Beaches, Bungalows, and Burglaries

by Tonya Kappes

  “You don’t have to do hurt me and Dottie, right Dottie?” I looked at her with big eyes so she’d go along with me, but that didn’t work out as planned.

  “Heck no. What is he going to do, jab us with a screw driver? The police already have my gun,” she snarled.

  Jr. reached down and picked up one of the jump ropes.

  “Smarty pants.” He threw the rope at Dottie. Out of reflexes, she caught it. “I want you to tie Mae up, then I’ll show you what I’m going to do with this screwdriver.” He twisted the tool in the air like he was using it.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered when she started to tie my hands behind my back. “This is not how I planned to go out of this world.”

  “Mmmhhh,” she hoo-hummed and tugged my wrists together when she tied the rope. “Now what?”

  “Sit down,” he instructed me. I slid down the wall and landed in a crisscross position.

  There were some murmurs outside of the building. Dottie and I looked at each other. Jr. looked out the door window. He put his finger up to his lips.

  “Shhhh,” he warned.

  “Mae?” Detective Hank yelled my name. “Do you know where she went?”

  “She was with Dottie a while ago,” Henry said from the other side of the door. “She was getting the new kid set up.”

  “What new kid?” Hank asked.

  “That guy that she found dead in her storage unit,” the words started to run together after Jr. grabbed me up and took Dottie by the arm, jerking us into the storage closet.

  “I swear if either of you say a word, I will kill you right here,” Jr. warned us in a whisper.

  “Listen, I know that the fundraiser probably won’t bring in much money, but if you let us go, I swear I will give you every single penny of it.”

  Hank and Henry entered the recreation building.

  “You mean Jr as in Grady Cox Jr?” I heard Hank ask Henry.

  “Yep. She called him Jr.,” Hank confirmed.

  “If that’s the case, Mae could be in trouble. I’ve been looking for him because the detailed DNA report came back and it appears that the DNA we took for his father’s on the gun found in the lake, is what we call DNA familial,” Hank said.

  If I was the only person in here with Jr, and not Dottie, I’d yelled or fought him, but I couldn’t risk Dottie.

  “DNA Familial?” Henry asked.

  Dottie and I looked at each other, then we looked at Jr. He dragged his finger along his throat like he was going to hurt us worse if we even moved an inch.

  “It’s where we can use DNA database and break it down so much, that it can pinpoint the actually family member. Very fascinating, which brings me back to Jr.” As I listened to Hank, I imagined him reading my mind and knowing we were in there.

  “Hiyah!” Dottie’s leg swung up and tagged Jr. right in the side of his ribs, knocking him out the storage room door and on the ground. “That’s what you get for calling me trailer trash.”

  Before I could even get myself out of the storage unit, Hank had already wrestled Jr. on his stomach and tied his arms behind his back. Dottie had quickly untied my hands.

  “That was awesome.” My jaw was on the floor.

  “I’m glad to see that strike Jazzercise class is working.” Dottie winked and patted me. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded and rubbed my wrists.

  “That’s one of the best hog ties I’ve ever seen.” Henry took notice.

  “Are you okay?” Hank asked me with a deep-set concern in his eyes.

  “Yeah,” I choked out nervously. “I’m fine. He. . .” I gulped.

  “I know. He killed Paul and his father.” Hank didn’t make me finish the sentence. “Henry, you packing?”

  “Got my conceal and carry right here.” Henry patted his back pocket with his wallet in it before he tugged up his pant leg and his gun was strapped to his ankle.

  “Good. I want you to keep a close eye on our friend here while I go call for back up.” He nodded. “Dottie, you take Mae get back to your camper. I’ll be there shortly.”

  “What about the fundraiser?” I asked. “I can’t let Paul ruin it and if there’s cops all over, no one will want to come. They’ll continue to think this is a campground for criminals.”

  “I’ll take Jr. in my car to the station.” Hank pointed a finger at Henry. “Keep a close eye on him while I go get my car.”

  The three of us walked out. To my surprise, there were cars lined up as far as I could see. The band was tuning up, the smell of campfire food drifted in the air and the Bible Thumpers were busy setting up their dessert table. Things were in full swing and no one knew what had just taken place in the recreation building.

  “I thought you stopped smoking,” I asked Dottie Swaggert on our way over to the office.

  “It’s not everyday that you some lunatic says he’s going to kill you with a screwdriver,” she said through a pillow of smoke. “Just a puff.” She snuffed out the cigarette.

  “There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” Ty ran up behind us.

  Dottie went ahead and walked into the office, leaving me with Ty.

  “I wanted to thank you for all you’re doing around here. I didn’t give you a fair chance. Around here we like to see action more than words. You’ve proven that you care about Normal and making things right.” His southern draw put chills along my arm.

  “Thank you,” was all I could muster up. I put my hand out. “Truce?”

  He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

  “Don’t you know we hug around here?” He asked, his heartbeat thumped against mine.

  I glanced over his shoulder. Hank had stuck Jr. in the back of his big black car and when he turned around, his eyes fixed on me and Ty. There was a few second pause before he jerked the door of his car open and got in.

