Dry Run

by Lolly Walter

  Tomorrow he wouldn’t be able to avoid seeing her lifeless and alone, but he wanted to put it off as long as he could. He made a mental note to bring one of her stuffed animals and put it in her pocket before they lowered her into the ground. The animals were a reminder of her sister, and that would be a good talisman for her to carry with her.

  Today, Joe had to move his feet to the req desk and return the mattock. He had to ride the elevator. He had to go to his room, past the other A runners, and grab his towel so he could shower the dirt of Bea’s grave from his body.

  He stood next to Devin in the shower, accompanied by the quiet murmurs of the other men who’d dug Bea’s grave, and let the water combine with the dirt, make mud, and sluice it all away. The showers never got hot enough, and the small, white-tiled shower room smelled like feet and mildew, but Joe stayed under the spray long after he’d scrubbed himself clean.

  He’d been baptized as an infant. In his old house, they’d had a photo of his mother, her smile stretched wide over dazzling white teeth, holding him on the day of the baptism. He’d been clothed in an embarrassing white dress. The whole affair, as his dad had explained it to him, sounded preposterous, flicking water on a baby. He understood the symbolism, but it didn’t make any sense. Babies hadn’t sinned.

  Now, though? Joe would take that baptism. He’d sinned enough for several lifetimes. The shower water pinged against his shoulders, and he stepped back so it hit his head instead. Imagining his insides being washed clean, purified, he shifted around until the water had hit every part of his head. He smiled a little to himself and mumbled, “Go forth and sin no more.”

  “Joe?”

  Joe wiped his eyes and blinked them open. Devin’s bare, powerful golden body stood close enough to touch.

  “Where’d everyone go?” Joe faced the shower again, tilted back his head, and let the spray hit his throat and chest. Warmth spread through him, and the tight pit of worry in his chest loosened. Devin was with him. The antiquated tenets of the church held that sex outside marriage and love with another man were sinful, but Joe had never been so close to salvation.

  “They finished up five minutes ago. They were going to get dressed and go eat. They asked us to join them.”

  Joe still had his head back, and from the corner of his eye, he saw Devin straighten his arms, then cross them over his chest. Devin took a shaky step closer, until the water from Joe’s shower hit his arm.

  “I don’t want to be with them right now. I want…” Joe gestured to the empty space around him, the shower head, and Devin. Putting his hand on Devin’s chest right above those crossed arms, he said, “I want this.”

  Devin covered Joe’s hand, pressed it tighter. He traced the line of Joe’s arm all the way up to his shoulder. “Do you want to talk?”

  Joe shuddered as Devin’s hand skittered over his heated skin, his touch firm and full of tension. “That’s not what I mean.”

  “Oh, thank God.”

  In spite of the heaviness of the day, Joe laughed. “You don’t want to talk?”

  He shifted so they were facing each other. The shower spray ricocheted off his shoulder and hit Devin’s chest. Fine beads of water merged at a spot along Devin’s clavicle and formed a new droplet, which trailed slowly down his chest, toward his nipple. Joe wanted to lick it off. He swiped at it with his thumb, damming the water behind his knuckle until it overflowed and continued its course along Devin’s body.

  “Papi,” Joe said when Devin didn’t answer. He cleared his throat, because that had come out too strangled, and tried again. “Papi, you don’t want to talk?”

  “Not now.” And Devin hissed when Joe turned his thumb and scratched a nail over his nipple. “Fuck, Joe. It’s okay? This? I know we talked about waiting and today’s an awful day, but…”

  “But we’ve never been closer, right? Emotionally, I mean.”

  Devin nodded once. “Never closer, yeah. Love and commitment and shit.” He approached until their bodies touched with each breath and Joe had to tilt his head back to see Devin’s eyes. “I’m nervous as hell, but I need this. Right now.”

  Joe understood. He needed it, too. Craved it. Sex with Devin mattered. It would cement their bond. Sharing this would mean they shared everything. Joe raised his arms, intending to wrap them around Devin’s neck, and was surprised when Devin stepped back.

  “You touch me now and I won’t be able to make it back to our room without everyone knowing exactly how much I want you. Get dressed.”

