Broken Glamour

by Maggie Marr

  “I’m just supposed to show up at the right time on the right day.”

  “We’ll get you there, buddy,” I said and placed my hand on his shoulder.

  “Thanks, man,” he nodded and smiled. “A year ago, I wouldn’t have ever expected that you’d be the guy that I’d rely on to get me to my own wedding, but I’m happy that you will.”

  Sterling’s eyes glanced over me. We’d been on set together for couple weeks, but he’d given me a wide berth. He was polite, but we hadn’t really hung out or talked. Of course I thought it was because of Amanda. That he was pissed at me for something I’d done, or not done, to his sister.

  “Ryan, I’ve been meaning to tell you thank you,” Sterling said.

  My head jerked back. “Me?” The words thank you were the last words that I expected to hear coming from Sterling to me.

  “You gave Amanda a job last summer. You looked out for her when everyone but Lane and Dillon were being complete assholes to her. I couldn’t get back and she and Dad were …” Sterling’s words drifted off. “Well, you know, she and Dad weren’t getting along.”

  Because of me and my shit, I nearly said, but didn’t.

  “She needed the job and you were there for her. I want to thank you for that.”

  Pain ripped through my chest. I crossed my arms. Memories of last summer flickered through my mind. Memories of Amanda driving me, and taking me to get my piss test done, and to my meetings, and to my therapy appointments. I pushed my sunglasses farther up the bridge of my nose and blinked three times, forcing the heat from my eyes. I thought about Amanda every damned day. I tried not to let the thoughts of her careen through my mind, but they did. I wondered how she was, what she was doing, if she was happy. I missed her voice and her smile and her scent. The muscle in my jaw twitched. The only woman I could ever imagine loving had left me and when she’d left, she’d been right. I deserved to be left. I didn’t have my shit together.

  And now?

  Now I was holding it together, but I couldn’t break into the new life she’d created for herself. A new life in New York that she’d always wanted. I wouldn’t do that to Amanda. I wouldn’t be that selfish. She’d wanted out of the Industry, to get away from L.A. I wouldn’t try to pull her back into this world.

  “No problem, man,” I said. I turned to Sterling. “How is she? How is Amanda doing in New York?”

  Sterling shook his head. “That’s a question for Amanda. She tells me that she loves it and everything is good, but I don’t think it’s the truth.”

  “Typical Amanda,” I said.

  Sterling’s eyebrow cocked upward.

  “Telling people what she thinks they want to hear, not in a bad way, but in a way so no one worries about her, you know?”

  Sterling nodded. “I do know.” The corner of his mouth cocked upward into a half smile. “She’s done that most our lives, but people are so self-involved they never notice. They never notice how Amanda will do nearly anything to make everyone around her comfortable, even if it causes her discomfort.”

  “I noticed,” I said. “And it was awesome when she didn’t. Sometimes she’d come out with these wicked zingers. Out of nowhere, just bam! They were always right and they were always earned, and they were just so fucking perfect.” A giant smile broke over my face.

  My gaze flicked from Dillon and then to Sterling. Both of them watched me and then looked at each other and then looked back at me.

  “What? She did.”

  “Oh, I know,” Sterling said and nodded. “She’s my sister.” His smile widened. “I just didn’t think anyone else had her figured out.”

  A giant hole opened in my heart, a hole that was growing and getting bigger, a hole that I would want to fill with booze or by getting high. A hole that I needed to stop from growing.

  “You should call her,” Sterling said. “She’d probably like to hear from you.”

  I didn’t move a muscle. Would Amanda like to hear from me? I wasn’t certain. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to be near her and smell that lavender soap she used on her hair.

  “Yeah,” I said. The muscle in my jaw flinched. “Maybe I will.”

  Amanda

  The snow in Manhattan was pretty for two hours, then it was dirty black sludge that I had to tromp through. I looked down at my now-ruined shoes. I couldn’t feel my toes. My fingers were numb even in my mittens, and I’d lost my scarf somewhere on the last block.

