Kayleigh, of course, fell asleep mid-sentence after a huge-ass yawn halfway there. As he sipped his coffee from his travel mug and navigated traffic that was a little heavier than he was used to because of the earlier time and getting stuck behind school bus stops, he tried not to think about Douglas.
Nope nope nope.
Kayleigh woke up enough when they arrived to walk into the house under her own power—
Where Etsu stood holding the baby.
“Wow, everyone’s running early today,” she teased. “You just missed Doug by about two minutes. I’m surprised you didn’t run into each other outside.”
He called me Sir.
It just finally hit him.
Douglas had called him Sir when he’d shown up on his doorstep.
Shit.
Like he really had expected Connor to…what, welcome him back with open arms, perhaps?
Well, he would have, if Douglas hadn’t been married.
And a fucking priest.
He also realized Etsu was staring at him, waiting for him to speak. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Didn’t sleep well last night.”
He kissed Kayleigh good-bye and couldn’t resist pausing to stare down into the baby’s face. Her eyes were open—the same blue eyes as her mother—and he struggled to hold it together. “She really is beautiful.”
Etsu beamed, and Connor knew it would only be a matter of time before Niall and Aden were dads. “Isn’t she?”
Connor didn’t know where to go from there. “Sorry, I need to get to work. Starting out behind already.”
“Ah. That explains being early.”
“Yeah. Thanks again.”
He wanted to boogie out of there before Niall emerged and asked him what was going on. The man was wicked spooky.
Then again, he was overdue a talk with Niall and had wanted to schedule one with him. He pulled up short and turned. “Can you please ask Niall to call me when he gets a chance? I need to schedule a…talk with him.” Kayleigh had flopped over on the couch and closed her eyes, but Connor would bet good money she wasn’t asleep again yet.
“Sure.”
“Talk about what, mate?” Niall emerged from the hallway, seeming to…eye him.
In that spooky way.
Niall was adjusting his shirt cuffs and his top button was still unfastened, his tie looped around his neck but not tied yet.
“I need to come in and…talk.”
Niall slowly nodded. “I have tomorrow mornin’ free. Ten o’clock.”
“Thanks.” Connor started to turn.
“Connor.” He had to turn back to face him. “Ye all right, then?”
He’d swear there was something else going on, but with Kayleigh right fricking there, he couldn’t get into it with him.
“Not really, no.”
Etsu stepped closer, holding the baby still, and he’d swear now she was looking at him a certain…way.
Like maybe she had stuff she wanted to say to him and couldn’t.
Or had been ordered not to by Niall.
He’d put good money on the second, especially since she kept glancing at Niall, like she was hoping he’d give her permission to say whatever it was on her mind.
“Anything ye wish to talk about right now, perhaps?” Niall’s gaze didn’t break from him, even as he reached over and stroked the baby’s hand. “We can step outside.”
Like he was trying to give him the easy intro.
Connor shook his head.
Niall’s gaze narrowed, intensified. “Anything ye wish to ask us?”
Connor knew.
He fucking knew.
Niall—and Etsu—they knew, too.
Knew what he’d done.
Knew he’d sent his boy off despite his ancient promise to him.
10:1.
Except Niall and Etsu didn’t know that about him.
Or did they? Had Douglas told them?
Etsu had mentioned something yesterday about the baby’s father saying an arrangement had fallen through, and it had appeared to upset Douglas.
Douglas. The baby’s father was Douglas. There was no denying it now.
“Tomorrow at ten,” Connor hoarsely said as he swallowed back tears. “Thanks.” He left before he could dig himself a deeper emotional hole than he already found himself in.
Chapter Twelve
His second day at work, Douglas tried not to think about life outside work right now.
He couldn’t.
If he did, it’d take him out at the knees. He needed work to help him hold on to his sanity, until he had gotten enough days of faking it under his belt to actually look like he was really making it as an adult.
That meant not talking to Niall right now about the truths the man must have put together after Douglas talked to him yesterday.
Had to have put together.
Niall had to realize Connor was the same fricking Connor.
Problem was, Niall had a full schedule today, and no way in hell would Douglas bring his personal shit into this, especially not to interfere with patient care.
Doubly especially not with his literal brand-new job.
Late Tuesday afternoon, Douglas had just finished sitting in on another group session with a different counselor, a group for people with alcohol abuse issues, and had returned to his own office when he heard someone rap on his open doorway.
He turned to see Dr. Louis Grainger, the facility manager, standing there with another man.
“Dr. Koenig, do you have a moment?”
“Sure. Please, come in.”
“Dr. Koenig is our newest psychologist on staff. Dr. Koenig, this is Ryan Ausar, the vice-president of gO! Network. They film reality TV shows, like Otherworlds, and one about hoarding issues.”
The man wore a serene aura with just a hint of sadness like a comfortable cloak. He held out his hand, his green eyes mesmerizing Douglas. “Very nice to meet you, Father Koenig. Please, call me Ryan.” He had a smooth, warm British accent.
