Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily)

by Karen Amanda Hooper

  “That’s Nathaniel’s room, but he left for Colorado yesterday,” Louise said. “My oldest son, Dylan, and his wife live there, and Nathaniel is starting school there this fall, so he moved in with them.”

  “Right.” Embarrassed that I’d stared at his door so long, I forced myself to step away.

  “And this is your room.” Louise pushed open a large wooden door.

  It took my breath away.

  The room was much bigger than anything I’d had in Maryland. It might have been bigger than Louise’s room. The wood beam ceilings looked twelve-feet high. Forest green curtains draped the towering windows. A crystal hung in each one, reflecting rainbows in numerous directions. Glass doors led to a private balcony.

  “It’s so…enchanting.” I couldn’t believe I used that word, but wow.

  Louise stood in the doorway. "I'm glad you like it.”

  I felt like I’d entered a woodland fantasy. The bed frame was made from thick tree branches that extended to the ceiling. White flowing material canopied the bed and draped down each side onto the floor, enclosing whoever slept there. Me. I’d be sleeping there. In the fanciest bed I’d ever seen. I should’ve felt weird about sleeping in a strange new bed, but something about the room comforted me.

  A round thing made of twigs, strings, and peacock feathers swung gently above the bed. “What’s that?” I nodded upward.

  “A dream catcher. It’s a Native American talisman. Bad dreams are caught in the web while good dreams travel along the feathers and into the mind of the person sleeping beneath it. As the sun rises, the light dissolves any negativity it captured during the night.”

  “Hmph. Nice idea.” Not that I believed it, but it would be great if a circle of wood and feathers could keep my nightmares away.

  “Ooooh,” Krista sailed into the room, running her fingers over a bowl of pink and white stones on the nightstand. “Himalayan Salt Rocks. They enhance your wellbeing.” Krista loved natural hippie stuff, so of course she knew what they were. “I am so jealous of this room. Can I move in here too?”

  I wanted to smack her. I hadn’t decided to move anywhere yet. “You didn’t do all this for me, did you?”

  “It was a joint effort by the family,” Louise replied. “However, Nathaniel did most of the decorating. He wanted to make sure you had a special place to escape.”

  I gazed around again. “He outdid himself.”

  Louise tapped softly on the door knob. “Carson’s room is down the hall. He’ll be home later. And Edgar and Helen live in the in-law cottage next door, but they’re out of town.”

  Krista kicked off her sandals. “Do you have anything to snack on? I’m starving.”

  “Certainly,” Louise replied.

  Krista bolted across the room, but I wanted some alone time. “I’m really tired. Mind if take a nap?”

  “Do whatever you like. This is your home, Maryah. Make yourself comfortable.” Krista gave me a thumbs-up just before Louise shut my bedroom door.

  I rifled through my suitcase until I found what I needed. Krista had been making scented candles for years and they always made me feel better. I lit one for each of my parents and Mikey. My favorite three scents: Green Clover, Nag Champa, and Ocean.

  I climbed into the big fluffy bed and closed my eyes. It was the first sense of peace I had since the night of the attack. Sedona seemed like the perfect place to hide from my memories.

  FANNING AN OLD FLAME

  Nathaniel

  Before my motorcycle fully skidded to a stop in the garage, I ripped off my helmet. I put the kickstand down and paced the driveway. None of my daredevil distractions kept Maryah out of my mind.

  I’d been so insistent about moving away. Dylan and Amber refused to let me go alone, so they packed up their life and also moved to Colorado. I’d never live it down if they knew how badly I wanted to go back.

  Both of their cars were gone. They’d never know if I made one quick trip to Sedona.

  Over the last several lifetimes, I’d mastered my ability to traverse, so the process took merely the length of one breath. I opened every cell in my body so the ions could flow through me. Borrowing a surge of energy from the ionosphere, I prepared to let the flux of a stellar flare form a bridge to my destination.

  I resurfaced atop Cathedral Rock, staring across the desert at the house—our house.

  She chose to return to our home.

  Maryah and her choices: they’d be the death of me.

