Protect Me

by Alexis Winter

  I shake my head free of the bad thoughts sneaking their way in and force a smile as I spin in his arms. His chest presses against my back, and his hands lock on my hips as he grinds against me. My heart begs to me stop, but my brain says to keep going. I don’t want him, but I want to get over Tyler—I want to be rid of the pain he’s caused.

  Chapter 19

  Even though I know I don’t want this man, something won’t let me walk away. It’s like my subconscious won’t be happy until I’m completely broken. When he spins me back around and presses his lips against mine, that very thing happens.

  His tongue spreads my lips and slips into my mouth. He tastes of whiskey and cigarettes—completely wrong. His strong arms no longer feel good—now they feel like a prison that’s entrapping me. The air in my lungs is sucked out, and my head begins to swim. My stomach churns and my eyes burn with tears.

  I push him away, and he looks at me with surprise and confusion.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t,” I say as tears pour out at an alarming rate as I run from the dance floor and out the door.

  When I make it to the curb, I bend over and empty my stomach. Vesper comes running out, gently pulling my hair away from my face. I hear her talking to someone, but don’t realize who it is or what she’s saying until Liam pulls up a few minutes later.

  “What happened? Is she okay?” Liam asks, rushing from the car to my side.

  “She’ll be okay,” Vesper answers, helping me into the car.

  I collapse into the back seat and close my eyes.

  After what must be half the drive to the ranch, I hear Liam quietly ask, “What happened?”

  “She had too much to drink. I’m worried about her though. She was determined to be the old Amy, the one who went out, got drunk, and went home with a random person. And she even found someone to dance with. But then he kissed her, and she froze. It was like she was able to forget everything until that kiss. Then everything caught up with her. She’s really hurt, Liam. I don’t know how to help her.”

  “Fucking Tyler,” Liam cusses.

  After that, I block out everything else that’s said, and I picture last night…with Tyler.

  I wake in the morning with a pounding headache, unsure of how I got to bed. My stomach is churning, and I don’t want to do anything but sleep off this hangover, but I know I need some water and maybe some crackers to ease the ache in my belly.

  I sit up slowly, so I don’t make myself sick, and head for the kitchen. I zombie-walk down the stairs and into the dining room that leads to the kitchen. When I hear Ethan’s voice, I freeze.

  “What the fuck? I warned him that if he hurt her, I would kick his ass,” Ethan says, acid and anger lacing his words.

  “I don’t think he did this to hurt her, Ethan. But regardless, I’m worried about her. She’s not taking the news well.”

  “I guess all we can do is be there for her. Give her a few days to cry it out, and she’ll recover. I know my sister. She’s strong. She’s handled more than most people her age.”

  I take a deep breath and walk into the room, everyone’s eyes on me. “I’m fine. Y’all can stop worrying.” I step between them to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

  When I turn around, they’re still staring.

  I take a drink, recap the bottle, and set it on the island. “Look, I just needed a day to fall apart. I did, and now I’m moving on. I swear. Stop worrying.” I look each of them in the eye, one by one.

  “Are you sure, Amy?” Vesper asks, placing her hand on my bicep.

  I groan. “Yes. God, I’m not a baby everyone needs to protect. It’s a breakup, and people have them every day. I will survive.” I pick up my water and head back to my room, opting to skip the crackers.

  I lie in bed and stare at the wall across from me, knowing that I have to get a grip. I have too much going on in my life to lie down and die. I have a business opening, and it needs my full attention. I don’t have time to waste my life pining for a guy who never really loved me.

  A part of me knows that isn’t true. But another part of me wonders how he could love me and leave me like this. Didn’t I mean anything to him? Couldn’t we have worked this out somehow—maybe agreed to be in a long-distance relationship? He could have come here every few weeks, and I could’ve gone there, met his family. If the long-distance thing worked out, somewhere down the road, we could have talked about me moving out there. I would’ve done that for him.

  Then I think about the new business I’m opening. Would I be able to give that up for him? And if I did, how would I ever pay back Liam?