  I was a mess. A mess who didn’t love New York. A mess who was homesick and still jobless. My heart wasn’t in the search. Honestly, I hadn’t been trying very hard to score a new job, a paying job. If I used all my connections, I could probably find something in New York that was in the art world, but my desire for New York was waning. Had I been more in love with the idea of New York City and not the hard, and very cold, reality?

  I pulled open the door to the gallery. I smiled at Brooke in reception. She didn’t even meet my gaze. Brooke was the right type of girl for Jasper. She would look good on his arm. She didn’t speak much. She would listen to his incessant stories and would, I bet, happily spend all his money.

  “Amanda, darling, can I see you?”

  Willohmena stood in the back hallway just outside her office door. I peeled my coat, hat, and gloves off and made my way toward the back of the gallery. I went into Willohmena’s office and closed the door. Willohmena sat behind her desk.

  “Darling, I wanted to make you aware of a complaint I’ve received.”

  My stomach pitted. “A complaint?” How could anyone complain about me? I never saw anyone but Brooke, the other interns, and Willohmena. The rest of the time I was locked in the dusty basement.

  “Yes, darling. Such a minor thing, but something of which you must be aware.”

  “Okay,” I said. I sat in the chair opposite Willohmena’s desk. My heart hammered in my chest. What had I done? What could I have possibly done?

  “You know when Brooke goes to lunch and you cover phones?”

  I nodded. That hour each day was my salvation, the only reason I’d lasted this long at the gallery. That was the hour when I escaped my dusty prison filled with lithographs and rodent turds and sat in reception with the sun shining through the giant windows, surrounded by art.

  “It would seem you have been calling people by their first name,” Willohmena said.

  I squinted. I still wasn’t sure what I’d been doing wrong. Sitting up front was the highlight of my day and I tried to be jovial and friendly who anyone who entered Willohmena’s gallery, or to anyone who called on the phone.

  “You look confused, my darling.” She pressed her fingers together in front of her face and then set her hands on her desk. “It’s too familiar. You can’t call people you’ve not yet met by their first name.” A cryptic smile flitted over her lips. “This isn’t L.A.”

  It certainly wasn’t. Heat pulsed up my chest and flooded my face. A heaviness dropped through my limbs. I was tired. Tired of the cold weather. Tired of fighting through crowds to walk down the street. Tired of the rules that were different and unnecessary. I longed for the familiar. The sunshine. The relaxed atmosphere. I longed for my family. Dare I say it—admit it—I longed for Los Angeles.

  I longed for Ryan.

  “Thank you, Willohmena,” I said. “It won’t happen again, and I wanted to thank you for this experience. I’ve learned so much from you.”

  A giant smile curved over Willohmena’s face. “Darling, have you found a job? How wonderful! A place where you belong.”

  My lips curved upward. “Yes, most definitely, a place where I belong.”

  Chapter 29

  Ryan

  Have you seen her yet?”

  I turned to Webber. His brows were crinkled with concern. Maybe my talent agent actually did have a heart beating within his chest cavity. “Because you’ve still got some serious days on the Legend film and I don’t want you to fuck that up.”

  A smile crept
across my face. I was wrong. No heart, just business. Webber could always be relied upon for a complete and utter focus on the bottom line. I swear that dollar signs and percentages flowed through his veins.

  We walked through Steve Legend’s Malibu estate. Tomorrow, Lane and Dillon were having their wedding and reception here. A chill curled up through my feet and settled low in my back. The last time I’d been here I’d fucked the bride-to-be, ruined Amanda’s life, and driven my car off a cliff.

  There would be no sequel.

  I pulled at my shirt cuff. My palms were damp and cold. Ache and fear hardened in my gut. I could do this. I could face Amanda. I had months of sobriety behind me. My accident was nearly a year ago. My life was different now. I was different now. Exercise. Good food. I’d even picked up a hobby—me with a fucking hobby. I’d finished my community service work and there was talk that I could get my license back.

  My eyes skimmed the giant backyard that drifted down to the sand. I walked a slate path downhill through birds of paradise and bougainvillea bushes and short palms toward the beach. I rounded the corner and stopped.

