Her Cowboy Till Christmas

by Jill Kemerer

  Mason studied the photo and flipped it over. Scrawled on the back was John—4 years old.

  His dad. Blond, big grin, skinny, in jeans and a white T-shirt. Mason hadn’t realized Noah resembled his father so much.

  He hadn’t looked at a photo album since Ma and Pops died. Prior to that, it had been years since he’d gone down memory lane. But seeing his dad looking so much like Noah made him wonder if he resembled them, too.

  He stood and set the picture of his dad on the fireplace mantel. Mia used to love decorating this room and the rest of the main floor for Christmas. Candles, evergreen branches, lace snowflakes and ribbons—she went all out for the holidays. He could almost smell the cinnamon and cloves from a concoction she’d simmer on the stove.

  Without Mia’s touch, the house had no life. No wonder Bill had told him to get the decorations out.

  Lord, I want to make Christmas nice for Noah, but I don’t know how. I mean, I bought him presents. But this house? I can’t bear to open the bins with Mia’s ornaments. What do I do?

  The alarm went off.

  He was already regretting tomorrow’s Christmas tree excursion—why had he asked Brittany to go with them? He should have just cut one down with Noah. They didn’t need her help.

  But he kind of did need her help. And not for her skills cutting down a tree. He’d asked her because she’d been his friend. His best friend before Mia. And lately he felt lost.

  Next year, she’d be in California and he’d get through the holidays fine on his own. But this year, he needed a little help.

  And if Brittany was the one to give it to him, he’d swallow his pride and his fears and take it. Even if it threatened to melt the tundra over his heart.

  * * *

  ’Tis the season to be...worried. Fa-la-la-la...

  Brittany sat at Nan’s kitchen table and checked another item off the list. She’d spent all morning trying to track down information. She’d asked Nan about how she paid her bills, and to her relief, Nan had gotten out her checkbook and the shoebox where she kept the invoices. As soon as the bills arrived, Nan filled out the checks so she wouldn’t misplace them. There were a few late notices in the shoebox, but from what Brittany could tell, they’d been paid, too. All in all, the system gave her some peace of mind.

  Then Brittany had asked her when she’d last had a physical. Nan couldn’t remember, so they’d set up an appointment for Thursday morning.

  What if the doctor told her Nan had Alzheimer’s? Or something else? Something terminal?

  Stop assuming the worst! Ugh! She was getting to be like her mother! And nothing pleased that woman.

  Brittany still regretted telling her mom she’d decided to open a dance studio instead of continuing to audition for professional gigs. Her mother had coldly asked her why she was wasting her life. Brittany had gotten defensive and blurted out her plans to put together a competitive dance team. It had pacified her mother, but the encounter still made her feel nauseous all these years later.

  If she’d known then how much blood, sweat and tears it would take to get her own studio, would she have gone forward with her plan?

  She stretched out her legs to relieve some of the tension, but her nerves were all janky and tight.

  Why hadn’t the bank called yet? She swiped her phone and found the loan officer’s number. She called it, but it went to voice mail. After leaving a brief message, she hung up.

  God, please let them approve the line of credit. I’ve sacrificed so much for this.

  The sound of an engine caught her attention. Mason must be here. She peeked out the window. Yep. He was parking his truck. She couldn’t tear her eyes away as he got out, then unbuckled Noah from the back seat. As soon as his feet touched the ground, the child ran toward the porch. Mason followed with long, sure strides. Brittany could watch the man all day long.

  “Nan!” Noah’s voice carried from the porch.

  Nan pushed herself up from the recliner.

  “I’ll get the door.” Brittany jogged over to the entrance. “Well, look who’s here. How are you doing today, Mr. Noah?”

  “I’m not a mister, Miss Bwittany.” He shook his head in a serious manner, tearing off his coat, gloves and boots.

  “You’re not?”

  “No, that’s Daddy, silly.” He ran to Nan and hugged her knees. “Nan!”

  “Noah.” She stroked his hair. “I’ll get the cookies.”

