by Lolly Walter
Like he was reaching for a bug that would fly away if the air was disturbed, Devin extended his hand toward Bea’s. Bea watched the motion, her mouth opening a little when Devin touched her.
“I’d like to be your friend.”
Bea’s eyes roved Devin’s face. She twisted her hand to clasp fingers with Devin. “This is a maybe, not a yes.”
Devin turned toward Joe with a raised eyebrow, his smile faint but hopeful.
Joe wanted to kiss him.
Bea stood, and though she seemed a little shaky, she made her way over to the couch opposite Joe and Victor. Devin followed, but he stopped behind the couch. Victor was in his spot.
Victor stiffened and smacked Joe’s ear.
Joe flinched, covering his head and shielding the baby, but the blow hadn’t been hard and Victor was already moving away.
“Don’t touch my partner.” Devin strode between Joe and Victor, his fisted hands thrown wide. “I promise you’ll regret it.”
“Shut up, white fag,” Victor snapped.
Joe shifted the baby to his left arm and yanked hard on the waistband of Devin’s jeans. Devin tumbled over Joe’s legs and onto the couch.
“It’s over, all three of you,” Joe said, putting into his words all the confidence and authority he carried by virtue of being the company’s A+ runner.
Victor turned his back and walked toward the room that had been Ebony’s but now belonged to Dottie and Aubrey, at least for the next six weeks before another team got two months of coveted privacy. Devin shuffled his ass around a bit but kept one leg rooted over Joe’s. Bea’s eyes hardened as she glared at Joe.
A raucous scuffling broke out behind the dorm door, and Ebony, Zeke, Roxy, and Trig tumbled in, laughing and sweaty. Ebony spared a kiss for Zeke and placed another on Victor’s cheek before she ran for Nina, scooping her from Joe’s arms and checking her over like something terrible might have happened to the baby in her absence.
Joe breathed a sigh of relief at his unburdening. Devin chuckled tightly and looped his arm around Joe.
“Good news,” Ebony said. She smiled down at Joe. “And thanks, Joesy and Devin.”
Bea patted Ebony’s thigh, and only a little bitterness tinged her voice. “What’s the news, Ebony?”
Ebony smiled around at the room, her bright, artificially white teeth on full display. She widened her eyes. “We get the carnival.”
For a moment, stunned silence greeted the announcement, then the room burst into applause and whoops of appreciation. Baby Nina woke and started to cry.
Joe fingered a hole in the denim at Devin’s knee. He slid his thumb inside the hole and pressed his fingers into Devin’s thigh. The carnival made him anxious.
When the ruckus died down, save for Nina’s cries, Devin asked, “What’s a carnival?”
***
The lights were mesmerizing. Blues, purples, pinks, greens, reds — every color flashed and shimmered in arcs and spirals that had Devin spinning to catch them all. Laughter drifted everywhere in the breeze, and the warm, rich scent of breaded food traveled straight from Devin’s nose to his stomach. He spun again to catch the moving lights and tripped over his own feet. Strong hands caught him above the elbow, holding him steady.
Devin might never have smiled so big in his life. Joe shook his head, but he was grinning a bit, too.
“So this is the carnival?”
Joe nodded. “This is the carnival. What do you think?”
This time, Devin bounced in place. He picked up Joe’s hand and swung it between them. People passing on the crowded walkway had to jump out of the path of their hands. “It’s amazing! Rides. Can we go on the rides? And then eat? Tons of food. Then maybe we can—”
“Slow down, big guy. We have time.” Joe untangled his hand and waved at Sam, the security guard who always patted his face. “I want to talk to you about some ground rules first.”
Devin stopped bouncing. “Fuck, Joe, could you not be a wet blanket for one fucking night?”
“No.” Joe waved to Ebony and Zeke as they passed, baby Nina in an improvised cloth carrier strapped to Ebony’s chest. He turned his big brown eyes back to Devin with the expression Devin found least attractive on his otherwise beautiful face — that of the impending good-boy lecture. Devin had heard it about overeating; he’d heard it about poker; he’d even heard it about sex, not that they’d done a goddamned thing in that area. Joe snapped his fingers in Devin’s face. “Pay attention.”
