by M Dauphin
I don't. I can't.
Everything was right on track in my life. Then the party and the accident and…well, then I ended up here.
And it's all his fault.
Frankie shifts on the bed and sighs. "Did I tell you about the time I broke my arm when I was a kid?" She pats my back while she continues, "I was swinging, and Tommy Edwards ran up and pushed me off the swing as hard as he could, but my arm got caught and snap!" she shouts, making me jump.
I grunt and pull the covers over my head. Small talk isn't my thing right now.
"Turns out, Tommy was an asshole that just liked to see people hurt." She chuckles and sighs, smoothing her hand down my, probably, matted hair. "Charlie, you forgive me for the party, right?"
"Of course," I mumble, rolling my eyes that are swollen from all the tears and rubbing. "It wasn't your fault, Frankie."
I hear her huff and she rolls closer to me. "You know… You're not going to like what I have to say."
"Then don't say it," I manage, my throat tightening.
"I'm as much at fault as he is, Charlie. Maybe even more, because I specifically brought you there. I'm the reason you were at that party to begin with. How can you forgive me, but not him? He's been trying all week to show you how much he loves you. As much as I hated the guy, I think you need to give him a chance. I make matches for a living, remember? You two…you're the perfect match."
"He lied to me, Frankie." I can feel myself growing more and more angry, eating away at the sadness that's taken over my body the last couple days. "He lied, and because of what he was doing, my entire life was ruined."
I hear her laugh then shift away from me. "Your life doesn't seem ruined to me." She stands, the weight of the bed shifting and suddenly the blankets are being ripped off me.
"Hey!" I snap, scrambling for them but it's no use. They're gone.
"No. You don't get to play 'woe is me.' He's in fucking witness protection from a man that would kill all of us if he knew Travis was here."
"His name's not Travis." I grumble. He fucking lied to me about everything.
"Your name's not Blue but you didn't have a hard time letting him call you that, did you? Same goddamn thing." The floor creaks as she starts to pace and her boots clomp. "So you seriously think your life was completely ruined that night?" She doesn't give me time to answer. "Would we be here today if it wouldn't have happened? Probably not. You were on the path to medical greatness and money galore and I was on the path to probably end up dead in one of your hospitals due to a drug overdose." She chuckles.
"That's not true," I whisper. "We would have stayed friends."
"Bullshit," she snips. "And you know it. That accident gave me something I never really had before. Family. It gave me a sister. It showed me what it's like to live. I know it did the same for you, Charlie. And you fucking know it."
I sit up and huff, angry that some of her words make sense.
"Tell me this. How's it feel to picture your life without me and Trevor in it?"
"Travis," I whisper, correcting her. God, just saying his name hurts.
"Answer me."
I take a shaky breath and shake my head.
"Think about it, Charlie. Everything happens for a reason. You've said it yourself and I know you believe it. Had the accident never happened, I'd be out of your life, and you'd never had met Travis. The love of your fucking life," she barks. "Why can't you see this? Why are you so stuck on something in the past?"
"He lied to me!" I scream with so much hate, I'm not sure who I hate; him, her, myself.
"For everyone's safety!" she yells back, dropping a few cuss words. "I'm going home. Text me when you get your head out of your ass."
I listen as her boots storm to my front door and it slams, then I huff, laying back in bed.
I understand what she's saying, but it hurts way too bad right now. I keep replaying that night in my mind now, trying to remember him being there, and each time I replay it, I only remember the feeling of waking up and my entire world was gone.
He was there for the most pivotal part of my entire life and even though he didn't directly cause what happened, it's still because of the company he was in that my life forever changed.
But Frankie has a point. Sure I thought my life was ruined, but it wasn't. The past eight months with Travis have been the happiest days I've ever had. And before that? Building the business, helping people fall in love? Second happiest. Some of the best times of my entire life have come from the rubble of that accident. It may have ruined a plan, but it didn't ruin my life. It, in all actuality, probably caused me to go down a path that made me happier.
