Being His First

by Kailin Gow

  “We are going to have such a fun weekend,” he said again.

  “I’m excited. Glad the weather is nice, too, so I can lie out and get some sun.”

  We got to the lake house and Chase began to unpack the car, telling me to just go inside and wait, he’d do everything. He was such a gentleman and so attentive to every detail. I was impressed and for the first time I could understand how a little bit of jealousy on a guy’s part about another guy could be beneficial. It was a shallow thought, but I saw it working effectively firsthand. Maybe Salvatore had been just what Chase needed to turn things around and be the guy who I’d initially fell for in high school. The thought made me happy.

  We went out swimming and when it was time to come in, Chase wrapped my towel around me, grabbed my hand, and guided me up the wooden stairs that led to the cabin, which sat on a tall ridge. He talked casually, laughing and being playfully flirty, making me relax and smile.

  Then it was time for a snack and he pulled out one of my most favorite indulgences—chocolate covered strawberries. They were large, beautiful, and juicy. He hadn’t spared any expense and when he hand fed me one the gesture that seemed like it might be tacky was actually endearing and so sweet.

  By the end of the first night at the cabin, I felt like I was Chase’s queen, his one and only. He’d captivated me with his mannerisms, words, and actions. When we made love that night it was so intense and I couldn’t recall it ever feeling more intimate. He’d captured my heart in those moments, making me think, Salvatore who?

  “Should we go down to the boardwalk in town and check some of the shops out?” Chase asked.

  “Sure, that’d be great. I can look for an anniversary present for my parents,” I said.

  “Sounds perfect.”

  Walking hand in hand through the quaint little resort town, Chase and I browsed in windows and went into a few stores. I ended up finding a perfect gift for my parents – a small carved wooden heart with two hands wrapped around it, holding it together. It was so unique and as I admired it greatly, wishing that I had that type of talent.

  One of the stores that we browsed in had some of the most unique and fascinating jewelry in it. I looked in the window, commenting on how beautiful this one silver chain with a contemporary silver charm on it with small emeralds in various aspects of it was.

  Finally, it was time for us to eat and we sat down in a restaurant that overlooked the lake, setting an atmosphere that was magical. Towering pines were in the distance, accentuated by the mountains that stood majestically behind them. The sun was shining brightly and dancing off the peaks of everything, making it look so wonderful – something that couldn’t be experienced in any painting. Oddly enough, that was the first thought I’d had of Salvatore the entire time, remembering what he said about experiencing the world and not just living through art. This scene made a convincing case for his argument.

  Chase had excused himself to use the restroom and I was enjoying watching the scenery and occasionally looking at happy families eating, involved in conversation, and making the most of their time together—memories in the making.

  “I’m back,” Chase said. He was smiling so brightly and I smiled back at him, thinking it was so great to see him in such a good and relaxed mood.

  “This is so beautiful. I’ve never had more fun at your parent’s lake home,” I commented.

  “Me either,” he said, putting his pointer finger on the top of my hand and tracing a heart on it. “I got you a little something,” he said.

  “You did?”

  I watched as Chase pulled out a small velvet box from his pocket and handed it toward me. My heart started to race, not knowing if it was what often came in such a box. I didn’t even know what to think and I hesitated. He sensed my hesitation and smiled, slowly opening up the box that I couldn’t due to my fingers being suddenly frozen.

  I looked down and saw the necklace that I’d stared at in the store window. “Oh my gosh, Chase, how did you know I liked this?”

  “You don’t think I pay attention, but I saw the way you were looking at it. You had such an appreciative look in your eyes and could immediately see how beautiful it would look on you.”

  “But I didn’t even say a word.”

  “You didn’t need to. Your face said it for you,” he said softly.

  “Thank you,” I said. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, not caring that I was doing a PDA.

  “I just want you to have all the beautiful things you want. I want you to be happy more than anything else, Tay.”

  I smiled. “Will you put it on me?”

  Chase nodded and reached his hands around my neck, clasping the necklace together behind me. He carefully lifted my hair up and tucked the chain under. “You look absolutely beautiful,” he said.

  “Thank you.”

  The rest of the meal was a blur to me. I was so happy and relaxed, truly feeling like I was reconnecting to Chase in a way that I hadn’t for so long, even if I’d refused to admit it. There was nothing I wanted more than to get back home and relax in his arms, feeling the positivity of this rejuvenated connection. I saw him as more of a man than a high school aged guy.

  “Why don’t we get back to the cabin?” I suggested.

  “There’s nothing else you need to do in town?” he asked, looking at me kindly.

  “No, nothing else to do in town,” I said.

  “Well, okay then, Taylor. Whatever you want.”

  We walked to the car and as he opened the door for me he casually commented, “I love you, you know.”

  “I know. I love you, too.”

  When we got back to the cabin I didn’t hesitate to take Chase to the bedroom, where I undressed him and kissed his body passionately and aggressively. In return, he did the same thing to me and we had so much built-up tension in our bodies that when we released I felt like that cabin might just slide off its foundation.