  “Truce.” Ty pulled away just as Hank’s car passed. “Now, let’s get this fundraiser going.”

  “Yeah,” my heart dropped. All of these feelings were uncharted territory to me and now was not the time to explore them. “Let’s go raise some money.”

  TWENTY

  The afternoon was filled with a bluegrass band, food, and friends. Mr. Randal was in charge of all the donations and it helped me relax, visit with the campers, tourists and meet some of the locals. I had to admit that my Gucci looked real good stuck up under Ann’s arm.

  Dottie was in the office making reservations, which must’ve been good because she didn’t come out until all the folks were gone and the stars were out.

  “As far as I can reckon, we’re full up until next summer.” There was a huge smile on her face. “Mae West, you’ve saved the campground.”

  “I’m happy to say,” Mr. Randal and Ty walked up with a couple of sleepy boys following behind, “you’ve made enough money to not only fix the washer and dryer, but upgrade the electrical circuits too. You’re going to have a first class campground.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Tears came to my eyes. “I can’t believe it.” I choked back the lump in my throat.

  “You did good, girl.” Dottie yawned and pulled her arms over her head in a big stretch. “It’s been a very long day. From almost getting stabbed with screwdriver to taking all those reservations, I’m beat.”

  “Come on boys, lets get you in bed,” Mr. Randal took his younger two sons back to the camper and left me and Ty there alone.

  I looked around the lake trying not to look at Ty. The campground was starting to look exactly like the brochure. The empty lawn chair next to us, faced the lake that glistened under the moonlight just like in the picture.

  “I’ve been wanting to sit in a lawn chair in this exact spot since I got the brochure.” I eased down into the chair and extended my legs.

  “May I?” Ty asked and pointed to the end of the lawn chair.

  “Of course.” I dragged my feet up and bent my knees to make room. “I just might get that vacation after all.”

  “Mae,�
� Ty’s voice was soft. He reached back and put his hand on my knee. An electric shock waved through me.

  The lightening bugs flickered over the lake and made it look like twinkling lights. The crickets chirped in rhythm and the top of the water rippled out from the little fish that Alvin had stocked the lake with. “I was wondering if you’d like to. . .”

  The sound of tires spitting up gravel caught our attention. The headlight beams of the car was a spotlight on us. I sat up and felt Ty’s hand slide down to my leg. When I saw it was Stanley, my lawyer, getting out, I quickly turned back to Ty.

  “What were you saying?” I asked.

  “Mae? Is that you?” Stanley had gotten out of his car and headed towards us.

  “Ty, what were you saying?” I asked again, but Ty was too busy looking at Stanley.

  “Mae, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in nothing less than a pant suit.” Stanley eyes rose. “Which brings me to believe that you’ll be happy to know that I’ve got you a buyer.”

  “A buyer?” Ty looked at me in surprise.

  “Yes. Mrs. West and I’ve been looking for a buyer for Happy Trails.” Stanley just couldn’t see me trying to get him to shut up.

  “I’ll leave you two alone.” Ty got up. He looked down at me. “Forget what I was about to say.”

  I stared wordlessly at him as my heart pounded in my chest. There was some confusion swirling deep down with in that I couldn’t exactly put a finger on.

  “What was that about?” Stanley asked.

  “Couldn’t this wait until tomorrow?” I asked and stood up.

  He dug through the bag he had with him and pulled out some papers.

  “I was supposed to be here earlier, but I got lost. It appears this social media campaign you have going on really did get the word out. We have a full offer.” He smiled and held the papers out to me. “You have a full offer and millionaire status again.”

  “Stanley, thank you for coming. But you wasted your trip.” I ripped up the papers and handed them back to him. “I’m staying put.”

  “You’re staying in Normal?” There was a shock and awe on his face. “This isn’t your normal life, Mae. If you take the deal, you can go back to what you’re used to.”

  “Normal, Kentucky may not be normal, but it’s my kind of normal.” I handed him the papers and eased back down into the lawn chair with my arms pulled up behind my head. “I won’t be needing your services anymore.”

  There were a few huffs and puffs that’d come out of Stanley before he left and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ty watching my every move.

  I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath of the fresh smell of the Kentucky Bluegrass grass as a new and unexpected warmth surged through me. Home. I was home.

  RECIPES AND CLEANING HACKS FROM MAE WEST AND WOMEN IN

  NORMAL, KENTUCKY and HAPPY TRAILS CAMPGROUND

  RV HACK #1

  KEEP AWAY THE CRITTERS:

  Take Irish Springs bar soap and put chunks of it around the engine compartment. The smell of Irish Springs works great to deter the little critters from moving in. Some folks with large RVs will also run small stands of LED lights under the vehicle at night for even greater protection.

  PREACHER’S WIFE PINEAPPLE CASSEROLE

  (Betts Hager)

  Ingredients

  2 (20-ounce) cans pineapple chunks packed in juice, well-drained

  3/4 cup sugar

  6 tablespoons self-rising flour (see Note below)

  2 cups grated Cheddar cheese

  4 ounces Ritz crackers

  1 stick butter, melted

  NOTE: Be sure to use self-rising flour, not all-purpose, as it already has the other necessary ingredients included.

