A Ghostly Mortality: A Ghostly Southern Mystery (Ghostly Southern Mysteries)

by Tonya Kappes

  Granny had a cherry pie to die for and Beulah Paige had a chicken pot pie that was gobbled up on the first pass of the food line. Of course it was always fun and exciting to watch when one of the Auxiliary women brought something that wasn’t on the list. Oh yeah. There was a list that was kept and checked off when you dropped off your dish. The keeper of the list happened to be Granny.

  “Did you get a piece of Zula Fae’s pie?” I heard someone say when I passed by one of the banquet tables. “Delish.”

  I looked at Granny, who was standing behind the open window where you could see the women working away in the kitchen and gave her a thumbs-up.

  She licked her pointer finger and gave herself an imaginary mark in the win column. I gave her a quick wave and mouthed that I had to go back and work on Sissy. She gave me the a-okay sign.

  The sun was shining and the birds were chirping on my hop and skip back down the town square toward Eternal Slumber. I wanted to enjoy the lovely walk, but I knew I had limited time alone. Vernon, John Howard and Mary Anna were still filling their bellies in the basement of the church but I had enough time to get back to the funeral home and find out more about Charlotte.

  I ran up the front steps and opened the big doors. Charlotte was still sitting in the chair next to the sideboard. She looked up, a wry grin on her face as she wiped slow rubs on top of the antique piece of furniture.

  “I’ll be.” She brought her hands up and smacked them together in delight. “After all this time you really were telling the truth. You can see dead people. I mean I thought you were nuts. Coo-coo crazy like everyone else in Sleepy Hollow thought, but you aren’t. I mean you can see dead people.”

  Charlotte went on and on. I fell back into the couch with my eyes closed tight and praying on exactly how I was going to solve my sister’s murder while I grieved, and was there for my family.

  “Were you really getting Mamie Sue’s teeth for her that night you broke into Burns Funeral Home and got caught?”

  “Yes.” I couldn’t help but smile thinking how my Betweener client, Mamie Sue Preston, was buried without her dentures and I had to break into Burns Funeral Home to get them out of her file so I could slip them into her grave.

  I might be good at helping ghosts cross over, but I was not good at breaking the law. It embarrassed Jack Henry to death when I got caught and I’m not even going to try to recall how Granny nearly died right in the kitchen of the inn when one of the gossipy Auxiliary women told Granny I had broken into our number one competitor.

  Jack knew my secret about seeing the dead so I got a little sympathy from him. Not much. But a little.

  “And the time you joined the beauty pageant.” Charlotte flopped down next to me. “Were you doing that to help Chicken Teater cross over?”

  “Yes.” I laughed thinking about how I had let Mary Anna turn me into a blonde for the sake of helping these ghosts. Trust me, blondes don’t have more fun.

  “I’ll be.” Charlotte grinned from ear to ear. “You can see ghosts.”

  “I’m a Betweener.” It was like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I sat there and told Charlotte everything that I had been keeping from everyone.

  Suddenly it hit me. My hands started to shake. “Oh, Charlotte.” I burst into tears. The realization that my sister was a ghost suddenly hit me hard. “Who? When? I was just with you. Granny. Momma. Daddy.” I couldn’t bring myself to even say the words that would devastate my family.

  “I don’t know what happened. One minute I was at Hardgrove’s in my office, the next minute I’m here.” She looked down at her suit and tried to brush off the dirt. “This suit was expensive too.”

  The cat I’d been trying to catch ran over, jumping into Charlotte’s lap.

  “I’m not its ghost. He’s lost.” Charlotte rubbed down the cat’s fur.

  “What?” My eyes shot open. “It’s a ghost cat?”

  “You can see animals too?” Charlotte asked a good question.

  The orange tabby purred with each swipe of Charlotte’s hands. Its back arched when her long nails raked down its spine.

  “Apparently,” I groaned flatly wondering why on earth it was here.

  “I never knew you liked cats.” It was weird seeing Charlotte give anything any of her time when she was mostly conceited and selfish.

