The People We Meet Along The Way

by Beth Rinyu

  On a warm sunny afternoon in England, we relived those ten days that brought us all together, creating the moment we were in. From trekking through several different countries in record time to the special magic of the Christmas markets. It was then that I had forged out the special relationships with the people sitting beside me. Then that I realized the world went on spinning even when there were times you felt as if you wanted to jump off it. Then that I realized it’s not the amount of time you know someone that matters, but the level you connect with them. Then, after thirty-four years of living, that I had found some of the best friends I could’ve ever asked for. The 30th of May would now always hold a special place in my heart. It would be a date I’d look back on as the years passed by and always remember with deep fondness in my heart. A date when four friends from all different worlds came together as one.

  CHAPTER 28

  KATE PASSED AWAY the next morning with Thomas in her arms, and Theo and me by her side. I was hoping the smile that was plastered across her face the entire day prior remained as she went to the other side of that rainbow. Theo handled it well—better than I had expected. Although I wasn’t sure if that was just a façade for Thomas. It was as if he was switching gears from being his little sister’s protector to his nephew’s. It comforted me and scared me at the same time. He needed time to mourn properly, and it was as if he was doing everything in his power to avoid it.

  The time he had been given to prepare for it was just a precursor to the actual event. Much like the few hours I had with Evan, from being informed he was on life support to making the harrowing decision after the doctors told me there was nothing that could possibly be done for him. Those few hours, I sat by his hospital bed with my eyes swollen shut from crying, praying for a miracle, willing him to defy the odds and just wake up. The same way Theo had been acting in the past few months with Kate.

  When the time actually came and he was gone, it took a day or two to hit me—he was never coming back. I was wondering if and when that reality would finally hit Theo. I helped him with the arrangements, informing the funeral director of the dress Kate was to wear, and that her nails needed to be painted. He looked at me strangely when I handed over the bottle of pink polish, but I didn’t care—Kate would’ve wanted that.

  When Theo had left the room for a few moments, I reached into my purse and took out the necklace I had my mother send me weeks ago when she had sent Evan’s items for his chest. It was a gold chain with half a heart and the word forever inscribed on it. Around my neck hung the other half with the word friends. Back when I was in the fifth grade, these necklaces were all the rage. Every girl had one that she shared with her BFF. I had saved up money from doing chores around the house and bought one, hoping one day I’d have someone to share the other half of that necklace with. That day never came until now. Kate was a friend I had found later in life. A friend who under normal circumstances would’ve been the exact opposite, but there was nothing normal about our situation. Just like the two of us, it was unique and flawed, yet so very beautiful.

  “Please, make sure she has this around her neck,” I said to the funeral director, uncurling my hand to reveal the necklace just as Theo walked back into the room. As he looked at the heart in my hand and then at the one hanging around my neck, his bright green eyes exploded into tears. It was at that moment, it finally hit him. He quickly exited the room, and I went after him. I found him sitting outside on the porch steps of the funeral parlor with his face buried in his hands. I stood there quietly for a few moments before approaching him and taking a seat next to him. Rubbing his back, we sat in silence while he tried to collect his breaths.

  “I’m so sorry, you must think I’m such a bloody baby.” He wiped his face with the back of his hand and met my gaze with red-rimmed eyes.

  “Not at all,” I assured him. “I would’ve thought there was something wrong if you hadn’t broken down like this.”

  “When my mum died, I promised her I’d look over Kate and not let anything bad happen to her. I just feel like I let them both down in so many ways.”

  “Theo. How could you even think like that? You had no control over this horrible disease that overtook Kate. None! So, please stop feeling guilty. You did everything for her, and she knew that. So, you did keep your promise to both of them.”

  He raked his hand through his hair and inhaled sharply. “Thank you, Jillian. Thank you for everything,” he whispered.

  “No need to thank me.” I stretched my neck and placed a kiss on his cheek, tasting the salt on his tearstained skin. “Are you ready to go?” I asked, clasping his hand tightly. He nodded and that little boy persona I had fallen in love with shrouded his face.

  I stood up first, and he followed after. Stopping when we got to the end of the walkway, he took both my hands in his and pulled me into his embrace.

  “I love you so much,” he whispered softly in my ear, creating butterflies in my stomach, while providing me with the fullness my heart had been searching for.

  If there was such a thing as beautiful where funeral services were concerned, Kate’s was all that and more. It was so reminiscent of who she was in life, and I was certain that she was somewhere close by with that angelic smile on her face, watching it take place. So many people had turned out, proving what a lovely person she was in life. One person in particular, who had shown up, a former coworker of hers named Noel, took me a little off guard when it dawned on me who he was. Evan and he had formed a friendship over their years of working together, and when I had accompanied Evan once on one of his London trips, I had met him. We both looked each other over, trying to place the familiarity before I figured it out first.

  “I’m Evan O’Rourke’s wife,” I stammered.

  The perplexity that was written all over his face instantly faded away once I made that clarification. “I thought I was going mad. I knew I had seen you before, but I couldn’t place where. I was so deeply sorry to hear about Evan. He was a good mate to me.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered and gazed down at the ground.

