Toxic

by Rachel Van Dyken

  “True.” The sun peeked over the mountains. “And I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”

  “So days later, when we met again, it was chaotic because we both despised and intrigued one another,” she continued.

  “I pursued.”

  “Oh?” Her eyebrows arched.

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “I pursued… wanting you, needing you. I went about it all wrong, as most guys do, thinking that if I could just make you hate me you’d leave me alone to wallow.”

  “Silly boys, that never works,” Saylor whispered, her eyes welling with tears.

  “Never.” I shook my head and clenched her hand. “Because we forget that hate and love are sometimes impossible to tell apart.” My voice went hoarse. “And then I fell.”

  “Me too.”

  “I took you out on… ten dates?”

  “Wow!” Saylor laughed. God, I could listen to her laugh forever. It was deep and sounded real, not fake or high pitched. “Someone’s optimistic.”

  “And we hung out every second of every day.”

  “Made music together.” Saylor grinned. “For hours on end.”

  “Kissed.” I sighed. “For hours on end.”

  “And what started out as hate…” I shrugged. “…blossomed into full out love. And neither of us wanted to be without the another.”

  “So we stayed.” Saylor’s eyes watered as she looked at the sun rising, lighting up the inside of the car. “We stayed that way forever.”

  “In our house.” I focused my attention on the Sound and squeezed her hand as tight as I possibly could.

  “And lived…” Saylor whispered. “…happily ever after.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “Happily ever after.”

  “It would have been a great story.” Saylor sniffled, tears streaming down her face.

  “With a killer ending.” I cupped her face in my hands.

  “Too bad it’s just a story.” She bit her lower lip and shrugged as more tears dripped over her lips.

  “Yeah.” Something pierced my heart, made it hurt so damn bad I thought I was going to die right on the spot.

  “Gabe…” Saylor kissed my mouth. “For what it’s worth, I still want to be in the story, even if it means… I walk away empty-handed. Even if it means I walk away without my heart. You’ve made your choice. And I’ve made mine.”

  “Even if it means you’re left with nothing?” I asked.

  “Just because the girl doesn’t end up with the boy in the end — doesn’t mean she ends up with nothing. Life’s a gift. I just want to share yours, no matter how small the pieces that are shared may be.”

  “God…” I was going to swear, but her mouth covered mine.

  “God…” Saylor tapped my chin. “Wrote the ending before the beginning was ever even realized.” She shrugged. “Let’s write our story the same way.”

  I nodded and reached for the door. Because really what else could I say to make everything better?

  She knew as well as I did that the minute we both got out of the car, Gabe would officially be nothing but a memory. The normal college life, walking around the home and helping out.

  Life would change.

  And the biggest change would be that people finally knew about Kimmy. They finally knew she was alive, and would soon know we were engaged.

  Which left Saylor out of the picture.

  I was torn. Because although my heart belonged to another — I really wished that it belonged to her.

  Because what I had with Saylor it was a living breathing thing, and what I had with Kimmy? It was like trying to revive something that had been dead a long time.

  I loved her — but I wasn’t in love with her. Yet my heart wouldn’t allow me to completely let go. It hurt too much to think about. No matter which direction I walked in — it hurt.

  “Ashton!” A reporter charged toward me. Saylor gripped my hand the whole time I walked slowly toward the building. “Ashton, tell us. Is it true? Have you been secretly hiding out in Seattle? Going to school and passing off as a student all these years? And your fiancée? Rumors were she passed away in an accident. What really happened all those years ago?”

  I sighed as the weight of the world nestled onto my shoulders. “I’ll answer all your questions.” I offered a polite nod. “But right now, I really need to check on my fiancée — she’s been sick, and that trumps giving you guys a story. Please, respect my privacy a little while longer.”

  The reporter’s eyes narrowed. “Who’s this?” She pointed to Saylor, who was still at my side.

