Marriage Mayhem

by Samuel L. Hair

  Suddenly the letters stopped. Why? he asked himself. Initially Jermaine thought it was a simple delay in prison mail, until one day he finally received a letter from someone in jail, but that someone was not Karen. The letter was from her lover, Maria. The letter read:

  From: Maria (Karen’s Lover)

  To: Jermaine

  I hope this letter finds you in a fucked-up situation and with a new bitch. I’ve heard all about you. I know that you’re a selfish piece of shit who thinks that because you drive a Beamer and got a couple other cars, have a book published, and you’re into real estate that you’re all that. But one thing that you lack, Mr. Big Stuff, is knowing how to treat a woman and keep her pleased and completely satisfied. Your loss, my gain. Karen has told me all about you. She now belongs to me, so buzz the fuck off. Since you claim to be so goddamn smart we thought that you would get the message when she stopped writing and calling you, but I guess you’re not so smart after all.

  Anyway, we’re getting married as soon as we get out. The pleasure is all ours. Learn from your mistakes, Jermaine. You may have money, nice cars, degrees, and lots of other materialistic bullshit, but I got your woman, so get over it.

  Sincerely, Maria Your wife’s lover

  Jermaine was furious after reading the letter.

  “Well, I’ll be damn!” he yelled. “She’s gone back to her old ways. How could she turn to another woman? The letters she wrote me were nothing but a bunch of bullshit words she wrote on paper to pass her time by. I can’t believe this.”

  The letter had hit him like a knockout punch. He could not figure out whether to move on with his life, or to continue writing her in hopes that she would soon think like a normal human being.

  Jermaine had never been a drinker, but after reading that letter he suddenly wanted to get drunk.

  I can’t deal with this. I think I need a drink. Something real strong, he thought, and then made his way out the front door and on to the liquor store.

  Jermaine was so confused and stressed-out behind Karen that he almost had two accidents on his way to the store. He simply could not understand why Karen had sent him letters of regret, and letters stating that she had learned her lesson and that she wanted to reunite with him and the kids once she was released. His mind was baffled and out of sync, but for some reason he still loved his wife.

  “Give me a fifth of Jack Daniel’s,” Jermaine said to the clerk, and then placed a one-liter bottle of Coca Cola on the counter. Never in his life had he drank Jack Daniel’s, but he had heard from a coworker that Jack was the ultimate drink to assist you in dealing with your problems.

  “Is that all for you, sir?” asked the clerk.

  “No, it’s not. I need my wife back, can you help me out?”

  “That’s between you and your wife, sir,” replied the clerk, smiling.

  “If you can’t help me, then don’t ask me about my needs,” said Jermaine, giving the clerk a hard, serious look. He then paid the man and left.

  He was not himself at all. Normally, Jermaine had a keen sense of humor and at the same time he was always very courteous and polite to anyone he’d meet. His mind kept changing channels going from Maria’s letter, to letters Karen had recently sent him, to his wedding day, and then back to Maria’s letter. He could not think straight, and the whiskey did not make things any better.

  He sat on his sofa staring at the walls and ceiling while sipping Jack Daniel’s. He was depressed and miserable.

  He approached his stereo system and was about to listen to Al Green, but changed his mind.

  “I don’t want to hear no damn music, and I don’t want to watch no goddamn TV, either. I need to hear myself think!” he said out loud. His voice began to get even louder.

  “I need my wife back! How could she! Goddammit, how could she do this to me!” Jack Daniel’s was responsible for his sudden anger.

  “I gave her a good life!”

  He began pacing the floor.

  “I loved her despite all the bad things she said and done to me! I gave her and her kids everything she needed, everything! I showed her time after time how much I loved her, how could she do this to me! I don’t deserve this; Lord knows I don’t deserve this!”

  After drinking half the bottle of Jack Daniel’s, then vomiting, Jermaine cried his way to sleep.

  A couple hours later he had a sexual dream about Karen.

