Kiss Me (Promise Me Book 3)

by Brea Viragh

  “Do I want to know what happened between you two?”

  “Did I when you told me about the two of you? No, but you forged ahead anyway. I can give you the same courtesy if you really want to know.”

  “You might not have wanted to hear it, but you needed to hear it. We’ve never had a problem stepping on each other’s toes before. I didn’t expect it now.”

  “Aren’t you the petulant little brat? Well, I didn’t expect you to bring a man home without first telling Mom and Dad you’re gay! You did it anyway, and acted like you were king of the castle and everyone had to kiss your butt.”

  “Why do you think I brought him? You had to know there was something going on!” Nolan exclaimed. “You can’t be so caught up in your own unhappiness to miss the obvious.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to draw blood. “I didn’t see it. Now we’re fucked. What do you want me to do, clean up the pieces? I’m done with sweeping behind you.”

  Denial gave him power, as if each hurled insult amplified his voice. “Me? You’re the one overstepping your boundaries with someone who’s off limits.”

  My stomach jerked and clenched. “We didn’t do anything.” If you call sex nothing.

  “You know how I found out? I have a gift for reading people. You can’t keep a poker face to save your life. You probably slept with him. Oh, fuck.” Nolan swirled in a circle, unable to look at me. He avoided my gaze when he turned. His fingers blazed trails through his hair and threatened to rip the strands from his head. “Fuck!”

  “How long are you going to keep hounding me? It’s done.” I swiped a hand through the air. “Done.”

  He pointed a finger between my eyebrows. “Mom might be pushing you toward Kai, but I’m telling you now. One more time so you’ll understand. Stay away. Stay the hell away from him. Whatever you did or didn’t do, take the initiative now. If you love me, you’ll back off.”

  What a thing to put on me.

  “I don’t like what you’re insinuating, and I don’t like how you’re talking to me. I don’t like how everyone tries to control me like puppeteers holding the strings. This is my life.” I spoke the words forcefully, hoping I could make them stick. “I refuse to be cowed by you.”

  Nolan’s eyes widened. “You’re going to fight me for him?”

  I hadn’t said anything of the sort. The longer we stood there, the longer I dealt with those damn tears and the hairs on the back of my neck pricking to attention, the more I felt the return of my fighting spirit.

  And there it was.

  “Whether I do or don’t is of no consequence,” I yelled at him. “How about we make a deal? I’ll stay away from Kai if you tell everyone you’re gay. Oh, yeah, right, that’s not going to happen. You’ll bring your boyfriend—” oh God… “—home, but you won’t come out of the closet.”

  There was no way Kai could be gay. Not after making love to me for hours. For talking to me and understanding my point of view. For offering me a taste of the future I didn’t know I wanted.

  A black hole of disappointment threatened to drag me down into depression. Devastation.

  Was I the type of woman who couldn’t attract a good man? I hadn’t wanted one, true, but still, it was the principle of the thing. The one man I could finally picture a future with and he was already involved.

  With my brother.

  Fleetingly, I wondered what kind of bad juju I’d accumulated in the past to have this dumped on my lap.

  “I can’t deal with you.” Nolan threw his hands up in the precursor to an adult tantrum. “You’re being impossible.”

  “Me?” I was stunned. “You spring this bullshit on me and now you want to turn it around? I’ll go you one better. I’m taking myself out of the equation.” There was no way to stand there and ignore the burning in my chest anymore. I dug my hands into my pockets, determined to end the fight.

  Nolan blew a raspberry. “You’re walking away. Perfect.”

  My arms went wide and I moved backwards. “There’s nothing else for me to do! Unless you want it to come to blood, which at this point—” I managed a strangled laugh. “—I wouldn’t take off the table, then one of us needs to get out. Stay here with your precious fairy tale. Ask Kai how he feels about it, because he might have kissed you, but he spent a whole night making love with me.”