“Quit being a dick.”
Joe tilted his head and sighed. “Sorry. The carnival, it is enjoyable, and I swear I want you to have fun. But every runner is here tonight, from every level. Remember those guys in the elevator that first day we went out for a run, how they treated you? You are of interest to everyone, papi, and most of them don’t like you. I need you to be safe.”
“I haven’t done anything to anyone. It’s because I’m white?” God, that was a terrible reason not to like someone.
“It’s not fair.” Joe, who, for the past few weeks, had been redirecting Devin’s touches to someplace besides his body, leaned so close that their chests met. His breath blew hot on Devin’s neck. “You’ve never hurt anyone, but your skin reminds them of Boggs and our clients and how white people have treated the rest of us. So…”
Devin had stopped breathing when Joe had stepped close. He wrapped his arms around Joe’s waist even though he knew Joe would pull away. His voice came out weird, deep and shaky. “I’m listening. What do I need to do?”
“That’s better.” Joe put his hands on Devin’s forearms and pushed, trying to break the embrace, but Devin tightened his grip. “Fine. I like it too much to make you stop. But listen to me.”
“I’m listening. I already said so.” That was partly true. Mostly, Devin was smelling Joe’s hair. It was a continuing mystery — how they could use the same shampoo, one that smelled like bananas and coffee, and it came out smelling like bananas and coffee in his own hair, but in Joe’s hair it smelled like heaven and hot sex and warm banana muffins.
“Everything here is free the first time you try it. The rides stay free. The food doesn’t. The games don’t. The drugs… Look” — they were so close that Joe was already speaking quietly, but he lowered his voice even more — “this carnival is designed to keep us in need of Flights of Fantasy. The runners think it’s fun, and they get high and blow all the money they’ve earned over the past year. Then they wake up the next morning with empty accounts. You understand?”
“They’re tricking us?”
Joe’s eyes darted around them. The crowd had thinned, though a circle of runners from a lower level stood about ten feet away, their shirts off, licking necks and nipples and lips, pouring a bright red powder over the wet spots, then licking it away. Both the licker and the licked groaned in pleasure each time, and the group would whoop and laugh.
“They don’t want us to leave the company, not ever, at least until they decide we’re too old. You know how much money you have, right?”
Devin thumbed the inside of his wrist where his chip was located. Hard edges poked from under his skin. A chip reader was provided at their weekly briefings. Joe checked his every week, but Devin had only checked twice. He had a lot of money, and the second time he checked, he had a little more. He figured his parents had put money into his account when he was a boy. Flights of Fantasy was a pittance compared to that. He hadn’t told Joe. Knowing wouldn’t make a difference; he couldn’t leave Austin — had no idea how to stay alive, couldn’t use the money for food or shelter until he got who knew how far north. And what if Joe thought differently of him for having a bunch of useless money?
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do. You can eat the food and play the games and, if you have to, do the drugs, but—”
“I don’t even know what the drugs do.”
Joe tilted his head toward the boys with the red powder. Now one boy’s jeans had
dropped to his ankles while the others kneeled, heads close to his groin. The standing boy sprinkled.
The kneeling boys licked. Devin averted his gaze.
“That. And other things. There are different versions, but they make you less inhibited, less yourself. There are ones for sex, hallucinations, happiness…”
Devin let go of Joe and walked away from the boys and the red powder. “I don’t want to be less myself, even if I’d like the courage to have sex with you.”
“Not happening, extra courage or not, big guy.”
“Why can’t—”
“So you can pay the money, and I’ll keep you safe, but I’m not doing it.” Joe’s voice dragged, rough and a little bitter, and Devin rocked their shoulders together.
“I’m not doing anything you aren’t doing.”
“You may change your mind.”
“I’m with you.” That simple, at least as far as Devin was concerned. “Can we ride the big spinning wheel now, please?” So he sounded a little whiny. He didn’t care. The heavy conversation sucked.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
“Oh, Joe! Devin!”
“Fuck,” Devin whispered.
