by M Dauphin
"Shut your fucking mouth!" I scream as my entire body shakes; the look on her face as she takes a step back satisfies me. "Fuck," I grunt. "I'm sorry for what I said on Sunday, okay? I shouldn't have called you a little bitch." I rub my tired face then drop my hands and look at her.
Her lips frown and she doesn't look scared of me anymore. This look is more like I'm pathetic.
"I didn't really tell my friends you’re allergic to bees," she quietly says. "You can't help that. You're only a dude."
I stare at her a minute. "Seriously though. I'm sorry."
"Whatever." She shrugs and starts picking again. "So what happened with that girl?"
"We broke up," I mumble.
"That's kind of lame. Why?"
"Because we're not compatible."
"Wow…is it 'cause she's blind?" she scoffs like I'm a huge dick.
"Yep," I admit.
"Wow, Travis. You are a loser." She walks to another tree.
Bev trusts her in the orchard for some reason, so I don't have to wait around here for her and I get on my four-wheeler and head back for the house.
"Travis!" Bev calls out from the radishes. "Come pull this out."
I sit down and yank the root, severing it. "Motherfucker!" I growl.
"Travis," she sighs and her hand lands on my shoulder. I drop my face to my knees and try to compose myself. "That's enough," she quietly snaps and I feel her sit next to me. This is Charlie's life, only feeling the motions of others around her.
"What happened with Blue?"
"Don't, Bev." I try to stand but she yanks me back to the dirt with a hell of a lot more force than I expected. "Damn, BB," I snap.
"Next words out of your mouth better be you telling me what's going on," she barks.
"I broke up with her." I look over and we stare eye to eye. This is the first person I could trust in this world and not even she knows why I'm living in this shitty town I've grown to love in Oregon.
"But why? She was a nice girl. Is it because of her challenge? Because to her, it's not challenging anymore, Trav. But having a good guy like you around to help her out if needed would only make her life better."
I stare at her aged hands covered in the dirt from the hard work she puts in on this farm before I tell her, "I'm the reason her life's hard to begin with."
"Oh, Travis, you only knew the girl a week. You didn't cause her grief in that week."
"I don't mean that." I lower my voice and make sure Violet's not around, though I didn't hear the other four-wheeler so I know she's not. "Bev, you know where I'm from?"
"The Bronx."
"Yeah, the Bronx. You never wondered why I ended up in this tiny town across the country?"
"We all have reasons, Trav." Her hand grabs mine because she knows I need the comfort of touch right now.
"I went to prison," I quietly tell her. "I went to prison for having involvement at that party Charlie was at that blinded her." These words haven't left my mouth in years. "We were there to get money owed to our boss. Shit went south and shots were fired. It was pure chaos, Bev." I close my eyes thinking back to that day.
"But…how do you know that was the same party? You knew her? Back then?"
"No. She went to school in Ithaca and there was only one party ten years ago in that yuppie town that went down the way she described it to us."
"Travis," she whispers and grips my hand. "Go on."
"Two people were shot, one dead, not to mention the other injuries caused that night. Like to Charlie. Well, I tried to run and I got caught. Me and one other guy from my crew. I wouldn't talk though. They wanted to know who my boss was." I lower my voice. "I wouldn't talk so they locked me up, holding me accountable for the shit that popped off even though I didn't fire the shots. I was accomplice. At first I didn't talk because I thought I was a hard ass. I wasn't a rat. Then a year later when they gave me the deal again, I didn't talk because I knew I'd be a dead man. They never found my boss because my boss was Ernesto Caputa." Her brows furrow like she's heard the name. Everyone's heard the name if they ever watched the news. "It's the guy you're thinking. Mexican cartel. Once you're in, BB, you don't get out except by death. So I turned their offer down. Three years later they offered me the deal again, just wanting to get the other names of the guys in my crew that were involved that night. I told them why I couldn't rat anyone out and we came up with a deal. They'd enter me into witness protection. I spilled everything I knew, served another year and a half then they moved me here. Three thousand miles away, Bev, and I meet the best girl I ever will and I'm the reason she's struggling now."