  I opened my mouth to say… I don’t know what the hell I was going to say. My girlfriend? Because that would sound all kinds of horrible, considering my fiancée was lying inside the home not a hundred feet away from us.

  “His best friend.” Saylor smiled warmly.

  “Rumor has it your best friend is Wes Michels.” The lady smirked.

  “What is this, first grade?” another reporter lashed out. “He can have two best friends.”

  “Mike.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d known him since I’d gotten my start. He was a reporter for HollyWood Today and then went into retirement. “I thought—”

  “I’ve lived up here for years Ashton. Thought I’d come out of retirement and see how my favorite kid was doing.”

  The other reporters were silent as Mike and I talked.

  I slapped him on the shoulder. “You.” I nodded as relief started tampering down the adrenaline that was surging through me. “You I’ll talk to.”

  “Good.” His eyes crinkled. “Kimmy would have liked that.”

  “Yeah.” I bit my lip to keep from crumbling. “She would have.”

  “Go on in, son.” Mike nodded. “I’ll take care of the swarms out here.” He put a card in my hand and smiled. “When you’re ready, we’ll do it however you want. Your terms, Ashton. Don’t let them make you into something you’re not.”

  I clenched the card like a lifeline as I stared at Mike’s name and contact info stamped on front. Then I shoved it into my jeans pocket.

  Saylor was silent as security let us by. The Home looked the same, but the expressions on everyone else’s face? Different.

  Martha walked up and sighed. “I’m sorry. Short of smashing in all the TVs and stealing everyone’s computers for the day, I couldn’t keep them from finding out.”

  “Well…” I sighed. “Everything has an expiration date, right?”

  “Right.” Martha’s eyes moved to Saylor standing next to me and then warmed. “Glad to see you back, young lady.”

  “Gabe…” Wes was walking down the hall like he was marching to war. “She’s been asking about you — I don’t know if Martha said anything but, the infection it’s… it’s getting worse, man.”

  Wordlessly, Saylor and I walked down the hall with Martha and Gabe. Princess was lying in her bed with an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth.

  Saylor’s breath hitched.

  “Helps her breathe,” Wes explained. “But the coughing makes it difficult. I swear I didn’t sleep at all last night. Every time she coughed sounded like…” His voice trailed off as he spread his hands helplessly.

  “The last.” I sighed.

  “Yeah.” Wes rubbed his face with his hands. “Her body isn’t responding. It’s like she’s…”

  “Princess?” I let go of Saylor’s hand and walked toward the bed. Her eyes flickered open.

  She smiled and said my name fogging up the oxygen mask.

  “You look like you’ve seen better days.” I smiled and sat on the bed.

  She nodded.

  “You feeling better?”

  Nothing. No nod. Nothing. The light in her eyes died a bit, and then she started coughing out of control. I held the mask in place and helped her as best I could. By the time she was done coughing, a wheezing took the place of her breathing, making it sound like she was choking.

  I turned around to see Saylor and Wes were gone.

  Martha’s eyes
were sad. “I think…” She placed her hand on her chest. “Gabe, I think it’s time to call hospice.”

  “What?” I stood. “Do you think it’s that bad?”

  “The infection is worse.” Martha sighed heavily. “I’ve seen healthy individuals die from this type of infection, not to mention she’s already in a weakened state. I just think it would be wise to call them. In the end, it’s your call. And hospice doesn’t necessarily mean the end. People come off hospice all the time.”

  Then why did it feel like I was sentencing her to death?

  “I need to think about it,” I answered honestly.

  “I figured.” Martha smiled. “Just let me know once you decide.”

  She left me alone with Princess.

  Her form was so frail. Funny, I never really said Kimmy in my head anymore. To me she was simply Princess. Kimmy — the girl I had known — was gone. But she had left me with a gift in the form of a princess.

  A princess sent from heaven.

  I took her hand in mine, then kissed it. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

  Her eyes welled with tears.

  “To me,” I whispered, my lips grazing her hand, “you will always be the most beautiful thing I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on.”

