Alice by Accident

by Lynne Reid Banks

  Next morning. I’m on the train. Mum is sitting not next to me, she’s across the ile. She’s coming with me but she’s not speaking to me.

  Before she stopped speaking to me she said, “I have to accept what you did because it’s done now. But I’m still very angry. I can’t bear all this interference as if I was a child. It hasn’t helped it’s just made things worse. Today I’ll take you to school but we’re going to pretend I’m not here. First because I don’t want to talk to you just now. Second because I want to see how you’d manage if I wasn’t with you. Do what we always do. Don’t get a taxi this time.” I said “You mean catch the bus and walk from the bus stop to school?” It’s ten minutes from the bus stop but no main roads to cross. She said yes. I’ll follow you.” I said “Can I come home alone and not wait for Sharon” and she said “no, I’m not turning you into a latchkey child. Not yet.” I said “Are you well enough to go to work and she said who the hell cares if I’m well enough. I have to go and I have to pick you up afterwards.” So now she’s sitting across the ile reading the Times and pretending not to know me.

  I didn’t see Nan this morning. She slept in Mum’s room and Mum slept on the sofa. I didn’t hear anything they said last night because as soon as they came in from Julie’s Mum sent me to my room and said “Do your homework and go to bed.” Nan said “oh let the child stay Rita” and Mum turned on her and said in a fierce voice, “Mind your own business, Mother!” She wasn’t going to let her start being bossy like Gene!! It was only six o’clock or something. I crept out later to the top of the stairs to listen but Mum heard me and shouted at me “Alice go to your room!” So I just wrote in my private book. I didn’t do my homework, I couldn’t. Brandy will kill me but I’ll just tell her we had a family crysis.

  The pain from my conshuns is better. Now I’ve got a new pain which is Mum being angry and not talking but it’s not as bad as the conshuns. She can’t keep it up. She’ll have to start talking to me and if she doesn’t I’ve got Nan to talk to.

  SCHOOL NOTEBOOK

  THE CONSHUNS OF BACCHUS

  by Alice Williamson-Stone

  Bacchus went to a party one day with alot of his friends. Bacchus was the son of Zeus chief of the gods and that made him a bit of a huligan. There was alot to drink mostly wine which Bacchus was the god of. Wine is made from grapes and so Bacchus wore vine leaves round his head of curly hair. Everyone loved him because he was so young and good looking and his wine made people feel better and forget their troubles.

  After the party they all came through some woods. They were drunk and singing and one old drunk man fell off his donkey and everyone larfed (he wasn’t hurt). Suddenly Bacchus saw a woman standing on the beach waving. She was so beautiful he wanted to marry her strait away. He jumped out of his chariot and seezed her in his arms. “I want to marry you” he said. “What is your name?”

  She said “My name is Ariadne I can’t marry you. Do you see that ship on the harizon? My sweetheart Theseus is on it. He’s left me here on this horrible island, and after I saved his life.”

  Bacchus made everyone sit down and told Ariadne to tell them the story how she saved Theseus from the horrible minator so she did, but she was crying all the time. “How could he leave me?” she sobbed. “Without me and my idea for tying a thread and following it out of the maze he’d of been killed by the horrible minator.” Everyone thought Theseus was a big pig and Bacchus kissed Ariadne and said, “Forget him and marry me.” So she did (marry him) but she never forgot Theseus and they were not very happy except when they were drinking lots of wine.

  This is lovely, Alice, it made me laugh – was I meant to? But why did you call it “Conscience of Bacchus” – surely it was Theseus who should have had a bad conscience. Please don’t write “of” when it should be “have”, as in “would have” and “he’d have”. AND DON’T WRITE “A LOT” AS ONE WORD!!! Write conscience, straight, seized, horizon, hooligan, laughed, Minotaur, and he’d have been killed 5 times each. Oh, all right then, 3 times each.

  A–, despite the bad spelling! (This will not do for the competition because it’s not exactly an original story.)

  We’ve moved.