  “I wanna ride it,” Karen had said to him, then climbed on top and mounted herself and began giving it with a serious look. A minute later he came, and then awakened and realized it was all a dream.

  The following morning instead of going to work, Jermaine headed to the prison to visit his wife.

  The ride to Chowchilla would normally take two and a half hours from Lancaster, but he made it there in an hour and a half. He was energized by thoughts of seeing Karen. He figured that his presence would change her mind and possibly win her back. He still loved her and nothing or no one, as far as he was concerned, could change that.

  Maria had gotten transferred to Chowchilla a month earlier. By her being a veteran to the prison system she knew that for the exchange of items such as coffee, cigarettes, stamps, cosmetics, or sweets that she could get just about anything she wanted. Her aim was to be housed with Karen, and once she touched down in the reception center, her goal was obtained. She was reputable throughout the California prisons even though she was a dope fiend and a whore on the streets.

  Maria paid a hundred bucks in items for the transaction to happen. She figured that was a small price to pay for what she was getting. Besides, her father, who was a wealthy businessman, graciously supported her each time she got locked up. Each time Maria was released from prison her father provided her with an apartment, a nice car, and a substantial bank account. He figured that was the least he could do for his only child.

  On a couple occasions, her father had given her a job managing one of his restaurants, but unfortunately within a few weeks, Maria always went back to using heroin. Her thing was sex, drugs, alcohol, and women.

  It was Jermaine’s pleasure to stand in line and patiently wait to see Karen. He had craved this moment for so long that time was not a factor.

  Actually, deep down inside, Jermaine did not love Karen the way he had in the beginning, but he was so hooked on her sex that he was willing to set aside all that she had done and said to him, just to have her back in his bed. He yearned for her sex daily, and would do or say anything to assure that she came home to him when she was released.

  There were correctional officers observing each visitor and inmate at gunpoint. Like any other prison there were always those who visited or had visitors come for bad intentions. Recently, several visitors had gotten busted attempting to smuggle all sorts of drugs into the prison.

  A month earlier a female visitor had been caught attempting to leave drugs inside of the restroom wastebasket, but thanks to one of the loyal snitches the guards were given a heads-up, and time enough to place hidden cameras in both restrooms. The visitor was arrested, booked, and sentenced to ten years.

  Jermaine was the next visitor in line.

  “Aisle four, seat twelve,” shouted the guard to Jermaine.

  “Thank you, sir,” replied Jermaine, and then proceeded to his area. For some reason he felt like he was in high school about to go on his first date. He felt a little nervous, but at the same time he was excited.

  After seating himself his mind suddenly diverted back to the day he had met Karen. Her pretty smile, her long hair and petite shape; those were the main factors that made him say, “I do.”

  Karen suddenly appeared, disrupting his thoughts. Her complexion had been restored back to its original smooth yellow color, and her hair was in a long ponytail with bangs neatly hanging in her face. He could see that she had gained about ten pounds, all in the right places. He smiled thinking, It’s all good.

  Her demeanor was calm and composed and she displayed no emotions whatsoever. She was actually
ready to leave before she even sat down.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” Jermaine said excitedly, through the phone. Then he smiled like he had just won a million bucks.

  “Hello, Jermaine.” Her reply was plain and apathetic.

  “I love you so much, that—”

  “I love you too, Jermaine, but I’m sorry to say that I was never in love with you. Besides, you’ve demonstrated that you’re in love with yourself, your cars, your money, and the accomplishments you’ve made in life. The only thing you ever loved about me, Jermaine, was my sex. That’s it and that’s all,” she replied firmly, maintaining a controlled attitude. Maria had been making sure that she took her meds three times a day, as prescribed by the doctor.

