Bunches

by Jill Valley

  I smile back at her and let her lead me out of my apartment.

  Her parents live on the other side of town and Jessie drives us there. She chatters on in the car about her friends and her weekend. Next weekend she’s going to be gone, because it’s her friend’s bachelorette party.

  “Do you have plans next weekend?” she asks casually, but I know it’s not casual. She doesn’t trust me and she likes to check up on me.

  “Working.” I sigh. It’s going to be a long morning.

  Chapter Fifteen - Nora

  I’m a total pit of nerves. I feel like I’m in a shallow grave and waves are washing over me. Seeing JJ has reminded me of that night, and now that I’m not with him the storm inside me is raging again. I pace my apartment. I pick up Snick. I put him down. I pick him up again.

  There’s something about the way he looked at me last night and the way he talked. Well, Lizzy thought he was attracted to me, but I definitely don’t think so now. He probably knew who I was when he gave me the drinks and that’s why he did it.

  I sigh and pick up Snick again, but the cat protests, tired of my confusion.

  “I’m tired of it too,” I murmur. There’s something else I remember about that summer, though.

  Whatever games JJ normally plays, it doesn’t feel like he’s playing them with me, even if he obviously enjoys teasing me. Most people do.

  Cheeks meet blush.

  JJ Curtis. Hmm. I don’t know. I decide to do the unthinkable. I decide to call my mom. It’s a Sunday morning, so I’m not surprised when she doesn’t answer, because she’s usually busy on Sundays. I try my brother next. This is important. I know I’m not supposed to call him before noon on the weekend unless it’s an emergency, because it doesn’t give whoever he had staying over the night before time to leave. But I decide this is emergency enough.

  To my surprise, he answers on the first ring.

  “Hey, Sis, everything okay?” Unlike his usual weekend morning mode, he doesn’t sound groggy from sleep. My brother is my fraternal twin, but somehow we ended up good friends with Michael’s older sister. We all used to play together when we were little until my brother went off to boarding school and Michael and I started dating.

  My brother, Ellis, has always had a sort of mystery, and mystic quality, for me. I worship the ground he walks on even though I know he has his flaws. These days he’s living in New York, working all the time and playing hard whenever he can.

  “Everything’s fine,” I say. “Sorry for calling so early.”

  My brother chuckles. I know there’s a lot he doesn’t tell me about his life, but he tells me enough.

  “Don’t worry, the guys and I had a quiet night in last night,” he says.

  I sigh in relief. “Oh, okay,” I say.

  “How’s the summer internship? How’s Portland? Mom wishes you’d call more.”

  “I could call Mom five times a day and she still wouldn’t think I was checking in enough,” I say. “They’re good. I like my job and Portland is nice. Actually, that’s why I called.” I pause, unsure how to continue.

  My brother waits patiently, knowing I’ll get there in the end.

  “There’s a guy here,” I say. My brother doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his attitude change.

  “You know, Sis,” he says, “most brothers are supposed to be protective of their sisters and I am, but I’m all for you starting to date.”

  It’s probably hard for him to say it and hard for him to sound hopeful. He and Michael were very good friends.

  I feel a hot rush come up my chest and neck, flushing my cheeks.

  “No, Ellis,” I groan. “I mean, this guy has a girlfriend.”

  “Oh, I mean, we’ve all been there,” Ellis starts. When I cut him off again he just laughs. My brother definitely doesn’t tell me everything about his life.

  “So, you don’t want to date him or you do?” he asks. Always to the point. That’s Ellis.

  “I do, I, never mind,” I say, barely able to get the words out. My brother knows me well enough to know he can’t push me on this. He’s seen my parents try with disastrous results.

  “So, what do you want to know?” he prompts when I go silent again.

  “His name is JJ Curtis,” I say. “He’s from Boston. We met once . . . before.” I couldn’t bring myself to say where, but Ellis knows. “His name sounded familiar, but I don’t know why I’ve heard it.”

