The Garden

by Amy Sparling

  And then I see it.

  An old silver emblem mounted into the wood, just above the lock. The once-shiny metal is now brown from the elements, but the symbol is still there, easy to see. I run my fingers over the intricate curves, the familiar design making all the heartache of last night come back to me full force.

  The symbol on this lock is the same symbol on the pendant around Declan’s neck.

  If there’s a key to this hidden paradise, Declan will know how to find it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I spend the rest of the weekend in my room with Belle, but when Monday comes, I know I have to drag myself out of this dorm and the safety of Netflix marathons with my cousin and face the real world again. I used to get annoyed and even a little resentful that I had to leave and face a student body that hates me and she got to stay home.

  But now I just feel sad for my sweet cousin. Her crippling anxiety is like a prison, holding her in one place and not letting her move. I pull my shoes on and then turn to face her.

  “There’s a hidden part of the gardens.”

  She sits up on her elbow, blinking away the morning sunlight that filters in through the lone window in our room. “What do you mean hidden?”

  “It’s like… a secret place. No one goes out there. But it’s beautiful. It’s mysterious. Surrounded by flowers and sweet little birds that fly up to you.”

  Belle sits up and kicks the blanket off, her eyes wide open now. “You’ve been there?”

  “Yes,” I say. “It took me hours to find it, and I know how to get back.”

  I’m stretching the truth, but I can’t help it. I mean, yes there is a hidden part of the garden, and I know how to get there. But I can’t get inside. But it’s not like it matters, right? Belle will never know the difference, which means I can just entertain her with my story of a beautiful place she’ll never see.

  “I want to see it,” Belle says.

  “I’ll take some pictures for you.”

  “No…” she stands up, slipping her feet into her plaid house shoes. “I want to actually see it.”

  My jaw drops. “Now?”

  “Well… no,” Belle admits, her teeth wearing into her bottom lip. “It’s before school and there will be people everywhere…” She thinks for a moment, and I just can’t believe what I’m hearing.

  “What about later?” Belle says, glancing out the window. “Maybe at night where no one would see me. You said you can get around the campus without being seen. Can you take me?”

  My jaw works, but it takes me a second to find the words to speak. “Um… Yeah. I mean, yes, I can. Are you sure?”

  She nods, her gaze still out the window as the early morning sun shines through. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. About graduation and what I’ll do after. You’re right—I can’t stay here. I can’t just stay here forever.”

  “This is great news, Belle.”

  She nods softly then walks to the front door. “I just need to get over my anxiety and just…do it.”

  She twists the deadbolt, her fingers moving very slowly, but finally the door clicks and it’s unlocked. She reaches for the door handle. I have about five minutes to jog across campus and get to my first class before the late bell rings, so I shoulder my backpack and meet her at the door.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to step outside,” she says, standing tall and confident. Her hand shakes, but she twists the doorknob and opens it a few inches. This part isn’t a big deal. She opens the door all the time, to let me or her mom inside. It’s what comes after that that’s worrying me.

  With the door open, Belle takes a deep, ragged breath.

  “Will you see if anyone is out there?” she whispers.

  I step into the hallway and look both ways. Like always, it’s empty. I’ve only seen two teachers who actually live in these dorms, and their rooms are at the end of the hall. They’re probably already in their classrooms since school is about to start.

  “It’s clear,” I say.

  Belle nods, then slides her foot forward. It’s like she doesn’t want to take a real step, but she’s comfortable inching forward with her feet still firmly on the floor.

  She exhales, then does it again.

  I’m anxious about the clock, knowing I will be late if I don’t leave soon, but this is a big deal. I can’t just leave her. For the first time in three years, Belle is stepping out of the dorm.

  Guess I’ll just have to be late to class.

  “Are you sure no one is out there?” she asks. I make a big deal about looking left and right, as I stand in the hallway and then I nod. “All clear.”

  She closes her eyes, then takes one step forward. Her whole body is in the hallway now.

  “You did it,” I say.

  “I did it!” she says, her voice on the verge of an excited shriek. She looks around and then bounces on her toes. “I’m going to touch the wall.”

  I lift an eyebrow, but my cousin doesn’t seem to think her new goal is weird. She takes three strides forward and then reaches out and presses her hand to the wall. She turns to me and blows out a breath. “Wow.”

  “You did great,” I say. I check the time on my phone.

  “You should get going,” Belle says. “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

  “Are you sure?” I put away my phone. “We can walk down the hall if you want.”

  “That’s okay,” she says, quickly scaling the small space and walking back into our dorm. “I’ve had enough excitement for a while. But maybe tonight you can take me.”

  “Take you where?” I ask suspiciously.

  “The hidden garden.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Crap. I nod and put on a fake smile. “Sure.”

  Belle’s cheeks flush with happiness and she clasps her hands together in front of her chest. “I’m so excited. You can get us there with no one seeing us, right?”

  “Yes,” I say, confident in at least that part. I’ve become something of an expert at sneaking around campus with no one noticing me.