Douglas shook with him, a brief…something seeming to flow through him as he watched the other man’s gaze narrow just a bit. It unsettlingly reminded him all too much of the way Connor used to look at him before—
“Mr. Ausar’s network is interested in developing a reality show about addiction and recovery, since their hoarding show is going so well.” Dr. Grainger’s cell phone rang. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Please excuse me for just a moment.”
“Certainly,” Ryan said, but his gaze never left Douglas.
After Grainger stepped out, Douglas had to ask. “How did you know I used to be a priest?”
He’d asked Dr. Grainger and the rest of the staff not to reveal that to people who didn’t know. He preferred patients didn’t know that about him in case they would react badly to it, or would feel hesitant to be completely forthright with him during their sessions. He would only reveal it to those patients who seemed to need to mix the spiritual with the arcane in their care.
One of the man’s eyebrows slid skyward, and God help him, it took every ounce of will Douglas had not to get hard.
Or drop to his knees.
The priest inside him wasn’t sure how to read the guy.
The psychologist was already in the house, but the heartbroken subby guy lifted his head from the psychologist’s lap and wondered if maybe Ryan was single or looking for a submissive.
Okay, maybe there might one day be hope for my libido after all.
Ryan kept his voice low and rested a hand on Douglas’ shoulder. “One never truly stops being a priest, do they? I mean, a good man such as yourself. You always want to help, to heal others. Putting others first, even to your own detriment. You have a good heart and soul.”
A warm flush filled him over the man’s compliments. “Thank you, but that doesn’t really answer my question.”
Ryan gently squeezed his shoulder before releasing him. Douglas felt a small measure of peace flow through him as Ryan kindly smiled. “You’re so close, Douglas, y
ou have no idea. Please, have faith. Don’t give up. I’ve lost a wife and child. I know you’re in pain, and it will get better. Trust, and believe. He desperately needs you. More than you can possibly imagine.”
But before Douglas could get into all of that with Ryan, especially clarifying who he meant by that—which, of course his mind immediately went to Connor—it was like Douglas blinked and felt he had daydreamed the whole thing.
Had he?
Then, as Ryan kindly smiled at Douglas, Dr. Grainger blew back into the office, preventing further discussion. But when Grainger turned to shuffle Ryan out of the office, Ryan looked back, touched his right index finger to his lips, then pointed up, his meaning clear.
And he winked.
Jesusfuck. There went his cock again.
What the hell?
He slumped into his chair behind his desk, rattled to his very core. When Ryan had said it, it was as if he was talking about Connor needing him.
That’s stupid. The guy’s crazy.
Or maybe he really did need to be talking to an actual psychiatrist, because he was having some sort of stress-induced psychotic break.
The psychologist’s money was on that option, although the priest wasn’t so sure about that.
In fact, the priest wasn’t so sure about Ryan, period, although he didn’t know why. And not in a bad way, just…
Spooky.
Heartbroken submissive guy returned to not caring what was going on around him, too wrapped up in his grief to be bothered by it.
A minute later, Niall appeared in his doorway. When he saw Douglas sitting there, he frowned. “Are ye all right, Doug?”
“Yeah, I’m…fine. Hey, did you meet that Ryan Ausar guy yet?”
“Louis brought him ’round earlier.” He glanced around in the hallway outside before stepping farther inside, crossing his arms over his chest and dropping both his voice’s volume and the Americanized accent he usually used at work. “Smarmy git. Then again, I’m biased against those ‘posh Londoners.’” He affected a different accent for the last two words.
“What’d you think of him?”
“I just told ye. He’s a smarmy git. Why?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Listen, did ye want to have dinner with us tonight? I still have another patient to see, and some reports to finish, but ye’re welcome to join us.”
Douglas started to say yes, then realized, logistically, that might be a problem. Maybe Niall really hadn’t put together that Connor was the guy he’d talked about during their lunchtime conversation yesterday. Although he was certain he’d mentioned Connor’s name.
He also wanted to delay that revelation for as long as possible, if that was the case. Only so much he could process and absorb at once, and he was already nudging the edges as it was.
“No, but I appreciate the offer. I’m going to pick up Zee and head home.” Actually, he was going to go look at a couple of apartment complexes, but he could do that with Zee.
Niall looked…disgruntled. “Ye sure? It’s no trouble at all. We’d love to have yer company tonight, Doug. Perhaps it’s best ye’re not alone right now any more than need be.”
“Thanks, but I’m sure. I don’t want Etsu getting tired of me and Zee.”
“No, she loves watching her, seriously.”
“I appreciate it, but I think I need some…decompression time tonight. But thank you. Maybe another night.” He was saved further arguing by someone else looking for Niall and wanting to talk with him. That allowed Douglas time to gather his things and slide out of there before Niall could grab him again to talk.
No doubt the concerned Dom would wear him down about dinner tonight if Douglas didn’t all but safeword, but he really wanted to get out of there, get Zee, and…just git. Not be anywhere near there whenever it was Connor would show up.
Besides, he did want to check out more apartments today. There was one he wanted to look at on his way over to Niall’s, actually, because it was on the way there. He wanted to be moved into a place within two weeks, or else the hotel bill would really start eating into his savings. He didn’t have that big of a cushion to begin with.
