Very Nearly Normal
Page 9
‘Don’t call me that, please,’ I replied, my teeth on edge.
‘Why, Matilda? Does it make you angry … Matilda?’ He spat my name like an insult and it annoyed me more than I wished it did. ‘What would Kate think if she saw you here refusing to participate? Would she be disappointed in you?’
‘I don’t give a shit what Kate would think about me,’ I spat back and flexed my fists inside their gloves.
‘Kate wouldn’t have time to come here anyway, what with her promotion and the move to Canada.’ I knew what he was doing, but what annoyed me the most was that it was working, perfectly. ‘Anyway, she probably couldn’t haul herself out of her front door, not with that diamond ring weighing her down.’
The edges of my vision began to fuzz as the centre of Theo’s right hand pad took the shape of Kate’s face and without warning I lunged at it, my glove singing as it hit the plastic coating.
‘Good!’ Theo smiled. ‘Do it again.’
I didn’t need to be riled up this time as punch after punch landed against Theo’s pad. There was barely a second between blows as I pounded the anger from my fists, the tension in my neck easing with each thwack!
The sweat began pouring from my skin, my hair gluing to the side of my face as I attacked him.
I thought of Kate and everything she had and yet did not deserve. I thought of Daz and all of the others before him who had made me feel small, insignificant, ugly. I thought of my mother, bending me until I snapped and then saying that I was the argumentative one. I thought of my father, forever upstairs with his computer, tucked away from the real world and concerning himself only with ‘Buy It Now’ offers and customer feedback. I thought of Elliot and the pair of perfectly good Dr Martens that he’d sullied only two days previously with his annoying peeing habit.
I thought of Theo and how much I wanted to be like other girls. I wanted to feel confident enough to let him touch me, kiss me. I wanted to flirt easily and make easy conversation without having to overthink everything I said for fear of making a fool of myself. I wanted to stop lying to myself. I wanted him, but something in me wouldn’t let myself admit it.
And I thought of the manuscript, lying unwanted and unread in the dust and the pile of rejection letters beside it. And the people who hadn’t been able to see how much I wanted them to want what I’d written. And as all of those thoughts fell into my head, the punches came and didn’t stop coming. My anger was my fuel and it was plentiful. I felt a tear drop onto my cheek and roll into the crease of my nose. I swiped at it with my glove, smearing it over my face.
‘Effie, are you okay?’ Theo’s voice came but it couldn’t pierce my bubble of fury; my gloves slammed into the pads, drumming out a rhythm of rage. The tears were coming faster now, blurring my vision, streaming down my cheeks. ‘Effie, stop!’
‘You wanted this!’ I shouted, not caring that I’d roused the attention of almost everyone in the room. ‘You wanted me to feel this.’
‘Effie!’ He dropped his hands and stepped forward just as my fist sailed through the air, caught his jaw on the right-hand side and sent him reeling. He stumbled backwards, the shock of the impact etched into his face, before he fell down onto the mat beneath him.
The trance was broken, the haze of anger disappearing instantly as Theo passed out and lay limply on the ground.
Chapter Eight
I paced anxiously for a few minutes until Theo woke. A South African gym instructor knelt beside him with an ice pack pressed against his darkening jaw. When Theo finally opened his eyes, I knelt down and hovered over him.
‘You all right there, mate?’ the instructor said in his thick accent. ‘The first thing I ever taught you was to never step into a punch undefended. You clearly didn’t listen because you dropped like a sack of shit.’
‘Mason?’ Theo groaned, his eyes lolling in their sockets. ‘It’s been a while.’
‘It has. You could withstand more of a beating when I saw you last. You’ve gotten soft,’ he replied.
Theo tried to laugh, but it came out like a puff of air.
‘You know each other?’ I asked, my voice faltering as I spoke.
‘I used to be Theo’s personal trainer about ten years back,’ Mason said, helping Theo sit up.