  Waves of adrenaline shot across my chest. I pictured her walking down our hallways, standing in our kitchen, entering our bedroom, gazing out the windows at a land she used to be so in love with.

  Could she be looking out a window right now? Looking in my direction? From the far distance, I’d only be a silhouette of a hiker—a stranger—standing on the cliffs. God, how I ached to see her again. I squinted, trying to detect any movement in the house, but the sun hung too low in the sky, creating a blinding glare against the windows.

  Throughout this lifetime I had occasionally checked in on her, but only from afar. Once, I sat behind her on the bleachers at a football game. My knees rested inches from her back. Even then, she felt miles away. Now, she and Krista were in our home, surrounded by people Maryah assumed were strangers. Almost a mile of desert separated us, but this was the closest I’d felt to her in nearly two decades.

  The strong urge to traverse inside the house made my skin prickle. I wanted to see her, talk to her, and make sure she was okay. But seeing her would only reopen my wounds. She had demoted me to a stranger, and I couldn’t bear seeing that truth every time she looked at me. Not after hundreds of years together.

  I’d follow my original plan and stay away from her. I had to for my own sanity.

  My cell phone rang and Dylan’s name appeared on the screen. I sent it to voicemail. He and Amber placed bets on how long it would take me to visit Maryah. Technically, the bet was still on, but I didn’t want to admit I had come to Sedona.

  My phone rang again. Louise. Perhaps she had an update on Maryah.

  “Hello, Louise.”

  “Plan on stopping by to say hello to your mother?”

  “Come again?”

  “Nathan, don’t play dumb. I see you over at Cathedral Rock.”

  I glanced at the house then turned my back. It’s not like Louise had preternatural sight. “It must be someone who looks like me. I’m in Colorado.”

  “Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? I’d know your aura anywhere.”

  Bollocks. She did have super-powered vision when it came to seeing a soul’s energy. My unique color pattern of light would be like a blinking beacon on top of the cliffs. That should have occurred to me before coming here. Acting like a stalker, ignoring Dylan, and caught lying to Louise: not the most righteous day of my existence.

  “Forgive me, Louise. This situation has me acting crazy. I’m not myself lately.”

  She sighed. “Lately? You haven’t been yourself this whole cycle of life. But no one can fault you for that.”

  Silence ensued. We’d had this conversation so many times that I stopped responding long ago. Numerous times I wished I could trade this life for the one I lived two lifetimes ago. Granted, I had been deaf, but in hindsight it had been one of my best go-rounds. I had lived a long, comfortable life in England, technology hadn’t taken over the world, and my soul mate was still by my side.

  “Nathan, come visit. Having you here might trigger something.”

  I shut my eyes so tightly that I saw stars. “The only thing it will trigger is more anguish for me.”

  “But what if—”

  “No. Please understand. I can’t—not yet. I’m still trying to recover from her attack. If she would have died …” The thought made my heart implode.

  “I know, but she’s still with us.”

  If Maryah had died, she would’ve been severed from me and our kindrily for eternity. Between every life, we made our choice: erase or retain. As Elements,
my kindrily and I were allotted a different set of rules than average humans. We chose when we’d return to our next life, and to whom we’d be born, allowing us to continuously retain our memories and ensure we stayed connected forever.

  No member had ever erased—until this lifetime.

  If Maryah died not knowing about us, she would have most likely erased her memory again. This time we’d have no way of knowing when or where she’d be reborn. Last go-round she had a plan and she stuck with it—all except the erasure. We had agreed that nothing could ever be so terrible that we would erase, so how and why did it happen? The burden of that unanswered question was mine to carry for at least another lifetime.

  “Nathan, Edgar confirmed our suspicions. The Nefariouns were the ones that attacked Maryah and her family. They’ve been aggressively targeting Elements and building an army.”

  “An army for what? What upstanding Element would ever join their cause?”

  “Edgar hasn’t figured that out yet, but Dedrick is acting as leader.”