"Travis," she whispers again and gives my hand a gentle squeeze while she tries to think of what to say. "That wasn't your fault. What happened to Charlie wasn't your fault. She was knocked down."
"Because me and my guys went in busting skulls and firing shots, Bev. That shit was my fault." I stand and brush my ass off. "How the hell can I keep something like that from her? And there's no way I can tell her. I'm not exactly supposed to be talking about anything right now, but you're all I have." I look at her with worry she might disown me now.
"We got each other."
"I'm sorry I never told you. They assure me I'm safe here. As far as Caputa knows, I'm still locked up. Bev, I'm sorry." I've put her at risk, but they promise I'm safe.
I was told to live a normal life but I had to make up a new past. A new name, birthday, hometown. I changed my name and birthday, but my hometown has only been told to Bev and Charlie. There was a past made up for me, but I've never had to use it. I keep to myself and Bev never asked questions like that. She knows everything about my life right now. Everything that's happened for the past three and half years. She's not a stupid woman, and she probably knew she didn't want answers about my past for this reason.
"Don't you worry about me. You didn't directly do that to Charlie, you have to realize that."
"You know this is my life?" I mutter. "This is how my life's been since I can remember. One good thing gets taken away by something shitty that I've caused."
"Alright, now listen." She brushes off my shirt as the sound of the other four-wheeler heads toward the house. "You go make it up to that girl. Whatever you did after you left here Sunday night. But you don't tell her what you just did me. You can't endanger her life like that. You young kids are curious and you don't need her trying to trudge up things from your past unintentionally. Listen, you deserve that blue-eyed princess. And she deserves my handsome Trav." She smiles at me. "You can't hold yourself responsible. You didn't before knowing Charlie, did you?"
"Not in this way. But now I've actually met someone from that night, it's way different, BB," I insist quietly as Violet comes pulling up.
"It's different because you like the girl and it's human nature to protect things we lo—"
"Don't say that, BB," I snap quickly. "Don't say I love her."
"I wasn't. I wasn't." She smiles and walks toward Violet.
I pull my phone out and stare at her contact info for a minute. I want nothing more than to tell Charlie the entire truth, but Bev's right. I can't endanger her like that.
I'm sorry. Call me. I text.
I go the day not getting a response and as shitty as it makes me feel, I can't say I'm surprised. I'm not giving up though. I'm going to drive into Portland and try to stop in after I take Violet home.
"Shit," she huffs as we pull down her street; I glance over at her. "My brother's home."
I slow the car down. "Can you stay somewhere else?"
"It's cool, just drop me." She zips her coat looking annoyed but tinged with worry.
"No. Do you have to go home tonight?"
"My mom's not home," she mutters, watching her house as I pull up.
I get out and walk around, opening her door. "Let's pack you a bag."
"Trav, don't worry about it. I'm fine."
"You can stay on my couch tonight," I insist. She stares at me for a minute. "Come on."
As
we get closer to the house, country music is being blared through speakers and it sounds like there's a party going on. "Great," she mumbles and pulls open the screen door.
We make it through the empty living room and when she opens a bedroom door, I stand in the hallway, folding my arms over my chest.
"Vi?" a laughing voice calls out and a skinny kid wearing only basketball shorts and a beanie comes down the hall with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. "Who the fuck are you?"
"I'm Travis."
"Violet!" he yells, pushing past me into her room and that's when I step a foot inside. "Fuck you doin'?" he barks at her.
"I'm going to stay at a friend's," she answers without looking at him as she packs her things.
"You're not going to stay at this guy's house! I'll fuckin' tell mom!"
"He's Brooklyn's brother. He's just giving me a ride." She pushes around him them squeezes past me and out the door.
Her brother and I stare eye to eye for a minute before I walk out the front door where Violet's already getting into my car. We don't say anything. There's not much to say.