I growl and Gus growls right along with me then head butts my leg. "Sorry, buddy. You need to go outside?" The minute my tone changes I hear him yip and head for the door.
Sliding on my boots and coat, I trudge my way to the top of the stairs.
Frankie whips her door open and blurts, "Where the hell are you going?"
"Gus needs to pee," I grumble, earning an 'okay' from her before she slams her door again.
Pausing a moment, I quietly turn back around and reach inside my apartment to grab my keys. After locking up, me and Gus head downstairs. If there's one person in this world that I can talk to about this, it's Bev. I just have to get there. It's freezing outside and rain is falling, but the wait for the Uber driver isn't as long as I expected.
After explaining to him that Gus is a service dog and practically begging to allow him in the car, we settle in for the long drive to Bev's house. It's almost dinnertime and I hope she's alone. I couldn't stand showing up and having him being there.
Travis is someone you don't get over. I can't. I've tried all week but every time I close my eyes I remember how…well, how absolutely perfect for me he is. He doesn't treat me with kid gloves, he lets me do my own thing. He definitely lets me fail, but is always there to help me pick up the pieces if need be. The time I dropped the glass thinking it was on the counter and it shattered to a million pieces, he never said a word. Just told me he'd clean it up and he did, no fuss about it. Didn't say a word that I should ask for help more. He was just there by my side to clean it up.
Travis was my good. But he was also my bad. I asked him for the truth. He omitted the most important parts. I just don't know how to get past that.
We pull onto the gravel driveway and I wake up Gus and prepare for the cold. Not that it's any colder out there than it is in this car. It's like the driver doesn't realize it's winter outside.
Trudging up the driveway with Gus guiding me, I knock on the door, shivering as the wind nips my face.
The door opens and Bev quickly grabs my arms. "Oh, Charlie, come in out of the cold." She ushers me inside. "You're freezing." Her warm hands engulf my frozen fingers. "Come on in, you and Gus. In, in."
"I step farther into the house. "I think that man needs to turn the heat on in his car. It was damn cold in there." My teeth chatter.
"Can I get you some hot chocolate, tea, coffee, sweetheart?"
"Tea would be great, thank you," I say and follow her and Gus to the table before sitting. I hear her start to busy herself with making our tea and suddenly feel awkward. I made this trip for a reason. Might as well get it over with. "Bev, why didn't he tell me the truth?" I whisper, my fingers playing with Gus's leash.
"Oh, honey, what did he lie about?"
I cock my head and shake it at her. "You know what he did," I huff. "I didn't come here to tell on him, I'm sure he's done that enough."
"He's told me everything." She touches my hand before pushing a warm teacup against my fingers. "Charlie." She sits next to me. "You understand why he couldn't tell you he was in the protection program, don't you?"
"I do. I get it. I know there's dangerous people out there and he felt like he was protecting me." I nod, taking a sip, warming my chest. "But…he knew he was at that party. He knew he was the cause of this, and he didn't tell me. I don't think he would have ever told me. I would hav
e married him not knowing." I pause and reach into my pocket, pulling out her ring. "This is for you. Thank you, but I couldn't keep it and he refused to bring it back to you." I slide the ring across the table to her.
"Oh, no, no, honey. That's yours." She pushes it against my fingertips. "Travis isn't the man that played a hand in you going blind. That man's name was Austin," she whispers. "He didn't know love. He didn't have compassion in his life. When he showed up here…" She chuckles. "Oh, Charlie, he was a rough man. I actually thought he was military. Yes ma'am this, no ma'am that. Man of little words, little smiles, little happiness. I started figuring him out. I never told him, but I knew he had a rough past. A past stays in the past for a reason, because you can make your future bright. He came here only to work and he would leave right when that sun went down. He barely talked to me. When I would ask him simple questions, I got short unfulfilling answers, but he never lied to me. He omitted. That boy." She chuckles. "He knows how to get around lying, but sometimes people view omittance as a form of lying." She takes my hand, obviously having figured out I'm one of those people. "Answer me this. Who made you go blind, Blue?"
