Bittersweet

by Jannine Gallant

  “I don’t want you to go, either, but you have to. What if Nathan stopped by tonight on his way back to town?”

  Daniel scowled. “Does he make a habit of visiting you so late in the evening?”

  She stiffened. “You have no reason to be jealous.”

  He tried to relax, tried to let go of his anger. Knowing he had created the situation to begin with only made it worse. “I’m sorry, but I want this waiting to be over.”

  She reached up and stroked his cheek. “It will be soon.”

  “I suppose I should go.”

  She nodded, but her hand lingered. She pulled his face down to hers, and their lips met. The kiss was long and heated. When he raised his head, he was breathless.

  “If I stay any longer, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

  “Then go.” She kissed him again. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

  “Probably. I talked to Isaac. He’s going to help with the harvesting. We’ll both be out in the fields all day.”

  “I have canning to finish.” She made a face.

  “I almost forgot. Your mother plans to come out and help.”

  “No!”

  He stared at her in surprise. “I thought you would be pleased. I know canning isn’t your favorite chore.”

  “Oh Daniel, you know how Mama is. How am I ever going to keep my feelings a secret from her? It’s difficult enough with Aunt Fay.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that.”

  Tess sighed. “It can’t be helped now. Just please don’t come by while she’s here. If she saw us together she would guess in an instant.”

  His sour mood eased, and he smiled. “Why, wouldn’t you be able to keep your hands to yourself?”

  “I have self-control. It’s you I’m worried about.” She gave him a push toward the porch steps.

  “With good reason. You’re much too tempting.” With the light shining behind her, he could see right through her nightgown. His fingers itched to stroke her. “You make it hard for a man to leave.”

  “Go take a swim in the creek, Daniel,” Tess said with a laugh. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He touched her face and kissed her one last time. “Sweet dreams.”

  * * * *

  Tess heard a buggy pull into the yard as she finished her eggs. She shoved a last bite of toast into her mouth and hurried outside to help with the horses. Nora stood by while she turned the team loose in the corral.

  “Daniel said you had a nice time in Denver.”

  “We did.” She hugged her mother. “Thank you for coming out to help with the canning.”

  “I know how difficult it is to get anything done with a baby under foot. Besides, it will give us a chance to talk.”

  Tess closed her eyes and offered up a brief prayer as she entered the kitchen. She poured her mother a cup of coffee.

  “What did you want to talk about?”

  “Why, lots of things.” Nora sipped her coffee. “Good morning, Fay.”

  Fay set the breakfast dishes in the dishpan and smiled at Nora. “You’re out early this morning.”

  “I have a lot to discuss with Tess.” Her eyes held a speculative look. “Your trip to Denver, Nathan’s offer of marriage, the reason your sister came home in a huff last night and went straight to her room without so much as a goodnight to your pa or me.” Taking a deep breath, she studied Tess over the rim of her cup. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

  “How would I know what is bothering Lottie?” Tess dragged a bushel basket full of beans out of the pantry. She set a big pot of water on the stove to boil and added a few sticks of wood to the fire. Her plan today was to stay so busy her mother wouldn’t have time for a full inquisition.

  “I thought Daniel might have mentioned it to you.”

  “You should have asked her yourself.”

  “She wasn’t up when I left this morning. I think she was avoiding me, though I can’t imagine why,” she said in a disgruntled tone.

  Tess had been on the receiving end of her mother’s loving advice too many times not to sympathize with her sister. “She’ll tell you eventually.”

  “I suppose so.” Nora tied an apron around her waist, and the three women set to work.

  While they filled canning jars with beans, Tess chattered about Denver. She described their visit to the lawyer’s office, the food they had eaten, and the clothing in the store windows. She talked about everything but Daniel, hoping her mother wouldn’t notice the omission. Emily proudly displayed her new doll.

  “My, she is pretty.” Nora glanced away from the doll and directed a penetrating stare at her daughter. “Is that all you bought?”