  I had the satisfaction of watching Nolan’s face go pale. If I was miserable, then he damn well better be right there with me. He had no justification to make me feel guilty about my feelings, for falling in love with a man who clearly didn’t deserve it. An accusing voice, quiet at first, whispered in my ear to hurt Nolan the same way he’d hurt me. A better woman would not have listened.

  I did.

  “Oh, yeah, little brother.” I nodded slowly. “You wanted me to know, now you should know. He spent the night, and the next day, in my bed. Not to mention our little escapade at the top of the stairs on Thanksgiving. You want to tell me how he tastes? I’ll tell you how he feels inside of me.”

  He was trying hard not to lose it. “You’re lying,” he whispered. “How could you?”

  “Honestly, I wish I were. That would make it much easier.” I rubbed my stomach and felt empty. A yawning, cavernous hollowness nothing could fill.

  “Get out of my face, Nell,” Nolan growled. “I can’t stand to look at you.”

  “Like you’re the only one.”

  I stomped off in the opposite direction, through the greenhouse door instead of facing my father in the kitchen. The moment I yanked the handle, warm wet air washed over me with the fragrant scents of fuchsia and lavender.

  It took effort to resist the urge to uproot those plants one by one. To watch dirt and leaves scatter to the floor against my pain, and all those tender little shoots wither and die.

  I did the next best thing. I screamed. A primal yell designed to release my frustrations and all I kept bottled up and buried inside. I’ll let you in on a secret: It did nothing.

  That’s what I was—a big ball of nothing, too worn to capture any thoughts. A single mantra echoed against my skull with the clarity of a bell: It’s over. Yes. This was done. Whether I wanted a confrontation or not, this stopped now.

  It was too damn hot inside the greenhouse. I flung off my coat and saw steam rising from my skin at the change in temperature. To combat the sudden wave of exhaustion, I moved to the nearest shelf to rest my elbows against the worn wood. Splinters ready to happen. There was no way to go back, or turn from the path my life had taken. I was alone but for the rage and, oddly enough, grief. Desperation. Over an image I hadn’t realized I held. One where Kai and I walked side by side, until the end of our days. The worst thing I could imagine was having a future with him ripped from me. Now it had happened.

  I let the rage do the talking for me. I would end this if I had to claw my way out of the situation. Wrath devoured me until the telltale sound of footsteps captured my attention.

  His smell reached me first, and I was embarrassed and disgusted when my thoughts immediately turned to sex. The flush of instant attraction made me want to slap some sense into myself.

  “I heard you scream.”

  I openly mocked his concern with derision. “You have working ears. Bully for you.”

  “You’re upset,” Kai added. “What happened with Nolan? I saw you two outside.”

  He came closer and allowed a finger to graze my arm. I considered it a test when I just stood there, trembling, wondering how much longer I could withstand the pain.

  “You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Have I told you yet today?”

  I felt more and more flushed. Wobbling, trying not to argue. “No. Please don’t say it again.”

  “Why? I mean it.” He spoke in a no-nonsense, don’t-argue-with-me tone. I wasn’t sure if I was impressed or pushed to the brink of what I could handle. I drummed my fingers along the shelf, wishing I’d had more time for composure before he showed up.

  “What you say doesn’t
mean shit to me,” I said carefully as I turned to face him. “After what you did.”

  He cocked his head to the side. “What did I do?”

  “Playing dumb doesn’t suit your character. But then again, I’m not sure of your character. I was foolish enough to believe that for once I’d come out on the other side without being hurt, and you went and proved me wrong.” I sneered. “I hate that.”

  It was a never-ending cycle. I’d tried my hardest to outrun Peter, and yet here I was facing him again. Except now he had a hip hairstyle and earring.

  “Nell, hold on.” Kai reached out to take my hands and was startled when I lunged back and knocked into a planter of buds waiting for spring. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

  I laughed bitterly despite the sadness clogging my throat. “I don’t care anymore. It’s too late. You bastard.”

  His gaze hardened and he squinted at me. “Please tell me what this is about.”

  “It’s about me realizing I can’t trust anyone. The world is full of freaks and liars. I don’t know why I thought you would be any different.”