"Just…" I huff, shaking my head. "The party, in general? I've always just blamed that night. Not one person specifically." I shrug and take a sip of my tea, my mind wandering to what Bev just told me.
The man she described isn't the man I know. I don't see a trace of the cold man she just described to me as Travis. That's not him at all.
"But he was there and he didn't tell me. How do I get past that?"
She pats my hand. "I'm not saying this because Travis is like a son to me. But he didn't tell you because he couldn't. And then when you found out the truth about the program, he tried not to tell you because breaking your heart isn't easy, Charlie. He's supposed to fix it, not break it."
"Well it's definitely broken," I huff and let a tear fall before quickly wiping it away.
"Is it broken because he's the reason this life is harder for you? Or is it broken because your reason in life is him and without him, it's harder?"
I pause and shake my head. "I miss him. And it hurts, because I need him but I don't know how to let him back in," I whisper, my throat tight. "How do I let him back in?"
"By accepting the man he is today. Not the man that showed up at that party ten and half years ago with bad intentions that were never meant to hurt you. Put your coat on."
"Why?" I blurt, standing from my chair when I hear hers scrape across the floor.
"The easiest way to let him back in is by saying to his pitiful, albeit handsome, face that you can't be the woman you are without him."
I roll my eyes and grin at her. "I can't bring Gus over there. Pete and he won't see eye to eye. Maybe another day… When I'm not so frumpy. I'm in my pajamas. I kinda just ran away from home when Frankie wasn't looking." I smirk.
She starts to laugh. "I like Frank. She's a good one." She turns on the water before saying, "We'll leave Gus a dish, and a few scraps. And, honey, you want to know what a blind man looks like? Turn to Travis. He knows you're beautiful inside and out, even with the ability to physically see." Taking my hand, she walks me to the door and says, "Just like you know he is too." The door opens and her keys clank. "Can you drive?"
"Yeah," I laugh. "I do have a driver’s license." I grin and let her walk me to the car. "I mean, I can't say I'd get us there safely…or at all, but at one point I did learn how to drive."
She opens the passenger door, laughing before getting into the driver's seat and pulling out of the driveway.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I ask, my nerves on high alert. "What if he doesn't want to see me after I've ignored him all week? I mean, I told the man my life was ruined that night. He probably hates me for blaming him."
"Trav could never hate you. He understands, and he truly thinks what happened to you is his fault. His heart will always stay conflicted about it. But trust me." She pats my shoulder. "I don't have bad ideas."
"Did he tell you he made me a video?" I smile, remembering it word for word. I've probably watched it a dozen times a day since Tuesday.
"I got to see it in action," she says excitedly. "That young man you've got working there is a genius. I couldn't even figure out how to turn on my cell phone until Travis showed me." She laughs.
"Maybe we should warn him we're coming over. Where's your phone? Should we call him?" God I'm so nervous he's going to turn me away. I've been nothing but a bitch this week to him."
"We can call to ease your mind. The phone's in my… Oh, shoot, I forgot my purse, I think. Let me…" I feel her reaching by my legs. "No, I… Charlie!" Her scream fills the car and startles me into a panic before the sound of screeching tires make me realize something's not right.
The car starts to jerk wildly and I hit the side window until suddenly all I hear is crunching before we slam into something that stops the car. The seatbelt cuts into my chest and the car engine screams for help.
"Bev?" I cough, trying to unbuckle my seatbelt. "Bev!" I reach over and feel her slumped over the steering wheel. "No, Bev! Get up!" I scream, scrambling for the car door.
As I yank open her door, I beg her to wake up but it's no use. Branches crack under my feet and the cold rain pours down on my already trembling body. We have no phones and I'm no help being lost in the woods.
"Hello?" I scream, hoping someone will hear, but only the sound of the rain beating down onto the trees around me calls back. "Shit!" I scream, my head pounding.
