,” Erez said. “You have a healthy granddaughter. It was an easy delivery.”

  Gerhard heard the baby before he saw her. His face broke into a grin.

  “It’s a girl!” a nurse said. “Would you like to watch me bathe her, Professor?”

  “And the blood type?”

  “The same as her mother.”

  Gerhard kissed Suzi on the cheek and walked over to the baby, uttering a silent prayer of thanks in every language he knew.

  The sound of wheels rolling down the corridor alerted Elsa and the Atalays. Suzi looked tired but happy. Not long after, Gerhard came in, pushing a wheeled crib.

  “Introducing Sude Hanım,” he said.

  Elsa, Bedia Hanım, and Nazmi Bey gathered around. The baby’s eyes were squeezed shut, two thin lines in a little red face. Her curly, damp hair was chestnut brown, and her tiny fists, wrapped in white mittens, were held up on either side of her face, like a boxer already on guard against the blows of life.

  “Welcome, Sude,” Suzi said when the baby was brought over to her. “Look! She’s smiling!”

  “Newborns can’t smile,” Bedia Hanım said.

  While the Atalays and Suzi fussed over the baby, Gerhard gently guided Elsa out to the corridor.

  “There’s something I want to tell you,” he said. “I was going to wait until a more suitable time, but I thought you’d want to know. Rozi doesn’t have the same blood type as Suzi. And what’s more, she couldn’t be my daughter.”

  “Oh my God! Hanna lied? But how could she have known Suzi’s blood type? Unless—I must have said it. I told her we needed to find an AB positive donor. But—oh my God—what if we really had needed a transfusion for the baby?”

  “Hanna must have decided to take a gamble. As I told you, the risk was very low. But if Rozi had given blood, it would have—where is Rozi, anyway?”

  “She said she was going to the bathroom. I haven’t seen her since. Gerhard! That woman is pure evil! Either that, or she’s crazy.”

  “I think she really might be mentally unbalanced.”

  “Well, even if she is, how could her daughter have gone along with this?”

  “The girl’s innocent, Elsa. She was just obeying her mother. If Rozi had known, she wouldn’t have agreed to give me a blood sample.”

  “I need to sit down.”

  Gerhard helped Elsa to a chair at the end of the corridor.

  I can’t faint now, not when my daughter needs me. She’d planned to spend the night at the hospital with Suzi. She’d have to pull herself together and think about the implications of Hanna’s lies later.

  “I’ll join you in a minute,” she told Gerhard. “Go back to the others.”

  By the time Elsa got to her feet, she had made up her mind to visit Hanna in a few days and confront her about Rozi’s blood type. It would, she decided, be the last time she ever saw Hanna’s deceitful face.

  When Elsa got back to the hospital room, the Ellimans were there, as well as Dr. Erez, who had a chart showing the baby’s height and weight. The doctor said that Sude would be given a little sugar water, but that she could start nursing the following morning. On his way out, he turned to Gerhard.

  “Relax and enjoy your beautiful granddaughter, Gerhard. Everything turned out as well as I expected. While I understand taking precautions, you were getting a little overanxious.” The doctor turned to Elsa. “And please tell your sister everything is fine. She was so worried.”

  “My sister?”

  “She came to talk to me about blood incompatibility. I assured her there was almost no chance that a transfusion would be necessary, but she seemed even more anxious than your husband.”

  “Hanna came to see you?”

  “I don’t remember her name. A tall, blond woman.”

  “I see. I’ll tell her for you,” Elsa said, moving aside so the doctor could leave.

  Elsa spent that night at the hospital, as planned. The next morning, Gerhard came and took his newly enlarged family home in a cab. He would be leaving that evening on the overnight train to Ankara and asked Elsa to join him for an early dinner out.

  “I can’t leave Suzi on her own,” Elsa said.

  “Mother, please! I’m not a baby. In fact, I have a baby of my own now,” Suzi said. “Besides, Demir will be here in an hour, and I’m sure his mother will be with him.”

  “We’ll just have a quick dinner at the station,” Gerhard insisted. “You’ll be back home in no time. There are some things we need to talk about.”

  “Are you two keeping secrets from me?” Suzi asked.

  “Can’t a husband and wife talk in private?”

  “I suppose so. On the condition that you tell me everything later,” Suzi said with a laugh.

  When Elsa had gone to change, Suzi teased Gerhard. “Dad, are you two dating all over again? I’ve seen the looks you give each other. And now you’re having dinner and a secret talk.”

  “So what if we are?” Gerhard said. “We may be grandparents now, but we’re not quite ready to be tossed onto the scrap heap.”

  Sitting across from each other at a small table in the Haydarpaşa station restaurant, Gerhard and Elsa each ordered a bowl of stew. When the waiter was gone, Gerhard leaned forward.

  “Elsa,” he said, looking into his wife’s eyes, “I hope you understand now what Hanna is really like. I’ll be staying in Ankara until the end of the term, but after that, I’d like to come home, if you’ll have me.”

  “I still don’t understand why that woman would w
ish us harm.”

  “Obviously, she’s not well. How much did you know about her before you agreed to bring her to Istanbul? Can we believe anything she’s said? She might even have made up that story about her husband being sterile.”

  “Be that as it may, it doesn’t excuse your behavior. You got drunk and then—then it happened. The thing you claim not to remember.”

  “You know what the Turks say. From every evil comes some good. Ever since that night, I haven’t allowed myself more than two drinks at a sitting. Elsa, please. Can’t we agree never to talk about Hanna and Rozi again?”

  The waiter arrived with two steaming bowls of stew and a basket of bread. Gerhard and Elsa talked only about their granddaughter and children for the rest of the meal. She then accompanied her husband as far as the train carriage.

  “I need to think over what you said. There’s plenty of time until the end of the term.”

  When Gerhard hugged Elsa good-bye, she was as stiff as before and, as the train pulled out of the station, she didn’t wave back. What he didn’t know was that she stood on the platform for a long time after the train had disappeared.

  Two days later, Elsa called Hanna and invited her to Markiz again, asking that she come alone. Hanna arrived with a gift-wrapped package and found Elsa at the same back table as before. This time, though, Elsa didn’t ask Hanna what she’d like.

  “Congratulations! I was so happy to hear that the baby was healthy. Still, it’s nice to know that Rozi could be a donor in the future.”

  “If the baby had been given a transfusion of Rozi’s blood, it would have died. And you knew it. Your lie would have killed my granddaughter, Hanna! I won’t be filing an official complaint. My husband and I have decided that you need mental help, and I hope that you get it, for Rozi’s sake. Now listen to me very carefully. If you ever bother me or any members of my family, if you so much as call us on the phone, I will go straight to the police. When they’ve learned what you’ve done, your husband will divorce you, and you’ll go either to prison or a mental hospital.”

  “But I knew there would be no need for Rozi’s blood. Otherwise, I’d never—”