Falling in Love...Again

by AnonYMous

  Something rustled through the underbrush, and I practically jumped out of my skin. A black squirrel scooted up a tree, and I breathed easier—for just a moment. Then I looked deeper into the thick foliage. I knew there were bears in these woods. Black bears, I reminded myself. They’ll be just as afraid of me as I am of them. I shivered. Unless it’s a mama with cubs. With that thought, I started running down that two-track.

  Still, the sun was well below the horizon by the time I came to the cabin. The red car sat alongside a royal blue pickup. Someone had to be home.

  Now, what can I tell them? As I walked slowly toward the screen door, I came up with a plan. I knocked and immediately heard the sound of steps approaching.

  A man with a full, scraggly-gray beard and long hair peered out at me. He was huge and rather frightful looking. I swallowed deep, trying to decide whether to ask to use his phone or just cut and run.

  “What do ya need?” his voice rumbled, but he didn’t sound nearly as ferocious as he looked.

  “My car broke down. Can I call someone to pick me up?”

  “You need to get into Redrock?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, my wife’s about ready to run into Esky. Might be easier if she just dropped you off.”

  “That would be great.” I couldn’t believe my luck, but when he pushed the door open toward me, I hesitated. “I’ll wait out here.”

  “The mosquitoes will eat ya alive.”

  Yes, the mosquitoes had begun gnawing on me long before I reached the cottage, but there was no way I was stepping over that threshold before his wife appeared.

  “Deena!” the man shouted. “We have a gal here who needs a ride.”

  I slapped at a sudden bite on my thigh and strained my eyes, trying to look past the enormous man blocking the doorway.

  “Who is it?”

  I’ve never been so happy to hear a feminine voice.

  Amusement tinged the man’s features. I just knew he guessed my fear of being alone with him. “Okay, girl. Now will ya get in here?”

  My face flushed even hotter than it already felt. I more or less stumbled through the door.

  “Just don’t let in those damn mosquitoes,” he grumbled.

  “Don’t listen to him. His bark is worse than his bite.” A tall, slender woman with long, dark hair pulled back in a braid walked toward me. I recognized her. She worked at Carter’s. That’s why I saw the red car parked there so often.

  The interior of the cottage was rustic and homey with a huge, central fireplace along one wall.

  “Says her car broke down,” the man said, “but I’d wager she had a tiff with the boyfriend. Heard a truck go tearin’ outta here not too long ago.”

  Deena searched over me like a fine-toothed comb. “Looks like he roughed you up a bit.”

  “He didn’t hurt me,” I lied.

  “Then what’s that?” She touched my arm where he had gripped me.

  I looked down and saw the bruised imprint of his fingers.

  “It don’t hurt.” I guess old habits die hard. My eyes were beginning to open where Ronnie was concerned, but I still couldn’t abide someone else putting him down.

  “Maybe not this time, but take it from someone who knows—it’ll only get worse.”

  “Thought you said he doesn’t bite.” I jerked my head toward the man.

  “Billy doesn’t. My first husband did.”

  “Well, Ronnie doesn’t, either.”

  She shrugged. “Have it your way.”

  I backed toward the door.

  “Come on now. You’re not going to pass up a lift over pride, are you? It’s going to be pretty dark by the time you get to the next occupied house.”

  She sure had me pegged. I glared at her, but pride would be little comfort trudging through the woods in the dark. “All right. I’ll take the ride.”

  “Good.” Deena plucked a denim purse off a stand near the door. She paused in front of Billy, and went up on tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips. “Back soon, love.”

  He snaked an arm around her, hugged her, then stepped back. “Take care, girl,” he said to me.

  I just nodded. What an odd couple, I thought, following her out to her car.

  Deena backed out onto the two-track and shifted into drive. “You live in town?”

  “Yeah, but you can drop me off at Katie’s.”

  “Okay, can do. Do you live with Ronnie?”

