No Fear

by Nolon King

  “You did?”

  “Yes.”

  A horrifying thought occurred to him. One he really wished he’d considered before turning himself in. “Are you stuck with me, wherever I am?”

  “No. I can go anywhere people remember me.”

  “How does that work?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Sometimes I’m here. Other times I’m with someone I didn’t even think was a friend back when I was alive. But I guess they must remember me, or else I wouldn’t be there. Sometimes I’ll see Bobby Hollingsworth.”

  “How is he?”

  “He’s sad,” Jordyn said. “I’m worried about him. Drinks a lot. I think he blames himself for what happened.”

  “He should have done more.”

  “Don’t start, Dad.”

  “Fine. So, do any of them … you know?”

  “What?”

  “Does anyone else see you?”

  “Only you.”

  Jasper nodded. Then he thought about what the doctors had said and how the meds made it impossible to see her. “How do I know I’m not just imagining you?”

  “I guess you don’t.” She shrugged. “I could go outside this cell and get information you wouldn’t know, but you’re psychic, so …”

  He nodded and sighed, staring at Jordyn with an overwhelming sorrow like fire in his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t see how much pain you were in. That I missed so many signs.”

  Jordyn didn’t respond, staring at the floor with her back to him. Jasper wondered if she was crying or pretending he wasn’t there.

  “Jordyn?”

  “Something’s happening.” She turned.

  “What is it?”

  The door buzzed open. Hernandez entered then closed it behind him.

  Jordyn disappeared.

  Shit. What did she see?

  “So, how’s it going? The other officers treat you right?”

  Jasper nodded. “How about you? That name pan out for you?”

  He knew it had before the officer opened his mouth. “Yeah. Told my old partner to take a harder look at one of our suspects. Got his alibi to admit she’d lied. Landed a confession less than three hours later.”

  “Damn.”

  “Damn, indeed. How did you know about it?”

  “I told you — I see things.”

  “As long as you don’t take your meds.”

  “Right,” Jasper confirmed. “That gonna be a problem?”

  “You’re good, for now.”

  “Let me guess, you want something else?”

  “Not yet.”

  “What is it? Sports bet? Lotto numbers?”

  Hernandez looked at him for a long moment. Jasper wasn’t sure if he was considering his offer or wanting to ask something else. He strongly suspected the latter.

  “But first, the warden says it’s time for you go back to your pod.”

  “Just when I was getting acclimated to the wonderful decor.”

  Hernandez nodded toward the door. “Let’s go.”

  They made their way past scads of prisoners. He heard a few racial slurs, several hoots and hollers, and a few general obscenities before they were back in the vacant pod he once shared with Wally.

  “No cellmate?” Jasper asked as the door buzzed open.

  “Not yet. But don’t get too cozy. I’ve no say in who you room with.”

  Jasper nodded.

  “Yard time will be half what it usually is, as we’re splitting the Aryans and everyone else.”

  “So, the Nazis get rewarded with their own recess? Nice. You know they’re not the ones who wanted Wally gone.”

  “Just tryin’ to keep a riot from breaking out.” Hernandez glanced back to see if anyone else was within earshot. “And keep you alive a little bit longer.”

  The cells were closed off with bullet-resistant polycarbonate doors. Two on either side of Jasper, and another row across from him. No one could hear Hernandez, but he lowered his voice anyway. “Just keep your head down and try not to get shivved, eh?”

  Jasper nodded.

  “And play along if someone tries to make you take your meds. I talked to a few of the guys I trust. But some of the others, well…”

  And with that he left.

  At least now Jasper had an idea what Hernandez was being so cryptic about. He didn’t trust the other COs.

  Why? What’s going on here?

  Jasper was in the yard leaning against the shed, staring up at the clouds, feeling the warm sun on his face while trying to remain aware of his surroundings.