Maybe I can sit down with Niall sometime tomorrow to talk about Connor.
He didn’t want to bring that kind of drama to the man’s life, but if it was going to be a problem in terms of Etsu watching Zee, Douglas knew he’d need to deal with it head-on.
Just…not tonight. Not when he felt like he hovered at the outer edges of his sanity as it was.
* * * *
Connor’s Tuesday didn’t go much better at work than his Monday had. He’d almost forgotten about wanting to get out of there a little early today and hang out with Aden and Etsu—since Niall usually arrived home later than Aden—and spy a glimpse of the baby’s father.
Douglas. You know it’s Douglas, asshole. Why are you doing this to yourself?
Except if he was going to take time off from work tomorrow to talk to Niall…
Yeeeeah. He really couldn’t justify getting out of there early today.
He could, actually, try to get out of the house even earlier tomorrow morning, though.
And this is exactly why you need to talk to Niall tomorrow, you dumb shit. You should be trying to avoid Douglas, not run into him.
As the afternoon wore on, they did start to get caught up a little, and his mechanic who’d left sick yesterday made it back to work after lunch, pronounced the victim of food poisoning, not the flu, thank god. Last thing he needed was everyone getting sick at the same damn time.
He also hadn’t been to the gym in a couple of days. More than a couple. Since last Thursday morning. Because Friday he’d been too busy making sure he’d packed everything to get up to the Toucan that evening.
Maybe that’s what I need to do. Use the drop-in kiddie care at the gym early in the morning, do my workout, and then take Kayleigh to Etsu at the usual time.
Because trying to hang out and catch a glimpse of the man whose face he’d literally slammed a door in was not healthy.
And he was still trying to decide if he wanted Douglas anywhere around Kayleigh. He wouldn’t ask Etsu not to babysit for the guy, but—
No. Douglas would never hurt a child.
Except you haven’t known him in years. Decades. You don’t know what he’s capable of, asshole. He was a priest. That’s what those fuckers do.
Yet the adult he was could put the brakes on just a hair there. No, not all priests were bad, although the bad ones were definitely horrific.
Finally, he opted to default to adult mode. He would finish work—even if it meant staying a little later—and then go get Kayleigh.
He’d have tomorrow morning’s appointment to talk to Niall. If he didn’t get any damn sleep tonight because of his brain going off the rails, well…he’d deal with it then.
Like a fucking adult.
Even if all he wanted to do was shake some answers out of his friend.
Or maybe it was because he wanted to shake them out of Douglas.
* * * *
Douglas had every intention of quickly swinging through the apartment complex, talking to them, seeing what they had available, maybe looking at an apartment.
Except they had six vacancies in his price range, and their sister complex only two miles away also had some.
And the older woman who turned out to be the manager of the first complex talked.
And talked.
And…taaaaalked.
He made the mistake of mentioning he was a widower with a baby, and then the woman practically latched on to him, wanting to talk.
The priest refused to be rude, and the psychologist had his damn hands full dealing with the heartbroken submissive guy, so Douglas politely nodded and made the right noises and followed the woman around through all their vacancies in his price range. Then he couldn’t get a word in edgewise when she offered to drive him over to the other complex so he could see those vacancies as well.
/> The priest politely let it happen even as Douglas tried not to glance at the time on his phone every five minutes.
By the time he finished, it was well after five, and Douglas realized his plan to get Zee early and get away from Niall’s house before Connor arrived and discovered him there was shot to hell.
Oy.
He only hoped he could try to defuse the situation.
Except when he arrived, a little hope dared pop its head up. There was only one car parked in the driveway.
Maybe I can get out of here after all.
He fought the urge to run up to the front door, and resisted the urge to punch and hold the doorbell button until Etsu opened it. But she wasn’t holding Zee.
She smiled. “You know, you can just walk in when we’re expecting you, right? You don’t need to ring or knock.”
“I didn’t want to be rude.”
“Seriously, it’s fine. You’re like family.”
Except his heart fell when he walked in and spotted Kayleigh sitting on the floor next to Zee, who was lying on the quilt and dressed only in a diaper, changing supplies at the ready.
Dammit.
“Hi, Doctuh Cowneg!”
The priest smiled despite the impending explosion he sensed drawing closer with every second that passed. “Hello, Kayleigh.”
“I was just going to change her,” Etsu said, getting back down on the floor. “Little one just woke up. She’s due for a bottle, too.”
Double damn.
He couldn’t rush out of there with her, then. He refused to delay her feeding just to make life less confrontational for himself. “Have you prepared her bottle yet?”
“No, the formula’s out on the counter in the kitchen, along with the bottled water. Bottle’s in the drainer. I washed it earlier.”
Of course she did, because she was a sweet, attentive woman who was going to make a fantastic mother, if the three of them decided to have children. That made him feel like even more of a shit for wanting to rush the hell out of there.
Kayleigh followed him to the kitchen. “Can I hewp? Daddy wets me hewp cook.”
Come in From the Cold Page 11