Boggs, wearing a snug white sil-fab suit like he was expecting important company any minute, strode toward them. A woman of about the same age hung on his arm. White-blond hair and a tight-fitting blue bodysuit screamed “Northerner.” Her overlarge breasts jutted from her chest in an impossible way. Joe’s hand, which had been brushing Devin’s as they walked, clenched painfully around Devin’s pinky finger.
“Joseph, so good to see you,” Boggs said, and his eyes raked over Joe in that gluttonous way they always did. Joe stepped in front of Devin. Boggs smiled like he’d been given a gift. “Devin, you’re looking well.”
Devin grunted.
“Mrs. Boggs, it’s good to see you.” Joe was smooth, but Devin heard the lie.
The woman stepped forward and ran her hand down Joe’s chest. Something she did caused Joe to gasp and step back, but since Devin was right behind him, he had nowhere to go.
“I love how sensitive you are, Joe. It’s so sexy.” Her purple-tinted eyes flipped up to Devin, and her shark’s teeth grin widened. “What’s your name, kitten?”
“Devin.” It came out hoarse. Devin was more scared of this woman than he was of Boggs.
“Do you like to play with Joe?”
“He’s asexual. Nothing I do appeals to him.” Joe stepped on Devin’s foot. “He… he might be able to stand to watch what we do, but he can’t participate. It wouldn’t be real. And you want it real, don’t you?” Joe leaned into the woman the same way he’d leaned into Devin earlier. His touch was familiar. Intimate. “I’ve missed playing with you and Brandon together, Candy.”
They kissed, wet and slow and sloppy.
Candy’s hands slid over Joe’s ass. Her tongue dipped into his mouth. Devin didn’t have to fake revulsion. Enough bile churned in his stomach that he didn’t even have to stick his finger down his throat.
He retched, shoving Joe out of the way as he did.
Vomit landed on Boggs’s shoes. Flecks of it littered the calves of Candy’s bodysuit.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry,” Devin choked. Goosebumps broke out all over his body. He doubled over like he might heave again.
Above him, Joe sounded frantic. He rapidly stroked Devin’s back. “I’m so sorry. I can find you a towel. I can—”
“Brandon, get me out of here!” Candy was spitting like a cat, and Devin straightened in time to see her turning green.
Boggs glowered at Joe and Devin, but he grabbed his wife’s elbow and led her from the carnival. Devin watched until they walked outside the heavily armed security guard at the gate.
“He’ll make it hurt when he takes it out of me later, but that was worth it. You are brilliant!” Joe hugged Devin from the side.
Devin snapped his shoulders, breaking Joe’s hold, and jogged toward the food tents. Ignoring complaints and catcalls, he forced his way to the front of the line and thrust out his wrist. “Three waters, please.”
“Bottles!” Joe caught up with him, his warm body easing the shivers where he pressed into Devin’s side. “He wants water in sealed bottles.”
The woman behind the counter swiped the money reader over Devin’s wrist and handed him a receipt and three bottles of water. Devin shoved one bottle into Joe’s chest and stalked behind the tent. He leaned against the trunk of a long-dead tree while he opened a bottle and used the water to rinse his mouth. He was working on his third swish and spit when Joe spoke.
“Hey, are you okay? I thought you made yourself throw up to keep Boggs’s wife off you.”
Devin spit one more time. He opened the second bottle and drank almost all of it. He poured what was left over his head and wiped his hands down his face. “Didn’t need to get her off me, did I? You took care of that. So either you ignored our partnership or you wanted her all to yourself.”
“She’s not like our clients, Devin. She wants to be penetrated by a hard dick. You couldn’t have done it.”
“I have done it.”
Joe barked a mean laugh at the heavens. “With Ebony. You were so horny to lose your virginity that you could’ve gotten it up for a hollow log. What’re you going to do when someone forces you? It’s not the same. You’ll be begging me to take your place then.”
“Did you like it? Her kissing you?”
The irritation that had been building in Joe’s eyes dissipated, replaced by confusion. “What?”
“Did you like it?” The shaking had stopped, overtaken by the warm night air and the anger fingering Devin’s heart.
Joe shook his head as though trying to clear it. “I loathed it, Devin. I loathe her. It’s repugnant.”
