Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily)

by Karen Amanda Hooper

  WISHING ENDLESSLY

  Nathaniel

  When everyone finished singing Happy Birthday, I glanced to my right where Maryah sat. She had participated, but seemed distracted.

  “Thank you.” I closed my eyes, making a wish as I blew out the candles.

  Faith knowingly smiled at me from a few seats down. I’d been wishing for the same miracle since I found out I had lost Maryah.

  “It’s so great to be spending time with you, Nathan! We miss you.” Faith’s sweet sentiments always brought a smile to my face.

  Louise sliced and handed out cake as the table stirred with conversation, but the only voice I longed to hear was—.

  “Will Mary be here this weekend?” Maryah asked. The others didn’t hear her question. If they had, shock would have silenced them.

  “Mary?” I drew out the name, feeling its recent foreignness on my tongue.

  “Your girlfriend.”

  Her conversation with Carson flooded back to me. “Right. Carson mentioned you saw her photograph.”

  Her eyes widened. “I wasn’t snooping through your room or anything. Carson asked me to help him find a DVD.”

  “No one suspects you of being a snoop.” Little did she know that I—and everything I possessed—was hers for the taking.

  She probed her cake with her fork. “You must miss her.”

  “More than words can say.” I looked at my own plate, trying to make sense of the fact that we were having this conversation. “Yet as much as I loved her, she chose to leave me.”

  “What?” Maryah gasped. “She broke up with you?”

  I tilted my head, raising my eyes to meet hers. “That’s one way to summarize what transpired between us.”

  “Are you okay?”

  The genuineness of her concern allayed my pain. “Let’s just say I am enduring the pain, in hopes that someday…I may find love again.”

  She nodded like she understood, but she couldn’t begin to grasp the gravity of my words.

  “Nathan, what time do you have to leave us?” Louise asked.

  I cleared my throat. “I planned on attending this evening’s events with you.”

  Maryah sat up straight.

  “Yay!” Faith cheered, throwing her arms over her head. “Now it’s a party!”

  Almost everyone seemed pleased, except Maryah. She continued to absentmindedly push her cake around her plate. She was where she belonged, by my side, but not in the way I wanted and needed.

  Sitting at the head of a table made me uncomfortable. I looked at Anthony who sat quiet but confident at the opposite end. He disfavored rectangular tables as well. We all did. Regardless of the order we were initiated into our kindrily, no ruler or chief sat in higher regard than the rest of us. Even Carson, young and inexperienced as he was, we considered an equal.

  As painful as this life had been without my soul mate, it had also been an amazing bonding experience for our kindrily. Our union was never stronger throughout our existence. In the past, small groups of us lived near each other and we’d gather for special events. Our get-togethers became more frequent as technology and transportation evolved, but this life was exceptional. Never before had every member of our kindrily lived in America.

  It had been Mary’s plan. In our last life, she had an overwhelming worry that something tragic would happen. She made everyone agree that if it did, we would all gather in Sedona. She referred to it as her Hail Mary play. And here we all were, hailing Maryah.

  “The Night Glow will be starting soon,” Louise said. “Should we freshen up and head over to the park?”

  “Sounds good.” Anthony rose from his seat. “Everyone ready?”

  We designated a time to gather before driving to the park then we dispersed to our rooms. Maryah’s hair bounced against her shoulders as she walked down the hallway. I relished watching her every move, until she disappeared into her room.

  “Big step for you my man!” Shiloh sang, closing our door behind him.

  “Hardly a big step. I only want to see her reaction to the lights in the sky.” I tried to sound nonchalant, but Shiloh continued grinning.

  He pushed Carson toward me. “That’s your cue.”

  “I told you they don’t work,” Carson mumbled to Shiloh.

  “Maybe not for you,” Shiloh argued. “You’re a newbie, but they might work for Nate.”

  I knew they were referring to the stargazing glasses Carson had been creating, but I let the two of them squabble.

  “I may be a newbie,” Carson said, “but I’m the only Scion in this kindrily.”