  Sex with an audience had never fazed Joe. Devin was right, though. What they were about to do was private. He turned off the shower, dried off, and slipped into his jeans. Devin took his hand and led him through the hallway and into the dorm.

  Only a few runners were there. Most had probably followed the gravediggers into the cafeteria. Flix and Ebony sat together at the poker table, silently playing War. Joe hesitated for a moment. He should say something. Devin grabbed his neck and gave it a squeeze. Joe nodded and left Flix and Ebony for the privacy of his own room.

  As soon as they were inside, Devin pressed Joe into the cool metal door and kissed him. His hands roamed up Joe’s sides, over his chest, and down his arms. Joe shivered when those hands came back, one at his hip and the other at his neck, while Devin pushed the kisses deeper.

  Aggression wasn’t Devin’s style, so his insistent hands and hard kisses left Joe’s heart hammering, his breath coming fast. He almost choked when Devin dropped to his knees.

  Devin dipped his tongue in Joe’s belly button, then licked the lines of his muscles, stopping here and there for kisses and tiny bites. Sharp teeth dug into the skin just above Joe’s jeans, and he moaned and thrust his hips forward.

  Devin pulled away and gazed up at him. “I love you so much, and what we’re going to do is because of that, okay?”

  Joe nodded. He was breathing too hard for words.

  “But you have the most amazing, fuckable body, Joe. I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing, but I’ve wanted to touch you everywhere for so long, find out if you taste as good as you look.”

  “Do I?” Joe croaked.

  Devin smiled. “Even better.” He dove back down and, latching onto the top of Joe’s hipbone, alternated between licking and sucking.

  Joe dropped his hand into Devin’s hair. No one had ever touched him this way. No client, no casual partner, no lover. Even with Bea or the handful of female runners he had screwed before Bea became his partner, he’d never been explored, never cherished.

  Devin groped Joe’s ass, his hand warm through the worn denim, and he moaned, like Joe’s pleasure was his own.

  Joe’s throat closed. He whispered, “I love you.”

  If Devin heard, he didn’t answer. His teeth scraped the hollow inside Joe’s hip, and his hand tightened on Joe’s ass.

  Joe only had two pairs of jeans. He couldn’t risk tearing this pair. He undid the button, the side of his hand brushing Devin’s face, and had gripped the zipper when Devin shoved his hands away.

  “Let me.”

  As Devin’s shaking hands lowered the zipper, the ripping noise bounced around the room. Joe sprang free, and Devin pushed his jeans to his thighs. He nuzzled Joe’s abdomen, the crease of his thighs, his weeping, straining erection.

  Joe jolted at the touch, his hips thrusting forward, seeking more.

  “Be still,” Devin said. “I want to do this, but I can’t…” He stared up at Joe, his lips pursed. “You have to be still and not try to push it in me.”

  That horrible hunter. Joe hated him for what he’d done to Devin. He hated himself for letting it happen.

  His thoughts must have shown on his face.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Joe.” Devin ran the back of his hand up Joe’s length and kissed the top of his thigh.

  “You don’t have to do this.”

  “I want to do this. I want you to do it to me, too, but not today.” Devin grinned. “Today I’d come in about three seconds, and I r
eally, really, really want to fuck you.” His brows drew together. “Is that okay? We haven’t talked about if—”

  “It’s okay. It’s fabulous. It’s what I want, too.”

  “How do I make this good for you?” Devin planted another kiss, this one closer to Joe’s dick. “I need you to tell me what to do, how you like it.”

  That gave Joe pause. He’d never considered how he might like sex to be. With clients or Boggs, he only concerned himself with what they wanted. When he and Bea or anyone else had sex, he’d mainly closed his eyes and pretended he was with Victor, sick as it sounded. Joe rolled his eyes and stopped himself. He wasn’t going to waste time, not when he was with beautiful, decent Devin, thinking about Victor, either version — the fifteen-year-old boy he’d thought he loved or the twenty-year-old man he wanted to kill.

  “Joe?”

  Devin’s voice wavered, and Joe realized with a start that his silence might make Devin worry he was doing something wrong. “No one’s ever asked me what I wanted before, papi. Thank you. I had to think about an answer.”

  “Well?”