  Meurte Boyz occupied one of the weight areas and one of the basketball courts. 904 Mafia, and other unaffiliated black dudes, were spread out at the other stations and courts while a few stragglers circled the track. The COs and a couple of unaffiliated older men were the only white guys in the yard.

  Since Jasper left isolation, he hadn’t heard from Jordyn and was starting to wonder if something had happened to her. She’d seemed so alarmed right before she left. What had she seen? And why hadn’t she come back to tell him?

  “Maybe ’cuz it’s all in your head,” said a man beside him.

  Lenny Barnes, his old basketball coach and mentor. Dressed in jeans and a black windbreaker, charcoal fedora tilted ever so slightly.

  “So, you finally came to see me.” Jasper kept his voice low so nobody saw him talking to ghosts or illusions.

  “Why didn’t you just stay with that nice lady and her girl?” Lenny asked.

  “You know why.”

  “Because you can’t stand to be happy?”

  “Because they’re better off without me. I bring pain or death wherever I go.”

  “You really believe that, son?”

  “I do.”

  A long moment of silence stretched as Crazy Gary passed, mumbling to himself. He looked at Jasper and winked, then kept on walking.

  “He sweet on you?” Lenny asked.

  “Maybe he sees you, too.”

  Lenny waved, but Crazy Gary was no longer looking at them. “You know you’re gonna die in here.”

  “With any luck.”

  “How’s the girl?”

  “She’s okay.”

  “She visiting you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Prison is no place for a kid.”

  “She’s free to come and go, same as you.”

  “I’ve gotta say, I’m disappointed,” Lenny said after a long sigh. “All the work we did to keep you out of prison and here you are, exactly the same.”

  “Yep. I’m still great at letting people down.”

  “Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

  “I’m not,” Jasper said. “I’m just finished lying to myself. Done pretending I’m a good person. I killed a lot of bad people. Saved some good ones, but in the end, the score is against me. I got my own kid killed. I could’ve stopped working after Carissa passed. I blamed Calum Kozack, but it’s my fault for not seeing the signs and not being there for Jordyn.”

  “So, that’s what this is? Punishment for all your sins?”

  “Can’t hurt anyone else from in here.”

  “Can’t help nobody, neither.”

  “Like I said, the numbers don’t add up in my favor. I hurt as—”

  “This is about Spider? She’s gonna be okay.”

  “Now you’re a psychic, too?”

  “That girl knew what she was getting into when she decided to work for you.”

  “She was a child. I recruited a crippled kid whose family was dead. I could have just given her money, I didn’t have to involve her. I wouldn’t have been looking for how she could return the favors of my help if it was really all about Spider, or if I was really a good person.”

  “The girl wanted to work, and you knew it. Didn’t want to be a charity case and liked being valuable. She was working for Logic and those other dealers, anyway. She knew and accepted the dangers.”

  “I should’ve protected her. And Jordyn. I—”

 
; “Tell me when you’re done so you can get off the cross and donate it to a—”

  “I’m not being a martyr, Lenny. Or feeling sorry for myself. I just want to do my time and then rest in peace. I’m done fighting.”

  “Did they take your balls when they brought you here? The Jasper I know would never quit so easily.”

  “You told me to stop my vigilante shit! You told me to retire!”

  “Yeah, that’s when you were with that nice woman and her kid — what were their names?”

  “Alicia and Ophelia.”

  “Yeah, and then you just up and left them. I thought you all had something special.”

  “It was special, until I fucked it up just like everything else. I had to leave, for their sakes.”

  “If you say so. But why turn yourself in?”

  “Kozack turned me in.”

  “You could’ve lawyered up. Got a reduced sentence for all the shit you’ve been through, for the … mental problems.” Lenny made a cuckoo sound and spun a little circle around his ear.

  “Yeah, well I didn’t. And now I’m here. So if you don’t have anything useful to say, please let me enjoy the rest of my rec time in peace.”

  “Suit yourself, martyr.”