  Instructions

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 2-quart or 8 x 8-inch baking dish with cooking spray.

  In a medium bowl, mix the sugar and flour. Then, add pineapple and cheese and stir until there are no more dry particles. Spoon this mixture into the prepared baking dish.

  Crush crackers by pulsing in a food processor and add the melted butter with the machine running until it has the texture of wet sand. Add the crushed cracker mixture to the top of the casserole.

  Bake about 25 minutes until the top is lightly browned.

  RV HACK #2

  DUCK TAPE ACCORDING TO QUEENIE

  It’s not secret that Queenie believes Duct Tape can be used for anything and that’s why she carries around a roll everywhere she goes. Queenie tell campers who come into the Laundry Club that if they take duct tape and wrap it around a water bottles. This turns a water bottles in handy little rolls of duct tape, and since water bottles are never far away, neither is the roll of duct.

  HENRY’S BUTTERMILK GARLIC AND CHEDDAR BISCUITS

  Ingredients

  2 cups flour

  2 tsp baking powder

  1 tsp baking soda

  pinch of salt

  1 tsp sugar

  1/4 tsp paprika

  1/3 cup or 5 tbsp cold butter

  3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese

  1 cup Homemade Buttermilk

  For the Topping

  2 tbsp butter

  1/2 tbsp parsley

  1 tsp garlic powder

  For the Buttermilk

  1 tbsp white wine vinegar or lemon juice

  1 cup 2% or whole milk

  Instructions

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

  In a bowl, mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, sugar, & paprika together using a fork. Cut in the butter in pieces with the flour mixture until it resembles a cornmeal mixture. This will take about 3-4 minutes of pressing the butter into the flour. Add cheese. Stir in milk and stir to combine. The dough should be sticky.

  Using a tablespoon scoop the mixture onto a greased cookie sheet. Brush with the melted butter topping and bake for 12-15 minutes or until the tops are lightly golden.

  To make the buttermilk

  In a glass measuring dish, pour in vinegar. Add milk just until up to the 1 cup line. Let sit for 5 minutes.

  RV HACK #3

  TY RANDAL’S SECRET GROUT CLEANER

  If you have grout on any surface it has probably gotten its fair share of dirt. Make it white again with 7 cups of water, 1/2 cup of baking soda, 1/3 cup of ammonia (or lemon juice), and 1/4 cup of vinegar. Spray it on the grout, leave for an hour, then scrub it off vigorously with a brush.

  CAMPFIRE S’MORE DIP USING A CAST IRON SKILLET

  Get that campfire going!

  Ingredients:

  Bag of Chocolate Chips (large bag)

  Bag of Marshmallows (large bag)

  Box of Graham Crackers

  Directions:

  Get your campfire going or start the oven.

  In a large cast iron skillet, sprinkle the chocolate chips in it, spreading them out.

  Place all the marshmallows on top of the chocolate chips in the cast iron skillet.

  Bake for 8 to 10 minutes! Until the marshmallows are golden brown. If you are cooking over a campfire, loosely cover with foil.

  Break out the graham crackers and dip them to enjoy!

  About the Author

  Tonya has written over 40 novels and 4 novellas, all of which have graced numerous bestseller lists including USA Today. Best known for stories charged with emotion and humor, and filled with flawed characters, her novels have garnered reader praise and glowing critical reviews. She lives with her husband, two very spoiled schnauzers and grew up in the small southern Kentucky town of Nicholasville. Now that her four boys are grown boys, Tonya writes fulltime.

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  Also by Tonya Kappes

  Magical Cures Mystery Series

  A CHARMING CRIME

  A CHARMING CURE

  A CHARMING POTION (novella)

  A CHARMING WISH

  A CHARMING SPELL

  A CHARMING MAGIC

  A CHARMING SECRET

  A CHARMING CHRISTMAS (novella)

  A CHARMING FATALITY

  A CHARMING DEATH (novella)

  A CHARMING GHOST

  A CHARMING HEX

  A CHARMING VODOO

  A CHARMING CORPSE

  A Camper and Criminals Cozy Mystery

  BEACHES, BUNGALOWS AND BURGLARIES

  DESERT, DRIVERS AND DERELICTS

  A Southern Cake Baker Series ( under the pen name of Maymee Bell)

  CAKE AND PUNISHMENT

  BATTER OFF DEAD

  A Ghostly Southern Mystery Series

  A GHOSTLY UNDERTAKING

  A GHOSTLY GRAVE

  A GHOSTLY DEMISE

  A GHOSTLY MURDER

  A GHOSTLY REUNION

  A GHOSTLY MORTALITY

  A GHOSTLY SECRET

  Killer Coffee Mystery Series

  SCENE OF THE GRIND

  MOCHA AND MURDER

  FRESHLY GROUND MURDER

  COLD BLOODED BREW

  Kenni Lowry Mystery Series

  FIXIN’ TO DIE

  SOUTHERN FRIED

  AX TO GRIND