  “How did you know Kate?” he asked.

  There it was. The question I didn’t think I’d ever have to answer, at least not to anyone who had known both Evan and Kate. I cleared my throat and replied with the truth. “I met Kate through Evan, and the two of us became the best of friends.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, you’ve obviously been dealing with a lot of grief over this past year.”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “Well, you please take care of yourself, and it was lovely to see you again.”

  “And you as well,” I replied, watching him as he walked away.

  “Jillian,” a voice beckoned. I turned around to find Renata, Theo’s ex-wife, approaching me. Theo had introduced me to her and her husband earlier.

  “Oh, hey.” I smiled, pushing a stray hair hanging in my face behind my ear.

  “Theo’s aunt was just telling me what a godsend you’ve been to Theo and Kate these past few weeks. I know I’m technically not part of the family anymore, but thank you. Theo was never strong when it came to this stuff. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he did take care of Katie from a very young age, but crises are not his strong suit. He’s so lucky to have you here to help out with everything.” Her smile was hiding something. Something she wanted to say, but was unable to get out. I gazed at her thoughtfully, allowing her time to collect her thoughts. “Theo is a great guy, but do be careful.”

  “Huh?”

  “You seem like a really lovely person. I wouldn’t want to see you get your heart broken.”

  “Why would I…why do say that?” I shook my head.

  “Because you’re looking at someone who has firsthand experience in that department.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and brushed my cheek with a kiss. “Now let me go rescue Theo from my husband who is talking his ear off.”

  She walked away, and I stood there oblivious to everyone and everything around me. Lost in a trance, the s
ame trance I was in on the day I said goodbye to Evan.

  “Jillian, love. You must be exhausted. You’ve been going nonstop for the past four days. Why don’t you take a little rest when we get back?” Anna said, snapping me out of it.

  “Oh…umm. Really, it’s okay, I’m fine. I’ll just sleep well tonight.” I forced a smile.

  “You’re going to get sick, dear; you’ve been running yourself ragged.”

  “I promise you, after today, I’ll take it easy.”

  “Well, I’m going to hold you to it.” She looped her arm in mine and we strolled over to Theo, who was deep in conversation with Renata and her husband.

  “Oh, there you are.” Theo placed his arm around me, then kissed the top of my head. It felt so strange to be standing here beside him with his ex and her husband. I wasn’t sure why, but I couldn’t seem to shake off the feeling that maybe I didn’t belong here. I was the one with Theo’s arm around me, but I was the outsider. This woman standing across from me had a history with him. She knew a side of him I had only gotten a glimpse of when he was with Phoebe. I scanned the area for Thomas, hoping to use him as an excuse to escape, but then I remembered Theo’s cousin had taken him back to Kate’s earlier.

  “I told Jillian she should go back to Kate’s and lie down, but she’s not having it,” Anna lectured. “The poor dear has been going nonstop for weeks now.” She directed her statement to Renata, who looked at me sympathetically. I was wishing the ground would open up and swallow me. I didn’t want this unwanted attention, and I certainly didn’t want sympathy.

  “Umm…you know what, Theo? If you don’t mind, I think I will head back to Kate’s with Anna.”

  I could tell I took him by surprise after I had promised not to leave his side today. But the truth was, he was the one who left. He didn’t need me. He was just fine on his own. Once his grief began to wane, and the stress of Kate’s sickness subsided—would he need me even less? I thought back to that night we had come back from the pub, the first time he kissed me. You won’t know if I’m doing this because I’m feeling sadder than I ever have in my life and just need someone, and I won’t know if you’re doing it just because you’re taking pity on me.

  He was definitely at the saddest point in his life, and I was pitying him greatly. What had I thought changed from that night to the night we first made love in London? Nothing. He was still feeling down, and I was still feeling badly over it. Still, I knew where my feelings stood with Theo and they had nothing to do with the fact that I was feeling sorry for him and his situation. I truly did love and care for him in a way I never thought possible again. I wasn’t sure if I could withstand the pain if Theo was allowing his circumstances to guide his heart instead of his true feelings.

  CHAPTER 29

  THE DAY THAT followed Kate’s funeral was like an awakening. I told myself I was going to start breaking from the old Jillian who was going through life listening to her heart and revert back to the Jillian who only listened to her head. Given the fact that it was only a little after 7:00 a.m. and I hadn’t gotten out of bed yet, I wasn’t sure how it would pan out.

  When Theo crawled in bed beside me the night prior, I pretended I was sleeping. I knew if I hadn’t, I would have started asking questions, whose answers I wasn’t sure I was prepared to hear. It was only after I heard his breathing shifting and knew he was in a deep sleep that I let the tears flow onto my pillow, while trying desperately to control the deep sobs and my shaking body that came along with them. It was as if all the emotions of the past few months hit me at once. I couldn’t turn them off no matter how hard I tried. Now there I was, the morning after, staring at Theo’s empty side of the bed with a part of me yearning to have him lying there beside me, telling me it was all going to be okay, that we were going to be okay.