I try for a few more minutes to wake Bev. She's still alive, her back is moving gently with her struggling breaths. I know what I need to do. I need to go find help.
Instead of talking myself out of all the reasons why a blind girl walking around in the woods alone in the freezing rain at night is a bad idea, I keep my mind focused on saving Bev. Because right now, that's all that matters.
"Hello?" I answer the unknown call, hoping it'll be Charlie.
"Travis Burr?" a man asks and I tense up.
"Yes?"
"This is Lieutenant Alverez with Boring Police Department. You're the emergency contact for Beverly Bouchard."
"Yes?" I blurt and jump out of bed. "Is she okay?"
"She's been in a car accident and is at Legacy."
"I'm on the way," I shout and hang up, running for the door. "Violet!"
"What?" she yells running from the bathroom.
"Bev's in the hospital!" I'm out the door before I get her response but she's right behind me seconds later, shoes in hand and trying to pull on her coat to protect her from the rain. As I squeal out of the driveway, my phone starts to ring.
"Hello?" I answer Frankie's call in a panic.
"Perv? Have you talked to Charlie?"
"No. Listen, Frankie, Bev's been in a car accident. I can't talk."
"Oh my God, is she okay?"
"I don't fucking know yet!" I snap as I tremble. "I'll talk to you later."
We're directed to Bev's room and when I blow inside harder than the storm outside, she's sitting up in bed.
"Oh, Travis!" she cries and reaches for me. "I keep telling them. Charlie. They won't tell me if Charlie's okay."
"Charlie?" I ask in confusion.
"We were on our way to your house and we were run off the road by a truck! Is she okay?" she screams in desperation.
"Fuck!" I spin, almost slipping as I bolt from the room. It takes fifteen minutes too long to find out Charlie was never brought into the hospital.
I'm supposed to wait for the organization of a search party, but fuck that. The only woman I can love is out there somewhere, unable to fucking see. I know Charlie. I fucking know her! She probably left the car trying to find help for Bev.
"Fuck!" I scream while I race to where I was told the crash took place.
"Hello?" Frankie asks, her voice trembling with worry, but she doesn't even know what happened.
On the ten minute drive, I tell her everything I know. When I pull up to the skid marks
of where the crash took place, I tell her, “I have to fucking find her,” and my voice cracks. The worst thoughts possible are filling my head and I want to kick my ass for them.
“Yeah you do, Travis! Don’t wait for that fucking search party! I’ll be there as fast as I can. I have to call her parents." She hangs up.
Jumping out of the car I cup my hands around my mouth and scream her name over and over, trying to hold it together. When you’re scared to death to find someone you love hurt or worse, it’s hard to keep looking, but nothing’s stopping me until I find her. I don't cover much ground before police are here and soon after, a group of people assemble, ready for the search. They told me to stick with other people to help prevent more accidents, but I'm not waiting for anyone. I’m grateful there are people willing to help and all, but organization and safety is the last thing on my mind. My whole world changed a week ago when she broke up with me, and I didn’t think anything could ever hurt that bad, but this. There’s no coming back from this if something happened to her. I have to fucking find her, and alive.
"Charlie?" I scream, frozen to the bone and trembling from fear. "Blue!"
The calls from other people echo through the woods and I'm afraid I'll miss hearing her if she responds.
"Charlie!"
I've been out here a hour already and I can't feel my hands, but I will die of hypothermia before I give up. I will cover every inch of this fucking forest until I find her! And if she’s suffering somehow, I will burn it down!
Suddenly I hear yelling from behind me and I whip around, bolting toward the commotion.
"I see something!" There’s a woman pointing into the distance and I blow right past her, toward the direction she's indicating.
I’m glad they’re here, but pointing isn’t helping anything!
"Chuck!" I scream running toward the blue lump that looks more like a coat than a body.
People are running with me, but they're feet behind, going much slower; I'm running because my life depends on it. As I get closer I see her hair and I almost stop because the mass isn't moving. Accepting she’s dead will not happen!