  A single tear spilled over and rolled down Princess’s face.

  “You really are a princess, you know that? Like the ones from the stories I read you. So, I have one question, my little Princess. Will you let the prince rescue you? Can I take you on my horse to my castle? Can I fight for you, even when you won’t fight for yourself? Will you let me love you, even when you’re sick and broken? Will you let me keep the vow I made to you all those years ago?”

  Her eyes fluttered shut.

  “Gabe?” Wes’s voice sounded from the hallway. “More reporters just came. I know this is a lot to take in one day, but the sooner you break your silence, the better it will be. Trust me.”

  “Right.” I swallowed the tears thickening around my throat and reached into my pocket. “Do me a favor?”

  “Anything.” Wes walked into the room.

  I handed him the card. “Call him and set up the interview. We can do it here at the Home. I just… I need to get it over with.”

  Wes took the card. “Done.”

  “Where’s Saylor?”

  Wes’s eyes were sad as he answered. “She wanted to give you guys some privacy. Martha said coffee was the best way to start a morning, so yeah, she left. She’ll be back though.”

  My eyes never left his. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  “Let her,” Wes commanded, his voice firm. “Let her be that person for you. She knows what she’s getting into, and she’s still here. That’s saying something.”

  “I have nothing to give her.” Clenching my hands into fists, I tried not to cringe as I recognized the unmistakable sound of desperation in my voice.

  “Who said you had to give her anything?” Wes answered and walked out of the room.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  You know you’re in love with someone when the idea of them being in love with someone else doesn’t just wreck you, it invades every part of your being. Yet, how could I be upset that Gabe loved her? When his love for her was one of the very reasons I loved him? —Saylor

  Saylor

  The coffee was bitter.

  It didn’t help.

  I took a seat on the cold metal chair and tapped my nails against the coffee mug. An hour went by, and finally someone walked into the tiny hospitality room.

  “Found you.” Lisa winked then plopped down next to me. “So are we wallowing or are we just… thinking?”

  I smiled. “A little bit of both.”

  “He loves you.” Lisa’s eyes didn’t meet mine. “For what it’s worth, I’ve known Ashton all my life, and he loves you, loves you something fierce.” She covered my hand with hers, “You may be sharing him for now, but considering the circumstances, I can’t imagine a better person to be sharing him with. And that’s the truth. Kimmy… she would have loved you.”

  For some reason that made me want to cry. “What was she like?”

  “Talented.” Lisa removed her hand. “Loud.” Laughing, she rose and grabbed her own cup of coffee. “I looked up to her so much. It’s funny, even though she and Ashton had something special, they never left me out, even though I was two years younger and ridiculously naïve.”

  “Freshman?” Everything sort of clicked. “You just started school though.”

  Lisa’s face darkened. “Yeah, well, I didn’t go to school right away. I mean, it was my idea to help Ashton escape everything, but I didn’t follow him right away. I um, I stayed in LA for a bit.”

  “And stopped modeling?” I asked. “What happened?”

  “I think,” she said, taking a seat, “that we’ve had enough sad stories for one day.” Her smile returned. “I just wanted to let you know — just in case you were having doubts — he needs you.”

  “Thank you.” The room fell silent.

  “I overheard them talking about hospice,” Lisa mumbled. “I hope that doesn’t mean what I think it does.”

  “It does.” Another voice chimed in. Kiersten walked into the room, looking about as crappy as I felt, and sat at the table. “I just talked with Wes. The infection’s getting worse, not better. I just… I don’t know. I wish there was something we could do.” Her eyes met mine. “When Wes went through his surgery and everything, at least he knew we were present, you know? He was able to talk with us, cry with us.” Her voice wavered. “But Kimmy? Or Princess? She’s hurt and doesn’t know why. All she knows is Gabe’s sad and she can’t figure out why. You know? I just wish we could give her happiness.”

  I listened intently, my mind reeling. What could we do? How could we make it easier? Not that it would ever be easy.