  It happened quicker than Mum wanted it to. She had decided not to let Gene chase her out of Dad’s house or at least make her go to alot of trouble. But it didn’t happen. What happened was, Mum got a phone call from Dad’s wife in Holland. Her name’s Johanna. She said she was coming to England on a trip and she wanted to stay in the house!!! Mum said “where will you sleep” and she said, “anywhere, on the sofa if I must. But please don’t expect me to go to a hotel when we have a house of our own.”

  Mum was in a terrible mood about this, angry and depressed both at once. She said it was a ploy which means a trick. She was withdrawn for two days (she was talking to me by then of course), but when she got calm she said she couldn’t stay in the house with Dad’s wife. I said why don’t you lock her out and Mum said that would be breaking the law.

  Mum got Nan to mind me all over two weekends and Mum house-hunted I mean flat-hunted. We wanted a house but we couldn’t afford it. In the end Mum got desprit and took this flat. It’s only got one bedroom and the rooms are very small. And it’s on the third floor. We’re only renting it, not buying a place of our own which Mum wanted to.

  She gave up the Brighton flat and got a van to bring all our things to here. So at least I got my own bed and my hammock (only I can’t hang it up because the sealings are too week) and my toy animals and my old armchair and the big book case Gene bought me years ago. And all my books and games and puzzles but some of them seem a bit babyish now. And they make everything crowded cos Mum and me have to share. And the living room’s long and narrow and there’s no fireplace. (We had a gas fireplace in Gene’s house and we used to light it on cold nights and cuddle up to it. Now we just have to cuddle up to the TV.) It feels so small after Gene’s whole house. It’s like Copper trying to curl up in Lady’s basket!

  Of course this means Nan couldn’t stay but anyway she had to get back to Liverpool and the Big Pig. Me getting her to come turned out OK in the end even if it made Mum furious at first. She was very useful and I think her and Mum are not such bad friends now. I asked Mum if she’d talked about the Big Pig and how her mum hadn’t helped her against him but she said no there was no point. She said her mum had limitations, there were things she couldn’t do and it was no good expecting it. I said, “What things?” and she said, “Well she has some funny ideas like you have to put your man first and do what he tells you even if he’s the most horrible person on earth.” I know Mum would never think that, she would never do what some man told her.

  And I sort of got another grandma. She couldn’t do make up plays and sing and stuff like Gene did and certainly nothing sporty, but she was kind and never strict (Gene could be a bit strict when I food-fussed or cattawalled) and when she was here she watched lots of lovely rubbish programmes on TV and cooked us meals. It was great to have proper fried suppers every night with puddings. I even got to like rice pudding and bread-and-butter pudding. I never got to like cabbage though but at least that was the only vegtable Nan cooked, Gene had whole meals of vegtables. She taught me to cook lots of things so now I cook supper sometimes in our new kitchen. I can bake rock cakes too.

  There’s one good thing about the flat, it’s just round the corner from school. So we don’t need Sharon any more so now I only see her and Peony sometimes in the local shops (I always look for bumps in Peony’s sweater to see if she’s been on the rob). Now I’m a latchkey child. Mum’s given me my own key on a ribbon round my neck and I walk home by myself and then lock myself in and get my own tea and stay alone till Mum gets back from work. It’s about three hours most days.

  I hated it at first and I sulked alot and Mum felt guilty but not having Sharon saves money. I wish I knew why we have to save so hard. I only get £1.50 pocket money a week. Alexandra and Nicola, and Sarah, AND Emma, all get £4. So anyway I just sat in
front of the TV at first (I wouldn’t do homework till Mum got back) but I got bored so I started reading all my old books and some of them are still good, the ones Mum used to read me, the Greek myths and some Australian Songlines ones, and the Jungle Book and some other good ones Gene gave me (like Wind in the Willows, but that’s hard). When I get fed up reading I do alot of writing, stories and stuff, and drawing. But I do get lonely.

  Mum said I am more independant now but I don’t feel it. I still can’t go out on my own except just to walk from school and even then Mum worries I will be kidnaped or molested (that means something bad men do, I’m not sure what). She still takes me to school every day.