  “Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s wonderful, the way you’re exploring me. It makes me feel treasured.”

  “God, Joe. You are my treasure.”

  Despite his tough exterior, Devin was tender and affectionate. Joe had never needed sweet words from him and sometimes grew uncomfortable when they were offered. This time, though, being called Devin’s treasure while Devin’s breath blew across his groin? Joe melted. When Devin punctuated his words with a tentative kiss to the head of Joe’s dick, Joe’s eyes rolled back in his head.

  Devin chuckled. “That’s good, then?”

  “More.”

  Somehow, Joe managed to keep his eyes closed and his hips still as Devin licked and kissed. Devin stroked his hips and thighs and ass, leaving a tingling trail in his wake. Heat and wet engulfed Joe, and he cried out at the unexpected pleasure.

  Staying still got harder, and he was a little grateful and a lot turned on when Devin grasped his hips and held him firm against the door. The sex was wet and sloppy, nowhere near the skilled precision of the other runners or the older clients. It was the most exhilarating experience of Joe’s life. His belly tightened, and his legs began to shake.

  Devin pulled away and rose unsteadily to his feet. His flushed face shone with sweat.

  Joe put his hands on Devin’s shoulders and tried to guide him back down. “Why’d you stop?”

  A smirk played on Devin’s sex-slick lips. “You were about to come. I almost got you off.”

  Joe made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “Why didn’t you finish? Please finish.”

  Devin leaned close enough that his lips brushed the shell of Joe’s ear. “I want more.”

  “Bed. Take me to bed.” Joe shucked his jeans, grabbed Devin’s hand, and dragged him to the mattress. “Get your clothes off.”

  Devin stripped down, exposing golden skin and huge muscles and, finally, his massive erect penis.

  Joe’s breath caught. He’d never wanted to touch a dick so much in his life.

  Devin grabbed Joe’s reaching hand. “Don’t. I want it, but I’ll come if you touch me, Joe. As it is, I’m gonna have to think about boring stuff just to get it inside you.”

  “Fu-uck.” Joe couldn’t say anything else, couldn’t even think. He dropped to his knees and made short work of prepping himself. The Superlube each of the runners used every morning was the twenty-four-hour variety, and Joe was an expert. He twisted his fingers and thought of Devin behind him. “I’m ready.”

  “Can I… I want to see your face.”

  Joe smiled, just for himself. He pulled a t-shirt out of his crate and covered his pillow. He turned around, put the pillow under his hips, and lay back on the bed.

  Joe bit his lip. His breath came in little shuddering gasps. It had been such a long time since he’d done this, just this, because he wanted to. Never had he done it with someone he trusted not to hurt him.

  Devin moved until he was right there, his body touching Joe’s. He leaned forward and delivered a delicate kiss. When he rose, his eyes mirrored the vulnerability of Joe’s body, a reminder that this was hard for him, following his heart, ignoring his family’s values.

  Joe hooked his ankles around Devin’s back and held him still.

  “This is good and right, isn’t it?” Devin asked.

  Joe cupped Devin’s cheek. “I swear to you that it is. Even if I’d grown up in the north, with my dad, with every privilege, with a living mother, being with you would still be the best, most right, part of my whole life.”

  Devin closed his eyes. When he opened them, he cupped Joe’s feet, then traced up his legs, over his hips, his torso, and onto his cheeks. “I made you cuss, almost made you come, and now you’re all sappy. That’s my personal best.”

  “Your personal best is about to get a lot better.” Joe lined up their bodies, then dug in his heels and pulled Devin in.

  “Holy fuck.” Devin snapped his hips forward.

  Oh, the fullness. The stretch. Heat surged in Joe’s body with every movement of Devin’s body over him. In him. Push. Pull. Push. The choppy, tentative rhythm that had been too quick at the outset became too slow. He begged for harder, faster, his feet locked around Devin, trying in vain to guide the movement.

  Devin’s eyes were open but unseeing. His hands scrambled haphazardly, sometimes lighting on Joe’s hips and holding him down, sometimes skimming Joe’s skin, tightening and loosening.