  I gave her my best “mind-your-own-business” look, but I should have saved my energy. She didn’t take her eyes off the track in front of us.

  She didn’t drop it, either. “Please tell me you live with your parents.”

  “Yes,” I said sarcastically. “I live with my parents.”

  “Good.” She glanced sideways at me. “I know you don’t want to hear anything bad about that boyfriend. I sure didn’t when I was in your shoes.”

  “What makes you so sure Ronnie is like your ex? We just had a fight. He didn’t hurt me.”

  “It usually starts out with little things. A bad temper, a bruised arm. All I’m sayin’ is you need to value yourself.”

  “What about valuing Ronnie? He’s had a crappy life. He can get past it; he just needs help.”

  “Yeah, he can change—if he’s willing to do it. That’s the crunch. He has to want to first, then he has to fix himself. You or nobody else can do it for him.”

  Part of me knew she was right. Part of me didn’t even care anymore, but another part couldn’t let go of the dream—the dream of being the one woman who would stick by Ronnie through thick and thin—the one woman to save him.

  We were both quiet for the rest of the drive. She pulled up in front of the hangout, and I opened the door. “Thanks for the ride.”

  “Anytime. Take care now.”

  I just nodded, then I got out of the car and walked home.

  Ronnie reappeared ten days later. We both pretended nothing happened, and just like all the times before, we went out drinking and parking. The only difference was he acted more like he did in the days after we first met. He was more talkative, less surly, and at first hope surged through me.

  But of course, we always ended up having sex, and I finally realized that’s all it was—just sex. There was nothing loving about it, and I didn’t want to be there doing that with him. It was like I had a virus, and finally got over it.

  I didn’t love Ronnie. I loved the idea of saving him, just like I thought my mother saved my dad. The more I thought about it, the more I realized the difference. Mom stuck by Dad through his breakdowns, and all the times he was unable to work because of his illness. But my dad did the best he could to overcome his problems. He never buried them in alcohol. He was never cruel to his family. In fact, I couldn’t remember him ever being mean to anyone.

  I needed a change. The next evening I talked to my parents. Two weeks later I fulfilled my notice at the café, and moved to Marquette.

  I tried to go home often on the weekends, but I avoided Katie’s like a computer virus. I didn’t want any confrontation, and I was pretty certain Ronnie wouldn’t go out of his way to find me.

  I was right.

  It was late on Thanksgiving afternoon when Jamie came to see me.

  Dinner and dishes were over. My brothers and their wives, girlfriends, and kids were all off doing their own things. Enjoying the peace after a full house and lots of noise, I was sitting at the dining room table with Mom, drinking coffee and talking. We talked more since I moved out than in all the years before. Dad, of course, was in his chair, watching the football game.

  I hurried to answer the knock on the door, but when I saw Jamie standing on the small, cement porch, I wasn’t sure whether to greet her or shut the door in her cherub-like face. After all, I didn’t hear from her in months.

  “Hi, Court.”

  I glared at her.

  “Can I come in?”

  I shrugged.

  “Why are you mad at me?”

  “I just do
n’t know why you’ve suddenly showed up after all this time.”

  “I did stop by a couple of times when no one was here. Besides, I know Stevie told you where we’re living, and I haven’t seen any sign of you, either.”

  “I figured you were so busy with your new life you didn’t want me in it.”

  “Well, you figured wrong. Come on, Court, let me in. I’m freezing out here.”

  Snowflakes drifted gently down, coating her bare head and denim-clad shoulders. “Well, jeez,” I teased, “don’t ya know by now how to dress for winter?” As I spoke, I opened the door wide and guided her inside.

  “Hello, Jamie.” Mom had joined Dad in the living room, and spoke from the arm of his chair.

  “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Horton. Happy Thanksgiving.”

  After they exchanged pleasantries, I said, “Come on, Jamie. Let’s go up to my room.”

