Shattering Humanity (Surviving For Humanity Book 1)

by Kip Nelson

  The roof was made of tin, but it was painted a metallic copper color.

  It was Tillman's home, and for the first time in years he had returned. It had changed slightly, but it still was the same, and there, on the porch, was his father.

  Tillman stopped for a moment as he looked at the man standing on the porch. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows and he leaned against the porch, looking out upon the world with an inscrutable gaze. He straightened up when he saw Tillman and the others.

  His father looked the same, although his thick mustache was surrounded by some gray stubble. His mother was nowhere to be seen at the moment, nor were Morelle or Jessica. It was strange, really. In some ways it looked as though his father had been waiting for him to arrive, even though Tillman knew that couldn't have been the case.

  “What's wrong?” Penelope asked after Tillman had stopped.

  “Nothing,” Tillman muttered, then continued, hoping this hadn't been a mistake.

  He reached the porch and was now within earshot of his father.

  “Honey, the prodigal son has returned. He's brought some friends with him.”

  Fernando's gaze lingered upon Tillman for some time, then the older man turned his back on the trio and walked inside, leaving the door open behind him. Tillman stepped onto the porch, just as he had so many times in the past, and held his breath as he walked into the house. For so long he had thought about returning, and it had taken the end of the world to bring him back.

  He hoped it wasn't a mistake. He hoped this had been the right call. Most of all, he hoped that finally he would be able to make peace with his parents. With Greg and Penelope by his side, he entered the house that always had been his home, and instantly felt the cool relief of being inside and out of the sunlight. Everything was the same, except Tillman. Could he be at home here like he was before?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tillman walked through the hallway to the huge kitchen, which was where he had seen the form of his father disappear. His mother, Ana, rushed out, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. She stopped in the doorway, stunned.

  “My boy!” she cried, and rushed up to him, hugging him tightly. She smelled of herbs and tomato, a homely smell, and as soon as her arms wrapped around Tillman he realized just how much he had missed her embrace.

  “It's good to see you, Mom,” Tillman said, not sure what to say to make up for the lost years.

  “Come in, come in, and tell me about your friends,” she said, ushering them into the kitchen. “Can I get you anything to eat or drink?” she asked.

  “This is Greg, and this is Penelope and, yeah, something to eat would be lovely,” he said, but instantly was distracted by the sound of Morelle weeping. Fernando stood in the corner of the kitchen, sipping from a mug. He studied Tillman carefully.

  “What's wrong, sis?” Tillman asked. When he spoke Morelle flung herself at him and held him tightly. Her warm, salty tears stained his clothes. Her body trembled.

  “Jess has pulled a fast one. She went to a sleepover last night with her friend, Tanya,” Ana informed him.

  “Is she really that old already?” Tillman asked, letting out a low whistle. Kids grew up so fast, and time passed far too quickly for his liking.

  “She's sixteen now, and I'm sure you remember how much trouble you were when you were that young,” Ana said. Morelle just wailed.

  “Do you have any idea where she could be?” Tillman asked.

  “We know where Tanya lives, but Jess could be anywhere. You know what kids are like, they just don't think,” Ana said.

  Fernando remained suspiciously quiet. Tillman pulled Morelle's arms away from around his waist and sat down. Ana busied herself with making a few plates of rice and chicken. Penelope and Greg sat at the table. Tillman could tell they felt awkward about being thrust into this state of affairs.

  “Okay, we'll sort this out, but first I have to ask you something. How much do you know about what's happened overnight?” Tillman said.

  Greg and Penelope stopped eating for the moment. Fernando placed his mug on the counter.

  “We know enough,” he said.

  “I know you can't talk much about your work, but what did you know?” Tillman said.

  Fernando shrugged. “I heard a few things around the office. Nothing concrete. Enough to know to stay away from the city.”

  “Have they made any plans for rescue or recovery? How long is it going to take them to rebuild society?” Greg asked, hope making his voice rise.

  “I wouldn't get too used to that idea, son,” Fernando said. “Any plans like that were above my pay grade, but I've worked in the government for long enough that I know these things take years. We didn't have years. Whatever is happening out there is probably the way the world is going to be for the foreseeable future.”

  “Oh,” Greg said. It seemed that finally he would have to accept the reality of the situation.

  “Tillman, can I speak with you a moment?” Fernando said.

  “Let the boy eat. He and his friends have had a long night,” Ana said.

  Tillman took one more mouthful of food, but he could see by the expression on his father's face that this was of the utmost seriousness.

  “It's okay, Mom,” Tillman said, and rose from the table. He squeezed Morelle's shoulder as he left her. Penelope shifted over to offer the woman some comfort. Fernando and Tillman left the kitchen and went into the living room. Fernando shut the door behind them.

  The living room was much the same as Tillman remembered, although Jessica's toys had been replaced with magazines. There was a laptop on the couch, which was useless, and the cell phones had been left here.

  “Why'd you come here, son?” Fernando asked.