  “I never said I didn’t like cats. I just don’t think someone should have a pet if they don’t have time to take care of the pet.” She smiled, blinking slowly at the cat. “I heard on the Animal Network that cats like to be blinked at slowly.”

  “Ghost Charlotte is much nicer than living Charlotte.” I shrugged.

  “Gee thanks,” she grumbled.

  The cat curled up on her lap with its paws tucked up under its chin. This was a first for me as a Betweener. All of my Betweener clients had been people I’d had as clients at Eternal Slumber or who were residents of Sleepy Hollow.

  My brows creased and I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I thought about the ghost cat. It was going to have to wait until I figured out Charlotte Rae’s situation. I was going to have to get used to having a pet until then. Not to mention that I needed to go back to see the psychic Jack Henry had taken me to when we first needed confirmation and clarification I had this so-called gift. It was my understanding that I was only seeing the ghosts of murdered Eternal Slumber clients. Then I had ghosts that were just community members. And now the cat. I had a sneaky suspicion the psychic was going to have more eye-opening news about my gift than I wanted to hear.

  I looked over at Charlotte Rae. She was so content sitting there with that cat that it sort of made me uneasy. She’d never been one to just sit and do nothing.

  “But if I help you cross over”—I bit back the tears—“it means I’ll never see you again.”

  “Oh, you’ll see me again. In the ever after.” She reached over and patted me. “You have to help me. I can’t stay here in this between stage forever. It’s not good for my complexion.”

  Charlotte was wrong. It wasn’t fair that she looked just as pretty as a ghost as she did as a living person. When I first saw her as a ghost, she looked a little tired, but hope filled her green eyes, bringing the sparkle back.

  “But I can’t let you go.” The tears streamed down my face. “I know we have had our differences, but . . .”

  She stopped me by putting her finger on my mouth.

  “Shh.” Charlotte smiled. “I know you love me. You don’t have to keep telling me about our differences. We are different. Everyone is different. But we are blood. You will always be my sister and that is what’s important.”

  “Why didn’t you sign the papers?” I asked. I guess it didn’t matter now that she was dead that she didn’t sign them, but I needed to know for my peace of mind.

  “I don’t know.” She placed a flat palm on her stomach. “A gut feeling.”

  “I haven’t failed yet.” I took a deep breath.

  “You mean you have helped more than Ruthie and Chicken?” Charlotte’s green eyes opened wide.

  Slowly I nodded. “Cephus, Digger, Mamie and Jade Lee too.”

  Charlotte’s jaw dropped wide open. Rarely was Charlotte left speechless.

  I laughed, hoping to break the tension between us.

  “I can’t believe I treated you like you were crazy.” She smacked the palm of her hand to her forehead. “I made you take those ‘Funeral Trauma’ pills Doc Clyde gave you.”

  “I pretended to take them,” I assured her. I did take a few, but all of that didn’t seem relevant now. “Seeing the ghosts did make me feel crazy at first, but now it’s strange if I’m not surrounded by them. Just like you keep telling me to forget about our differences, stop apologizing for thinking I was crazy.” I held up my thumb and forefinger and parted them a fraction. “I might be a tad bit nuts.” I winked.

  “Do you see anyone else? Like now?” Her head twisted as she looked around the room.

  “Nope. Just you.” I paused and looked a
t the feline. “And that cat.”

  I had seen two ghosts at once before when the murderer was the same, but I hoped Charlotte Rae’s situation wasn’t the same. Two ghosts at once was almost too much. Even ghosts bicker back and forth like children. Fighting over who gets more of your time.

  “I have no idea about the cat. I can only tell you that it’s not with me.” Charlotte did a little shimmy shake.

  There was a light rap on the door.

  “Emma Lee.” Charlotte stopped me when I got up to answer the door. I had to face the music at some point. “What is next?”

  “Well.” I turned toward her. “We wait for someone to call us about your fate. It’s not like I can go run and inform people that you are dead when no one has found your body. Then I look for clues about who did it and Jack Henry puts the sonofabitch behind bars. I would like to kill whoever did this, but I don’t want them to haunt me.” My lips formed a thin line across my face. I tried to tip up the edges, but they fell into a frown. My eyes teared up again. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do without you.”

