Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me)

by Eason, Mary

  “Momma, there it is! There’s Smitty’s!” I glanced up and saw that the old hole in the wall restaurant only looked a little worse for the years.

  “Okay, honey lets walk Bo first and then give him something to eat. He’ll be fine waiting in the car for us, but I’ll park close to the windows so that we can keep an eye on him, okay?”

  Ben put Bo’s leash on and took him to the far side of the restaurant, while I walked along beside my son. Already the temperature had to be in the lower nineties. I could see that Ben was beginning to feel the effects of a heat that we seldom had in the mountains.

  “Come on honey, well leave the windows down and we’re parked in the shade, but we’ll hurry. Don’t want Bo getting too hot.”

  Inside the air conditioning felt like a welcome relief to the scorching heat that I wasn’t used to anymore. The girl who took our orders looked to be all of sixteen as she sized us up.

  “You folks from out of state?” she asked and I smiled and nodded, trying not to be shocked by her directness. “I thought I saw Colorado plates on your car. We don’t see too many of those around here. What can I get you?”

  Ben and I placed our orders and found a booth close to the window so that we could see Bo.

  The restaurant was pretty much empty. I guess it was well past the lunch hour rush for a small town like this one.

  “Momma, how much farther to Simmons?” Ben asked me before taking a huge bite from his sandwich that sent barbeque sauce down the front of his white tee shirt.

  “Stemmons, honey.” I took a napkin and wiped his mouth and shirt. “Oh, about three more hours I’d say.”

  “Momma, will we go close to Washington?”

  “No, baby--not really. Why do you ask?”

  “Cause that’s where you and daddy met, right?”

  I smiled even though just thinking about Noah still hurt. “Well, sort of. We actually met in another city, but we started dating in Washington.”

  “Where did you meet?” he asked me.

  “Oh, in a little town close to North Carolina. Finish your sandwich, baby. We need to get going pretty soon if we’re going to get to the rental office in time to check in today. What do you think of barbeque?”

  I knew the rental office stayed open late but I just didn’t want to have another discussion about Noah with Ben. I was so afraid that he’d figure out the truth. That I’d been lying to him about Noah’s job all along and hate me.”

  “It’s good.”

  “I can tell. You’ve gotten more on your face than in your tummy.”

  Once Ben was reasonably clean again, we were back on the highway. It wasn’t long before my son was sleeping peacefully alongside Bo.

  I watched the miles click away. Each town that I went through was filled with reminders from the past. It was all around me. Maybe that was the real reason I’d agreed to come back. I needed to let go of the past along with Noah. The only way to do that was to say goodbye to the places we’d been together.

  We reached Stemmons late that afternoon just as Ben woke from his nap.

  “Momma where are we?” he asked sitting up and leaning close to me.

  “We here, honey. This is Stemmons,” I told him as I parked the car in front of the real estate office and told Ben to take Bo for a short walk around the lot to stretch his legs.

  “I’ll be right back, honey. I just need to get the keys. Stay where I can see you, okay?”

  “Okay momma,” he said, snapping Bo’s leash on. Bo who had been cooped up far too long was more than happy to be out of the car.

  I went inside the small office, which appeared deserted, even though the sign outside said open.

  “Be right with you.” Someone called out from another room right before a small, gray-haired man emerged wiping his hands on a paper towel. “That darn copier was acting up again.”

  I could see from the doorway that the copier in question was still in the midst of being worked on. There were pieces scattered all over the room.

  “How can I help you, miss?”

  “Hi, sorry to bother you but I’m here to pick up the keys for the Swenson house? I’ve rented it for the week?” When the gentleman looked at me as if he still didn’t have a clue what I was talking about, I told him, “My name is Cameron Sinclair?” I told him giving him the name I’d used since moving to Colorado. “I spoke to a Mrs. Johnson a few days ago.”

  “Oh yes...yes, you’re the gal from Colorado? My wife told me you’d be stopping by this afternoon. I’m sorry, that darn copier’s got me all bumfuzzled. Here, let me take a look at the records.” He punched in a few keys on the computer and said, “Yep, you’re all paid up. All you need is the keys. That your boy out there?”

  “Yes, he’s mine. His name is Ben,” I told him signing the receipt and taking the keys from him.

  “Well, he’s got his hands full with that dog. You should find everything pretty much in place at the house. You need directions?”

  “No, I can find it. I used to live here years ago. I think I still remember how to get around, believe it or not.”

  “You don’t say. Don’t remember any Sinclair’s around these parts, or is that your married name.”

  “No,” I told him hoping that he wouldn’t press for more answers.

  “Well, not much has changed here. You let us know if you need anything. Me or the missus is here just about most of the time.”

  “Thanks, I’ll do that.”

  “Enjoy your stay.” He called after me and I smiled and waved before leaving the office.

  “Honey, you ready?” I asked as Ben came running up along with Bo.

  “Yep. This place is neat, momma.”

  I knew exactly where the Swenson place was because it was close to the same neighborhood that my parents and I had lived at. I remembered Mrs. Swenson from back then. Although at the time she had to be at least eighty if she was a day.