Devin didn’t know what the hell repugnant meant, and that made him angrier. He pushed Joe up against the tree and forced his partner’s face upward until their eyes locked. “I’m tired of watching you touch other people.”
A mocking smile made Joe ugly. “I am a prostitute. It’s my job.”
“Not with Boggs. Not with his wife. You don’t get paid for that shit, and you do it anyway.”
“You think I like that? I don’t have a choice. We covered Whoring 101 a while ago. If I don’t do it, I lose. I lose my spot. I lose my income. I probably die.” Joe kneed Devin’s thigh and moved away. “You, you find a way to make it north and some rich white family is going to say, ‘Ooh, look at the poor orphan. Let’s care for him.’ They’ll adopt you and treat you like their special prize. Me? It’ll be more like ‘Step away from that dirty brown boy. He might be diseased, dear.’ Then the husband’ll come back later that night and offer me next to nothing to take it up the ass.”
“You’re so smart. You know everything. You’re beautiful. People respect you. You have so much going for you besides your body, Joe.” Devin was still mad, but this was a side of Joe he’d never seen, and it scared him.
“It doesn’t matter, papi.” Joe circled Devin, keeping his distance but not moving farther away. “I’m one day without sunscreen away from being unable to pass for white. All that matters is the color of our skin. Do you know why Boggs waited until your eighteenth birthday to put us with the sex clients? He didn’t have a problem selling my ass when I was fourteen years old. How do you think Flix and Marcus make a living? But you? You he made wait.”
Devin floundered. The shaking returned, and it was so much worse because Joe’s eyes shone and he was shaking, too.
“I… I don’t…”
“No, you don’t. You didn’t know.” Joe surged forward and cupped Devin’s cheek with his hand. The carnival lights danced in his luminous eyes. “For all the big talk when you came to me, you were so innocent. I hate that I’m the one stealing that innocence from you. You deserve better.”
Joe slipped his hand down Devin’s neck, the kind of lover’s caress Devin had read about in his books, except when Joe reached Devin’s chest, he stepped back, out o
f Devin’s embrace. He picked up Devin’s wrist and turned it over, exposing the delicate blue veins visible under the surface of the thin skin.
“You have a money chip here.” Joe ghosted a fingertip over the skin covering the implanted chip. He pressed Devin’s finger onto the same spot on his own wrist. The edges of Joe’s chip were even more pronounced. Then Joe surprised the hell out of Devin by dropping his hands and undoing the button on Devin’s jeans. Devin grabbed Joe’s forearms, but Joe let go of the pants and said, “That’s all I needed to undo. Feel.”
Joe pressed his thumb along the inside of Devin’s hipbone. He stopped near the top of it and rubbed a small circle before removing his hand.
Devin followed the path of Joe’s thumb. A slight bump disrupted the line of bone. “What is it?”
A group of boys speaking Spanish in loud, exuberant voices shuffled past. A few of them patted Joe’s back or ass as they went by. Joe raised his hand to them. In every way, he was the leader of the runners, admired and admirable.
Devin sucked in a breath, the weight of his own devotion to his partner bone-deep.
“Do up your pants and walk,” Joe said when the other runners had passed. “We’ll attract suspicion by standing here instead of enjoying the carnival.”
Devin wanted answers, but what they were doing, standing away from the crowd, not enjoying the carnival and the delights it offered, probably did look odd. Pants buttoned, he slid his arm over Joe’s shoulders and let Joe lead him through the carnival. The ripe, organic smells of sweat and sex mixed with the smell of the food, and the crowd was rowdier now, throwing stuffed animals through the air, shouting and singing and dancing. A lower-level runner peed in their path, and couples and groups were moaning and groping right out in the open.
Joe and Devin dodged the pissing man and climbed onto a ride with a bunch of fake horses laid out around a central pillar. At Joe’s urging, Devin sat on a fiery red horse with “Sunfire” written on its flank. Joe seated himself on the next horse over. Devin gripped the pole protruding from his horse’s back and leaned toward Joe.
“I wanted to ride the big spinny wheel thing.”