  “How could you possibly say something like that, Karen? I have proven my love for you and your kids since the first day we met, so how can you possibly say something like that? I have been providing for you since—”

  “That’s where you got things twisted, Jermaine. You may have provided for me and my kids, but actually, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but you have not ever satisfied me sexually. I felt bad having to fake it each time we fucked, but I had to do what I had to do in order to keep the peace. And while we’re on the subject of sex, I have a confession or two to make: because of your non-ability to satisfy me sexually, I’ve cheated on you on a few more occasions,” she said, staring him shamelessly in the eyes.

  “You did what?” He stood angrily, giving her a hard look.

  She remained cool, while he stood speechless and offended.

  “You see, Jermaine, it’s not about what you can buy me or my kids, and it’s not about living in one of your fuckin’ so-called dream homes; it’s about sexual satisfaction to me, and I’ve told you that before. Each time we fucked, and that’s all we were doing because we damn sure wasn’t making love, I desired more length and width of dick and to fulfill the needs of my pussy, but you couldn’t produce that. And each time you called yourself eating me out, you didn’t even know what the fuck you were doing. So yeah, I did what I had to do to get that ultimate feeling that people look for when having sex. I’m talking about that same feeling that you got when I sucked or rode your dick. You enjoyed my pleasures, didn’t you, Jermaine? It’s so fucked-up having a husband that can’t satisfy you. I mean, as much as I wanted to be faithful to you, it was just impossible.” Her mouth had always been her defensive weapon, especially when it came to breaking men down.

  “You mean to tell me that not only were you fucking other men, but you were faking like you were enjoying having sex with me?”

  “Sorry to bust your bubble, Jermaine, but yes, I was faking the entire time we were married and yes, I have been fucking other men during our marriage. You have never made me cum, and I just feel like now is the time to come clean with you. Oh, before I forget, I apologize for the letter Maria wrote you, but I guess that she felt it was necessary that you know about us.”

  He felt like snatching her through the glass, then he felt like pulling out his hair, and then he felt like kicking himself in the ass for marrying this inconsiderate bitch.

  “You mean that bullshit about you and her licking pussies and getting married is true?”

  “Call it what you wanna call it, Jermaine, but the definition of it is making love, something that you’re not capable of doing.” She smirked.

  “Have you been taking your medication? I think you’re crazy as hell and need to see the prison psych. How in the hell are you going to explain some shit like that to your kids? After reading your letters I thought that you wanted to change, but I can now tell that your mind is all fucked-up, Karen.”

  “I think you’re just angry because I’m in love with another woman and not you.”

  “I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re sucking pussies, bumping pussies, or sticking a fucking broomstick up each other’s pussy; my only concerns now, since I see what page you’re on, are your kids! You’re a hopeless nutcase, Karen, and the bad thing about it is that you don’t even know it. I remember all those times that you watched Christian programs on TV and walked around the house shouting ‘Praise the Lord, God is good,’ but Lord knows that you were full of shit when you were saying it! You read one scripture a week and sinned ten times a day! You pray to God with the same foul mouth that you curse people with. If I recall, God made Adam and Eve, not Eve and Evelyn. You shouldn’t be playing with God like that, Karen, because you’re headed straight for hell. Bad luck is going to pour down on you like a hard rain, just watch and see!” He wanted to continue, but his high blood pressure caused his head to start hurting.

  “Fuck you, Jermaine; you’re just angry like I said. Why are you talking about me sinning and watching church programs? Hell, you don’t even know the Bible or any scriptures.”

  “The devil can recite scripture! I know the Ten Commandments; I pray and talk to God every day. I know that Proverbs twenty-one, twenty-three states that ‘Who so keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.’ I know that Proverbs twenty-three, nine states that ‘Speak not in the ears of a fool; for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.’ I know that Proverbs twenty-six, eleven states that ‘As a dog runneth to his vomit, a fool runneth to his folly.’ Have you ever heard the saying, God helps those who help themselves?”

  “I’m confident that God blessed me with Maria.” She was as serious as an earthquake. Maria had convinced her that God blessed them with each other for a reason.