  “Howdy.” Mason entered, stomping his boots on the mat. “I’ve got a meeting tonight, so we can only stay for a few minutes.”

  “That’s fine, honey. It’s good to see you.” Nan leaned in for a hug before shuffling to the kitchen with Noah’s hand in hers.

  Brittany met his eyes. Being alone with him tangled her stomach into knots. She shifted from one foot to the other. “How was your day?”

  “Cold.” He took off his boots, looking up at her as he did. “We moved the herd to a different pasture. The snow on my face felt like ice shards.”

  “Really? I’ve always thought of snow as gentle and fluffy.”

  “Not when you’re on horseback and the wind’s kicking up.” He hitched his chin to the kitchen. “How’s she doing?”

  “Good. She’s good.” She made a flourishing movement with her hand. “It’s weird, you know? Being here. Slowing down. Our winter recital was last week and every night was super crammed. But now I have all the time in the world and then some. It’s a big change from my normal routine, especially since I’d been taking extra shifts at the diner to afford this time off. Did you know waitressing is a lot like dancing?” She couldn’t seem to stop talking. Where was an off button when she needed one?

  “I did not know that.”

  “It is. They both have a rhythm. Fast, slow, steady, pirouette, hold the tray steady and when it’s all over, ouch, my lower back.” Why was she telling him all this? Stop babbling!

  “Okay, what’s wrong?” He looked at her with a concerned expression.

  “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong. What are you talking about?”

  “You’re rambling. What’s bothering you?”

  She sighed. “Nan has a doctor’s appointment on Thursday.”

  “And you’re worried about what you’ll hear.” He kept his voice low.

  “Yup.” He got it. He’d always gotten her.

  “I’d tell you not to sweat it, but...” He wiped his palm down his cheek. “Sometimes you hear bad news. Nothing you can do to stop it from coming.”

  She swallowed, knowing he was right, yet wishing he was wrong.

  “Can I give you some advice?” he asked. “Enjoy her now.”

  Three words that cut right through her heart.

  But the bank and the studio and Nan’s memory lapses and her refusal to shower...

  He took a seat at the table and she did, too. Nan and Noah approached with the treats. She couldn’t choke down a cookie if she tried. Thankfully, Noah launched into an explanation of how to hold scissors. Auntie Eden had let him use safety scissors that morning.

  When the boy stopped talking long enough to take a drink of milk, Mason addressed Nan. “I don’t know if Brittany told you, but I recently found out I have a brother.”

  “A brother?” The creases in her forehead deepened. “No, that can’t be right. Gus and Beth would have told me.”

  Brittany glanced at Nan, then Mason.

  “It was a surprise to me, too,” he said.

  “Are you sure you have a brother?” Nan asked. “How old is he?”

  “We’re the same age. Twins. Identical. And yes, I’m sure. There’s no mistaking it.”

  “Twins, you say?” She blinked a few times and shook her head in wonder. “No, I guess there wouldn’t be any mistaking it.”

  Brittany had nothing to add so she let her toes draw patterns on the floor under the tabl
e.

  “I can’t believe they could have kept it a secret.” Nan gazed at the wall. “I knew John and Lisa were having a baby. Beth confided it to me when she found out. But I didn’t know you had been born until after the car crash and they brought you back here for good.”

  “Did you know anything else about my parents? Or how Ma and Pops felt about them?”

  A faraway look glazed over her eyes. Brittany knew that look, and it meant Mason wouldn’t be getting answers. Not from Nan, at least.

  “Gus loved John,” Nan said. “He rode him pretty hard, though. Had high expectations.”

  Brittany straightened. Maybe she’d been wrong about Nan.

  “John was supposed to join Gus at the ranch and take it over eventually, but he was a thoughtful boy. Liked reading and studying.” Nan smiled. “Oh, he liked riding horses and working cattle, too. I thought a lot of that boy. Sometimes I hoped he would marry my Joanie. Thought he’d be good for her—to ground her a bit. But after high school, he got in an awful row with his folks. Lasted all summer. And then he was gone. He’d gotten a scholarship to study in Colorado. Gus and Beth didn’t talk much about him after that.”