  We drove through the main part of town where it was easy to see that Mr. Reynolds had been right. Not much had changed through the years. There were just a few more stores, and several that were no longer around. Someone had built an Ice Cream Palace were the old drive in had been, and a small shopping mall had been put in just outside of town, where there had been nothing but open pasture when I was growing up.

  We drove past the house that my parents had owned. Even though it was showing its age, someone still lived there.

  “Honey, that’s the house that I used to live in,” I told my son, whose face was plastered against the window in awe.

  “Wow,” he whispered before looking at me. “It’s big, momma.”

  “Yes, it is. But you know when I was a kid it seemed so much bigger.”

  At the end of the tree-lined street, setting back from the road was the Swenson estate. The house had been enormous at the time I was living here. Even now it hadn’t lost any of its enormity.

  “This is where we’re staying, honey. What do you think?”

  “Wow, its huge, momma!”

  Ben took Bo inside and through to the backyard, which was fenced. I heard him exclaim, “Momma there’s a pool.”

  “I know, honey. Come help me unpack. Bo will be okay on his own for a little while.”

  Ben grabbed his bag and I unloaded mine and took them inside.

  “You know, growing up I never went inside this house but I always wanted to.” I told Ben as we walked through each room of the downstairs and my son was impressed with every little thing.

  “I think the bedrooms must be upstairs, I told him as we took our bags upstairs.

  I found the master bedroom and dropped my suitcase on the bed. “Okay, there are three other rooms, so which one do you want?”

  As much as Ben was trying to pull away from me, in the end he chose the room closest to mine. I waited while he unpacked and then came to my room.

  “Momma can we go swimming?”

  “Maybe later, honey. After dinner, okay? Right now lets check on Bo and then we need to
do some shopping if we‘re going to be eating tonight.”

  Bo had found himself a nice shade tree and was enjoying it by sleeping.

  “I think he’s okay,” I told Ben and we left our poor little doggie alone to recuperate from his long journey.

  After we’d stocked up on all the essentials at the local grocery store, we went back to the house and unpacked. Then I let Ben do a little swimming before dinner. He was so excited about having a pool in our very own backyard as he put it that I let him stay in the pool a little longer than I’d planned. It was wonderful to see him so happy again.

  “Wait till I tell Billy about this! This is the best trip ever!”

  “Honey, why don’t you go get changed for dinner,” I told him later when he came into the kitchen and saw what I was making.

  “Hamburgers! Oh boy!”

  “Go change. I’m going to put these on the grill.”

  I stepped outside into the warm summer night and was reminded of all the times I’d walked the streets of Washington alone that last summer before I’d left for good.

  How many times had I carelessly walked into danger without ever even considering the risk? Too many times. Now, just being this close to D.C. filled me with fear. I’d gotten soft in my new life as mother and wife. It had been a long time since I’d considered anything more dangerous than watching out for bears. But I had so much more to lose now. I had Ben’s safety to think about. I couldn’t let anything happen to him. I could never let our past come back to hurt him.

  “Momma, can we eat outside?” Ben asked and I looked around the backyard at the shadows that lay just outside the lights. My son was so innocent. He didn’t know the danger that was everywhere around us each day. But I did. But I was determined not to let it interfere with his fun.

  “Okay, I don’t see why not? These are done. Why don’t you help me bring the rest of the food outside?”

  That night, I found my appetite was virtually non-existent. I was melancholy. Filled with bittersweet memories but thankfully Ben was so wrapped up in his own excitement and wonder that he didn’t notice.

  “Momma, what are we going to do first tomorrow?” he asked while he helped me clear away the dishes.

  “Well, I thought we come take a little tour around town. See what’s here. You know just get used to our little home away from home.”

  “Momma, what if daddy calls while we’re gone? Do you think he will be worried about us?”

  This was the first time Ben had mentioned Noah calling in longer than I could remember. I was surprised by his question but then I guess being so close to Noah made him more aware of how much he missed his father.

  “No, baby, I don’t think so. Your father has my cell phone number. If he calls and can’t reach us at the house, then he’ll try that number. Now, why don’t you and Bo go get ready for bed and I’ll be up in a second to tuck you in.”

  “Okay momma. Come on boy.” I was surprised that Ben accepted my answer so easily and didn’t ask more questions. He went off to bed without a fuss that night. I guess he was so exhausted from the day’s excitement.

  I found Ben sound asleep in his room, with Bo lying next to him. I kissed my son, and turned out the light patting Bo’s head when he rousted and was rewarded with a little wag of his tail. Bo had been a good companion through the years. He’d listened to me tell him my secrets and he’d never once left our side.

  Downstairs, and in spite of the long drive I found I couldn’t unwind. I wondered how Judah would find me here. Was my brother here already? Would I recognize him after all these years? And what danger had Judah been trying to make me aware of when he’d insisted I come to Stemmons?

  Round and round my thoughts went without any answers to those questions as I walked around the unfamiliar rooms of the house before going back outside.

  The pool was too inviting in the warmth of the night. I dug out my old swimsuit and swam for hours that night before finally exhausting myself.

  It was late that night when I went to bed. Somewhere in the early morning hours a storm hit the area, its flashes of lightning waking me up from a sound sleep and making me aware of something close by.