  Afterward, sweaty and content, we were in each other’s arms, casually caressing the other as our naked bodies remained pressed tightly together. Chase traced my tan lines, casually joking that we should do something about them tomorrow before heading back home.

  “You know, Taylor, I have missed you so much this past year. It’s been maddening. Do you think that you’d consider going to Harvard next year? That way we could be closer and I wouldn’t have to be without you. The distance is driving me crazy.”

  “Do you mean to live together?” I asked. I didn’t know how to phrase it any other way then directly.

  “Well, if you weren’t ready to I would wait, but at least we could be close to each other. Doesn’t that sound great? We are meant to be together.”

  “That’s a lot to think about, Chase. Sure, I’ve had a fantastic weekend with you,” I said. I didn’t want to tell him that one weekend hardly reassured me that he’d dropped his less desirable qualities and had fully turned a new leaf. I’d need a bit more time before I could ever say such a thing.

  “I just love you so much and I was a bit scared before, but I know that it’s time to take our relationship to the next level. It just feels right.”

  “I’m just not sure about Boston. I think I need to be closer to Dad.”

  “I asked your father about this earlier. He wants you to be happy and would never expect you to stay close to home if you’d be happier elsewhere,” Chase said.

  I couldn’t believe that Chase had gone and talked to Dad about that. What was my Dad supposed to say? Honestly, I was not at all convinced that one great weekend with Chase was an indicator that I was set to live with him, and it certainly didn’t indicate that I was ready for marriage. I knew my dad would never stand in the way of my happiness and that wasn’t truly an issue, as much as it was a power play on Chase’s part with my emotions. However, I couldn’t get mad about it. Chase was wonderful, telling me to think about it. He realized that he’d surprised me and didn’t expect me to answer right away.

  That night I couldn’t slee
p and my mind kept milling over everything that Chase had said. I heard my cell phone go off. I reached over for it and looked down. It was a picture of Allison and Salvatore. What?

  Me: Where are you?

  Allison: I got home and went to surprise you, but Salvatore was the only one around.

  Me: OMG. I wish I’d known.

  Allison: No biggie. We had fun.

  Me: That’s great.

  Allison: Tell Chase I owe him one. He was right.

  Me: Okay.

  Allison: PS: The Italian is clearly captivated by you. Wink. You know me better than to listen to a word that Chase says, right?

  Me: LOL—yes, I think I do.

  So, Chase had sent Allison over there to see if she could distract Salvatore. Interesting. It was kind of sweet, but kind of annoying also. He either didn’t trust me or was just that protective of his revitalized feelings for me…and our future.

  Chapter 10

  The second I got unpacked I called Allison, hoping that now she was back in town we’d finally be able to hang out for a bit. I wanted to sit by the pool with my best friend, catch a tan, and give myself some separation from Chase so I could think about all of the things he’d thrown at me at the cabin. The weekend had been wonderful without a doubt and his words were the ones that most women would love to hear. However, were they really sincere? They seemed to be; however, the fact was that I didn’t think I was truly ready for such large steps in my relationship—one that I questioned more every day in the short amount of time I’d been home for summer break. I felt like a tennis ball. One minute I was in Chase’s court, ready to go, and the next I was lobbed over the net, connecting with Salvatore. It was maddening!

  I pressed number two on the speed dial and the phone only rang one time before I heard the cheery voice of Allison. “Allison, can you come over? I’m dying to see you.”

  “I’d love to. Boy, do I have some things that I need to discuss with you. You’ve been busy a very busy girl this summer, Tay.”

  “Ugh, don’t remind me. When can you get here?” I asked.

  “About a half hour.”

  “Great. Wear your suit. Pool, Diet Coke, and some juicy girl talk.”

  “There’s no way I’m turning that down,” Allison said. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

  “Okay, just come out back when you get here. The front door will be open.” I hung up and made sure the mini fridge by the pool was stocked and then put some snacks out by the pool, before going in to change into my swimsuit.

  Thoughts of getting some clarity with Allison were so inviting. We had a whole year of activity to catch up on. Just like with Chase, I’d never managed to get to see her all school year because she went so far away and all my extra time had been devoted to Dad and doing everything I could to make sure his recovery had gone well. Out of all my friends and my social circle, too, I was the only one who’d remained somewhat local when it came to where I received my college education. Really, the hour commute wasn’t so different from the type of daily trek that someone who lived in the suburbs would make to work and back home.

  “Tay!” Allison screamed, coming out of the kitchen door and into the backyard.

  “Hi, it’s so great to see you! You look fabulous,” I said, jumping up and down and hugging her tightly.

  “No, I don’t. I’ve gained a ton of weight this past year. Don’t butter me up.”

  “So what, you still look beautiful. In fact, I think you look better—more womanly.”

  “You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say those things,” Allison countered.

  “Since when do I say things I don’t mean?” I asked.

  “Good point. Well thanks, but I am not quite sure how to handle it. It’s not very fun getting a new wardrobe because the old one doesn’t fit anymore.”

  “You’re crazy,” I said.

  Allison looked around. “So, where’s Sal-va-tore?” she asked, drawing out his name in slow syllables and batting her eyelashes in a flirty gesture.