  Elements who didn’t follow universal laws and exploited their gifts were outcasted and had their abilities taken away from them. A few continued to perpetually reincarnate, and their desire to regain supernatural abilities strengthened over time. Most of them resorted to sorcery or witchcraft to obtain power, and they had harmed and killed people along the way. Dedrick’s ruthlessness had escalated over the last couple decades.

  “So Dedrick doesn’t know Maryah erased. If he assumes she has her gift, he may still be hunting her.”

  “It’s a possibility. And he might come after more of us. Abilities such as Anthony’s, Edgar’s, or Dylan’s would be extremely valuable to him.”

  My stomach seethed. “Mark my words, if he hurts anyone in our kindrily I will—”

  “Hush.” Louise’s tone changed drastically. Through the phone I heard bamboo wind chimes clanging together. She was in the backyard.

  “Help!” Krista’s faraway scream sent chills through me. My exceptional hearing wasn’t a gift in situations such as this.

  The trickling pond grew louder at an alarming rate. Louise was running through the backyard. My pulse beat double time. “What’s wrong?”

  Her bracelets jingled as her footsteps thudded faster.

  I whipped around and scanned the house. It looked peaceful, but Louise’s panic radiated through the phone. “What’s wrong?”

  In a labored breath, she answered, “Something’s burning.”

  In that instant, I knew Maryah was in danger. And I reacted on instinct.

  FIGHTING FIRE

  Maryah

  I was dreaming about Mikey in a Technicolor forest. He was happy and laughing and waving me over to him, but then my mind yelled at itself to wake up.

  I felt torn: the warmth, the colors, the peace of watching Mikey exist in such a beautiful world. I wanted to stay there forever, but then a deep voice screamed my name.

  Everything happened so fast.

  I opened my eyes, and for a split second I saw my angel of death standing beside my bed. In the instant he vanished, my waking mind processed what was happening.

  Fire.

  Next to me, above me, crawling all around me. Hissing, whooshing, feeding on the canopy, the bedspread, and soon, me—if I didn’t react. A loud pop exploded above me. I scrambled to the foot of the bed.

  I couldn’t get out. The flames surrounded me.

  I tried to yell for help but choked on the smoke. Sweat dripped down my face and arms. I grabbed the blanket I was kneeling on and tossed it over the bonfire that used to be my pillows, but the flames kept crawling closer and growing hotter.

  Every panicked breath I took singed my nose and throat. My eyes stung, but through the wall of fire I saw my bedroom door was open. A guy rushed in with a fire extinguisher, spraying a burst of snow at the bed. I leapt through the clearing in the flames and fell onto the floor. At the same time, Anthony and Krista appeared in the doorway.

  I tried blinking away the stinging in my eyes. In that single blink, the guy with the extinguisher moved across the room, Krista was kneeling by my side, and Anthony blasted water from a garden hose.

  When I blinked again, the heat and flames had diminished. I couldn’t see through the thick smoke, but someone lifted me off the floor.

  Through my coughing fit, I glanced up to see Anthony looking much too calm. He carried me down the hallway, out the front door, and set me down. “Easy. You’re all right.”

  My whole body trembled. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  Louise rubbed my back. “Take deep breaths, sweetheart. You need fresh air.”

  I collapsed onto the front step, hiding my face in my shaking hands. “I’m so sorry. What did I do? I could’ve—oh God, I’m so sorry.”

  Krista squatted in front of me. “Shh, it’s okay. Accidents happen.”

  I almost killed another family. Was I cursed? “I almost burned down the house. I could’ve killed someone!”

  Louise sat beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “But you didn’t. No one got hurt.”

  “Actually,” Krista examined my elbow and the back of my arm. “You did get burned, but that will heal.”

  I was borderline hyperventilating, whether from shock or guilt I wasn’t sure. “I lit candles then fell asleep and…it…. I’m so stupid. I don’t blame you if—”

  “Maryah, breathe.” Louise whispered. “You didn’t do it intentionally.”

  “Wait,” Krista half-laughed. “Please tell me it wasn’t one of my candles.”

  I nodded.

  “Oh, how perfect! So we almost burned down the house together!”