  Lenny disappeared. Jasper closed his eyes, trying to his peace. Footsteps ruined his moment. He opened his eyes to see two men approaching.

  One had a broad chest, giant shoulders, and tight cornrows. The guy looked like he just finished lifting a car. His face was mean enough to frighten a pit bull. The other guy was shorter but no less fearsome — a short, skinny, lighter-skinned black man with a low afro and tattoos over every visible inch of skin, including Young Luther inked across his forearm.

  Young Luther was short, around five foot six. He reminded Jasper a bit of Logic, who ran the drug trade in Butler. Logic’s men had helped Jasper when he tried to save Spider, and many died in the process.

  After rubbing his nose, Young Luther sneered at Jasper. “So, you the rat that snitched on us?”

  Jasper didn’t back down, though holding Luther’s gaze meant not paying full attention to the giant beside him, the one most likely to shiv him.

  “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

  Luther laughed, looked away for a moment, then back up at Jasper. “Sounds like something a rat would say. You should’a said yes when you got offered that job.”

  “And why the fuck am I ever gonna kill someone just ’cuz some fucking Nazi said to? I had no beef with Wally.”

  “Wasn’t him makin’ the ask. But you knew that.”

  He held Luther’s stare. “Someone wants something from me, they come to me, like a man.”

  Muscles grunted like he was begging to be let off his leash and tear Jasper from Adam’s Apple to anus.

  Jasper still didn’t look at him, maintaining eye contact with the man in charge of 904 Mafia.

  Young Luther nodded. “Think you all that, old man? Think being a cop is gonna save your ass in here?”

  If Kenn knew he’d been a cop, so did Young Luther. But Jasper neither confirmed nor denied the accusation. The rapper-turned-kingpin nodded one final time, then with his back to Jasper, said, “Be seein’ ya’ around, rat.”

  Muscles followed, leaving Jasper to contemplate his numbered days.

  One of the COs barked it was time to line up and return to their pods.

  Jasper got in the back, behind Crazy Gary, as they were led back inside.

  He turned and smiled at Jasper. “You see them, too, don’t ya?”

  “See what?” Jasper asked.

  “The ghosts. Fucking ghosts everywhere in this place.”

  Jasper nodded, so the man would stop talking.

  When Jasper was let back into his cell he found a dead rat in his bunk.

  His days were numbered for sure.

  Chapter 16 - Mallory Black

  Mal returned from the vending machine with two cold Cokes. She slid one over to Terry then cracked hers open. “Sorry about that.”

  “Thanks.” He grabbed the soda. After pulling the tab, he took a long drink. It did little to settle him. He still seemed nervous, his hair sweaty, leg bouncing and body full of twitches. Slowly, he looked up and met her gaze.

  Mal asked him what he was withdrawing from. As he opened his mouth for a lie, she cut him off. “Takes an addict to know one.”

  “Ran out of Oxy two days ago,” Terry admitted. “Was gonna pick up a prescription after work. And … then this. I didn’t do what they’re asking me about.”

  “Then let me help you. Sooner you get out of here, sooner you can get your meds.”

  He nodded and took another drink. “You gonna ask the same thing they did?”

  “Where were you Sunday?”

  “Church.”

  “After church?”

  “I went home.”

  “Did you see Alice or McKenna Shaw on Sunday?”

  “Yeah, at church.”

  “Where were they?”

  “Sitting two rows ahead of me.”

  “Who were you with?

  “Myself, as usual.”

  “And what did you do after church?”

  “Went home. Took a nap.”

  “Can anyone confirm that?”

  “My dog.”

  “Are you a religious man, Terry?”

  “More than some, not as much as others.”

  “How often do you attend church?”

  “Most Sundays.”

  “How well do you know Alice and McKenna Shaw?”

  He shifted a bit, looking away before returning his gaze to her. “See them in church. Not too well.”

  “And their mother?”