‘Effie.’ Theo smiled my way. ‘You were better at that than I thought you’d be.’
‘I’ll say,’ Mason said with a grin. ‘If you ever want to train properly, then let me know.’ He took a card from his pocket and handed it to me. I smiled and then looked back down at Theo whose jaw was swelling and turning purple before my eyes.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. I lifted my hand and gently touched the unharmed skin around the bruise; I really had done a number on him. I felt the roughness of his stubbly cheek as my fingers moved over the dappling of multicoloured bristles. My eyes lingered on his lips, which were slightly parted. I suddenly realised what I was doing and quickly stopped.
‘Is my modelling career over?’ he asked. ‘Will I ever be on the cover of Vogue again? Tell me straight, I can take it.’
‘I think you’ll be just fine,’ I replied with a smile. It felt strange; my face wasn’t used to it.
Theo sat with the ice on his face while various gym-goers congratulated me.
‘Thank you for this,’ I said as he flexed his jaw and sized up the damage. ‘It really did help and I kind of enjoyed it.’
‘I’m sure you did.’ His voice muffled by his partially paralysed mouth.
‘Do you forgive me?’
He looked over at me with what I thought was a smile, but couldn’t quite tell, and nodded.
I decided that Theo shouldn’t drive and so I took the keys with the intention of driving back to his and then getting a taxi home. As we were walking towards the exit, Mason jogged up to say goodbye.
Theo leaned on me, his head still a little muddled from my Rocky re-enactment. I liked the way his body felt as it pressed against mine, the solidity of him, the scent of cologne and coffee that drifted over from his jacket.
‘I was meaning to ask how you’re doing these days?’ Mason said, his sweating brow glistening in the midday light.
‘I’m doing okay thanks, mate.’ Theo straightened up and cast Mason a look as if there was something he didn’t want to talk about. ‘Much better, thanks for asking. Listen, I’ve been wanting to get back into this for a while. I feel like it’s time to make a comeback. I’ll be in touch soon.’
‘I’ll track you down if you don’t,’ Mason replied before jogging back inside.
When we were back in the car, Theo leaned his head against the window and sighed.
‘Why did you quit?’ I asked, settling into the driver’s seat and turning the key. The engine hummed almost soundlessly as I adjusted the seat.
He didn’t look at me when he answered. ‘You know … life.’
‘What happened?’
‘Can we just go home, please? I need some paracetamol.’
I parked Theo’s car outside his apartment building and helped him to the door. I knew the building well. It was one of those architect’s fantasies that had popped up on the city skyline over the past ten years and resembled more of an art piece than a building.
It looked like it had been designed by the inventor of Tetris and inside the lobby, everything sparkled like mirrors.
A doorman greeted us and then looked at Theo with concern. ‘Mr Morgan, are you all right?’
‘Yes, thank you, Ben. I’ve got myself a feisty one here.’ Theo jerked his head in my direction before stepping into the lift. I paused in the lobby, unsure if he wanted me to go with him or not. ‘You coming?’ he asked, pulling a key from his pocket and sliding it into the wall. I jumped inside as he turned the key beneath a plaque bearing the number eighteen and the doors closed.
‘Don’t tell me you have one of those apartments where the lift opens straight up into the hallway.’ I stared with wide, excited eyes.
Several seconds later the doors slid apar
t and, sure enough, I found myself stepping out into a hallway that looked like it had been ripped from the pages of an interior design magazine.
‘What the hell?’ I pushed through a door into a massive open-plan living room with one of those trendy kitchens that’s right there in the room. ‘What the hell were you doing coming to my house when you live here?’ The room was painted an on-trend grey with exposed brick in places and copper light fittings. The sofas were plush, grey and gorgeous and there were books lining the walls and artistically fanned magazines on the aged oak coffee table.
It didn’t look lived in; it was too perfect.