  Most times I could predict Krista’s reactions, but her laughing caught me off guard. “Kris, this is serious.” My heart hadn’t stopped pounding since I woke up. The sun had begun to set, but I couldn’t look at it. The blending shades of yellow and orange looked like flames erupting in the sky. “I’ll pay for the damage. I’ll get a job and—”

  “You’ll do nothing of the sort,” Anthony said. “Money’s no concern. Your wellbeing is what matters.”

  A dull buzzing rang through my ears. Something didn’t feel right.

  Time felt off, like pieces were missing. It all happened too fast. How did Anthony get a hose in the house that quickly?

  I stuck my hands between my knees, trying to stop them from shaking. “How did you put out the fire so fast?”

  Just then, the guy with the fire extinguisher stepped onto the porch. He tucked his dark hair behind his ears then folded his arms across his chest. “No need to send up smoke signals. I knew you arrived.”

  “Carson, put the jokes on hold,” Louise said.

  Of course. Louise’s son. He looked calm too. Why wasn’t anyone but me rattled by this? I set a bed on fire while I slept in it and people were cracking jokes? “Thanks for rushing in and putting out the fire. You probably saved my life.”

  “I was saving our house. Plus, it was a team effort.” He raked his hands through his wet hair. “You sure do know how to spark up drama. Pun intended.”

  “Carson,” Anthony grunted.

  “I’ll go clean up Maryah’s mess.” Carson glared at me before he went inside. “Talk about a housewarming.” Mikey was probably watching from heaven, laughing, and saying, way to make a first impression, Ry.

  “I should help.” I tried to stand, but Louise kept her arm around me.

  “No. You relax while Carson and Anthony take care of it.”

  “But I—”

  “No buts.”

  Anthony went inside while Louise, Krista, and I sat in silence, staring out at the garden.

  A million questions gushed through my mind as I replayed the details. How could so many flames be put out in what felt like two seconds? How did Carson move across the room in an actual blink of an eye? Where did Anthony get the hose from so fast?

  “Something is wrong with me.”

  Krista placed two fingers on my neck, checking my pul
se, and surveyed me for visual damage. Always playing nurse. “Are you feeling light-headed? Nauseated? Having trouble breathing?”

  “I don’t mean because of the fire. I think my brain is messed up.”

  Louise took off her glasses and looked at me with a strangled smile. “Why do you think that?”

  I paused, trying to think of how to explain it without sounding crazy. “Maybe from when I got hit in the head, or my surgery, but my brain short-circuited during the fire. Like it stopped working for a few minutes.”

  Louise’s expression softened. “Fight-or-flight syndrome causes the mind to react strangely in dangerous situations.”

  “Yeah, but…” It didn’t feel anything like that. My mind shut off. But, then again, I’d never been near a raging fire before so maybe she was right. “Maybe I’m just paranoid about doctors fiddling with my brain.”

  She patted my hand. “Understandably so, but let’s assume they did their job correctly.”

  Krista flashed me a hesitant look, but I agreed with Louise. “Okay.”

  “Let’s go inside so you can calm down and eat something.” Louise stood and offered to help me up. When I reached up, her wooden necklace brushed against my fingers.

  “I meant to ask, what’s the symbol on your necklace mean?”

  Looking down, she rubbed her thumb over the carving. “It’s an ancient symbol from Antiquity. The modern interpretation means ‘lunar halo’ but interestingly enough its original meaning is,” she paused then smiled, “fire.”

  ∞

  My angel of death came for me twice. Maybe the third time would be a charm.

  Why did I fight so hard to get out of the fire? I should’ve inhaled every last bit of smoke. I should’ve grabbed onto my angel of death and demanded he take me to my family.

  Louise set a steaming cup of tea on the kitchen counter in front of me. “It’s called Calming Wind. It will help with the shock.”

  “Thank you.”

  I swiveled back and forth in my stool, watching Louise flit around and make dinner as if nothing had happened.

  Carson came in, scooped some pasta into a bowl and sat beside Krista. He was cleaner—and drier—and his hooded sweatshirt looked blaringly white against his tan skin. “So, Maryah, you hated your room so much you had to burn it down?”