  Dakota rolled his eyes. “Don’t get cocky, Car.”

  “Stay out of it, epic-wannabe. You’re just jealous that I have three abilities and you have none.” He shoved Dakota.

  Dakota stumbled backward onto the bed, but recovered quickly and didn’t back down. “I can’t argue with your speed and strength, but you couldn’t even make those glasses work. Maybe you aren’t as smart as you think.”

  Shiloh intervened. “Cool it, you two. Just give Nathan the glasses so he can try them.”

  Carson rifled through his suitcase and reluctantly handed me a heavy contraption that looked like a blend of glasses and binoculars. The lime green lenses glinted as if a light shone behind them.

  “Let’s go outside and give them a test run,” Shiloh insisted.

  Carson’s face spoke volumes. He didn’t believe they would work. I wanted to tell him I never expected him to successfully create miracle glasses. I never believed in Shiloh’s impossible theory.

  I set the apparatus on the desk. “We’ll test it later. Right now, we have to meet the others.”

  Shiloh’s eager grin disappeared, but Carson nodded, looking relieved.

  I was relieved too. I wanted one more night of staring at the sky and believing—no matter how ridiculous—that somewhere, Maryah’s star might exist, and that it, and our love, was waiting to be rekindled.

  ∞

  We all gathered on the launch field, watching balloons light up the sky.

  Maryah used to have the most expressive face. One of my favorite pastimes was watching her delicate features twist and dance as thoughts ran through her mind. Tonight, her expressions gave nothing away, so I focused on her eyes. They were devoid of all light—like gazing upon the Black Hole. They used to sparkle like emeralds. My emeralds, my treasure, then, now and eternally.

  What I wouldn’t give to hear her speak those words again.

  The crowd whooped and whistled as more balloons took to the sky. Faith excitedly pinched Maryah’s hip. The “All Burns” tradition began. Every burner ignited as orbs of color floated across the sky.

  Finally, Maryah’s eyes twinkled.

  For a few sacred moments, joy flooded through her. I couldn’t look away. Even as an almost empty shell of a being, she was stunning. She lowered her chin and turned toward me. Alas, she smiled. Not a false or uncomfortable smile like she exhibited throughout the day, but a genuine smile. I took my place by her side.

  “It’s breathtaking,” she whispered.

  The breeze blew strands of hair across her face. I resisted the urge to push them away. “Indeed, it is.”

  “You get to see this every year?”

  “Almost every year since the festival began.” I felt safe saying it. She had no knowledge of the length of the festival’s history, or that she’d been here before.

  We stood together, watching hundreds of glowing balloons. It felt as if Maryah and I were the only two souls on Earth. At last, I admired the sky with the one soul whose beauty easily surpassed the heavens we looked upon.

  I wanted to stay with her in that moment forever, but the first loud booms of fireworks erupted. It startled her, but she smiled when the explosion of color burst through the darkness.

  “All this fuss for you and your birthday?” Maryah teased through chattering teeth.

  I removed my jacket and wrapped it around her. “I assure you, all of this is about much
more than me.”

  WAKE-UP CALL

  Maryah

  “Maryah, wake up,” he whispered. “Maryah.”

  I slowly opened my eyes. My body jerked, startled by the sight of Nathan in my hotel room leaning over me in the dark. “Nathan?”

  “Shh, I’m trying not to wake Faith and Harmony.” Glancing at the clock, I saw it wasn’t even 5am yet. “I’d like to request your company on a clandestine journey before the others awaken.”

  “Could you speak more mainstream? I have no idea what you said.”

  “Would you like a behind-the-scenes tour of the festival?”

  I had to be dreaming again. Why in the world would Nathan want me to go anywhere with him? Especially at five in the morning. I pinched my wrist, and Nathan lifted his eyebrows. I shrugged. “Thought I might still be asleep.”

  “Do you always talk in your sleep?” he asked with that dizzying angelic smile.