  Tess avoided her gaze. She’d hidden her engagement ring under a stack of drawers in her bureau. “That’s all.”

  “Did you tell Daniel about Nathan’s proposal?”

  She hesitated. “I told him.”

  Nora’s eyes narrowed. “How did he take the news?”

  “He was surprised.”

  “Did he try to talk you out of it?”

  “He argued some.”

  “My goodness, Tess, you’re as close-mouthed as your sister. What’s gotten into you girls?”

  Tess’s chest burned. She didn’t like lying, but sometimes her mother’s nosiness made her crazy. “I don’t feel comfortable discussing it, Mama.”

  “For heaven sakes, Nora, leave the poor girl alone,” Fay said.

  “Oh, fine, but tell me this at least. Is there still going to be a wedding?”

  “There’s going to be a wedding.” Tess held up her hand. “That’s all I intend to say on the subject.”

  Late in the afternoon Tess hitched up her mother’s horses. “I want to get home to fix your pa his supper,” Nora said. “Heaven only knows if Lottie will want any. That girl certainly has been moody lately.”

  “I’m sure she’ll come around. Thank you for your help with the canning.”

  Her mother paused beside the buggy. “I’ll see you on Sunday, dear. Are you coming to dinner after church?”

  Tess scratched her chin. “Why don’t you and Pa come here instead?” Sunday was still a couple of days away. Surely she would have spoken to Nathan by then. She couldn’t stand these half truths much longer. She wanted to shout out her love for Daniel for the entire world to hear.

  “Aren’t you going to church?”

  “I might not. Daniel will probably be too busy with harvesting to bring us, and Aunt Fay will ride with Doc Fredericks.”

  “What about Nathan?”

  “If he’s back, I’ll talk to him about it,” she said.

  Nora clamped her lips together, obviously holding back more questions. “All right, your pa and I will come here for dinner. It will make a nice change if you’re sure you don’t mind doing the cooking.”

  “I don’t mind. Tell Lottie she’s welcome.”

  “I will.” With a grunt, Nora heaved herself up onto the seat. She turned the horses expertly and headed toward town.

  Tess shaded her eyes and scanned the cornfield for Daniel. Finally she saw him north of the creek. She went inside and helped her aunt fix a light supper. When the meal was over, she walked out onto the porch, and her gaze turned toward the north. Daniel was still working. Her heart ached with missing him.

  Emily was fast asleep, and Fay had retired for the evening when Tess heard a knock on the kitchen door. Shadow jumped to his feet, barking. Tess shushed him. Her spirits soared as she hurried down the stairs in her nightgown. She threw open the door, and her smile froze. Her heart plummeted.

  “Hello, Tess. You’re certainly a sight for tired eyes.”

  “Nathan! Did you just get back? Come in.”

  He stepped into the kitchen and removed his hat. His clothes were stiff with dirt and sweat, and there was several days’ growth of beard on his face.

  He smiled. “I would kiss you, but I’m filthy.”

  “Come sit down. You look exhausted.”

 
“I won’t stay long, but I wanted you to know I’m back. Craven got away again.”

  “Oh no!” She sank onto a chair. Not again!

  “I almost had him, but he disappeared in the same area we tracked him to before. I spent two days looking for his hideout.”

  “I’m sorry, Nathan.”

  “So am I.” He hesitated a moment then pulled out a chair.

  “Can I make you something to eat?” she asked. “You must be starving.”

  “It’s late. I don’t want to trouble you.”

  “It’s no trouble.” Tess jumped up and went into the pantry, thankful to have a few minutes reprieve. She returned with a thick sandwich and some leftover potatoes from dinner. “I can heat water for tea, or there’s milk if you prefer.”

  “Milk is fine. Come sit down and tell me about Denver.”

  “We met with the lawyer. He gave us a bank draft for the house.”

  “That’s good. What else did you do?”