‘Dad owns three identical apartments in this building and he lets me live here while I work for him in Birmingham. The downside is that I have to keep it spotless and I get kicked out every so often so that people can come and view it.’
‘I’ll take it,’ I said as I threw myself backwards into an armchair that was so soft it almost swallowed me whole. ‘I’ll give him everything I have, which is around thirty pounds – that’ll cover it right?’
Theo chuckled and grabbed two cans of Coke from the fridge. He pressed one to his jaw and then handed the other to me. I cracked it open and gulped down half the can before feeling the urge to burp and placing it on the table. I managed to style out the burp as a cough and regained my composure.
‘Your dad’s in property then?’ I asked.
‘Kind of,’ Theo replied as he sat down on the sofa. ‘It’s an investment really. His main business is antiques. He buys them and I help him sell them on at auctions.’
The apartment had very few personal items, except the books and a pile of games beside a console.
I looked down at the stranger’s trousers that still groaned around my thighs and wondered if I should ask or not.
It was far too early for me to be getting jealous.
‘Who’s Jenny?’ The question burst from my mouth before I could stop it and hung in the silence for a few seconds longer than was comfortable. I saw the question hit him, like the name Jenny had physical weight that landed on him like a boulder. ‘I found her name on some of the things in the bag.’
His eyelids flickered and his breaths deepened.
I wished I hadn’t asked.
‘You don’t have to answer,’ I said shifting awkwardly in the armchair.
‘No, it’s okay.’ He sat forward and wrung his hands. ‘Jenny was my girlfriend all through school and then she was my fiancée.’
‘And what is she now?’ I asked.
‘Nothing,’ he replied. ‘She broke it off.’
‘Why?’ The thought of anyone passing up the opportunity of being with Theo was too ludicrous to contemplate. Then I remembered how hard I’d tried to push him away and realised I was a hypocrite.
His nose wrinkled as if he’d smelled something bad and he shook his head. ‘That doesn’t matter.’
‘Okay,’ I said.
Neither of us spoke for what could only have been a few seconds, but felt like a year or two, until Theo stood and walked over to the kitchen counter.
‘I almost forgot, what with the head trauma and all, I have something for you.’ He rummaged through some papers and pulled out a tatty sheet with scribbled words all over it.
He handed it to me and sat back down as I attempted to read what he’d written. His handwriting was atrocious.
‘What is this?’ I asked.
‘Last night, when I finally got you drunk enough to open up, you started telling me about all of the things you felt you’d missed out on. So, when I was lying in bed, thinking it over, I remembered that list that you and Kate made and I thought we could make another one.’
My brain managed to decipher his scrawls and when I got used to it I saw that there were thirteen missions.
‘I thought that we could do some of those things together, if you wanted,’ he said. I looked up and wondered if he was being serious.
‘A list? What, do you think we’re in a romcom or something?’
‘Of course not, because then you’d actually be pleasant.’ He smiled and all trace of his earlier discomfort was gone. ‘What’s your other option: sit in your room and get drunk?’
‘Sounds good to me,’ I said, putting the list down on the table and leaning back.
‘Effie.’ He sat forward and took my hand, every muscle in my body tensed. ‘I know that you and the wine are great friends, but it can only make you happy for so long.’ He picked up the list and put it in my hand. ‘Have you even read it?’
I rolled my eyes and read:
1.See a sunrise
2.See a live band I actually want to see
3.Leave a mark
4.Fall in love
5.Move out
6.Do something unexpected and outside comfort zone
7.Eat something new and strange
8.Get lost on purpose
9.Do something that matters
10.Stop holding grudges
11.Achieve a dream
12.Learn to love myself
13.Earn more money
‘They’re all things you said your life was missing, so why not do them? We can already cross out number six, because we just did it.’
My eyes moved to the bruise that was still developing on his jaw and a feeling of achievement filled my chest. He’d been right. I had enjoyed myself, even if I had knocked him out in the process.
‘Okay,’ I said.