  My breath clutched in my chest. My heart jolted against my ribs. An electricity, a heat I hadn’t felt since I stood on the airport tarmac and kissed Amanda, circled through me and pounded up through my legs and into my body.

  Amanda.

  Her legs went for miles and her hair danced on the evening breeze. Webber squeezed past me and bumped me in the shoulder. “Good luck, man.” He nodded toward Amanda. He kept going toward the beach and the wedding party that was assembling for a rehearsal.

  The muscle in my jaw flinched. She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her gaze locked on me. My cock hardened. That familiar urge to grab her, kiss her and carry her away from this place, from this crowd, to claim her as mine, ripped through my body.

  “Hi,” she said. Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. Her focus was so intent. The warmth in her blue eyes ignited me. “How are you?”

  How was I? Better. Worse. Lonely. Still fucking heartbroken. How could I ever live another day knowing Amanda was in this world without me?

  “Good,” I said. I stepped closer to her. The scent of mint mixed with lavender. Two scents that would forever remind me of her. She didn’t step away from me; instead she tilted her lips up toward mine. She looked up through those long thick eyelashes and her blue eyes searched my face. I hope she found what she needed because standing this close to Amanda was filling a void for me.

  “How’s New York?” I asked.

  Her tongue flicked across her red lips and her teeth captured her bottom lip. A thrill sparked up through me. A desire to capture those lips with my mouth.

  She raised one shoulder and then dropped it. She shook her head. “I’m not a New York kind of girl.” Her gaze wandered toward the ocean, and the sun that was setting on the horizon. “I missed Los Angeles too much.” She turned her gaze back to me. “I …”

  “I missed you,” I said. I grasped her arms with my hands and a thrill of heat licked around us and tingled into my core.

  “I missed you, too,” she said. Her body skimmed mine. “You look good. You look strong and healthy and …” She searched for the word. “You look solid.”

  “I am,” I said. “But I’m even better now.” Before she could change her mind, before she could leave me again, I leaned in and pressed my mouth to Amanda’s. There was no hesitation. No moment of pulling away. No doubt. A seamless transition from two unsure people into two people who simply knew they had to be together.

  Her mouth surrendered to mine and her lips parted for me. A tiny moan passed over her lips. A sound that nearly undid me. I would do anything for Amanda. I would spend a lifetime trying to make myself worthy of her. Our tongues caressed each other and my hand roamed up her arm and grasped the back of her head under her hair.

  A hard want lodged in my belly. She pressed against me and I fought the urge to run my hand up her dress, to cup her breast, and lift the edge of her skirt and slip my fingertips under her panties and pulse my fingers against that hot wet spot that I knew from her kiss, and her breathing, she wanted me to touch. We pulled away from each other. We both breathed short and fast.

  “I’m not leaving you again,” Amanda said. Her gaze locked on mine. Her words were more than a promise. They were a statement, a pact, a piece of truth upon which I could trust.

  “And I’m not ever going to do anything to make you want to leave,” I said.

  A smile curved over her face. We were in the shadows of the walkway, but people continued down the path toward the beach and the rehearsal and we were getting some sidelong glances.

  “Let’s get through this rehearsal,” I said. I ran my hand up over her arm. I leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Because once this is finished I intend to make you mine.”

  She trembled under my touch with the thought of me being deep inside of her. A tremble took hold of Amanda Legend and shook her to her core.

  Amanda

  My smile remained fixed to my face. Warmth burst through my body and beat in my chest. I stood beside Lane and listened while the minister went over how we were meant to walk down the aisle to the beach. How Choo was meant to walk Lane down the aisle. How the bridesmaids and the groomsmen were meant to stand. When Ryan was meant to hand Dillon the ring. I was here and I was a part of the wedding and I stood here and watched and listened and did what I was told, but I couldn’t stop smiling. My eyes glanced over to Ryan. He couldn’t stop smiling either.