  “Because I thought it would be safe. Because the city is going to go crazy and I didn't want to have to fight a rioting mob. Out here there are fewer people. It's safer. It was the logical thing to do,” Tillman replied.

  “Is that the only reason?”

  “No, I also wanted to see Morelle and Jess, to make sure they're okay. I'm surprised you're not out there looking for her.”

  “I wanted to wait for you to come.”

  “How did you even know I would come?”

  “Because I know you, Tillman. You might think I don't, but you're my son. I know how you think. Like you said, this was the logical thing to do, so I knew it was just a matter of time.”

  “And, are you happy that I've returned?” Tillman asked.

  There was a pause.

  “I am. Your mom was worried. She'll be glad to have you at home, and hopefully you can be a good influence on Jessica.”

  “Is it that bad?”

  Fernando gave him a look that told him everything.

  “She has too much of her father in her, unfortunately. We tried to be tough with her, but it wasn't enough,” Fernando said.

  “Sometimes being tough isn't everything. Sometimes you have to just let people get on with their lives,” Tillman said.

  “We're not here to talk about you,” Fernando said.

  “Maybe we should be. A lot has happened since the last time we spoke. We both said things we didn't mean,” Tillman said.

  “You seemed to mean everything you said.”

  “Only because of what you were saying to me. You do realize that I was a champion? I had my own business. I was successful in every sense of the word.”

  “At playing games,” Fernando said.

  The words were like a knife in Tillman's heart. His father said it with such shame. It brought back all the bitterness of the years gone by, when Tillman had tried so hard to make his parents proud of him. He thought they would appreciate him being a self-made man, working toward his own goals and using his talents to provide himself with a successful career.

  “Yes, at playing games. Dad, I don't know why you can't see that it actually takes skill. Do you know how hard I've worked? How much I had to train each and every day to get to where I was the
best? I've taken advantage of every opportunity that life has given me, and I made a few of my own as well. I haven't been weak. I haven't been lazy. I've taken the lessons you and Mom gave when I was younger. All I'm asking is that you're proud of me,” Tillman said.

  Fernando remained silent.

  Tillman scowled and walked around the room, looking at the various books on the shelves. He picked up a few. Some of them he remembered reading for a long time. On the bookshelf was another picture, of the five of them together, just after Jess had been born. It was one of the last times they had felt like a family.

  “This seems like a lifetime ago,” Tillman said.

  “You shouldn't have walked away from us, Tillman.”

  “What was I supposed to do? You never were going to be happy with me doing what I wanted to do. Every day was stressful, and we were getting on each other’s nerves. I should have left sooner. Maybe then we could have avoided all the arguments. Maybe then I would have been able to come back sooner.”

  “You could have come back at any point,” Fernando said.

  “Could I? Would you have welcomed me and respected my profession, or would you have acted like you always have, making me feel bad for being successful at something that you can't understand?”

  “I would have expected you to act like a man,” Fernando said.

  “What does that even mean?” Tillman said, throwing up his hands. “You know, Dad, the world has changed. Things aren't the same as they used to be. There aren't as many rules any longer. Things are way more fluid. There's not the same structure or need as there used to be. You can try telling me that I should be this or should be that, but we live in a world where we can be anything. At least, we did. I guess that's all changed now too.”

  “I guess it has.”

  “Do you realize how hard this is for me? I have to say goodbye to everything I've known. I came back here because I was worried about you guys. I want to try keeping you safe. I've been through courses you know, survival courses. I can help you here.”

  “I appreciate your help, Tillman, but we're not entirely helpless, you know. I've lived a life before you.”

  “I know you have, Dad. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying...dammit! I've seen things over the course of the past night that I wish I could unsee. We walked all the way from the city. I saw a man kill himself because he wasn't able to think about living without the love of his life. I saw a little girl who refused to leave the lap of her dead mother. I saw a couple with a baby, and God knows how they're going to make it through this world. And I, I...” Tillman's words faltered as he wondered if he should tell his father the truth.

  This man, who had been his rock in childhood, had turned his back on Tillman when Tillman had tried to forge his own way through the world. Yet, Tillman wanted to tell him the truth, wanted to confess to him because his father was the arbiter of all that was right and wrong.

  “I killed a man, Dad,” he said, looking up at his father. The words were easier to say than Tillman initially thought. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he had expected from his father, but he expected some kind of reaction. Fernando stood there like a statue, that same implacable look on his face.

  Fernando considered the words for a few moments and then let out his breath in a long and slow exhale.

  “What happened?” he asked, sitting down on the couch.

  Tillman took a seat on a chair and proceeded to tell him about the situation with Ron. Fernando listened in silence, nodding here and there. Tillman felt as though he was confessing to God. Despite having broken away from his parents a few years ago, Tillman still sought their approval. It was difficult not to do so.

  “Things are that bad?” Fernando asked.

  “Getting worse all the time,” Tillman said. “That's why I think we should go looking for Jess as soon as possible. The longer she's out there, the more danger she's in,” Tillman said.

  “You're probably right, but I don't like the thought of leaving your mom and Morelle here alone,” Fernando said.