  SCHOOL NOTEBOOK

  THE MAGIC CACTUS

  by Alice Williamson-Stone

  When we moved into our flat there was nothing there at all except one thing. It was a cactus on our bathroom window ledge in a tin cup. It was droopy so I watered it and in a week it made three baby cactuses growing out of its sides. All green and prickly. One day I saw that one of them had a face. I thought I was imagining it but when I was cleaning my teeth I heard a tiny voice. It said, “Hello Jenny (that’s my name by the way). I’m here because you saved my mum so I will give you a wish.” I said, “I wish for ten more wishes” but when I said that, the baby cactus made a prickly face and yelled “Greedy” in his little cactus voice, and shriveled up.

  When the next little cactus grew a face and spoke to me I said “I wish our flat was bigger and had a nice view over a park.” The little cactus shouted “That’s a ploy, you’re trying to get two wishes so you won’t get any wish at all!” And he shrank up too.

  Well I still had some hope because there was a third baby cactus on the other side of the big one. Every day when I cleaned my teeth I peeped at it to see if it had got a face. At last it got one and opened its mouth and said I could have a wish. I saw now I could have had three wishes if I hadn’t spoiled the first two. I had to be very careful. I said,

  “I wish that more baby cactuses will grow, one every week.”

  “And will you always water my mum only not too much?”

  Of course I said yes, and the baby cactus grickled (that’s a prickly grin) and said okay, you got it. After that a new cactus bud grew every week on the big one and gave me a wish and soon we had a big flat with a view and alot of other things that I wished for my mum, and I wished a beautiful real silver bowl for the mother cactus to grow in. And now it’s up to the sealing and the baby buds have turned into flowers and we’re rich and don’t have to save any more. (392 words.)

  There now, you see you could write a nice story with nothing sinister about it. At. Except, if I ever see you write “a lot” as one word again, it will definitely be a D! You wouldn’t write “alittle” or “afew” or “abit,” would you? Now copy it out again in your best writing (print) and I’ll send it off for you to the competition. Good luck!

  I haven’t written in here for a long time. I had my birthday. I only wanted one thing – a new pet. I read somewhere that if you want a little pet you should start by asking for a horse. I asked for a dog which I knew would be a no and then I asked for a cat, no again, Mum said she’s alerjic to cats, and then for a white rat. Mum shudered and said fine but then I’m leaving. I said a mouse then, how much smaller can a pet get? But Mum said now she’s working any pet would be too much trouble and then it would die and she couldn’t stand any more tears. She said, “Remember how you cried when your stupid Tamagochi pet died? It wasn’t even alive!” I said I bet Gene would let me have a pet. I only menshon Gene when I’m really annoyed with Mum.

  I only calmed down when Mum asked what I wanted for a birthday treat. Last year Gene helped us to give a wonderful party but I didn’t want one in our little flat. I had to think what I wanted instead.

  I thought Gene wouldn’t send me anything but she did. She sent me a lovely card (she sent it to Mum’s work adress, she doesn’t know where we live now) and a dress from Monsoon. It was beautiful, dark red velvit with same colour satin stripes, but now I don’t go to ballets and posh places any more I don’t know when I’ll wear it. Nobody wears dresses to parties. Last year I went to Nicola’s birthday and we all had to dress up as one of the Power Babes. You could choose to be Girl Power, Man Power, High Power, Super Power or Nuclear Power. I went as High Power and I wore letherlook jeans that I bought from a charity shop and I borrowed Peony’s pogostick to be high (of course I didn’t stay on it the whole party). There was a disco and we danced to “I wanna be a sexy single”. Nicola’s dad told her mum we all waggled our bottoms like a bunch of little tarts. (Nicola heard and told us.)

  For my birthday Gene gave me something else, a tape called Spoonface Steinberg. I loved that name and I could see from the picture it was about a girl my age. But she forgot we don’t have a tape-machine. I used to listen to all the tapes she gave me on car rides.