  While the minister discussed the entry of the groomsmen with the groom, Lane leaned toward me. “What is going on?” she asked. “You look so happy.” Her eyes trailed across the aisle and locked onto Ryan’s face, which mirrored my own silly smile. “Ohhhh,” Lane said. A giant smile curved around her lips. “I see you two have finally figured out what everyone else already knew.”

  “That we’re made for each other?”

  Lane nodded. “The couple is always the last to know. Ask Webber. He spots these things early, but keeps his mouth shut on offering opinions on romance.”

  “Webber?” I crinkled my brow and looked toward Webber, who stood beside Ryan. He pointed his finger at Ryan and then at me and then drew a heart in the air. I smiled even wider.

  “I can’t help it,” I said. “I mean, I wanted to go to New York and I did. I wanted out of the Industry and I was. I wanted to forget about Ryan and I couldn’t.” My gaze landed on Lane. She was so beautiful. Tomorrow she would marry the man of her dreams and tonight, tonight she glowed. She glowed with an inner light caused by love.

  “That’s how you know,” she said. Her gaze flickered toward Dillon. He looked at her as if she’d said his name, as if he knew that her eyes roamed over him. “I didn’t want to love him, but I couldn’t help it. The love was just there. Once I surrendered to him, to the inevitability of a life I’d never expected, to our love, then it was easy.”

  My gaze met Ryan’s. Heat rushed through me. A thrill from my toes to my fingers tingled. Yes. I’d surrendered to the fact that I was his and he was mine and soon, I would feel what it meant for him to make me his.

  Ryan

  Amanda was never far from me at the rehearsal dinner. On the edge of the beach there was a long table with Dillon and Lane at the head. Amanda orbited near me. She sat next to me. And while the little touches we were able to give each other were good, I needed more. I needed her in my bed with me. I needed her skin and her pretty tits in my mouth and my hands between her thighs. I needed to hear her moan and feel her body soften beneath mine.

  Dinner ended and the entire wedding party headed toward the house. “What room are you in?” Amanda asked.

  “The blue room,” I said.

  She nodded. A smile crossed her lips. She pressed her lips to mine. “I’ll see you soon.”

  She walked up the stairs and I watched her. Those legs. She carried her shoes in one hand. Her retreating ass was tight beneath her skirt. I wanted to grab that as
s with both hands and squeeze.

  “Yo, Ryan, get in here man, for a cigar,” Webber called.

  Webber, Sterling, Dillon, and Steve Legend all stood beside a massive bar. Each had a neat whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other. “Soda for me,” I said. I looked at the whiskey, but I didn’t want it. I didn’t need it. Not tonight. I knew want could creep up on me fast, it had happened once before, but tonight, I was strong and didn’t even want the booze, but the cigar I would take.

  “Gentlemen, as the more experienced man when it comes to marriage, I must fill you in on a couple of things.” Steve Legend swept his gaze across us. His eyebrow was cocked and he held the cigar in front of him. “You can never understand a woman. They are a fucking mystery, so don’t even try. A beautiful mystery, but a riddle not to be solved by the likes of us. Here is what I know.” He settled his hands onto Dillon’s shoulders. “Don’t let her get hungry. They get brutally mean when they’re hungry. Make her believe there is no woman more beautiful than she. And finally”—Steve’s gaze softened and he tilted his head to the side—“be kind to each other.” His voice was softer. “She’s meant to be your mate for life and she deserves some kindness if she’s willing to tolerate your sorry ass for a lifetime.”

  Everyone laughed. The second round of drinks came fast for this group. I enjoyed my cigar then skirted around the group toward the stairs. Dillon was beside me.

  “I have to get my ass to bed,” he said. “I show up hung over tomorrow, I will have an unhappy bride.” He smiled when he said it. I followed him up the grand staircase. “You and Amanda seemed cozy tonight.”

  “She’s staying in L.A.,” I said. I stood on the balcony and looked down at the white and black marble foyer. The life I was creating was so different than the last time I’d been in this house.

  “I can't remember anything from the last time I was here,” I whispered.