"He's gonna tell my mom. You shoulda waited in the car," she mutters as I pull up to my house.
"Then I'll talk to your mom."
"Trav, just stay out of it. Thanks for the place to stay, but it ain't your business."
"When you show up on my farm with a black eye and lookin' to hide from school, it's my business."
"It's Bev's farm," she grumbles following me inside.
I catch Pete as he lunges and kiss him before heading to the kitchen. I'm not going to argue with this little girl.
After feeding Pete, I lay out a sheet across the couch, "Use the couch pillows. Sorry, I don't have extra."
"This is cool, thanks," she mutters.
"Help yourself to whatever." I walk into my bedroom and lean against the door hoping I'm not doing the wrong thing here. She should be staying at Bev's but I'm not comfortable with that. Not until we actually know this girl will I trust her to stay at Bev's like that.
I text Charlie, not expecting a response because she never responded from before, but it says she read it. How does it work? I get that her phone reads it to her, but how accurate can that be? I test it out by texting a sentence with typos, hoping to get a response stating she has no idea what I'm trying to say.
I'mmm rossy. You please me call. I hit send before I realize it just looks like I'm drunk.
With a groan I lay my head back at my stupidity. As expected, I get no response.
Violet crashes on my couch the next few nights and we develop a routine where we leave each other alone. I drop her off at school, she shows up at the farm for a few hours of work, then we're back here by nine. The biggest problem with our routine is that means I'm restricted to my bedroom. That also means I've texted Charlie for the past four nights, and each day she ignores me, I get more irritable.
"Travis!" Bev snaps when I drop a crate of cherries because I'm out of it. "Get the hell out of here, would ya! Me and Violet are fine. Go into Portland and pay the stand dues," she barks.
I know I'm getting on her last nerve with being depressed over this shit with Charlie, but she won't even text me telling me to fuck off or anything! She reads them! They've all been read!
I head to Portland and slam on the brakes when I pass a storefront that has a Blind Date Dating Services sign. I've never noticed it before, but I was never aware it existed. It's funny what you'll notice when you learn a little about it. Lately I find myself checking for signs of people being blind or deaf. Everyday things that I take for granted because I've never had to deal with it.
A horn blows behind me and I quickly round the block to find a parking spot. If she won't take my calls, she can't really ignore me face to face.
When I walk in, a loud ding echoes around the small office building that looks comfortable, but not really a place people randomly walk into.
"Hello?" I call out and a dude rounds the corner.
"Sup, man? I'm Kevin," he says, stretching out his hand for mine.
I shake it and look around. "Hey."
"Hey…so what can I help you with today?" He looks confused and glances around.
"Yeah, uh, I'm looking for Charlie. She in?"
His eyes narrow as he looks me up and down. It's like something clicks and a grin spreads on his face. He starts to nod, then holds his finger to his lips. Nodding toward the back, he turns and I follow him down a hallway. We pass a couple closed doors but the one at the end is wide open and he grins and gestures to it, giving me the thumbs up.
She's sitting at a computer with a headset on and I just take a minute to watch her. I didn't expect to feel this much relief seeing her again. I know I like her, and I miss her like hell, but actually seeing her makes me feel like I can breathe again.
I quietly cross the floor and stop to stand behind her. She pauses what she's doing and cocks her head before sliding off the headset.
"What are you doing here?" she whispers, not turning around to face me.
My brows spring up and I shift then wave my hand in her face, wondering if she's really blind. She bats at my hand, but her eyes don't blink.
"The smell I hate most just walked in through my door, Travis. How many times do I have to tell you my sense of smell is amazing? That stench hits my nose and of course I'm going to know who brought it." She huffs, spinning in her chair and crossing her arms across her chest.
I stare at her tits a minute, loving their perfect size for her body, and remembering how perfect they felt on my lips. Then I just go for it. I grab her face and kiss her but she yanks back and shoves me.
"Charlie—" I try to say.
"No you fucking don't," she snarls. "If you want to keep your balls attached I suggest getting out of here before Frankie finds you and rips them off." Her jaw clenches and she points to the door. When I don't budge she whispers, "Please."
