Fragmented

by Colleen Connally

  Cameron couldn’t breathe. Her body screamed at her. Pain she could now feel throbbed through every inch of her body. Her back ached. Moving in the manner she did sent the pain through every nerve of her body.

  “Momma, I told you not to move. Lay back down. I’ll get a cloth,” he said. His hands gently patted her shoulders. “Lay on your stomach, Momma. I’ll take care of you.”

  Too frightened to challenge him, Cameron felt confused. For a moment, he rushed out. She didn’t question him, but she did what he told her to and laid down on her stomach. He ran back in with a bowl in hand. He shut the door with the back of his foot and rushed over to her bedside.

  “I wish I could have stopped him sooner, Momma. He wouldn’t stop hitting you. I begged him to stop.”

  Cameron swallowed hard. He was mad, insane. She stared at him. She had only one choice and that was to play along and pray he didn’t change back. “It’s okay, Greggie.”

  His hands reached down and pulled her nightshirt up over her shoulders. She couldn’t contain the tears of pain that emerged as he lifted the gown. The wounds had oozed and dried on the back of the nightshirt, which peeled off as he lifted the gown. She bit back a scream of pain. She didn’t want him to react.

  “I’m sorry, Momma. I’ve tried to take care of them.”

  He tenderly swabbed the marks that were left from the sting of the whip with medicine. He carefully doctored each wound. Squeezing the towel of the warm water, he wiped her back. She grimaced. He brought her another gown, freshly laundered.

  “Not yet.” She spoke in a tone not much more than a whisper. She tried to smile. “It needs to dry before I change. Thank you.”

  He returned her smile. She must have slept because when she opened her eyes, he was sitting by her bed. He started humming a lullaby.

  “Greggie, sweetie, we need help. He’ll be back. I can’t protect us. I’m hurt, Greggie. I’m hurt bad. I don’t even know how long I’ve been out.”

  He stood up as if he didn’t hear a word she had said. “You’re hungry. I’ll go make something. Is cereal okay?”

  “Yes, yes, Greggie. But you need to call the police. Or give me the phone, I’ll call. They can help us. I promise. We need to call the police.”

  “I can’t, Momma. We don’t have a phone. He takes it with him.”

  She sighed. Frustration nearly overwhelmed her. She laid her head back down on the pillow. “How long? How long have I’ve been out?’

  “It doesn’t matter, Momma. What’s wrong? You’re not wanting to leave me?” His voice sounded alarmed.

  “Of course not. Not without you.” Her voice trailed off, hoping against all hope he wouldn’t pick up on her disappointment. Her life depended on it. She didn’t want him to revert back to the man who had inflicted the hurt upon her. She would never survive another attack.

  * * * *

  Cameron was frightened. Gone was the young child who had cared for her. She hadn’t seen Greg for a long time. She hungered. She had lived off the water from the shower. It was dark. She lived in that darkness. So she slept and…dreamed.

  “It’s not fair, Mom,” Cameron cried. She whipped her arm back and flung her glove down on the kitchen counter. Her dog, Max, ran around her in a circle, wagging his tail. She didn’t give the dog any attention. She was too upset. “I quit this stupid game.”

  Her mother followed her in, with her car keys still in her hand. She shrugged at her young daughter. “So that’s it. Your softball career is over at twelve.”

  “Well, what do you expect, Mom? You were there. You’re telling me that Dana did better than I did! And they took that girl from Hingham. Why, Mom? Because I’m better than Maddy. It’s just because she’s Coach Fontes’s daughter.”

  Her mother waited a moment before she walked closer to her daughter. Cameron couldn’t contain her tears. Suddenly, her tears broke. She fell into her mother’s arms.

  With warm, caring arms, her mother held her close. Cameron wrapped her arms around her mother. Snuffling, Cameron questioned, “I don’t understand it, Mom. I thought I was better.”

  Her mother rocked her gently. “You did your best, Cameron. That’s all anyone can ask of you. Sometimes life isn’t fair. You can do all the right things and it still can kick you in the butt. But you have a choice here, my little one.”