  Joe worked for it, the tightness and the ache. Matched each glide and thrust. He closed Devin’s hand around his own erection and stroked in time to the movement of their fucking. Every pull, push, pull drove him higher, tightened his muscles, removed him from thought, until he was only aware of the places where Devin touched him and how much pleasure each touch brought.

  He screwed his eyes shut and shouted as orgasm swept over him, wave after pulsing wave. The current went on forever, driven by the relentless beat of Devin’s body into his. He whimpered when at last it ceased.

  When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Devin’s face screw tight, his body freeze. Devin’s mouth opened in a silent scream, and his orgasm shook Joe almost as strongly as his own had.

  Devin dropped his face into the crook of Joe’s neck and made a low wheezing sound.

  Joe unlocked his ankles, stiff and creaky, from Devin’s back and stroked wet hair from Devin’s face. He was thrilled when Devin didn’t move. The solid weight, the presence inside him, made him safe and whole. Nothing could hurt him as long as he had this.

  “That was perfect. You’re perfect for me, papi. Perfect.”

  Devin took a rattling breath and lifted his head. His eyes were bloodshot, his pupils dilated. “We can do that again, right? Whenever we want? You do want it again?”

  “Every chance we get.”

  ***

  Devin lay in the dark and had his identity crisis.

  It was real, the gay thing. It wasn’t looking or fantasizing or even kissing and making out. He’d had real, full-on sex with a man. Three times. Well, the last time hadn’t been dick-in-ass fucking, but still. Joe’s lips wrapped around him, his eyes closed reverently. God, Devin had come so hard. Thrilled to it. Wanted it again and again and again.

  Gay.

  Being with Joe had been better than Devin’s most secret fantasies. Blew the sex he’d had with Ebony right out of the water.

  Now what?

  He meant to huff out a sigh, but he was tired and it came out as more of a raspberry. Joe squirmed underneath him, his bony hip prodding Devin’s stomach, but he didn’t wake. That was just as well. Joe had enough on his plate without dealing with this little meltdown.

  Nina was gone. Something had happened with Boggs that Devin still hadn’t gotten Joe to talk about. Bea was dead. There’d been a shit-ton of bad stuff lately, and Devin was the fucking crybaby worrying about what his brother would have called him if he’d b
een alive to see him kiss Joe. The F-word. That’s what Tanner would have called him. And Tanner wouldn’t have loved him anymore.

  But Joe loved him. Joe, who was as fast and as smart and as brave as Tanner, but who was also kinder and beautiful and tougher. He loved Devin enough to kiss him and touch him, to suck him and let him invade his body. And the sex hadn’t felt wrong. Being with Joe was the most right thing that had ever happened. Devin just wished the question whirling in his mind wasn’t the either/or kind. Tanner or Joe. One but not both. Couldn’t he have had both? Shouldn’t he have had both?

  The night was cool, so Joe was sleeping in a t-shirt. Devin slipped his hand inside the shirt and, with his fingertips, traced little circles along Joe’s body. He reached a nipple and scratched over it with a fingernail. The little nub in the center hardened, and he ran the pad of his middle finger around and around it, nudging it back to a peak when it threatened to soften. He could do that now, touch Joe’s body however it suited him. That part was wonderful. He could lean up right now and kiss Joe’s puffy angel lips until he woke, and Joe would let him have his way. Devin pressed down on the sudden heaviness in his dick. He needed to sort his thoughts out, not get off.

  Tanner wouldn’t have understood Joe. Joe the leader, sure. Joe the lover, never. But Joe had understood Tanner. That day they’d sat in the riverbed and Devin spilled his guts, after the hunter forced his disgusting dick down Devin’s throat, Joe didn’t judge the shit Tanner had done. He’d been accepting. A lot of the time, as much as he missed Tanner, Devin thought about how unfair it had been for him to have been locked away inside his own house for twelve years, how Tanner should have been preparing him, making him ready to deal with the world. Instead, he’d made Devin scared.

  He’d been a kid, too, though, Tanner, and there had been no one wiser and more experienced to tell him how to keep a little brother safe. And he had kept Devin safe. Lonely and afraid, yes, but safe. Comparing his life with Joe’s, well, it was easy to be jealous of having a parent, even if that parent had left. But the rest of it, the abuse and the life on the street? Tanner’s protection had been better than that.