  “Jesus, how can you say that to me?” Kai kicked the baseboard. “We’re past that now.”

  “No way. The only thing we’re past is pretending to care.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  I kicked at the snow, my thoughts attacking each other. What Nolan did with his time had no direct effect on me. Or so I repeated to myself when I jogged down to the row of pines marking the edge of the lawn.

  “Nell, wait!”

  “Like I would listen to you,” I called over my shoulder. Yes, I had no right to feel such anger. Or to expose myself to the emotions in the first place. Kai knew how I felt, knew what he’d done, and still continued to pursue me. How ridiculous. I was the number one chump and I’d been stupid to let my guard down. Absolutely stupid. Knowing I’d been played for a fool. Now I was at odds with Nolan and, worse, heartbroken over a man who’d promised to be different.

  Stupid.

  “Dammit, I said wait.” Kai rushed up behind and reached out to tap me on the shoulder.

  I jerked away. “Don’t touch me.”

  He cocked his head. The barely restrained threat in my tone gave him pause. “You ran out without your jacket. What the hell is wrong with you? It’s freezing outside!”

  He tried to hand me the coat when I turned, slapping at his hands. “Stop trying to help. I don’t need you and your good deeds.”

  “You know, your parents and Nolan may be used to your spontaneous mood swings, but I’m not going to stand here and let you berate me,” he said.

  I stared at him stubbornly, injecting scalding rudeness into my voice. “I don’t owe you an explanation. I don’t owe you shit, buddy.”

  “Can you at least tell me what I did wrong?” Kai began, then fell back when I snatched up a log of firewood and threw it at his head.

  “You bastard! You think you can seduce me and play nice like I wouldn’t find out?”

  Now I wasn’t just upset, I was hurt. That pain, similar to the one I’d felt with Peter, echoed through my subconscious. I lost all ability to rationalize. This was Peter all over again. I’d made the same mistakes. I’d let Kai in, despite vowing to keep my distance. I’d dropped my pants and let him plunder.

  I’d screwed myself.

  Kai gripped his elbows and watched me march away, letting me get several feet before following, showing me his anger, showing me his confusion, showing me he was nearly unhinged. His scowl matched my own when he jammed his hands down into his pockets.

  “Try to make sense for a minute. Find out what?”

  “You slept with my brother!” I screamed.

  His face blanched. I watched him come apart. Disintegrate. The careful and controlled pieces of Kai Ingles dropped away and left a pale, unsure creature. “He told you?”

  Bull’s-eye.

  I was going to be sick. “He told me you made out. I didn’t realize it was worse—”

  “Nell, it’s not what you think. We didn’t…we didn’t have sex. Things sort of happened before I realized what was happening.”

  “With him, or with me? Because I have to say, I’m not the type of person who likes playing second fiddle. Was this your plan all along? To play both of us against each other? I’ve had the brother, now I’ll have the sister?”

  “God, no, it’s not like that. I never wanted any of this to happen.”

  “It’s all been a sick game to you.”

  “Will you let me explain?” he begged.

  I clasped my hands over my head. My heart was about to smash straight out of my chest. I’d been wrong. Broken. I was going down in flames, and every second in his company had been for nothing.

  “Absolutely not. I’m leaving.”

  “You can’t drive in this mess.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  “Stop running away and listen to me. Nolan and I are close, yes. One night, we had too many drinks between us, and he made a move. I admit, he’s a tremendous person, and I do feel a strong connection to him. But it doesn’t compare to what I feel when I’m with you. I want and need and crave and love you, Nell.” Kai bowed his head, having trouble maintaining eye contact.

  I had all the right in the world to the spite and fury I clutched tight. “I’m not your drug of choice here. I don’t give a crap how I make you feel, or why you wanted to be intimate with my brother.” The sentence lodged in my throat and threatened to gag me. Already I felt bile rise.