  “You’ll be just fine.” Charlotte disappeared into thin air just as the knock at the door got louder.

  “Emma Lee?” Jack Henry’s voice was on the other side.

  I opened the door to find Jack Henry and Granny standing behind him with curious eyes staring back at me. I was sure Jack had held Granny off as long as he could, giving me a little time alone with Charlotte.

  “I’m so sorry.” I ran my hands down my suit jacket. “My blood sugar must be low. I’ve been so worked up about Charlotte not signing the papers.” The excuse was lame, but the last thing I wanted to tell Granny was that she was about to get a call to let her know Charlotte Rae was dead.

  “Enough about the stupid papers!” Charlotte chirped from the other room.

  “Not that the papers matter.” I shook my head and smiled at Granny.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Granny slightly pushed Jack Henry to the side. I used slightly very generously. “I know you didn’t just say those papers didn’t matter. What Charlotte Rae did to you was a humdinger of a doozy.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Charlotte’s ghost was suddenly standing next to me. “Granny is on your side?”

  “Plus that sideboard.” Granny tapped her finger to her forehead before she circled one of her red curls around it. “I’ve been thinking on that. At first when she asked for it, I didn’t give two hoots and a holler, but you’re right.”

  “Right?” Charlotte stomped. Good ole Charlotte was coming back. “Don’t you get me started, old lady.” Charlotte’s eyes narrowed as she warned Granny.

  I giggled. I just couldn’t help it. Ghost Charlotte was pitchin’ a fit right there in front of Granny as Granny talked about her. I giggled again, trying to stop by placing my hand over my mouth.

  Jack Henry was a nervous Nellie, fidgeting side to side, not knowing what to do. I could tell he didn’t know whether to take Granny’s side or try to understand my giggling, though I could tell he knew it was all Charlotte’s doing.

  “Boy, you got ants in your pants?” Granny’s eyes did a long slow slide toward Jack. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing, ma’am.” Jack’s lips pressed together. He knew all too well the wrath of Zula Fae Raines Payne. Lord have mercy on whoever did this to Charlotte Rae, because they would have to face Granny.

  Chapter 6

  No matter how much I tried and how much Charlotte Rae encouraged me, I just didn’t get one ounce of sleep. Jack Henry had been busy on the computer with his police websites looking up crimes in the area to see if anything about Charlotte had come through. Nothing had shown up which made me believe that no one had found her yet, and that just broke my heart.

  It’s not good to be dead, but to be dead when no one has found your body was just plumb awful. No amount of time alone with Jack Henry or Preparation H was going to help my stress go away. But a big cup of coffee from Higher Grounds Café would help jump-start my day.

  “Hey, Sug.” Mary Anna Hardy was sitting at a four-top table with Beulah Paige, Bea Allen and Mable Claire at Higher Grounds Café sipping their coffees and eating their fresh baked soufflés. “Are you all right? You look tired.”

  “Thanks for the compliment.” I shook my head. If Charlotte’s body had been found, this would’ve been an altogether different conversation.

  “Or are you just so worried about Sissy’s funeral this morning?” Bea Allen’s lips curled up in a snarky grin. Her frizzy hair topped the six-foot body that was slumped back in the chair. She swung her leg that was crossed over the other to and fro, letting that big toe of hers stick out like a sore thumb. It wasn’t her prettiest quality.

  “Really, you need to tell her that she needs to wear closed-toe shoes.” Charlotte’s nose curled in a phew-wee curl.

  I swallowed, trying to stay focused on the women.

  “Why would I be worried about Sissy’s funeral?” I asked, wondering what she meant.

  She shrugged her shoulders, a smug look on her face.

  “I think Emma Lee has been doing a good job.” Mable Claire’s cheeks balled up from her big grin. She snapped her fingers as a child walked by, stopping the little boy. “Here, honey.” She dug deep in her pocket and took out a penny. She held it up to her eyes before sticking it back in her pocket. The little boy snarled. “You are a big boy. A penny won’t even let you buy a piece of candy over at Artie’s.” She dug deeper in her pocket and took out a nickel. Proud, she held it out to him. “Here you go. Don’t go spending all that in one place.”