  I guess all this thinking is a waste of time, anyway. He didn’t give me the option. He just left me as broken as he was when I found him.

  I guess at some point, I fall asleep, because Vesper coming into the room stirs me awake.

  “Hey,” I mumble, sitting up in bed.

  “How you are feeling, honey?” she asks sweetly, sitting down beside me.

  I shrug. “Okay, I guess. I’m coming around.”

  She nods. “That’s good.”

  “Yeah, I mean, it still hurts, but I guess I’m coming to terms with it, you know? There’s nothing I can do but accept it.” I let out a deep breath. “And I need to focus on the shop. It opens the day after tomorrow.”

  “I know!” she shrieks. “And we’ll be here for it since Liam still hasn’t found a ranch hand replacement.”

  I reach for her hand and take it in mine. “Thank you, Vesper. Thank you for being here for me and allowing me to make my mistakes while having my back. Who knows how last night would’ve gone if you hadn’t been there?”

  She leans in, pulling me in for a hug. “I love you, Amy.”

  “I love you too, Vesper.”

  I end up going back home Thursday night and spending all day Friday making sure everything is up and running for the grand opening. When I wake on Saturday morning, I’m wired and don’t even need coffee.

  I get to the shop an hour early and get all the machines turned on. Lindsey and Brittany, the two girls I’ve hired, come in and take their positions.

  “Are we ready to open?” Brittany asks, pulling her black cap on.

  I take a deep breath and glance around the place. With a nod, I say, “Let’s do it!”

  She unlocks the door and flips the sign.

  I almost expect it to be like a cartoon, where the sign gets flipped and a horde of people rush in, smashing everyone and everything in their way, but that doesn’t happen.

  Instead, I pour the first cup of coffee and take it next door to Mr. Lally. I walk into his store and find him behind the counter.

  He looks up and smiles wide. “I was wondering if I’d see you today.”

  I hand over his cup of coffee. “I thought I’d bring you the very first cup.”

  He pulls out his wallet and I hold up my hand. “On the house.”

  He shakes his head and slips a dollar in my hand. “I want the honor of knowing my dollar is the one hanging on your wall for the next twenty years.”

  I smile. “Thank you.”

  I chat with Mr. Lally a while longer, then head next door. When I walk in, Vesper, Liam, Ethan, and my mom are all sitting around a table with a coffee in their hands. When they look up and find me, they all cheer, quickly surrounding me and giving me hug after hug.

  “I was your first customer,” Vesper beams.

  I pull the dollar from my pocket. “Nope, Mr. Lally bought the first cup.” I hand the dollar over to Brittany for her to put in the frame.

  “Come over here and have a seat,” Liam says. “You’ve worked hard on this place. It’s time you enjoy it.”

  Lindsey pours a cup of coffee and brings it over to me. I pull out a chair and sit down at the biggest table in the shop with my family and friends.

  Despite how happy and proud of myself I am, it feels like something’s missing. And I know it’s Tyler. He should be here celebrating with me. As everyone chats back and forth, I think about
all the times I talked about this day with Tyler—how I explained how everything would look. His absence speaks volumes. I’ve only been without him for a couple days, but I know I’ll feel it for a lifetime.

  Loving someone as much as I loved Tyler…those feelings don’t just go away. Not only do I have to get used to having all this time again, but I have to get used to this feeling of always being alone. When we were together, even when I was alone, I didn’t feel alone. Now, loneliness is all I feel.

  I take a deep breath and take a sip of my coffee. When I look up, everyone’s eyes are on me. “What?”

  Liam puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a little shake. “It’ll take some time, Amy, but I promise, it won’t always be like this.”

  I nod. “I know. Who knows, maybe one of these days I’ll be sitting right here when Mr. Right walks in?”

  “That’s the spirit!” He releases me and turns to Vesper.

  “So, are you two ready for this wedding?” my mom asks.

  “Three months and counting!” Vesper nearly cheers.