  “I'll go out looking for her. You'll all be safe here. I'll bring her back,” Tillman said. He rose from the chair and turned his back on his father, walking toward the door. He wished his father had told him something to assuage his guilt. Tillman paused when he got to the door.

  “Dad, do you think I did the right thing?” he asked.

  “You did what you had to do to protect your own,” Fernando said. “They're alive and safe because of what you did. Sometimes a man has to take a hit to protect others. You did the right thing,” Fernando said. Tillman knew it shouldn't have had such an effect, but he felt like a weight had been lifted from him. Having his father's approval meant a lot, even though he hated that fact as well.

  Tillman left the room, still annoyed that his father didn't seem to have any regrets about the way he had treated Tillman in the past. There was no use drudging up old arguments, though, not when they didn't matter anymore, and not when Jess was out there somewhere, needing to be rescued. Tillman thought about how scared he had been the previous night. He couldn't imagine what Jess must be going through.

  “I'm going to go look for her,” Tillman said. Ana and Morelle had told him of a few places that Jess and her friend liked to go hang out, although they emphasized there could be other places Jess hadn’t told them about. She had been getting more distant from the family recently, more secretive.

  Greg and Penelope offered to come with Tillman, but he shook his head.

  “You two deserve to rest. Stay here and help keep my family safe, please. I'll be okay. I won't be long. I’ll be back before you know it.”

  Morelle seemed to have calmed down after seeing Tillman. Tillman gathered some food to take with him, just in case, and then made his way out of the kitchen. He passed his father on the way, who nodded at him and wished him good luck.

  Just as he got to the front door he heard the patter of footsteps behind him. It was Morelle.

  “Find her for me, Tillman, please,” she whimpered.

  “It's okay, Morelle. I'll get her for you. I promise. I haven't let you down before, and I'm not going to start now.”

  Morelle smiled through her tears. Tillman wiped them away from her cheek with his thumb.

  “It's good to have you back,” she said, and hugged him tightly again. “You're staying, aren't you?”

  “I am, for a little while at least. We're going to be a family again,” Tillman said.

  “That's great. Mom and Dad have missed you. They talk about you all the time.”

  “Really? I don't see it myself. Dad didn't say much to me. I don't think he really cares.”

  “He does, Tillman. You know he's not good with feelings. Just give them time, please? I'll talk with them while you're gone. Just be safe out there,” Morelle said.

  “I will,” Tillman said.

  With that he kissed her on the cheek and then walked out, across the porch. He walked back down the gravel driveway and thought about what it was like to be home. First, though, he had to find Jessica and bring her back. He didn't want to worry Morelle too much, but he was afraid Jessica was in more trouble than any of them thought. He'd seen firsthand the terror of what lurked in this world, and how vicious people could be, especially when they saw something they wanted.

  Chapter Twenty

  As Tillman walked down the driveway he tried not to think about the state of the world, and how much danger Jessica was in. It was so hard for him to imagine her as a rebellious teenager. When he'd left she had been so young, so innocent, with her entire life ahead of her. She had been filled with potential. She still was in a sense, but her opportunities had been taken away from her. The future had been ripped from her, as it had from everyone, but it seemed even worse for one so young.

  Tillman knew it wouldn't have been easy for her to live in that household. It hadn't been easy for him when he had been that age. Sixteen. It seemed like such a long time ago. Tillman, at the time, had been spending mo
st of his time gaming. It wasn't yet clear that there was money to be made from it, and his parents kept telling him to focus on his schoolwork and spend time in the sun.

  Perhaps that was why they had been so tough on him all these years, because they were annoyed that they had been proven wrong.

  He was disrupted from his thoughts by Greg running along the driveway, a sheen of sweat glistening on his brow. He called out to Tillman, who turned and waited for him to catch up.

  “Everything alright, Greg?” Tillman asked.

  Greg was panting a little, although nowhere near as heavily as he had been earlier.

  “I just wanted to make sure that you didn't need me to come with you. It's not safe for you to be out here alone. I know I'm not in the best shape, and I know I wasn’t the easiest person to deal with last night. I've been scared. Okay? And I've said some things that I regret. And I just want to help.”

  “I appreciate that, Greg. I know it's not easy. All of us are struggling. I take it you've come to terms with the fact that the world isn't going to get better?”

  “I still hope it will, but after talking with your father, well, I guess I have to admit that things are going to get worse before they're going to get better. I just want to help. I don't want to be dead weight,” Greg said.

  Tillman nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “I really do appreciate that, Greg, but I think for the moment you should just enjoy your rest. We've done enough walking. I wouldn't be out here if it was anyone other than my niece. I want you in there as well to take care of Penelope and Morelle. My dad isn't the best at handling emotions, so he's not the most supportive. Mom just tries to feed everyone. Can you help hold things together until I return?”

  “Sure thing, boss,” Greg said, looking better now that some of the tension between them had been dealt with. He walked back into the house. Tillman breathed a sigh of relief. He already had Jessica to worry about, he didn't need to worry about Greg as well.