  “You’re sick. You are fucking sick,” Jermaine replied, shaking his head in disgust.

  The phones suddenly went dead. Visiting time was now over.

  After placing their phones back on the hook they then hurriedly disappeared out of one another’s sight, avoiding any form of eye contact.

  Fuck it. Life goes on, thought Jermaine, walking away. Her kids are going to suffer from her ignorance, stupidity, and ungodly acts. Lord knows that I tried.

  Chapter 18

  The following day while working, Jennifer, a stunning Caucasian agent who on several occasions had been trying to give Jermaine some action, approached his desk. She stood about five foot seven and had long, pretty, red hair and a pair of sea-blue eyes. Her 34D’s stood proudly and matched perfectly with her intellect and smile.

  Jennifer had never dated or slept with a black man in her thirty years of living, but by watching black men on X-rated videos, she was curious to be with one. She enjoyed watching BET and movies starring Samuel L. Jackson, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, Ice Cube, and Chris Tucker, but Wesley Snipes was her favorite. She got wet whenever watching Wesley make love to a Caucasian woman in one of his movies.

  “Hi. Great day, isn’t it?” said Jennifer, trying to make conversation with Jermaine.

  His response was plain and tired. “I don’t see what’s so great about it. Hello, Jennifer,” Jermaine replied, maintaining a serious look.

  He was momentarily preparing paperwork to close a lucrative deal. His commission would be a little over twenty grand.

  “What are you working on, Jermaine?” Jennifer kneeled over him, purposely rubbing her breasts against him. Her aim was to get a piece of this handsome black man. She had two friends who married black men and their mottos were: “Once you go black, you’ll never go back.”

  “I’m trying to seal the Hollis deal,” replied Jermaine, while concentrating on his work.

  “Anything I can assist you with?”

  “Not really, but thanks for asking.”

  I wonder if he’s gay, she quickly thought. He’s not wearing a ring and there aren’t any family pictures on his desk, so I assume he’s not married. Let me do a little prying and find out what’s really going on with Mr. Mystery.

  “Did she piss you off this morning?” Jennifer asked boldly.

  “Who?” She finally had his attention.

  “Your wife, your girlfriend, or whoever it is that has you coming to work every day looking depressed and unhappy.

  Jennifer h
ad caught him completely off guard. He tried not to bring his personal problems to work, but apparently he was not doing a good job of it.

  Since visiting Karen his mind had been screwed up and unstable. He tried hard to put her behind him, but for some reason he could not stop thinking about her.

  “I’ll tell you what, Jennifer, I’m kind of going through some issues right now and I do need someone to talk to. How about a conversation over lunch?”

  “Sounds good to me.” She was now in super high spirits.

  “Is noon okay?”

  “Excellent,” she replied with a Colgate smile.

  “Then noon it is.” He then continued working.

  Momentarily, his mind was not on sex or building a new relationship, he just needed someone to talk to. She felt a sense of victory and walked away, smiling and thinking, Yes!

  HomeTown Buffet was crowded as usual during lunch hours. For five dollars and ninety-nine cents, HomeTown Buffet offered everything from steak, fish, fried and baked chicken, roast, Mexican food, a complete salad bar, and all sorts of cake and ice cream. Most people took advantage of the term all you can eat. Of course, there were the greedy ones who’d gotten so full that they couldn’t eat anymore, but insisted on stuffing their purses, backpacks, and overnight bags with food.

  After fixing a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, two pieces of fish and a buttered roll, Jermaine led the way to a corner table. Jennifer ate light, having only a salad. She worked diligently to maintain the prize body that she was blessed with.

  “So, tell me Jermaine, what is it that’s been keeping you in a depressed mood lately?” She wasted no time pursuing the information she wanted. Her aim was to find out all she could about him. Already, she was fantasizing about having sex with a big, black penis, and if it was good she would more than likely consider marrying him. Then she would say to her friends, “How do you like me now?”