  “Perfect.” She makes a shooing motion with her hand. “Now get to class!”

  I am positively freaking out. My cousin made a huge stride in overcoming her anxiety today all because I told her about a place I technically can’t get into. And now tonight she wants me to take her there.

  Visions of making a trip to the hardware store for a saw or a crowbar taunt me as I run across campus toward Kellylynch Hall. I couldn’t do that to my beloved gardens. Breaking open the door would ruin everything. But how can I get in without a key?

  The bell is ringing right as I slip into class, out of breath from running up three flights of stairs. But I technically made it here right on time. The teacher gives me the stink eye but doesn’t say anything as I slip into my seat at the back of the classroom.

  It’s a new week which means the start of another project, but luckily fate has blessed me because we’re told it’s a solo project. No partners required.

  I keep to myself as we make our way down to the library to begin research on a personal essay of our choosing. When Declan glances at me from across the room, my anger rises up and makes me look away. I still can’t believe he did that to me at the party last weekend. And, now that I’m mad at him, I can’t exactly ask about his necklace and if he knows where the key to the hidden garden might be. No, I refuse to talk to him.

  So I’ll have to figure this out on my own.

  I start my research by looking into the books about Shelfbrooke Academy’s history. I’m hoping that the symbol that’s above the garden door lock and on Declan’s necklace will be explained. Maybe I’ll even find out where Shelfbrooke keeps old artifacts. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a book called Old Keys of Shelfbrooke and Where To Find Them.

  I chuckle to myself and keep searching the library. By the end of the class period, I’ve skimmed every single history book there is, including a few biographies of previous school deans, but
I’ve got nothing when it comes to the gardens. The only thing the history books seem to say about the gardens is that they’re beautiful masterpieces that sprawl across several hundred acres. Only a few books mention Declan’s grandfather as the head gardener and original designer. But there’s absolutely nothing on the symbol.

  I pack away my books and start to head out of the library, on my way to second period, when someone clears their throat behind me.

  I know who it is. And I don’t turn around.

  “Sophia,” Declan says, walking next to me despite being ignored. “Sophia, I want to talk.”

  I keep my eyes forward. “You want to talk? That’s funny. Because you didn’t want to talk at that party last week.”

  “Sophia,” Declan says softer. “I can explain.”

  I turn the corner and slip into an alcove that has a large window overlooking the gardens. “Oh, please explain,” I say with as much sarcasm as I can. “Please tell me why you acted like my friend for two weeks and then straight up betrayed me in front of those two jerks at the party.”

  “I know it looks bad,” he says, running a hand through his dark hair. Those eyes of his still make my toes tingle when looks at me, but I grit my jaw and refuse to think about how cute he is. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t do anything—” He sighs again, and he’s either a really good actor, or this is actually bothering him. “I feel terrible. I hate myself for doing that to you.”

  My stone-cold façade fades a little. But I keep staring at him. “So explain,” I snap.

  He glances around. “It’s Chad Stokes. He’s one of the Big Five.”

  “The rich Shelfbrooke families?” I say, vaguely remembering the term Big Five. In Cali we don’t have stupid phrases like that. Maybe because everyone is rich where I come from.

  He nods. “He knows you. He knows you from Malibu and when he found out we were friends, he…” Declan shakes his head like he’s embarrassed. “He threatened me. He said he’d take my job away. Said he’d have the entire gardens burned down if I didn’t stay away. See, when you first got here, he sent a Knight Watch message to everyone. We were told not to befriend you.”

  “What?” My voice is louder than I intend. “Some guy tells everyone not talk to me, and they listened?”

  He shrugs. “Maybe not everyone. Chad only talks to the elite of Shelfbrooke. The only people who matter,” he says, rolling his eyes at the last word. They’re the reason you’re being shunned.”

  “But why?” I say. “I don’t even know this guy.”

  Declan shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I really am. But he was right there and if I had said anything—I didn’t want to lose my job, or the gardens…”

  “It’s fine,” I say. “The gardens are special to me, too.”

  “I’m not like them,” Declan says, a pained expression on his face. “I don’t come from money. I get free tuition because of my grandfather’s hard work. Outside of these gates, I’m just a regular guy. All the other students here are wealthy, and they know they’re better than me.”

  “They’re not better than you,” I say.

  My phone rings, which is odd since it’s the middle of school and no one ever talks to me anymore. I look at the screen and see Belle’s name. She wouldn’t call me unless It was important.

  “Sorry, I have to go.”

  Declan nods and apologizes again but I don’t have time to think about what he just said and the implications it has on my social life here at Shelfbrooke Academy. I’m concerned about my cousin right now.

  “Belle?” I say, answering my phone in a corner of the hallway so I don’t get trampled by the other students.

  “Come home,” she says, her voice panicked. “Please come home.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Everything.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  I sprint across campus, clutching my backpack to my chest so my laptop doesn’t get broken in the process. Visions of Belle lying half dead on the floor fill my mind, even though I’m pretty sure she would have called 911 if that were the case. Still. I can’t shake the frightened sound of her voice.