His smile widened until he grimaced and held a hand to his jaw.
‘Here,’ Theo said pushing a tenner into my pocket and walking me towards the lift door. ‘For your taxi.’ I sent him a grateful smile and moved towards the lift, my legs aching from sitting in an odd position on the sofa and watching TV while Theo nursed his jaw with a bag of frozen sweetcorn.
‘Thank you for today,’ I said with a new-found lightness in my stride. ‘I had fun, apart from the GBH.’
He leaned casually on the wall, his eyes heavy with tiredness and the ache of his injury.
‘Again, I’m sorry for your jaw.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said as he jabbed the button beside the door and the sound of the lift springing to life hummed through the chrome doors.
This was the moment; I could feel it. If he tried now, it would be perfect. I stayed close to him and urged him to kiss me.
My heart thumped in my ears as he stepped forward and his face moved towards mine. My breath caught and I quickly moistened my lips as he drew so close that I could smell the Coke on his breath.
But at the last second his head moved to the side and I realised that all I was getting was a hug. His hands spread wide over my back, pulling me towards him, and I found myself curving into him. Something pleasant fizzed in my chest and a flush of heat burned my cheeks.
‘Listen, I’ve got to go out of town tomorrow.’ He drew back, his hand remaining on my shoulder, the weight of it – half on the fabric of my borrowed shirt, half on bare skin – made me unable to focus on anything else. ‘I’ll be a day or two, but don’t think that that excuses you from carrying on with the list.’
‘Where are you going?’ I asked with furrowed brows and a hollow feeling opening up inside of me.
‘I’m going to a house clearance to get some new pieces to sell on. It’s at this big old manor house out in the countryside so there’ll be tons of snotty-nosed toffs milling around and trying to outbid us.’ The clunk of the lift signalled its arrival and the doors slid open.
‘Okay. I’ll see you then.’ I stepped inside the lift and it felt like that scene in the cartoon movie where the old woman leaves the baby fox in the forest. I was the fox, pathetic and unable to take care of myself and Theo was the old woman, leaving me to die in the wilderness.
‘See you,’ he said and began to walk away.
Just before the doors closed completely, he turned and called, ‘Hey! I’ll miss you.’
I smiled and felt the blood rush to my head. ‘No, you won’t.’
I sat in the kitchen with a half-empty bottle on the table. My feet rested on the seat of the chair beside me as I leaned back casually against the wall. He’d said that he’d miss me. Was that true or had it just been for effect? Either way it had brought a smile to my face.
The sound of some indie cover of a Tom Petty song played from my phone and I swayed my wine glass from side to side, in time with the beat. Something had changed today, between Theo and me. Yesterday he had been somewhat of an annoyance to me, whereas now, whenever I thought of him I became slightly lightheaded. Was this normal or was I coming down with something?
At that moment, Joy walked into the room and opened the fridge. She took out several items and placed them on the work surface. I often envied my dad’s ability to avoid all human contact in a house this small. He was so good at moving around unseen that I could go full days without seeing him, yet I knew from the sound of tapping computer keys through the door that he was there.
‘Are you going to eat anything today or have you evolved to sustain yourself purely on Echo Falls, darling?’ Joy said disparagingly.
‘It’s made of grapes isn’t it?’ I replied. ‘I’m just making sure I get my five-a-day.’ Why should I bother with food when wine had all the calories I needed?
‘Well, I’m making chicken and leek pie if you decide to soak up some of that alcohol with actual food.’ She sighed. She clearly had a problem with my heightened levels of alcoholism, but I lived to displease her and so I took another swig.
‘Isn’t it compulsory for writers to drink?’ I asked. ‘Edgar Allan Poe, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, they were all alcoholics and they did all right for themselves, didn’t they?’
Joy spun around and cocked an eyebrow. ‘Yes, my dear, but you also need to put actual pen to paper to give your alcoholism some semblance of legitimacy.’