  Jamie followed me up the stairs. She shut my door and perched on the end of my bed. “I’ve really missed you.”

  Tears filled my eyes. “I’ve missed you, too. I didn’t realize how much, until now.” I plopped down beside her and we hugged. We both started crying. We hung onto each other for several minutes, then I fetched the tissues from my window ledge and we mopped up.

  “I’ve been hearing stories about you, Court.”

  “Like what?”

  “Stevie said you quit the café. Of course, that was months ago, but when Mom told me you were living in Marquette with your Aunt Glenda, I couldn’t believe it. You never liked her. You said she was stuck up and so were her kids.”

  “I changed my mind. They’ve all been great. I work in her store, and yes, I’m staying with them. Part of my salary goes for my room and board.”

  “What kind of store does she have?”

  “Vintage. She has all this old stuff. It’s really cool, but I want more out of life than what she can pay me, so I’ll be going down to part-time when the new semester starts at Northern.”

  “Northern?” Jamie’s brow puckered in confusion.

  “Yeah. I took and passed my GED.”

  “Wow! Good for you, Court. What are you planning to study?”

  “Accounting, I think. Believe it or not, I’ve discovered I’m good with numbers.”

  “Well, I always knew you weren’t stupid, even if you did think so. How long have you been home?”

  “I drove down last night after I closed the store.”

  “You drove?”

  “Yes. I got my license, and the Blazer sitting in the drive is mine.”

  Jamie fell backward on the bed. “I cannot believe this!”

  “Well, there wasn’t much sense in getting a license before, when I had no hope of affording a car. Of course, I can barely afford it now, but Uncle Nick did get me a good deal, and this way I can come home when I want to. I love the independence it gives me.”

  “You’ve really changed.”

  I shrugged. “Guess I’m growing up.”

  “Yeah, I think we’re both growing up, and that kind of brings me to why I came. Besides the fact that I’ve been hurtin’ to see you and find out what was going on.”

  “Now you know all there is to know about me. Why else did you come?”

  “To ask you to be my maid of honor when Stevie and I get married in March.”

  “You want me?” I was blindsided. I shouldn’t have been, I suppose. For years we vowed to stand up for one another when the time came, but since it had been so long since I’d even spoken to her, I didn’t think she would ask me. “What about his family and friends? I figured you’d want one of them.”

  “None of them can take your place.”

  “Really?” I choked up again, but I swallowed my tears. I threw my arms around her and hugged her.

  “Can I take that as a yes?”

  “Yes!” Overwhelmed with happiness, I laughed. Then just as quickly, I thought about who else would be at the wedding, and the joy drained out of me.

  “What?” Jamie demanded.

  “It’s nothing,” I lied. Shaun would be at the wedding. He’d probably even stand up with Stevie. Last I heard, he was practically engaged. That meant I’d have to see him with his girlfriend. I didn’t want to see that. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I figured that out about the time I gave up on Ronnie, but by then, it was too late.

  “I don’t believe you.” Jamie got that stubborn, “I’m-not-letting-go-of-this-until-I-get-an-answer” look.

  “Please, Jamie, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Seconds ticked by while she searched my face, then to my vast relief, she agreed. “Okay. But I do have one more question. Are you still in love with Ronnie?”

  “That one’s easy. No, I’m not.”

  I tried not to think about Shaun. It was difficult before, but now that Jamie and Stevie were back in my life, it was impossible to keep him out of my mind. I remembered the fun we had. I remembered the way I felt just being near him. I remembered all those letters—the letters I tucked away in a box because I wasn’t able to part with them, the letters I took out far too often to reread. Most of all, I remembered the way he treated me with respect and how he seemed interested in whatever I said.

  The closer we came to Jamie’s wedding, the more nervous I got. Just as I feared, Shaun was standing up with Stevie. I had no choice; I would have to watch him with Amanda, his new girlfriend.