  I’m so proud of her. Just a few months ago, she didn’t seem very happy, but now, she and Liam are as close as they can be. I think they’ve both learned that to be in a happy relationship, they both had to give a little—make sacrifices. I would’ve done that with Tyler, given the chance.

  I shake my head to clear these thoughts, praying that it won’t always be like this—that I won’t miss him at every important moment I have in my life.

  Liam lifts his coffee cup into the air. “To Amy and all her dedication and hard work!”

  “Here, here,” everyone says, holding up their cups.

  Three Months Later…

  “Are you sure you have everything you need?” I ask Brittany as I’m gathering my things to leave for the day. “I won’t be able to come back. I’m the maid of honor. I’m very important in this wedding,” I joke.

  “It’s fine. We’ve got it covered. Get out of here and have some fun.” She waves me off.

  I smile and rush toward the door to get ready.

  The wedding is being held on the ranch: the ceremony outside, and the reception in the barn they’ve been transforming for months.

  When I pull up at the ranch, the place is already covered in people already setting up for the wedding. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and rush into the house and up the stairs to find Vesper pacing the floor in her wedding dress.

  I drop my bag on the bed and place my hands on her shoulders, looking in her eyes. “You love Liam. Just calm down and remember all the reasons why you’re doing this.”

  She nods and lets out a deep breath. “You’re right. I can do this,” she tells herself more than me.

  I offer up a reassuring smile. “It’s your day. Yours and Liam’s, so don’t let anyone or anything else matter, okay?”

  She nods, seeming to calm just a little. Suddenly, she looks me up and down with wide eyes. “What are you doing? Why aren’t you dressed? The wedding starts in twenty minutes!”

  I laugh. “I just have to put my dress on and I’m ready to go. I did my hair and makeup at the coffee shop. Chill.” I grab the bag containing my dress from the wardrobe, and head into the bathroom.

  I slip on the light pink dress and my brown cowgirl boots and look myself over. The dress is form-fitting on the bodice. There’s light beadwork that makes the top shine when the light hits it, and the bottom is loose and flowing, ending just beneath my knee. My dark hair flows down around me in loose curls, and my makeup is light, but done to perfection. I step out and Vesper inspects me.

  “You look so beautiful!” she gushes, pulling me in for a hug.

  “Are you kidding me? You’re the beautiful one here.”

  She blushes as she turns away and grabs our bouquets. “Are you ready for this?” she asks, handing over my flowers.

  “I’m ready. Are you ready?”

  She smiles and nods. “I think I am.”

  I walk past her and open the door. “Let’s do it then!”

  As we’re walking down the steps, Aria, Vesper’s sister, runs in the door. “God, I thought I was late!”

  Vesper laughs and pulls her in for a hug. “Glad you could make it on time, little sister.”

  Dillon walks up to my side—he replaced Tyler in the wedding. “Are you ready?” He offers his arm.

  I nod and force a smile, trying not to think of whose arm I should be on. “Yep.” I slip my arm through his.

  Aria meets up with Ethan, and they start walking outside, toward the aisle.

  As Dillon leads me down the aisle, I can’t help but to think of Tyler. I should be with him.

  These last few months, I’ve worked hard on moving forward without Tyler in my life. I’ve surrounded myself with friends and family and dedicated all my time to my growing business that’s doing extremely well. My mom started working for me as planned, and even though she’s still living with Ethan, she’ll be moving into her own apartment soon—in our building, so she’ll always have one of us when she feels the call of the past.

  I’ve even started dating here and there, refusing to turn back into the old me that only cared about hookups. Now, I’m focused on finding Mr. Right, and I don’t plan on settling until I know it’s one hundred percent right. However, living up to Tyler’s memory isn’t an easy task.

  Watching as Liam and Vesper say their vows, I vow to myself that that will be me one day. I’ll have all of this: my perfect match, the dream wedding, a happy ending. And if I don’t, it won’t be from lack of trying. That little voice in my head still tries to pipe in and tell me otherwise, but I refuse to listen to her anymore. The future is wide open, and I plan on taking every opportunity I can to get to where I want to be—where I deserve to be.