  “What about the wedding? Whenever I asked Ma and Pops about my parents, they got real tight-lipped.”

  “John and Lisa eloped. Got married in a courthouse. Broke your grandma’s heart, and it didn’t help that Gus blamed Lisa for stealing John from his rightful place on the ranch.”

  Brittany cringed. The picture Nan was painting was sad. Really sad.

  “Did John and Lisa ever come back here?” Brittany asked Nan.

  “I seem to recall them coming back once for a visit, but I don’t remember for sure.”

  Mason wore a pensive expression. Noah was munching on cookies, quietly taking it all in.

  “You knew my grandparents as well as anyone.” Mason leaned forward. “Why would they come home with one baby? And never mention I had a twin?”

  The brightness in Nan’s cheeks faded. “They must have reckoned it was for the best.”

  “For whom?” His voice rose.

  “I don’t know. They made the best decisions they could at the time. I did the same with Joanie. Maybe we both were wrong.”

  Brittany went still. Why would Nan think she’d done anything wrong with Brittany’s mom, Joan?

  “Can we feed the kitties now?” Noah pleaded, his cookie eaten.

  “We can only stay out there for five minutes, Noah.” Mason sounded stern.

  “Yes, go feed them, honey. I’m a bit tired.” Nan looked spent.

  “Why don’t you take a nap?” Brittany stood and helped Nan to her feet. Mason and Noah were putting on their coats.

  “I think I will.” She patted Brittany’s arm. “Go out with the boys. Have some fun.”

  An entire notebook full of questions came to mind, but she simply kissed Nan’s cheek. “I will.”

  She’d never thought much about the relationship between her mother and Nan. Brittany hadn’t talked to her mom in forever. They weren’t close.

  Brittany put on her boots and outerwear and followed Mason and Noah to the barn. As Noah rushed forward trying to catch snowflakes on his tongue, Mason held back to walk with her.

  “I’m sorry she didn’t have more information for you.” Brittany glanced at his profile.

  “Don’t be.” He gave her a quick sideways glance. “I didn’t know Pops blamed my mother for my dad not ranching. It’s good to have more details—anything, really—about my parents.”

  “Have you talked to Ryder lately?” She kept pace with him in the snow.

  “Yeah. I called him last night. We’re both trying to learn anything we can about our pasts.”

  “Any progress?”

  “I found a picture of my dad when he was a little older than Noah. Looked just like him. Made me want to find pictures of me at that age. Ma wasn’t very organized, though.”

  “Aw, I’d love to see the picture. That is, if you don’t mind.”

  They approached the barn. He slid the door open and Noah surged inside.

  “I don’t mind.” He stood a few feet from her, but they might as well have been touching. The connection they’d had as kids, as teens, roared back, and she caught her breath, wanting to fall into it. To fall into him.

  “Push me, Miss Bwittany!”

  The moment shattered. It was just as well. She was used to standing on her own two feet and Christmas vacation wasn’t reality. Falling into him meant giving up on things she wanted. She was too close to finally getting the studio and dance team she’d dreamed about. She wouldn’t do something stupid, not this time around.

  * * *

  “Okay, spill it all.” Gabby shut the door of the private meeting room at Mountain View Inn at seven o’clock on the dot that night. “How is it going with you and Ryder?”

  Eden, sitting in a comfy chair, watched him expectantly.

  Every Tuesday the three of them met here. Gabby, concerned about him and Eden in the months after Mia died, had started the group so they could support each other and study God’s word. Mason admired Gabby’s go-to spirit even in the face of her own tragedy this year. Although Gabby mourned her sister, she never seemed to be in danger of falling apart. Or maybe she was good at hiding it—like he was.

  “What happened to opening with a prayer?” Sitting on the couch, he propped one ankle on the other knee. The leather couch faced a tall stone fireplace. An antler chandelier hung above them. Bookshelves lined the walls on either side of the fireplace. The cozy seating area took up one section of the room, and a conference table took up the rest.