"Chuck, I miss the hell out of you." I reach out to touch her but she yanks back before I make contact.
"You had your chance, Travis," she whispers, almost like she's scared to alert anyone that I'm here. "You blew it when you forgot to tell me one massive thing about your life. One fucking thing. I asked you how many times about your past and you never thought to tell me you went to jail?"
"What the hell does that matter, Charlie?" I scoff. "You don't want to see me again because I spent some time locked up for drugs?" I yell. I don't give a shit if Frankie's here. I'm not leaving until Charlie actually says the words she won't see me again.
"No, Travis. It's not the jail thing at all. That, surprisingly, doesn't bother me. It's the fact that you can so easily omit a very huge part of your life from me and think that it's okay. What else are you hiding from me, huh? I mean, I'm blind, so maybe I just can't see something that's very blatantly in front of me."
"That's really fucking shallow of you, Chuck." I cross the room and she perks up, probably hoping I'm leaving, but I'm not. "I don't recall the specific words 'have you been incarcerated?' ever leaving your lips. I didn't omit shit. I wasn't hiding it, I just wasn't talking about it yet. Not exactly something you tell a girl you're crazy about after only a week of knowing each other."
"Were you ever going to tell me?" she whispers, raising her eyebrows.
"Yes!" I blurt the truth. I wasn't going to keep it from her, it's just everything else I don't feel like lying about. "Not while I was inside you. Not the morning I woke up with you. Not while we sat at a dinner table at Bev's. Especially not over a text! Fuck, you didn't even give me the chance to. If that's really why you won't talk to me, then fuck it." I'm still not leaving. Leaning against the wall, I cross my arms over my chest, mimicking her stance.
She stands there, eyes cast down toward the floor, her breathing steady. "I don't like being lied to." She clears her throat. "I put a lot of trust in you, Travis. Something I don't do with many people."
Fuck, don't do this to me, Blue.
"I didn't lie
to you. Not in my head at least. Just because you didn't find out the first week we knew each other, doesn't mean I lied to you about it. I got locked up for a few years. It was for dumb shit I'm not involved with anymore. I was a shitty kid, I did shitty things, and I got put away for it. Lesson learned," I confess as I cross the room toward her.
A small grin slowly turns up her lips. "I can picture you as a shitty kid. I have a feeling you gave your parents hell." A full smile breaks on her face until she sighs and her smile falls. "But why'd you freak out Sunday? That hurt, Travis." She turns away and I squeeze my eyes closed.
"That was…stupid. I was feeling emotional, overwhelmed or something by what you told us. I overreacted. I'm sorry." I cup her face and slowly move in, giving her time to pull away before softly kissing her lips. "The guy in front of you right now is the man I am. This is the only me that's mattered. Accept me for this new guy. Okay?"
When a smile starts to appear on her face again, relief comes over me. "I'll accept you, but promise me no more 'omissions.' I need to know everything."
"I'm Travis Austin Burr…" It's not entirely a lie. My real name before I became Travis is Austin, but I'm not Austin anymore. "I grew up in the Bronx." Not a lie. "I only have Bev in my life." I lost contact with my brother when I left prison. "My parents died when I was locked up." I softly run my thumb from her chin to her ear. "My favorite colors are blue and red, like your favorite fruit." I smirk when she grins. "I tattoo on the side just to put my artistic abilities to work and I really miss not having the time to devote to it much anymore. And I don't trust people. People are crooks, thieves, and liars, and I don't have time for that shit anymore. We haven't even known each other long, but you're the first girl I've wanted to get serious with. Lastly, I'm asking you to take me back. Let's get back to that vag/pecker contract we both signed." I bite my lip while she laughs and shakes her head.
"You're such a pervert, you know that?" She hits my chest softly. "My favorite color was once red, not like my favorite fruit. But I really don't hate cherries. And yes, I'll take your ass back. Where do I sign?"