  A flash of lightning illuminated the room and I saw my son standing in the doorway with Bo close by.

  “Oh, baby, come here. I’m sorry, did the lightning frighten you and Bo?” Ben ran and got under the covers coming into my arms, while Bo found a spot at the foot of my bed and lay down. “Its okay baby, its only a summer storm. It will be over before you know it. They never last long.”

  “Momma, there was someone in my room.”

  I soothed the frown from his forehead and held him close. “Oh no, baby it must have been a bad dream.”

  “No, I woke up and Bo was barking and someone was there.”

  “Baby, the house is all locked up. No one can get in.” But as I looked into this frightened eyes, I knew I needed to prove that to him. “Okay, I tell you what? Let me go check it out? You and Bo wait here and I’ll go through the house to make sure everything is okay?”

  “No, momma! I don’t want anything to happen to you?”

  “Baby, I’m going to be okay. Don’t worry--I’ll be back before you know it.”

  I walked through each room of the house trying to reassure myself that Ben had just been dreaming. But in the back of my mind I thought about my brother and all the things of the past were there reminding me that I had enemies even though I was no longer apart of The Organization. Was coming back to Washington going to prove to be the worse mistake I’d made? After all, this was my old hunting ground. What was I thinking bringing my child into a situation like this? I had a feeling Noah would never forgive me if he found out what I’d done.

  I dismissed that thought before it could take form. I was here because Judah needed me. And I needed to protect my son. I had to hear what Judah needed to tell me.

  I finished my examination of the house and went back to my bedroom where I found Ben sound asleep again.

  I turned out the lights and slipped in beside my son. For tonight, I’d have the comfort of my son to chase away all of my mistakes. I could only pray that coming here wouldn’t prove to be the biggest mistake of all.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  When I awoke the following morning, it was to sunshine streaming through my bedroom window. It was hard to believe the storm last night had been anything more than just a bad dream.

  Ben was nowhere around. For a moment it took me a long time to remember what had happened the night before. But then I was out of bed and running down the stairs calling for my son.

  “I’m in here, momma.” Ben called out from the kitchen where I found him sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal.

  “Honey, why didn’t you wake me? I would have made you a good breakfast.”

  “You were sleeping so pretty, I didn’t want to wake you up. Momma, can we take a walk?”

  “Sure baby,” I told him making coffee. “Let me drink some coffee and then we’ll go explore the neighborhood. How does that sound?”

  “Can we take Bo?”

  “I don’t see why not? He’s part of the family after all.”

  By the time Ben and I got back to the house it was late in the day. We’d spent hours walking around the town that had once been my home.

  “Momma, how far is it to Washnton?” Ben asked while he watched me prepare dinner that night.

  “Washington,” I corrected automatically before adding, “Baby, we can’t go to Washington. I’m sorry but we can’t.”

  “Why not, momma? I want to see where daddy and you used to live?”

  I stopped what I was doing and turned to look at him. Ben had almost stopped talking about his father completely before this trip. I believed he held out hope that he would see Noah here. Ben had believed that we’d find Noah here waiting for us here.

  “Baby, you miss him a lot, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” he said trying to hide his tears from me.

&nbs
p; “Okay, I tell you what? We’ll go to Washington.”

  “Yippee!” Ben was out of his chair and jumping around the room with happiness before I stopped him.

  “But, we can’t stop anywhere, honey.”

  “Why not momma?”

  “Baby, you’ve just got to trust me on this, okay?” I told him when he came to a halt in front to me. “We’ll drive by some of the old places and I’ll show you where your daddy used to live, but we can’t stop and go in. That’s just the way it has to be, Ben.”

  I expected an argument as I watched my son take him what I’d just told him before nodding. “Okay momma. When can we go?”

  “We’ll go a little later in the week okay? We’ve still got a lot to see around here first.”

  Unfortunately over the next few days, Ben’s interest in the little adventures I tried to keep him occupied with grew less and less. Each morning he would ask me all over again when we were going to Washington.

  On the night before I decided to give in, I told my son as I tucked him into bed that night.

  “Baby, we’re going to Washington in the morning, okay? But we need to leave really early. I’ll come get you up and you can sleep on the way in, okay?”

  “Yippee! Thank you momma!”

  That night I found it hard to sleep myself. We’d been here almost a week already and there had still been no word from Judah. I didn’t understand why he hadn’t tried to contact me but I was beginning to fear for Judah’s safety. Had someone from The Organization found out about Judah’s call to me? Had the person that Judah only hinted at as being a traitor discovered my brother’s hiding place.

  That night as I lay in bed alone, I prayed that Judah was safe. And that my decision to take my son into the one place that was most dangerous to me, would not prove to be a fatal mistake.

  *****

  By six the following morning, Ben and I were already well on our way to D.C. The drive from Stemmons to Washington takes a little over an hour, but I was deliberately taking my time this morning. Watching the rear view mirror for any sign that we were being followed. Ben had fallen back to sleep pretty much from the moment we left the drive, and Bo lay next to him in the back seat only occasionally rousting himself enough to look out the window.