  She picked at a spot of gravy on the red checked tablecloth. Finally, she raised her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. “Nathan, there’s something we need to talk about.”

  He was silent, staring at her hand. She glanced down. The diamond sparkled in the lamplight.

  “Nathan—”

  “That’s not the ring I gave you.”

  “No, no it’s not.” She stood and walked over to the windowsill where a small box rested. She pulled the lid off and removed his pearl ring. Returning to the table, she held it out with a shaking hand.

  His gaze met hers. “What does this mean, Tess?”

  Her voice caught, and she squeezed back tears. “I can’t marry you, Nathan. I’m sorry. I thought I could for all the wrong reasons.”

  “What made you change your mind?” His voice was gruff with emotion.

  She wouldn’t lie. “Daniel thought loving me would betray his brother’s memory. He finally realized he was mistaken.”

  “You intend to marry Daniel?”

  She nodded. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” A tear rolled down her cheek, and she brushed it away. “You’ve been wonderful to me.”

  He rubbed his face, his expression closed. “You never lied about your feelings. I was a fool to think I could change your mind.”

  “No you weren’t. I do care for you, honestly.”

  “But you never loved me. It was always Daniel right from the start.”

  “Yes,” she whispered. Her throat burned with tears.

  Nathan picked up the ring and slammed his hand down on the tabletop. Tess jumped, and Shadow growled low in his throat. She put a calming hand on the dog’s head.

  “Do you want the necklace back?”

  “No, I don’t want the necklace back. It was your birthday gift. What I want is to go over to Daniel’s house and punch him in the mouth.”

  “No, Nathan no!” Tess cried. “This is my fault, not Daniel’s.”

  “It is his fault. If he’d been man enough to own up to his feelings in the beginning, I would never have started seeing you.”

  “It was complicated,” Tess said. Her chest ached. “Hurting him won’t solve anything.”

  Nathan stood and walked to the window. He leaned on the sink and stared out into the dark. Finally he turned. “I’m not going to hit him. I stopped fighting with my fists years ago.”

  Tentatively she laid her hand on his arm. “I really am sorry. I feel horrible.”

  “Not nearly as bad as I do.” He shook off her hand and picked up his hat. But he didn’t leave.

  Guilt clawed at her, shredding her heart. “Is there anything I can say?”

  “That big diamond on your finger says it all.” He looked away from her. “How did Lottie take the news?”

  “She was angry. Daniel told her he couldn’t see her anymore, but he didn’t tell her why. I wanted to explain it to you first.”

  “Am I supposed to thank you for that?”

  “No. I was trying to do the right thing, Nathan.” Her voice shook. “I didn’t know you’d come straight here before going into town. I didn’t want you to find out from someone else.”

  “That would have been worse. I’m leaving, Tess. I can’t talk about this anymore.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “I suppose I’ll see you around town.”

  “For a while anyway.”

  “What do you mean?”

  His eyes were hard. “I mean it’s best if I move on. There’s no point in making myself miserable day in and out, watching you with Daniel.”

  “But what about your job and your friends? The people here like and respect you!”

  He shrugged. “There’ll be other jobs.”

  “I hope you’ll reconsider.”

  “Right now I’m too tired to think straight. Goodbye, Tess.”

  Tess stood in the doorway and watched him go. His pain and disappointment were a crushing weight in her chest. She jumped when a shadow detached from the barn and moved toward her.

  “It’s just me.”

  “Oh, Daniel! You startled me.”

  “I saw Nathan’s horse and knew you wouldn’t want me to come to the house while he was here.” He climbed the porch steps and took her hand. “Are you all right?”

  She nodded and drew him into the kitchen. She shut the door and stood there for a moment, leaning against it.

  He pulled her into his arms. “What happened?”

  “He was hurt, Daniel. He talked about leaving town. I feel awful.”

  “You can’t blame yourself.”

  She sighed. “I can’t help having regrets.”

  He stiffened. “About us?”