  “Sometimes.” Faith and Harmony were still sleeping—or pretending to be. We weren’t exactly quiet, and Faith wore a close-lipped grin.

  “Take a few moments to collect yourself. I’ll wait for you in the hallway. Bring a coat. It’s chilly out.” He got up and left while I lay there dumfounded. I hadn’t agreed to go anywhere with him. Up at five a.m. on vacation—with Nathan: pure insanity.

  After changing, and finding my coat, I quietly left our room. Nathan was leaning against the wall in the hallway.

  “It’s five in the morning!” I said in a hushed voice.

  “Sorry. I don’t sleep much, and this is my favorite time of the day. Tranquility and stillness hasn’t been lost due to the busyness of the world yet. Shall we go?”

  How could I argue with tranquility? How could I argue about anything when he looked at me so tenderly with his heart-stopping green eyes? “Fine.”

  Neither of us said another word until Nathan paused at the lobby doors. “May I assist you with your coat?”

  “I’m okay, but thanks.”

  He held open the door, and I stepped outside. The cold hit me like a bucket of ice water. I gasped and zipped up my jacket to my chin.

  “It’s freezing out here!”

  “I’m sorry, but such is the desert at night. It will get warmer when the sun rises.”

  He put his hand on the small of my back. Even through my coat his touch sent a delicious shiver through me. I subtly leaned backward, wanting to feel more of him against me—even if it was just his arm. The shoulder of his jacket brushed my ear and I had to force myself to keep from whipping around and throwing my arms around him. How did I become so boy crazy?

  A red Mustang with black racing stripes was parked nearby. The engine was running, and when Nathan opened the door for me, a wave of heat poured out. I practically dove into the passenger seat.

  “There’s cocoa, tea, cider, or coffee for you.” He nodded to four steaming cups on the dashboard then shut my door.

  I stared at them, amazed someone could be so thoughtful. Thoughtful of me.

  He climbed into his seat, leaned over, and held the drink holder in front of me.

  “Which one is the hot chocolate?” I asked.

  He handed me the largest cup. “Some things never change.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” He threw away the remaining drinks in a nearby trash can.

  He got back in, and his heavenly scent filled the car. Between him and my hot chocolate, I was almost drooling. “You didn’t want any?”

  “No, but now I know which you prefer, so I won’t bother with the other choices in the future.”

  The future. Did he plan on hanging out with me again? “That was really nice. Thank you.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  As he drove, I glanced around his trashless, spotless interior. “Where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.” He pushed a button and Ella Fitzgerald started singing, Someone to Watch Over Me.

  “Oh my god, I love Ella!”

  His expression bordered on smugness. “You seem like the type who appreciates great music.”

  “Most people our age have never heard of her.”

  “Yes well, maybe you and I are old souls.”

  I stared at him with astonishment. “My cousin says the same thing.”

  “She must be perceptive.”

  “She is. I miss her.” I mouthed the words to Ella’s song in between sips of my drink. Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet. He’s a big affair I cannot forget. “Do you prefer Nate, Nathan, or Nathaniel?”

  He cocked his head, like he was giving it serious thought. “I answer to any of them.”

  “You introduced yourself as Nathaniel, and I’ve heard Louise call you that a few times, but Nathan seems to be the popular consensus.”

  He silently stared ahead while Ella sang my favorite line: Tell me where’s the shepherd for this lost lamb.

  He cleared his throat. “No one has addressed me as Nathaniel in quite some time.”

  “Okay, I’ll be different. Nathaniel it is.” He seemed more like a Nathaniel. Something about him was so sophisticated and charming, like he belonged in an earlier era when people were more well-mannered. My parents would have loved him.

  We pulled into Balloon Fiesta Park. Shiloh, Carson, and Dakota waved through the glare of the car’s headlights.

  “The boys are here!”

  Nathaniel cut off the engine. “They’re assisting with our launch.”

  “I thought that wasn’t for another couple hours?”

  He opened his door. “Not the launch, our launch.”