  My brother is silent for a breath, then he says, “I think there was something about his family in the paper. He’s a couple of years older than we are, right?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “He wasn’t around much.”

  “Hmm,” Ellis hums over the phone. Then I hear his fingers snap.

  “There was something about his parents,” he says. “It wasn’t good. Maybe his father beat his mother and went to prison for it. I’m not sure. I don’t really remember.” My brother’s voice is soft and cultured, confident in a way mine never is.

  I suck air through my teeth and feel it pull over my tongue. Now that Ellis is saying it, that does sound familiar.

  “Right,” I say. “JJ was the one who found them or found her. Something like that. The story was awful.”

  I vaguely remember my mom reading it to me, trying to get me to care about anything besides my own drowning. I didn’t really listen.

  “Poor guy,” says Ellis. “You said you know him there?”

  I tell Ellis all about the Remember. Once he finishes congratulating me on getting out of my shell, he warns me against the dangers of guys who try to pick up girls in bars. He runs through a series of pickup lines they might use, none of which I care remotely about.

  “No guy is going to try and pick me up,” I protest. “No guy looks twice at me.”

  That makes Ellis snort. “Every guy looks twice at you. I’ve almost been in a fight so many times,” he says, his voice wavering between amusement and concern.

  “Not over me,” I say, astonished.

  “Yes, sister darling,” he says. “Lizzy might be a gorgeous flirt, but she is a flirt, because she’s aware of what she does to men. You apparently have no idea. Anyway, I have to shower. If this is the same JJ he’s probably hurting, but it’s nice that he keeps it together and owns a bar.”

  Once Ellis and I hang up I think about what he said. JJ has an awful history too, and it was there in his eyes last night. He wondered if I remembered the story, but I didn’t.

  I’ll need to call Ellis again to talk about Amelia’s wedding, but I’m not ready for that yet, and I’m relieved that he knew not to bring it up. Just the thought of it stings my heart.

  I took a deep breath, then another. Talking to Ellis helped the worry, but now it’s coming back. There’s only one thing to do, I decide, and that’s to see if JJ works at the Remember on Sundays. And I’ll go by myself, with no friends to sit at the bar with me. It’s the only way we’re going to be able to talk. I wish desperately that I were more familiar with bar etiquette.

  Lizzy wants to hang out later, but until then I have time to go over to the Remember for a late lunch . . . and sit at the bar. I’m told I can do that.

  After I shower I put on tight dark skinny jeans and a snug t-shirt. I let my hair fall in wet waves over my shoulders. If I walk to the Remember instead of taking the bus (sketchy thing that it is), my hair should be pretty dry by the time I get there. I just have to put product in it before I leave so it dries cute instead of scary.

  Once I’m ready to go I give Snick one last pet. He’s watched my preparations curiously, as if wondering why I’m not climbing into bed, reading, and snuggling with him like I usually do on Sundays.

  I wave to him and dash out the door. I’m desperate to get there. The ache in my chest is coming back, but this time it’s not just for me. It’s also for JJ and JJ’s mom.

  It’s a little over a mile to the Remember.

  I know they have a busy brunch, being a restaurant and bar, but I’ve never been there for foo
d before. When I get in, mid-afternoon on a Sunday, it’s half empty. I don’t see anyone sitting at the bar, and I don’t see JJ.

  Sighing, I realize I can’t leave. I’ve already come in and the hostess is looking at me expectantly.

  I head over to the bar, wondering if there’s even a bartender at this time of day, but there must be, right? If there weren’t, who made mimosas for all the hung-over college kids having brunch? With that not very comforting thought I sit at one of the familiar bar chairs, waiting.

  I try not to fidget, but my nerves are pulsing in my ears. No matter how many times I tell myself this is not a big deal, it is a big deal. I ought to listen to myself.

  I’m so used to seeing him come around the corner at top speed that I still half expect him to show up, but there’s no sign of him.

  Instead, one of the other bartenders, a pretty girl with straight red hair, comes around the corner. A fist of disappointment punches into my gut.