  Gabby sank into the love seat opposite and leveled a death stare his way. “Your texts have been uninformative.”

  “Okay, okay.” He held out his palms. “Ryder and I are talking. Trying to figure out why we never knew about each other. We haven’t found many answers.” He filled them in on what he knew.

  “So who is older?” Gabby asked.

  “Me. He’s the baby.”

  “I’m sure you’re already lording it over him.”

  He shot her a cocky grin.

  Eden smiled and lowered her gaze.

  “Did you ever just kind of know you had a twin?” Gabby scooted to the edge of her seat. “Did you sense it?”

  “No. Wish I could say I did. I don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling. I really don’t know much about him at all. He’s coming to stay for a while over Christmas break, though.”

  “That’s great!” Gabby slapped the arm of the couch.

  “Anyway, enough about me. Let’s get this meeting started.” Mason figured he’d take the initiative this week. “Let’s pray.”

  “Fine, you’re off the hook for now...”

  They all bowed their heads.

  “Dear Father, thank You for another week. Please help us heal our wounds and trust You to take care of Mia and Allison for us. Amen.”

  “Amen,” the women echoed.

  “I...ah...have been fighting some uncomfortable feelings this week.” Mason felt the heat rushing up his neck. Exposing his emotions was hard for him.

  “I would think so.” Gabby nodded.

  “About Ryder?” Eden fixed her gaze on him.

  “Yes.” His conscience blasted him. The whole point of this group was to be honest with each other in order to heal. And if he couldn’t tell them what was really going on, what kind of friend was he? “Well, Ryder is part of it.”

  “What do you mean?” Gabby’s face screwed up.

  “The feelings have to do with the person he showed up with. Gabby, you didn’t grow up here, but Eden, you might remember Brittany Green.” So far, so good, even if he couldn’t read Eden’s expression. “She and I were friends growing up. But we had a falling-out a long time ago. When she showed up last week, it was like
taking sandpaper to a raw wound. I hated seeing her on my porch. Especially with a man who looked just like me.”

  “Especially?” Eden asked quietly. “Why?”

  “I don’t know.” He blew out a breath. “It brought up things I didn’t want to think about. We’d dated briefly.”

  “Mia never told me about her.” Eden didn’t sound upset, just curious.

  “It happened a few years before Mia and I started dating.”

  “So your old flame shows up with the twin you didn’t know you had...” Gabby’s cheeks puffed out before she exhaled. She shook her head. “Ouch.”

  “I’m only telling you this because seeing her made me realize how much I resent the fact Mia isn’t here anymore. I had to meet Ryder by myself.”

  “But you weren’t by yourself,” Eden said. “Brittany was there.”

  “I think what he means is that Mia was his best friend and she wasn’t there at a time when he needed her.” Gabby shifted to sit on one leg.

  “Exactly.” He nodded.

  “Mia’s gone, Mason.” Eden reached over and squeezed his hand. He squeezed it back. He really liked his sister-in-law.

  “I know.” He sighed. “That’s why we’re here, right? Anyway, I’m doing better.”

  “Whenever you get those raw feelings, pray.” Eden smiled.

  “I will.” He took a moment to compose himself. “What about you guys? What’s going on?”

  “Just trying to get through the holidays.” Gabby deflated. “I can’t believe Allison is gone. I keep checking my phone for texts and thinking about Christmas gifts for her—but then this awful, crushing sadness descends on me. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the baby, I don’t think I’d get out of bed.”

  “Do you think you’re depressed?” Eden asked.

  “Maybe. A little. If I didn’t have Phoebe to take care of, I would be a mess. The baby needs me, needs a mama. I have to keep it together for her sake.”

  “You’re a great mom, Gabby.” Eden got up and gave her a hug.

  Mason would never say it, but he envied them their physical affection. They comforted each other with hugs all the time. He’d shied away from embraces since Mia’s death, and he missed it sometimes. Missed having caring arms around him.