  I went rigid. The numbing revelation allowed him time to reach my side of the car. He opened my door, but I didn’t move. “You want me to go up in that balloon?”

  “You’ll enjoy it.”

  “But it’s dangerous.”

  “It’s far from dangerous. The correct word is enchanting.” He extended his hand, but I didn’t budge.

  “But it’s so dark out.”

  “You know the old saying, ‘when it’s dark enough, you can see the stars.’”

  I peeked out of the car at the sky. “I can see the stars fine from here.”

  He burst out laughing, and that erased my fear. He reminded me of an old Jazz song I never got tired of, no matter how many times I’d heard it. The song began all sad and gruff with a saxophone and bass, but then exploded into upbeat trumpeting that made me want to dance like a madwoman.

  “You have my word,” he said. “There is no danger involved. You’re in the safe hands of the most gifted crew I’ve ever had the privilege of trusting.”

  I placed my hand in his. Happy trumpets kept blaring, and his touch sent surges of electricity through me again. Worrying he felt my reaction, I pulled away and stuck my hands in my coat. He leaned in toward me, and his lips parted. A white cloud from his breath filled the inches of space between us. His lips looked so kissable that my mouth watered.

  “Maryah, are you all right?”

  I swallowed then licked my lips, hoping to erase the magnetic pull that wanted his mouth against mine. “Yes. Just nervous.”

  As I stepped away from the car, he did that thing again where he put his hand on my back. Even through my layers of clothing, warmth spread over me so intensely I thought I’d melt.

  “First hot air balloon ride!” Shiloh yelled as we joined them.

  Dakota elbowed me. “I’m jealous. I’d love to go up in this thing.”

  Carson was already filling the balloon with air. Dakota clumsily stumbled over to help him.

  Nathaniel stepped toward the basket. He stared at me while urging me forward with his hands that had barely touched me, yet made me feel ecstatic. “It’s time.”

  Carson and Shiloh held onto each side of the basket acting as anchors.

  I took an exaggerated breath. “Right.”

  Heaven help me.

  FALLING STARS

  Nathaniel

  I hopped into the basket and reached out to assist
Maryah with her entry. She looked unsure of how to perform the maneuver.

  “Lean forward and place your arms around my neck.” The balloon fought to lift off the ground, and my body pined for her touch again.

  She looked at me hesitantly then let out a shaky sigh. A puff of white mist appeared where her breath met the air. I envied the air in that moment. How I longed to feel her breath against my skin again.

  She placed her hands on my shoulders and I lifted her into the basket, surprised by how light she was. In recent lives, her bodies were taller and heavier. I gently placed her down. “Hang onto the side of the basket.”

  I released a steady flame from the burner and it roared like a dragon breathing fire. I nodded to Shiloh and Carson. We lifted off and floated into the air. Maryah looked even paler than usual.

  “Maryah, breathe.” Her chest rose and fell as she took controlled breaths. Her tension relaxed a bit. We continued to rise higher as I guided the balloon into the heavens. “Are you cold?”

  “A little,” she replied. I opened my knapsack, pulled out a fleece blanket and wrapped it around her. She looked up and our eyes met. “Thank you, Nathaniel.”

  “You’re welcome.” I thought of the way she used to say my name, ‘Nathaniel,’ with eternal love, and at times, unbridled lust. I was spellbound by being near her again. She still smelled the same, like vanilla and autumn moonlight.

  Please remember me, I mentally pleaded. I need you to remember.

  Her attention flitted away and she stared at the sky behind me. “Look how pretty the stars are.”

  “Stargazing used to be a treasured pastime. With the evolution of technology and fast-paced lives, humans have lost their connection to the cosmos. People are too busy and distracted to contemplate the universe or admire the stars.”

  “Do you believe in the whole wishing on stars thing?”

  I guided us higher. “People have to make their wishes come true. Stars have other purposes.”

  “It almost feels like I can touch them.” She stretched her hand out over the basket. “My cousin says a person’s destiny is written in the stars. That the sky is a storybook, and the stars are characters in its pages.”