  “What do you mean, Mom?”

  Her mom lifted Cameron’s face up with her hand so she could look her in her eyes. She said in a firm voice, “Either you can give up, quit like you said. Then they win. They get what they wanted— you to give up. Or you can work even harder, play even harder and make them wish they never let you go.”

  “But, Mom, they’re the best travel team in our area. I was on it last year. This year is going to be the worst. I can’t face Dana Monday morning. She’s never going to let me live it down.”

  “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel you aren’t good enough. You have to have faith there is a reason for you to have to go through this. Maybe it’s to learn never to give up, no matter how bad it looks. Have faith, my darling. Have faith.” She hugged her daughter tightly. “Never forget. You are never alone, never alone.”

  Cameron woke. She looked around, desperately searching for her mother. The dream felt so real. Her mother seemed so real. She could even smell her fragrance. Oh, how she missed her mother! She wanted so desperately to be back in her mother’s arms. She wanted her mother to make everything right.

  But her mother wasn’t here. She lay in a dark, black room…and cold…so terribly cold. She hadn’t wakened from a nightmare, but in to one.

  Shivering, she sat up. She wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. The dream was so vivid. She remembered the time so well. The time she didn’t make the Lightning travel team. She had thought her softball career was over, but with her mother’s help, she worked out even harder, practiced and practiced.

  The next year, she didn’t even go out for the Lightning, but was invited by the Blaze to join their team, which was the best travel team in the state. She didn’t look back. She had even played third base in college. At that time, though, she thought there was no hope that she would ever play again. She wanted to give up, but her mother wouldn’t let her.

  “Mom, I need you so much. I’m not going to survive this,” she cried out in the darkness.

  With the still of the room, she swore she heard her voice.

  “Cameron, you can’t quit now. Fight with everything you have in you. Fight. You are not alone.”

  “Mom?”

  “You are not alone.”

  * * * *

  Cameron’s mind was playing tricks on her. She wasn’t certain whether she had dreamed her mother or not, but she held on to the hope she wasn’t alone. She had to believe; she had to hold to faith she hadn’t had in such a long time.

  In the dark, she sat and escaped through her dreams. She dreamed of her home, the ocean. She imagined walking on the beach with the waves washing over her feet, digging her toes into the sand. Max was there, running after his beloved ball…

  And she dreamed of him. She didn’t want to think of Darren. It hurt. It was as if someone reached down and ripped her heart out of her chest. She had no one to blame but herself.

  She had run from him. No, that wasn’t true…she had tried to run away from the reality that she was responsible for Matthew’s death…and the others’ deaths.

  She had been mad that she had been used, but if she was honest with herself, she supposed she had known the truth. Logically, as she lay in the cot, she saw their intent, but her heart wasn’t logical.

  Darren hadn’t made any promises to her. He hadn’t said anything other than he wanted her, wanted to make love to her. Oh…how he could make love…and she dreamed of him…those few precious days. It was all she had left of that time…a remembrance.

  If she closed her eyes tightly enough, she felt his arms about her, and then a little nibble on her neck. She smiled, remembering his kisses along her neck and
the crazed sensation surging through her. She had melted with his touch.

  She could still feel his touch. Did he think of her, she wondered, the way she thought of him? Guilt overwhelmed her. She wanted desperately for Darren to know it wasn’t his fault. She was hurt…they had used her. She could expect it out of everyone else, but with Darren it was different. She wasn’t in love with everyone else. She was in love with Darren.

  Within the stillness of the gloomy darkness, again she heard voices.

  “Cameron, Cameron, come back to me.”

  She was going as crazy as Greg. She swore she heard Darren calling for her.

  * * * *

  Lost in her dream world, Cameron jumped when she heard the door rattle. Immediately, fear swept through her. Her heart felt as if it lodged in her throat. He had returned.

  Stay in control. Be strong….don’t give in to the panic. Focus!

  She forgot all she had told herself the moment the door opened. The light flicked on from the outside switch. Squinting against the brightness, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. Then she saw Greg walk in.