  “I think—” I croaked out. Then I cleared my throat and tried again. “I think I have an idea.”

  Kiersten’s and Lisa’s heads both snapped up.

  “But, I need your help, and Kiersten, we’re going to need Wes.”

  Kiersten grinned. “We always need Wes. He’s like a superhero.”

  I had to agree with her. The man was probably Batman in another life or something.

  “Okay.” I leaned forward. “This is what we’re going to do.”

  ****

  After the girls and I talked, we decided to go grab lunch at the cafeteria and then find Gabe.

  He was in the game room with that man he’d seen earlier, Mike. Wes was there too. All three of them looked tense.

  A camera crew was setting up, and one of the assistants was putting a microphone on Gabe.

  “Fifteen minutes.” Gabe spoke slowly. “I can do fifteen minutes before I crack. My strength… it’s going to get zapped fast.”

  “Alright.” Mike cleared his throat. “Just talk, Ashton, and I’ll make sure the story gets told the way you want it told.”

  “Has he heard from his dad?” Lisa whispered in my ear.

  “No.” I sighed. “At least not that I know of. After this morning I’m pretty sure the last person he wants to see is his dad.”

  Lisa snorted. “Ain’t that the truth. I’d probably run him over with my car, so it’s probably good he’s hiding out.”

  “Ready?” Mike asked.

  Gabe’s eyes flickered to mine, his mouth relaxed.

  I licked my lips and mouthed, “I see you.”

  His shoulders instantly relaxed as he mouthed back, “I see you.”

  “So, Ashton Hyde,” Mike started. “It’s been a while. Why don’t you start off by telling us where you went?”

  “I think the important part,” Gabe said, nodding and leaning forward, “is not where I went but why I went.” He looked down at the ground and then directly at the camera. “Boy gets famous, boy meets girl. Boy’s world is flipped upside down, boy makes a bad choice, girl gets hurt. Boy’s heart shatters inside his chest, but doesn’t stop beati
ng. It just continues to beat through the brokenness, even though each pump hurts like hell.” Gabe sighed. “I disappeared because suddenly my life didn’t matter anymore. It was all about hers. Getting her the best care, getting her away from the watchful eyes of the media.”

  “And her parents?”

  Gabe sighed, his face darkened. “The minute she became what she is now, her parents bailed. They couldn’t handle it. It was too hard, and they signed over guardianship to me. I have power of attorney, everything. We belong together. As if we’d actually gotten married.”

  Mike nodded. “Yet you never wed?”

  “No.” Gabe licked his lips. “We never did, but I took care of her — take care of her — as if I made those vows, even though I tried really hard to be something I wasn’t.”

  “Meaning?”

  “My escape was creating a new identity. I thought it would be easier. When I came to the Home I was just Ashton. When I went to college, I was Gabe, a completely different version of myself. I thought… I thought separating the two would make it less painful.”

  “Did it?” Mike leaned forward. “Did it make it less painful?”

  “No.” Gabe exhaled. “If anything, it made it worse, because Gabe fell in love with a girl too.” His eyes met mine. “But he shares a heart with Ashton, and Ashton’s heart will always be in limbo — waiting for his princess to either wake up or go to sleep.”

  You could hear a pin drop in that room.

  Lisa gripped my hand while Kiersten wrapped her arm around me. Gabe was already starting to sink lower into his chair. Emotionally, he was done.

  “Let’s talk about your father.” Mike began, “What’s this business about your parents wanting you home? What’s the truth?”

  “My father wants what used to be his cash cow…” Gabe shrugged. “Had he offered me love, acceptance, understanding, I would never have been put in the position I am now. I begged him to leave me in peace. Instead, he threatened the well-being of those I love the most. So that’s why I’m here, giving this interview. He can say whatever he wants, but I want my fans, my family, my friends, to know the truth. I never left them because I hated them, I didn’t lie because I wanted to. I did it because at the time, I didn’t see any other choice. And every single one of my choices was made because of her.”