  I hoisted myself up and stretched my arms just as the bedroom door flew open. Theo entered carrying a tray containing a cup of coffee and a plate of pancakes and bacon. Thomas toddled in behind him, clutching a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

  “What is happening?” I laughed.

  “Breakfast in bed for you because you deserve it.” Theo placed the tray on the nightstand, then lifted Thomas on the bed along with the flowers.

  “These flowers are so beautiful, Thomas. Did you pick them out?”

  “He did. The woman at the market was amazed when he whipped out his credit card to pay for them too.”

  I shook my head, unable to hold back a laugh.

  “It’s only…” I picked up my phone. “Seven twenty-three. You guys were out and about already?”

  “Not by choice,” Theo asserted. “My plan was to make you breakfast, and let’s just say that turned out worse than the chicken.”

  I crinkled my nose. “How is that even possible?”

  “Oh believe me, it’s possible. So Thomas and I went with plan B. We went to the café down the street and got some takeout, then stopped at the market for the flowers.”

  “You mean, you didn’t pick these with your own two hands?” I teased.

  He shook his head. “But I did make the coffee.”

  “And it’s perfect,” I said after taking a sip. “You didn’t have to do this, you know?”

  “I know I didn’t. I wanted to.” His playful demeanor from moments ago had shifted to somber.

  “Well, thank you,” I whispered.

  Thomas stood up and was just about to jump up and down when Theo scooped him up in his arms. “So what did you want to do today? We can go to the zoo or the park…or anything else you had in mind.”

  “Theo?”

  “Yeah...” he replied, half paying attention to me, half paying attention to a squirming Thomas, who was trying to wiggle out of his arms.

  I wanted to reply in the manner my head was telling me. I wouldn’t be going anywhere. Instead I’d be going home because this thing between us was more than likely going to end badly. Then we’d both end up resenting each other because of it, losing all hope of maintaining the promise we made to Kate about Thomas. But as I looked down at the beautiful flowers, the tray of breakfast, and the man standing beside my bed who made my heart swell whenever he was near, I couldn’t get those words out. Instead all I could manage was, “I’d love to go to the zoo.”

  We spent the rest of the morning and a good part of the afternoon wandering around the zoo. I never tired of looking at the chimpanzees and their crazy antics, while Thomas was enthralled with the polar bears. Theo…well, he was just fascinated by everything. His excitement was almost as fun to watch as the chimps were. It was such a good time. So good that I hadn’t thought about the doubts I had more recently been allowing to creep in. Thomas had fallen asleep in his stroller and Theo and I took a much needed break, sitting on a bench beside some kind of exotic bird display. He stood up for a moment and walked over to the plaque that contained the information of the animals behind the cage. He did this with every exhibit we stopped at. It was like having my own personal zoo guide, as he gave me little tidbits of each animal after reading up on them. He took a seat next to me once again, and I prepped myself for my next zoology lesson.

  “Do you know there are birds in there called bee-eaters? They actually eat bees. It says they remove the stingers by hitting and rubbing the bee over and over again on a hard surface.”

  “Wow, that’s pretty daring! But do you think they’d be brave enough to eat your chicken?”

  “Oh, that was just so wrong!” He grinned. “They wouldn’t because that would make them cannibals…get it, a chicken is a bird.”

  “Oh, Theo, that was so lame.” Neither one of us was able to control our laugher.

  Once our amusement faded, we sat quietly and people watched for some time. Theo finally broke the silence, taking me off guard with his question. “Why were you crying last night in your sleep?”

  I stared at him blankly, wanting to deny it, but knowing it was useless. “It was just an emotional day.”

  He nodded. “Do you know I went
into her room this morning to check on her? It had become such a routine when I’d stay at her place.”

  “Yeah. It takes a while to get used to. We’re creatures of habit.” I fixed my gaze straight ahead, not wanting to risk having him see the onset of emotion I was feeling.

  “Jillian, please tell me what’s on your mind.”

  “I told you, it was—”

  He shook his head. He was too smart to fall for my diversion tactic, and I cared for him too much to not come clean. I exhaled sharply. “I don’t know. I’m just confused.”

  “About?” He reached for my hand and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.

  “Us.” My eyes locked with his. “I’m so afraid that maybe we…” I didn’t want to finish because I knew how I was feeling for him, and nothing about that was a mistake.

  “Maybe we what?”

  “Maybe we made a mistake by sleeping together and taking our relationship to the next level.”

  His eyes squinted in confusion. “Why do you think that?”

  “What if you decide that you don’t need me anymore? What if you were right that night when you basically said we’d be unsure if us being together would be just because you were at a low point in your life and you just needed someone?”

  “I was foolish for saying that, because you’re not just someone, you’re everything. I meant it when I told you I had never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. I had no reason to lie to you about that,” he said with earnest. The sincerity he was expressing was evident, from the warmth in his eyes to his agonizing countenance over the prospect of my hesitation of his feelings for me. My heart felt as if it was ripping away from my body in knowing my uncertainty was causing his pain.

  “And I’m so sorry for doubting you. It’s just that Renata—” Shit. Dammit. I didn’t mean for that to slip out. I didn’t want to throw anyone under the bus because of my own self-doubts.