  The little boy looked at the coin and smiled politely, stepping out of the way before more children with doughnuts in one hand held out the other hand as Mable Claire gave each one a coin. This was her. She clinked when she walked from all the change, and every child she passed got a coin.

  “Thank you, Mable Claire.” I took a little bow from behind the line of children, and then turned toward Beulah Paige Bellefry. “Beulah?”

  “Tell Beulah to stop going to the tanning bed.” Charlotte’s ghost had all of a sudden gotten a backbone. Never in a million years would living Charlotte ever say these things about these women. “And those lashes. I wonder how much she paid for those.”

  Charlotte was right. Everything on Beulah Paige was fake. Even her eyelashes. Recently I’d heard that she’d even gotten her eyebrows threaded. Whatever that was. It just meant another thing on her was not real. Just like the smile on her face wasn’t real.

  “Going for a new look?” I questioned Beulah’s long red hair that had a more toned-down look.

  “Yeah.” Mary Anna leaned back and crossed her arms in front of her. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that.” She glared at Beulah. Beulah shifted in her seat and fiddled with the edges of her napkin.

  “And your brows look different.” I bent down. Beulah glared at me.

  Mary Anna jumped up, knocking down the chair behind her. The entire café went silent and all eyes were on us. “You have been going to someone different.” Mary Anna knew that the new color wasn’t done by her hands, nor were the brows. “You’ve been cheating on me.” The hurt dripped out of her mouth.

  “I was trying something different. But I don’t like it.” Beulah ran her fingers through her hair and threw it behind her shoulders. “I’ll be at Girl’s Best Friend to get it fixed.”

  “It’s gonna cost ya.” Mary Anna shook her finger before she stomped out of the café door.

  “You are always causing problems,” Bea Allen grunted from her seat.

  “From what I hear, Burns has been making a lot of mistakes.” It might not have been a nice thing to say, but it was a thing between me and my biggest competitor.

  “Where on earth did you hear that?” Bea jerked back. “You heard wrong. We are plenty busy. Right, Beulah?”

  “Right as rain.” Beulah nodded.

  “Here’s your coffee,” Cheryl Lynne Doyle called from behind the counter to me. I
t was my cue to leave or that Cheryl wanted me to stop teasing her customers.

  When I walked off, I heard Beulah say, “My hair looks good, doesn’t it?”

  “Don’t you pay no attention to that Emma Lee,” Bea assured her.

  I couldn’t help but smile. Usually they were the ones getting my goat and today I got theirs.

  “They are just mean,” Charlotte grumbled and pressed her nose up against the glass counter like a child. “If I’d known I was going to die so young, I’d gotten me a few of these instead of trying to watch my figure all the time.”

  “You know—” I took what Charlotte said to heart. We never knew when it was our time to go. I surely wouldn’t have thought it was Charlotte’s. “I’ll take a caramel long john to go.”

  “Wow,” Cheryl Lynne, my longtime high school classmate and friend, had surprise in her voice. “Look at you.” She stepped back and put her hands on her lean hips.

  Cheryl was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. She’d gone to New York City and seen those fancy coffee cafés. She told her daddy she wanted one so she went to barista school while her daddy bought and fixed up the building that was now Higher Grounds Café.

  She did good business and she was good with customers. We’d actually become close friends.

  “Life is too short not to enjoy a long john every once in a while.” I peeled a couple dollars out of my front jeans pocket and laid them on the counter.

  “I like your thinking.” She handed me a bag with the Higher Grounds logo and my large coffee. “I’ve got some bagels and dip to drop by Eternal Slumber for Sissy’s repass this morning. I figured bagels were a good brunch food. Where you off to?”

  “Fiddling. Finishing touches,” I lied.

  I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to drive to Lexington and go to Hardgrove’s. I had to find Charlotte’s body. It was killing me keeping this from Granny and my parents.

  My phone chirped from my pocket. It was Jack Henry. I let it go to voice mail.