  I sigh and grab my phone. If he’s not here, my friends might as well join me, and if we’re not drinking, Noah can come.

  Lizzy texts back that she and Aimee just went for a run and will be along shortly. Noah texts me an enthusiastic yes with more exclamation points than I’ve ever seen before. I move to a table and wait for my friends to show up, which they do in less than half an hour.

  “You tricky girl,” Lizzy admonishes as she sits down. Several of the tables are occupied, but none of the ones near us.

  “What?” I ask, playing with my fork.

  “You came here without us,” she accuses, grinning. “Why is that?”

  “I was hungry,” I mumble.

  “Yeah,” says Noah dryly. “I was born blond.” He grabs fists of his brown roots.

  “I see a little light-colored hair under there somewhere,” I tease.

  Noah smiles at me.

  “So, what are we eating?”

  We each order a couple of things. I’m starving after not really eating much breakfast, and Aimee and Lizzy both went running. Noah seems to think it’s his job in life to eat.

  “Don’t you have to work today?” I ask him, my mouth full of sandwich.

  He shakes his head. “Sunday is one of my days off. My brother works instead of me, and my grandmother hangs out in the front with all her friends and supervises. It’s a pretty quiet day.”

  “Next Sunday we should do something outside,” says Lizzy.

  “Like a hike or a picnic?” Aimee asks.

  Lizzy nods. “I mean, I was thinking shopping, but I could get behind a hike or a picnic.”

  “There are some great outdoor concerts too,” says Noah, waving his fork in the air.

  I take a sip of water as Lizzy tells him how badly we want to attend an outdoor concert.

  “You have a bucket list?” Noah gasps, thrilled. “I want in. That’s an awesome idea.”

  “You can definitely be in,” says Aimee. “The more the merrier.”

  Noah suggests that we compete to see who can finish all the items on it first.

  “No way,” I say. I shake my head as Noah looks at me questioningly. “That’s not fair at all. Lizzy already has a boyfriend, so she doesn’t have to go looking for a date.”

  “You don’t have to look very hard for a date either,” says Noah dryly. “If only you’d realize it.”

  I preferred to ignore this topic, so I didn’t say a word.

  “Well, look who it is,” says Lizzy, grinning at the bar. JJ has just come out from the back. He looks a little flustered, but he greets some of the regulars happily.

  Since we’re sitting in the corner, it takes him a good ten minutes to notice us. While I wait, staring down at my plate, simultaneously wanting him to see me and wanting to disappear, my friends chatter on about concerts and bucket lists.

  I told him I’d come by, but I’m sure this isn’t what he meant. This is also way sooner than he probably expected. Now he’s busy and my friends are here. He probably doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.

  “Oh, don’t look now, but Loverboy is coming over,” says Noah, grinning at my mortified expression. “We’ve been spotted.”

  Chapter Sixteen - JJ

  I’m seriously late to the Remember, and Jessie doesn’t understand why it’s a problem.

  “I don’t see what the big deal is,” she says. “You work every day. Yesterday was the first day in weeks that you didn’t go in at all, and you didn’t even see me.”

  That’s probably the fourth time she’s brought up our not seeing each other yesterday, and every time I hold my tongue instead of pointing out it was her choice to cancel our plans for a run yesterday. She didn’t want to come to the block party, and I was hanging out with Ben and Katie.

  “I told Lila I’d be in,” I say in frustration. “She wasn’t supposed to work behind the bar this late.”

  Jessie shrugs. She still clearly doesn’t care.

  “Want me to take you home first? You can clean up?” she starts in, but this time I interrupt. I feel bad about doing it. I hate seeing her lip quiver, but she knows I have to work.

  “Can you just take me to the Remember?”

  “Fine,” she mutters, and her lower lip stops shaking.

  “Want to come in for a while and hang out?” I say. I don’t know why I ask that. Maybe just to prove to her that she hates my job.

  “I have a lot to get done at home,” she says. Jessie is twenty-two and in grad school. She lives in a cottage on her parents’ property in the summer.