  Anyway for my treat I asked Mum to take me to a play at the Polka Children’s Theatre in Wimbledon. She didn’t want to. She hates doing things with me that Gene used to. I think she thinks it’s giving in. But I said that was what I wanted for my birthday treat so in the end we took Nicola and Alexandra to see “The Odyssey”. It was fantastic because I knew the whole story and could tell Mum what was coming. Gene would never let me do that, she used to cover her ears if I did it. Mum let me, but then I saw she was asleep. Her pills have worked and her illness is alot (A LOT) better but she gets so tired she often falls asleep after work and at weekends and it’s very annoying sometimes when I want to do things with her and the Odyssey was so good I didn’t want her to miss any. Alexandra and Nicola thought the play was brilliant. They’d never seen a play in a real theatre before. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve seen loads. Plays are different to anything else because it’s really happening and things can go wrong so it’s more exciting.

  Nan sent Mum some money to buy me a present from her. She actully said she wanted me to have PIERCED EARS with gold rings!!! She knew I wanted that because I’d told her. But Mum said no again. She said pierced ears were dangerous that you could get an infexion or maybe even aids and anyway pierced ears are common. I was so frusterated I said “if common means ordinary, that’s what we are,” and she said “Common means working class, and that’s what I’m not, not any more.” I said “they’re my ears” and she said “Not till you’re SIXTEEN, till then they’re mine.” When I made a huge fuss Mum just went all quiet.

  In the end she bought me something brilliant from her and Nan together, a tape deck for beside my bed. Now I can listen to my tapes. They’re not all music, some of them are plays and stories Gene gave me. I love lots of them but my favourite is Spoonface Steinberg, the one Gene sent. It’s about a little girl who’s autistic and on top of that she’s got canser. It’s her thoughts. She’s so clever, I think of her like Lisa Simpson only a real girl. Mum can’t stand it. She got mad at Gene all over again for giving it to me. She said there’s enough in real life to cry about, and it’s true it’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard but I just love it. I’ve listened to it about a hundred times.

  Yesterday when I came out of school Peony was waiting. She was wearing a big blue t-shirt with the whole front cut out of it except just the bit round the neck, so it hung like a cloak, and another one underneath with a monster face on it, like peeping out. She’d put lipstick on him. She had big white gloves like Krusty the Clown. AND she had a bike. She said to come to the shops with her. I said I wasn’t allowed and she said “Mama’s little babykin, rapped up in a rabbit skin.” I just walked away but she came after me and followed me home.

  Usually Peony’s fun to play with even if she’s a tease, but she just wanted me to help her learn to ride the bike and I wouldn’t so then she sulked. I said we had to be indoors. She came but she wouldn’t talk. I took her into the bedroom and then she started messing about with Mum’s things. I got nervous and tried to get her into the living room to watch telly but she wouldn’t come so I had to stay in the bedroom with
her and she said “don’t you trust me?” and started teasing, pretending to hide things up her sweater.

  Then she gave me this funny look she has, out of the side of her eyes, and said “I couldn’t hide the bike there.” I asked what she ment and she said “I nicked it from outside the bike shop.” I said “you did not” and she said “Please don’t call me a lier.” Then I sort of believed her and felt scared in case the police had followed her.

  I wished she’d go home but she didn’t so I just ignored her and put one of Gene’s tapes on. It was a funny story about two twin girls, called Angela and Diabola, one of them good and one really really bad, and Peony got interested. After she’d listened a bit she started laughing and said, “I suppose you think you’re the good one and I’m the bad one.” I said “well maybe you are the bad one because Diabola has no conscience and you haven’t either or you couldn’t steal a bike.”

  Peony didn’t say anything and then she said “I was having you on, Mum gave me the bike.” I said, “I bet you’d steal my mum’s things if I wasn’t here.” And then she got really insulted and said “I’m not a thief, I only nick from shops.” I said “It’s still stealing and it makes the shops charge more to make up for it (which is what Gene told me).” She said “how did you get to be such a goody-goody?” and just then the bad twin on the tape got mad and said to her sister “You icky sticky creepy crawlie little goody-goody” which is my favourite bit on the whole tape, and Peony hung her mouth open and then we just fell on the floor laughing.