  He smiled at her. She recognized the smile. It was the Greg she had known…or thought she had. Dressed in an old T-shirt and jeans, he looked much like he always had. His hair had grown out somewhat, but he had shaved and appeared coherent…appeared.

  He carried a tray with him and sat it down on the far side of the room on the table, along with his keys. He had brought food…bacon…she could smell it. Her stomach rumbled. She hadn’t realized how weak she had gotten from the lack of food. She could feel a knot bulging in her stomach.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked as if he had only seen her hours earlier. “I brought your favorite. Pancakes and bacon.”

  She swallowed her fear. Her hunger was greater. “Yes…yes, please.”

  “That’s good, Cameron. Good.”

  He took the tray and sat it next to her. She couldn’t contain herself. She devoured the food. Her stomach turned. She slapped her hand over her mouth. She had a sudden need to throw up.

  “Slow down, Cam. Slow down. The worst is in the past,” he said, reaching over and patting her free hand. She recoiled it quickly…too quickly.

  Her fear exuded from her being. To her surprise, he nodded as if he expected the reaction. “Don’t worry, Cam. You will understand and come to accept. It has to be this way. It was always meant to be. You never saw it, but I did. Raymond didn’t at first, but he does now.”

  “Understand what, Greg? I want to go home, Greg. Please,” she begged. Tears welled up in her eyes. She choked them back. “What have I done to you? I thought we were friends.”

  “We are more than friends, Cam. We’re family. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner everything will get better. Can’t you understand?” He tilted his head. He gazed at her and sighed. “I am so relieved for it to be over. I have been so anxious for so long and there at the end, I thought I had lost. Then you walked into the apartment. I knew then everything was going to be just fine.”

  Abruptly, he stood and walked over to the wall. He picked up the chain.

  “I don’t understand, Greg. Tell me. What did I do to you? I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  He glanced back at her. His expression changed. “It’s over now, Cameron. Your back is healed. I see by the way you’re moving. That’s good and I forgive you. You thought moving out was a good idea. You just didn’t understand that you can’t break up a family.”

  “Family? Is that what we are doing here?” Cameron pressed, trying desperately to understand the role he wanted her to play.

  “Of course, Cameron. Just like when you were growing up,” he said with a far-off look in his eyes. “I remember your mother. She was a nice lady. You remember having me over for dinner. She made an apple pie for me…”

  “Yes, Greg. She liked you a lot. She was glad I had you for a friend.” She lied. She didn’t remember the dinner that seemed to be the focus of his memory, but she wasn’t going to contradict him.

  A smile reemerged on his face. “It’s a shame she had to have died in the accident.”

  “No,” she agreed. “It wasn’t fair.”

  “I want you to know I made Luciano pay for what he did to your family…I did. No one treats my family in that manner.”

  Her heart dropped. He was going to a bad place. She had to bring him back. “Do you want me to fix you an apple pie?”

  His smile widened. “Why, Cameron, I would like that. I have the kitchen set up for you. I knew you would want to cook for me. It’s what a mother does. Isn’t it?”

  “You want me to be your mother?”

  “No, silly.” He laughed. “I’m not a child. It’s time I started my own family. You will be the mother. I will be the father. We will have such a nice little family. I have it all planned. You will see.”

  “We are going to have a family?”

  “Why, of course, Cameron. How else are you going to be a mother?”

  Cameron couldn’t breathe. Her skin crawled at the thought. He wanted her to have a baby? Oh, good Lord! No! He wasn’t serious…he couldn’t be. She drew in a deep breath.

  “Gregory, we don’t need a child to be a family. It can be just you and I. Think of all we could do…just you and I. I could pose for one of your portraits you wanted me to, but I was too busy. Chess…” She paused. Her mind raced. What else did he like to do? Play those stupid games on Xbox…

  “Yes…yes, I want to paint you,” he answered. “We are going to have such a nice life. I have it all planned. I’m going to be a great father…I’m going to teach my son how to play baseball. We have a nice yard in the back to throw the ball…I’m going to do everything with my son…”

  He’s delusional! She took a step back. Whatever was she going to do? Her mind raced. She glanced around the room at the open door and the keys. Her eyes fixated on the keys. She looked back at Gregory. He was still talking…

  “I have been studying home births…”

  “Home births,” she murmured. “Gregory, what do you want from me? What could you want?”