  “School.”

  “And Chase?” she asked in a considerably less enthusiastic voice.

  “Told him it was a girl day.”

  “He is sure eager to spend a lot of time with you this summer so far, huh?”

  “Yes, it’s surprising a bit, and kind of flattering, I guess.”

  “Sure, if you say so,” Allison said.

  It was no secret to me that Allison was not a fan of Chase’s and vice versa. She just didn’t trust him and bless her heart, she always did her best to hide that because she knew that I loved him, but sometimes it was challenging for her. Chase, on the other hand, never bothered to do everything he could to keep me away from Allison, but it didn’t work. Nobody, boyfriend or not, could ever do that.

  “So, how’s the sorority life going?” I asked. Sororities were not my thing and they weren’t all that important on my campus, but for Allison they were a big deal, as her ten page letter to me at the beginning of the past year about rush week had indicated.

  “It’s good. It’s certainly not as prim and proper an environment as what you’d guess it to be.”

  “I definitely believe that. Is that good or bad?” I asked curiously.

  “Good, but it’s just like a large group of friends going out partying and then trying to act all meaningful about life’s issues the next day. Don’t get me wrong. I love the volunteer aspects—more than I care for the parties with the same people who end up doing the same things weekend after weekend.”

  “Sounds like a major time commitment,” I said. I couldn’t imagine.

  “It is. Do you wish you would have pledged a sorority?” Allison asked.

  I smiled and shook my head emphatically. “No way. Not my thing. Plus, I don’t have the weekends to socialize much. It’s either home to help Dad or else catching up on studies and sleep.”

  “I suppose not having to worry about the dating thing makes that possible. It was hard to find anyone to date, but the sorority helped meet some decent, datable guys. There are so many Greek events.”

  “But you didn’t find anyone that was really special?”

  “Nope. I thought one guy was, but I was wrong. He turned out to be fairly scummy.” Allison shrugged and then breathed in before blurting out what else was on her mind. “Taylor, I wish you’d come to school with me. We’d have such a blast!”

  “It looks like I’m in demand that way. Chase asked if I’d reconsider going to Harvard just yesterday and now you want me to go to San Diego.”

  “He what?”

  “He asked me to move out to Boston for college this upcoming year.”

  Allison set her Diet Coke down and leaned in. “What did you say?”

  “I said I had to think about it…that it was a big decision.”

  “And how did he respond to that?”

  “He said he understood. He was actually great about it.”

  “Tay, I don’t mean to sound harsh, but do you think he’s that serious?”

  I shrugged. It had been the very same question I’d been asking myself. “He sounds like it. It shocked me a bit because with all that separation I started to think that things were maybe changing…that we were growing more distant. Honestly, I have no frame of reference to go off of, only what others have said happened to them when they went to different colleges and attempted the entire long distance relationship thing.”

  “Well, how do you feel about it…about the idea of taking that big of a leap with him?”

  “I’m not sure what to think. How big of a commitment is moving in together?”

  “Pretty big,” Allison said. “I guess it means that you’re serious and considering marriage. Not that I’ve ever gotten to that point, but it seems like a big deal to me.”

  “Marriage? I’m definitely not ready for that yet in my life. Too much to do. I’m not even sure…” I stopped my words, not ready to say them out loud.

  “Not sure of what?” Allison coaxed. She always knew when
I was trying to avoid verbalizing something.

  “That Chase is the right one for me. Sometimes it feels so right and then other times I’m filled with doubt.”

  Allison nodded her head softly, not saying a word. I took her body language as a shout out that said, “Poor Taylor.” I couldn’t help but notice it.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” she said.

  “Come on? You’re holding out on me.”

  “I don’t know if it’s good to tell or not. Part of me wants to, but part of me thinks it’s none of my business.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I said.

  “I think you do and that’s why I hesitate to bring it up. If you don’t want to deal with it, is it really good for me to make you?”

  Now I was getting annoyed. “Just tell me, Allison. You clearly have something to say and you think I should know what it is. Just tell me.”

  Allison breathed in, took a sip of Diet Coke, clunked the can on the small table next to her chaise lounge, and began. “I just know that he hasn’t been faithful to you. I can’t believe you’d settle for that.”

  “Oh, you mean in high school. I know about that one time and I forgave him. Plus, he wasn’t a virgin when we started dating like I was.”

  “I’m not just talking about that one time. He’s always been a player and you’ve always seemed okay to turn the other way. Sometimes I look at you and I sense you know it, but then you act either like you don’t or you don’t care. Best friends or not, I’m not sure it’s my place to tell you those things.”

  “When else did he cheat?” I asked, feeling my hands go numb and my heart start to pound. I sensed that just asking the question was a life changing event…you know those feelings you get sometimes, that gut instinct that makes you go into high alert.

  “With a few of the cheerleaders in high school and I heard from Pete’s friend that he’s had a few one nighters this past year.”

  “What? Even with having a girlfriend?”

  “I don’t think he exactly discloses that beforehand, you know. I also don’t think that all girls care about that type of thing. They’re not like you, Taylor.”