  I almost knock into someone on my run, and hear a string of hurtful insults hurled my way, but there’s no time to hiss something equally mean back to them. I don’t know what kind of power this Stokes guy has over everyone here, but I refuse to let it bother me. Maybe he’s just jealous that my life in Cali is better than his life here.

  I yank open the door to our building and my shoes are loud against the flooring as I skid to a stop in front of door sixty-two. My hands shake as I reach for my key, but the door swings open before I unlock it.

  “Finally,” Belle says, one hand on the door and the other on her chest.

  I step inside and she locks up the door behind me. I give her a once over and she looks intact. No blood or missing appendages. She’s breathing loudly though, panting like she’s the one who just ran a marathon instead of me.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, grabbing her shoulders.

  “It’s… it’s…” she gasps for breath. “I can’t breathe!”

  “Yes you can,” I say.

  She shakes her head, a panicked look in her eyes. But all the while she’s breathing – breathing fast and raggedly, her chest heaving up and down. “No I can’t, no I can’t,” she says, clutching her chest. “I can’t breathe.”

  “Belle!” My sharp voice gets her attention. “Listen to me. You are breathing. You’re doing it right now.”

  Tears roll down her cheeks and she nods. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  I smile. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

  She shakes her head. “Sophia, it’s happening again. It’s happening. I can’t make it stop.”

  “The panic?” I ask.

  She nods again, her whole body shaking as tears roll down her cheeks. I’ve done a bit of research on panic attacks since I moved here, and I know that the people experiencing them will often think they are dying, or that they’ll never be okay. But the symptoms will fade. She will be okay, and I want to help her feel that way.

  “Let’s sit down,” I say, putting my arm around her shoulders and leading her to her bed. “Want me to call Aunt Kate?”

  “No,” she says harshly, like I’d just asked if she wanted me to punch a kid. “My mom doesn’t need to know. She’ll just worry.”

  “Okay.”

  I pat her back, hoping I’m doing this whole comforting thing right. My mom never comforted me when I was growing up, but I’ve had enough nannies over the years. They always patted my back when I was upset.

  “What do you want to do?”

  She sniffles and wipes tears from her eyes. “I just want it to stop.”

  “How did it stop last time?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. Time, I guess.”

  “What if we watch Netflix and take your mind off it?”

  “Okay.”

  I get her computer ready and then raid her snack drawer for some candy, chips, and chocolate. We only have bottled water in here, and I want to go get a soda from the cafeteria because nothing says comfort food like sugary junk, but Belle doesn’t want me to leave. So water it is.

  She’s still jittery and anxious for the rest of the day. She also keeps apologizing, saying she’s sorry I’m skipping class for her. I tell her it’s totally okay.

  I’m taking care of my cousin when she needs me. Shelfbrooke can just deal with it.

  An entire week goes by before Belle feels comfortable enough to let me go to class. Luckily, my aunt stepped in after the first day and plead my case in front of the administration, and they allowed me to do my school work from my dorm on a temporary basis so I can take care of Belle.

  Now, it’s a fresh new week, and Belle hasn’t had a full blown panic attack in three days.

  “You sure you’re okay?” I ask for the tenth time this morning.

  “Yes,” she says with a nod. “I’ll be okay.”

  “Call me if you n
eed anything. I have a special note from Dean Thomas saying I’m allowed to leave class to come see you, so don’t worry about getting me in trouble.”

  She nods again.

  I go to leave, and she calls my name. I turn back around.

  “I still want to go to the garden,” she says. “Sometime soon.”

  The knot in my stomach tightens a bit. I haven’t had any time to look for the key in the last week of being here with Belle. As much as I want to get into the hidden garden too, I can’t do anything without the key.

  “I don’t know…” I say. “I don’t want you to do too much too fast.”

  “Please, Sophia. I want to go.”

  “The last time you stepped out of this dorm, you had a massive panic attack. The gardens are a long walk away.”

  “I know… but if it’s at night… I think I can handle it.”

  I give her a look. “I’m serious!” she says. “I think I’ll be fine.”

  “We can talk about this later.”

  “You sound just like my mom.” She folds her arms across her chest.

  “Good. Because your mom only wants the best for you, and so do I.”

  Before she can answer, I close the door and walk quickly down the hallway, confident that she won’t follow me.

  I feel awful for discouraging her from going outside again, because like it or not, Belle will never get better if she doesn’t try. Baby steps and all that. But I can’t just take her to the garden right now. The door is locked. If I don’t find the key, I’ll never be able to take her.

  “Sophia!” Declan calls my name embarrassingly loud across the campus. He jogs toward me, and I’m still not sure how I feel about him. He stopped being my friend because some idiot told him not to talk to me. I mean, I get that the idiot in question is threatening his job, but still. That sucks.

  “What is it?” I say, deciding to go with the cold, unfriendly approach. It’s easier if you don’t have feelings for someone.

  “You’re finally back. Where have you been? It was impossible to find you. Do you not have a Knight Watch profile?”