  “You’re going to make a great mother.”

  “Gregory, I can’t have a baby…not here.”

  “Cameron, don’t worry. I have everything planned. I told you...”

  “No,” she cried. She couldn’t help herself. Panic overwhelmed her. She lost it. She pushed off the cot.

  Her breakfast tray spilled all over the floor. Orange juice, broken glass, and food remnants strewed across the room. She froze. She realized immediately the outburst would cost her.

  She tried to run, but the give in the chain that held her bound to her prison gave out quickly. She fell down on her face.

  Greg stood over her. He shook his head. “Cameron, Cameron, Cameron…you don’t want Raymond to return. Do you?”

  He jerked her up to her feet and with the back of his hand, he slapped her. Her head whipped to the side, and she landed with a jolt. “Don’t do that again. Do you understand?”

  She rubbed the side of her face. She nodded. She hung her head down. Tears escaped down her cheek.

  “I’ll give you something to cry about. Do you want that?” he yelled at her. “Do you hear me?” He seized her hurt arm. Pain swept through her. “Wipe that look off your face or I’ll wipe it off.”

  She tried to wrench herself free, but he held firm. “You have a lot to learn here, Cameron. If you thought the whip was bad, you have no idea what you can endure and live.”

  Her whole body trembled uncontrollably. He tightened his grip. He pulled up so he could read her eyes. “You are scared. So you should be, if you don’t do as you should. I have everything planned! Do not go against me! You don’t have to worry about a thing, unless...”

  He touched her cheek. She tried to turn away, but she couldn’t escape. “Take what I’m telling you as a warning, Cameron. I know you think I’m crazy. I can see it in your eyes. You will see, though. It’s for the best.”

 
; “Please, please, Greg. You need help,” she whispered in desperation. “I’ll help you. I promise. Let me go.”

  His hand went to her face, caressing it gently until he suddenly gripped her cheeks in a harsh manner. “You really don’t have a clue. You can’t leave the family, Cameron. I have protected you from Matthew. I ruined Luciano and have his money. It is mine to give to you. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

  “Greg, you have killed people. You killed Matthew. He’s dead,” she said through her tightened lips. She lowered her eyes. He brought her face back up.

  “I will do anything to protect my family,” he said simply. She did not doubt him.

  “Don’t hurt me, Greg. Please…”

  “You have to learn how to be a good mother, Cameron…like your mother…my mother,” he stated. He released his grip. “My mother. She tried so desperately to save me. There was nothing she could have done, but now we will be a family. It will all be different.”

  “Why, Greg? Why?” she pleaded. “I have been nothing but kind to you. I thought we were friends.”

  He pushed her back on her mattress. “You still don’t understand. I don’t want to be friends. Friends leave…family doesn’t. They have to love you. I told you there is no going back, Cameron. According to the papers, you’re dead. No one is looking for you. You have nothing to go back to...”

  “No, nooo,” she cried, unable to contain her cries. For a moment, she stared at him. Anger built in her and she fought back, a pointless display as she slammed him with her fist. “I want to go home. Now. I want…”

  He slapped her hard across her face. She fell back once more, but this time she picked up everything she could get her hands on and threw it at him. Each object fell well off its mark.

  He lumbered over to her side. “Another lesson will have to be learned. I had wanted to wait,” he mumbled. “I have to wait. But she has to be taught respect. Who is in charge?”

  Cameron was terrified. Greg changed before her. His behavior became more aggressive, more odd. He seemed to be having a conversation with himself. His stare became vacant.

  Horror gripped her. She eyed him warily. She had no illusions that his intentions were meant to inflict more harm to her body until she would relent to his demands. She watched as he wrangled with himself.