  My determination to remain peaceful had been flattened, and in its place was a roiling mass of anger and abandonment—of fury, fear, failure, all of it roaring, howling, bellowing to be heard. A keening desire to scream towered above it all and slashed blindly at my resolve. It made contact and nearly knocked me flat.

  “You can’t walk away from me,” he demanded when I bolted. “I messed up, but we need to deal with this.”

  “Funny, you’re the second person who’s said that to me in the last two days. The more I hear it, the less I want to stay.”

  Kai massaged his temples. “You want me to admit it?” he exclaimed. “Fine. I kissed your brother. I kissed Nolan of my own free will.”

  Thessaly and Curran chose that particular moment to walk outside, and caught the echo of the words hanging in the air. The words fell and I felt the weight of each one. I saw the way my mother’s face changed. I saw the desire my father had to sprint back inside the door.

  “I’m sorry, I…we’re interrupting…” Thessaly at least had the grace not to ask about what she’d heard.

  It was the final nail in the coffin for me. Blood rushed to my cheeks in scalding patches of red. I pushed on through the snow, tripping and nearly plowing headfirst into a drift.

  Kai followed me. “Nell!”

  I didn’t care where I went or how far, I just needed to get away.

  “If you won’t stop and listen, then fine. I’ll follow you.”

  I made for the pine trees, knowing solitude lay ahead. I couldn’t face him, not with my heart flipping upwards to punch at the base of my throat. Not with the dreams I’d been too scared to admit falling to ash.

  “Leave me alone!”

  Kai continued to speak, his voice raised and heavy in the near silence. “I fell for you. You don’t want to hear it but I did, the first night we met. Why do you think I followed you home? It had nothing to do with my ex-fiancée and being on the rebound. It had nothing to do with Nolan, or whatever crazy idea you have that I wanted to check off notches on my belt.”

  “I never said that. Stop putting words in my mouth.”

  “You didn’t have to say it; it was implied. I fell for you without the help of alcohol, without any inhibitions. And these days we’ve spent in each other’s company only solidified my feelings.”

  “You don’t get to tell me how you feel.” I turned on him, finger pointed in an unconscious repeat of Nolan’s earlier behavior. “After what you did, the only thing you have a right to do is get
the hell out of my face. You seduced me in front of my family, without the decency of telling me the truth. God, when I think about what we did. What you did—” I shuddered. “It’s wrong.”

  He nodded, face open and willing to clear this hurdle. The problem? I wasn’t.

  “I should have told you earlier, and I apologize. There wasn’t a good time to bring it up. You refused to be alone with me for more than five minutes.”

  “Blame me if it will make you feel better. After all, who am I? I’m just the woman you fucked when you knew damn well Nolan has feelings for you.” My fingers went to my chest. “But I don’t deserve your respect or anything.”

  Kai was an underhanded son of a bitch. First, he put the moves on me, worming past my defenses with his doe-eyed innocence. His adorable trust-me act and the way he spoke. Clearly he wanted me for sex when he thought Nolan wasn’t giving it up.

  I ground my teeth and fought for distance.

  Then he had the gall to cozy up to my mother, bring her under his spell the same way he had with me, and all without the decency of admitting the truth. Men were nothing but vicious cheats.

  Who knows when I might have heard what happened if Nolan hadn’t decided to remove the bug from his ass. I was mad at him, but at least he’d had the civility to tell me the truth.

  “You deserve everything I have to give,” Kai responded. “I can only tell you I’m sorry. Can you please come back inside so we can talk?”

  “Absolutely not. You are free to make out with anyone you want. Any male or female in the state of Virginia. You’ve lost your chance with me.”

  Bastard. Worse than bastard. A west coast asshole who had the capacity to make me twitchy right before he snuck off to French kiss Nolan. Face-to-face with the ghost of my past, and I was as ignorant now as I had been then. I’d let myself love again and look where it got me.

  It hit me like an Acme anvil flattening Wile E. Coyote in the cartoons.

  I was falling in love with Kai Ingles. I wasn’t just enamored of his body or happy to have him talk to me in the kitchen. I was well on my way into love—after only a week. Stupid.