  I look out the window. We’re almost there.

  “Okay,” I say.

  “See you later,” she says, putting her hand on my arm. We kiss goodbye, but it’s quick.

  I hurry into the Remember. I’m now about two hours late and I have a lot of work to do. I go into my back office and work for a solid two hours.

  Finally, getting through the worst of the never-ending paperwork, I sigh and decide to check on the floor.

  I’ve been feeling nervous all day, but it has nothing to do with my girlfriend troubles or the fact that the bar isn’t doing quite as well as I would like it to.

  I told Nora who I was and she didn’t hate me. That was one thing. Good. I’m glad. I have a feeling that once she thinks about it she’ll want to know more about my role in that night. But we aren’t there yet.

  I also think she will have searched out my family history. There was a spark of a question in her beautiful, haunted eyes. She wanted answers and by now she’s probably gotten at least some of them.

  But neither of those facts is what’s making me nervous. My past is my past. It’s worse than some people’s and probably a bit better than others’.

  What’s making me nervous is the fear that after I talk to Nora she won’t like me.

  To deal with my nerves I stand up and head for the front. I know there’s a steady stream of customers, and I need a walk. I’ve been at my desk for too long.

  The first thing I see when I enter the dining area is Nora, and everything else fades away. I don’t look up and down the bar to see if anyone is sitting there and if they have drinks. I don’t check to see if I know, as I’m sure I do, any of the patrons at the other tables.

  I study Nora’s profile and my mood lifts instantly. She’s more relaxed than I’ve seen her at the bar or last night. She’s laughing at something Noah has said. The instant I met Noah I liked him, mostly because he was obviously smart enough to befriend her, so I’m glad to see him making her happy.

  When she smiles her whole face lights up, her shoulders rise, and her hands curl at the fingers just a little, like she’s ready to break into laughter at any moment. When I see her like that I forget how much sadness she carries.

  Before I can move or go talk to Lila, who came into the back a while ago to see how I was doing and ask a couple of questions, Lizzy looks up and spots me. Her whole face lights up with mischief and she waves me over.

  I don’t hesitate. I stop at a couple of tables to greet regul
ars, then I’m with Nora.

  “Hey,” I say, to the table at large, doing my best to keep my voice light. Nora goes rigid. I feel my jaw tighten in frustration. We’ll never get anywhere if I always just remind her of pain.

  “Remember me? I’m the bartender, and we saw each other at the coffee shop and at the block party? JJ? Would it make you feel better to meet me for a third time?”

  Nora can’t help but grin.

  “I think I got it,” she says.

  “Hey,” they all chorus.

  “How’s your meal?” I ask, smiling. “Everything satisfactory?”

  “It’s delicious,” said Noah, indicating his empty plate.

  I’m about to turn to Nora and ask her specifically how her meal is when there’s a commotion at the door.

  Before I go to investigate I touch Nora’s shoulder, lightly, but she still jumps a little at the pressure of my body on hers. My eyes widen a little. I didn’t know I had that kind of effect on her.

  “This does not count as you coming to talk to me,” I murmur lightly. She gives me a startled look, probably because I said it in front of her friends, but I leave before she has a chance to say anything else. I want her to know I’m glad she came, so it’s one less thing for her to have to worry about. By the delighted look Lizzy is giving her I can tell she’s going to get an earful now.

  The commotion at the door is bad, because it’s related to the problems we’ve been having with the Black Jack. Their patrons get way too drunk and then have a habit of staggering over to the Remember and harassing girls here. My talk with Cuben has obviously done no good, and he goes through managers like water through a strainer, so I haven’t been able to get anywhere with them, either.

  The Black Jack has several bouncers, and two of them are standing at the door now. They are big and stocky men, both easily bigger than Ben.

  “Afternoon,” I greet them, strolling over and nodding to Melissa, the hostess on duty. She’s married and in her thirties now, but she’s worked at the Remember since she was a teenager and my grandfather owned the place.