  After the ceremony, everyone moves into the barn. Liam and Vesper make the rounds to greet their guests, and I sit down with a glass of champagne, watching as everyone moves back and forth on the dance floor.

  I’m happy for Vesper, but I’m also a little sad for myself. I wish Tyler could be here to share this with me.

  Almost as if God heard my wish, movement catches my eye and draws it toward the darkened corner. Slowly, Tyler comes into view, wearing a black tux.

  My heart skips a beat and my breathing stops.

  I watch as he slowly closes the distance between us.

  “May I have a seat?” he asks, snapping me out of my daze.

  I shrug. “It’s a free country.” I pick up my flute and finish it off.

  “Amy, I—”

  “Don’t, Tyler.” I point my finger, silencing him. “I don’t know what you’re doing here. If you came here for Liam, he’s over there.” I point toward them, talking with their family. “But if you’re here for me, don’t waste your breath.” I stand and push my way through the crowd, heading outside for some fresh air and grabbing a bottle of wine on the way.

  Once outside, I look behind me to find that he isn’t following me. I can finally breathe easy. I can’t leave my best friend’s wedding, but I can’t go back in there knowing Tyler is here. So instead, I take a walk. I follow the old dirt road I’d driven down so many times before, until I get to the cabin that’s no longer being used. I don’t even look at it. Instead, I keep following the trail, through the forest, until I get to the opening.

  I bring the bottle to my lips and take a long swig. The fruity-bitter mixture overwhelms my senses and dulls the pain in my chest just a bit. I know I was wishing for him to be here, but this isn’t exactly what I wanted. I want things to be like they used to be. I wish Tyler never would’ve left. I wish he’d been here with me these last few months. I wish he would’ve come to this wedding with me and walked me down the aisle. I didn’t want this awkward meeting that’s making me leave my best friend’s wedding.

  I sit on a fallen tree and gaze out over the creek that’s slowly trickling downstream. Other than the sound of the water, it’s deathly silent. Not a creature moves. It’s so quiet, I can hea
r my own heartbeat and the air escaping my mouth with each breath. I lean my head back and look at the dark sky and the million little white stars. It’s a cloudless night, and the air is hot and sticky around me. The moisture in the air clings to my exposed flesh like a second skin, making me feel hot and amped up, unsure of how this night will end.

  The sound of a twig breaking behind me causes me to whip my head around in time to see Tyler stepping through the opening. The air in my lungs leaves in a rush, and my shoulders visibly fall. I turn my head back to the creek and take another drink, wanting to prepare myself for whatever this is.

  “I’d ask you if I could sit, but I’m afraid of the answer,” he jokes, sitting beside me.

  “What are you doing here, Tyler?” I ask, not removing my eyes from the flow of water.

  “I have a lot of explaining to do.” His voice is deep, and he sounds unsure and nervous.

  “Just…save your breath.” I stand and spin around to face him. “I don’t need to hear it.” I shake my head. “When you left, I was devastated. I cried for days. I just about gave poor Vesper a heart attack!” I lift my hand and motion toward the party. “But you know what? I got over it. I forced myself to get out of bed, and I went and opened my coffee shop, on my own. I didn’t need you then, Tyler, and I don’t need you now.” I begin to walk away, but he stands and tugs me back by my wrist.

  My heels on the uneven ground cause me to lose my balance—well, that or the wine—and I stumble into his arms, his chest pressing against mine. Our eyes lock in the darkness, and suddenly, I’m breathless. Why is my body responding to his touch this way? It’s completely betraying me. I want to hate him and hate his touch for hurting me as badly as he did. Why did my heart skip a beat the second his hand touched me? Why won’t my lungs work when I look into his eyes? Why is my stomach tightening in knots right now?

  “Please,” he whispers, breath blowing across my dry lips, “just hear me out, Amy.”

  With his words, the world begins moving again and I’m allowed to take a breath. I pull away. “If I listen to what you have to say, then you’ll let me walk away?”