  The day of rehearsal, I was a wreck. We met late afternoon at The Bay Motel and Conference Center, where the wedding was to take place. It was a small party: the attendants, both sets of parents, the pastor, and of course, Jamie and Stevie.

  Stevie’s parents greeted me warmly, but Shaun totally ignored my existence throughout the rehearsal and the dinner that followed.

  I didn’t blame him. After all, I made it plain I didn’t want him. But it hurt just the same.

  Jamie rode back to Redrock with me, and we each spent the night at our parents’ homes. I didn’t sleep at all that night. I kept thinking how sad Shaun looked, how he didn’t smile even once. Something was very wrong, and I hurt for him just thinking about it. He and Amanda must be having problems. I would not—could not—allow myself to believe it had anything to do with me.

  The next day I drove Jamie and me to The Bay. The wedding party, as well as Jamie and Stevie’s families, planned to spend the night there after the reception.

  The ceremony went off without a hitch. We’d chosen simple gowns. A sleek, champagne two-piece for Jamie, and a shorter, periwinkle blue for me.

  I didn’t see Shaun until I preceded Jamie up the aisle. He looked so handsome in his charcoal, pinstriped suit. He took my breath away, but he would not even look at me.

  Walking down the aisle with my hand tucked in the crook of his arm, I felt the heat of his body along with a strange rightness—like I was finally home, like I was right where I needed to be.

  That’s when it hit me—I loved Shaun. I was in love with him right from the start, but I was too stubborn to see what was right in front of me.

  Once acknowledged, my feelings were so raw and new that all I wanted to do was crawl into a corner to nurse them. I needed time to adjust, but I didn’t have the time then. I had obligations to perform.

  We stood in the reception line for what seemed like hours, greeting all the guests. Then we posed for pictures. I thought we’d never get done, but I was grateful they decided not to drive around town tooting horns. Riding in a cramped car with Shaun was more than I thought I could deal with just then.

  Once seated at the main table with our meals, I studied the guests, trying to spot Shaun’s girlfriend. According to Jamie, she was quite the red-haired beauty, but I could see no one fitting the description.

  The first dance, after Jamie and Stevie took to the floor, and Shaun and I were called to do the same, was pure torture. Stiff and circumspect, he led me around the floor in dead silence. Being so close to him, breathing his scent, knowing we could never be together, was breaking my heart.

&nbs
p; Much later, I still had not seen Shaun with anyone who could possibly be Amanda. I was sitting at the table alone when I decided enough was enough. Shaun could tell me to mind my own business, but I had to do something. I had to know if he was still seeing this Amanda. I had to know if there was any chance at all for us.

  I held my head up high and stalked toward the table where Shaun stood talking to my parents. Before I made it across the floor, Shaun turned and walked toward me.

  “Can we talk?” he asked.

  With a throat clogged with tears, I whispered, “Yes.”

  We stopped at the coat bar. After I slipped into my poncho and Shaun pulled on his trench coat, we walked through the dining room to the back of the motel and out onto a deck. The air was frigid, but I was too nervous to pay it any mind. The deck was lit by three lamps spaced out on the siding. It was swept clean of snow and overlooked the bay.

  “Where is Amanda?” Afraid of his answer, I stared out over the water, which was still crusted with ice.

  “Not here.”

  Determined, I continued, “I figured that much out.”

  “Well, we broke up.”

  “Oh . . . Jamie didn’t tell me.”

  “I didn’t tell her. I didn’t want anyone to know yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just didn’t, that’s all.”

  “Well, why did you break up?”

  “Before I answer that, I want to ask you something.”

  “Did she break your heart? Is that why you’re so unhappy?”

  “Damn it, Courtney, stop it. I need to know about Ronnie. Are you still in love with him?”

  Pride. I was hanging onto mine for dear life. Is Shaun doing the same? Still, I couldn’t lose the one bit of protection I had. “We don’t see each other anymore.”

  “I know that. Stevie told me. I need to know how you feel about him.”