  “Seen her around,” Terry said, holding his stare.

  “Did you see either Alice or McKenna after church?”

  “No.”

  “What did you do after church?”

  “I told you. I went home and took a nap.”

  “Right. Sorry. So, did you see anyone talking to the girls on Sunday?”

  “No. I mean, yeah, their friends.”

  “Which friends?”

  “I dunno their names. Couple of girls in church.”

  “And you don’t know them?”

  “No.”

  “But you know the Shaw girls?”

  “Well, I see them around.”

  “Have you seen them outside of church?”

  “I dunno. Maybe.” He looked down at his hands.

  “Where else have you seen them, Terry?”

  “Just around, man. I dunno.”

  Mal sat silent for a moment. She sipped from her can and let him stew in the moment.

  Terry took a drink then started rocking in his seat.

  “How do you know the Shaw girls, Terry?”

  He shook his head. “I told you, I—”

  Mal didn’t slap the table or shout. Instead she reached out, softly touched his hand, then set something inside it.

  He looked up into her eyes.

  She glanced at the camera to let him know not to open his palm.

  He looked down with caution.

  She’d given him one of her two ‘Just In Case’ pills.

  “Please, let me help you. Just tell me what you know.”

  Terry met her gaze again, arching his eyebrows as if asking if she was serious. Did she really want him to take the pill?

  She nodded, nice and subtle.

  He leaned his head back dramatically, sighing as he put his head in his hands and covertly slipped the pill into his mouth. He washed it down with a swallow of Coke, then sat in silence, probably waiting for the pill to kick in or maybe brewing the courage to say whatever the hell he had been keeping to himself.

  “What do you want to tell me, Terry?”

  “I used to date Sheila.”

  Mal wanted to smack him. “When? For how long?”

  “Last year. For about six months.”

  “And what happened?”

  “I did
n’t touch those kids.” Terry shook his head. “They meant the world to me.”

  “What happened?”

  He closed his eyes and vented an even longer sigh. “Fuuuuuck.”

  “What happened, Terry?”

  “I didn’t touch those kids.”

  “What happened, Terry?”

  What the hell did he do?

  “She was my dealer.”

  “Sheila deals drugs?”

  “I dunno if she still does. We broke up after some kid accused me of jerking off in the window.”

  “Were you jerking off?”

  “No. I was walking around naked. And yes, my curtains were open. But I was fucked up, out of my mind. I wasn’t jacking it, especially not to some kids! Fuck.”

  “So why did the girl accuse you?”

  “I don’t know! I have no fucking idea,” Terry said, his eyes now wild. “The parents withdrew the complaint, but it was too late. Fucking ruined my life. I didn’t do shit, but that don’t stop people from looking at me like I did. I’m lucky I didn’t lose my job. I couldn’t go to church for four months.”

  He started crying again.

  “I don’t blame Sheila for breaking up with me. I get it. She had to protect her kids. But, man, it fucking hurt. I didn’t do anything to those kids. I …”

  Mal stared at Terry, letting him have a moment to doubt whether she believed him. Eventually he’d fill the silence and give her more to go on.

  “Did I get her in trouble?” Terry finally asked.

  He might be guilty of something, but Mal believed his innocence about this. “We’re not looking to screw with Sheila. She’s been through enough. Thank you, Terry.”

  She got up, grabbed her Coke, then headed for the door.

  “What now? Am I allowed to leave?”

  “Assuming you don’t have anything the detectives wanna talk to you about after they get back from your place, I’m guessing you’ll be free to go soon. But you did run, so there might be some charges on that.”

  “Thank you,” he said, looking down to his hand.

  “Take care of yourself, Terry.”

  She left the interview room then went next door to where Mike and Skippy were waiting.

  “Well?” Mike asked. “What do you think?”

  “I think he’s telling the truth.”

  “I dunno.” Skippy shook his head. “Seems like a pedo to me.”