  “No, never about us. I wish I hadn’t led him on in the first place. I wouldn’t have considered his proposal if I hadn’t so desperately wanted to give Emily a father. I thought I was making the right choice.”

  “It’s over. We can’t forever regret our lapses in judgment. I’m the one who made the biggest mistakes.”

  She closed her eyes. “Why can’t life be simple? Why are there always so many complications?”

  “To test our character, I suppose. Everything will work out. We found each other. Nathan will find someone eventually, and so will Lottie.”

  “I hope so.”

  She stood, pressing her face against his chest. When something damp nuzzled her leg, she looked down at Shadow staring up at her and laughed softly. The sound was edged with bitterness.

  “What is it?”

  “Shadow looks confused. He’s not used to men coming and going at this hour, and he doesn’t like it when people are angry.” She patted the dog’s head.

  “I don’t blame him. I don’t like it much myself.”

  “There’s more bad news. Jack Craven got away. Nathan lost his trail in the hills.”

  “Damn! That man is as elusive as a ghost.”

  “Nathan thinks he has a hideout up there.”

  “If he does we didn’t see any sign of it.”

  “He’ll slip up sometime soon. He has to.” She felt utterly weary, beaten. “I don’t want to think about that man leaving more death and misery in his wake.”

  “Nathan is good at what he does. He’ll catch him.”

  “And what if Nathan isn’t here to do his job?”

  “Then someone else will.”

  She let out a long, dispirited sigh. “I’m tired. I should go to bed.”

  “So should I.” He stroked her hair. “I told Isaac to meet me in the fields at sunup.”

  Worry for him nagged her. “You didn’t quit until dark. You shouldn’t work such long hours, Daniel. You’ll make yourself ill.”

  He shrugged. “The corn won’t harvest itself, and I want to get the job finished.”

  “Then go home and get some sleep.”

  “If Fay weren’t upstairs…”

  Tess met his gaze. “We really shouldn’t until we’re married.”

  “Soon. We’ll be together soon.”

  “I don’t want you to
go,” she whispered.

  He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her. His tongue slid along hers, filling her mouth in a way that made her ache for more. Her knees turned to water. When he released her, she collapsed into a chair. He walked out the door into the night.

  Chapter 16

  Wesley and Nora arrived for dinner on Sunday afternoon without Lottie.

  “She absolutely refused to come, and when I asked why, she said I would find out soon enough.” Nora shook her head in exasperation and bent to pick up Emily. “Now what do you suppose she meant by that?”

  Tess knew exactly what she meant but kept her mouth closed. She and Daniel wanted to tell her parents and Aunt Fay about their wedding plans together. Lottie had undoubtedly guessed their intentions.

  “Don’t fret about Lottie, Mama. She’s in one of her moods.”

  “I can’t help it. It’s worrisome, the way she’s behaving.”

  Tess pulled a pan of biscuits from the oven and checked the potatoes boiling on the stove.

  “Those look cooked to me,” Fay said.

  “They are. Why don’t you mash them while I call Pa and Daniel? Everything is about ready.”

  “Don’t be in such a rush.” Nora lowered Emily to the floor. “I would like to know why Daniel is here for dinner instead of Nathan.”

  She avoided her gaze. “It just worked out that way.”

  Tess hurried out the door, letting the screen slap shut behind her. She crossed the yard to the corral where Wesley and Daniel leaned against the gate. The sight of his strong, sturdy back, his quick grin when he turned his head, lightened her heart and put a skip in her step.

  “The corn crop turned out better than I expected,” Daniel said as she approached. “Thanks to all Tess’s help with the watering.”

  “I’m glad we were able to save some of it.”

  “It’s not the best crop we’ve ever had, that’s for certain, but it could have been worse.”

  “What are you doing with the dead sections?” Wesley asked.

  “I’ll use it for cattle fodder. If there’s enough, I may be able to sell some of the hay I cut last month.”