The Read And Weep Bundle: Anonymous, Perfectly Hopeless, Run

by Holly Hood

  “How many times do I have to tell you this is not the worst day of your life?” Hart shook his head. “You’re being dramatic.”

  She pulled her hand away. “This is starting to remind me of rehab. I am pretty sure there is nothing worse than killing your best friend and having the entire town look at you like your some monster.”

  “The only person who thinks you’re a monster is you.” Hart looked to the left at the couple dining on lobster. “Excuse me.”

  They both looked at him. “Do you know this girl?”

  Elle’s cheeks burned. What the hell did he think it proved? She hardly could look at them. But sure enough they both shook their heads no.

  “My point, is that nobody in this town knows what you did, and if they do so the hell what. You made a mistake, it wasn’t intentional.”

  She tried to argue but he cut her off. “Stephy chose to party that night. She also chose to get in the car and drive home with you.” He shrugged. “Why aren’t you mad at her?”

  “Because she’s dead.” She put her fork down. “She’s dead and I’m not.”

  “You could be too,” Hart said. “Would that make this all better?”

  She watched the waiters carrying fancy metal trays high above their heads as they dashed back and forth through the restaurant. She knew if she was dead that things wouldn’t be better.

  Her wall came back down. He leaned forward. “Now kiss me and let’s get out of here.”

  She smiled and laid one on him.

  Chapter 33

  “This is why I never go shopping,” Hart said he shoved his hands in his pockets while Elle looked at underwear.

  “This was your idea.” She tossed a pair of frilly navy blue underwear at him. “You told me to do this. You said, and I quote, it will change your life. Take the bull by the horns.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. “And if I am going to put myself out there I am going to do it in style.”

  Hart tugged his baseball cap down farther on his head and tossed the underwear back on the display. “I’d much prefer you naked.”

  “I don’t think that would go over well with all of these people. I’m sure that would just solidify that I have lost it.” She smirked rounding the display. “Besides, it’s always nice buying new underwear, especially when you have someone to show them off to.” She kissed him deeply making him forget he was is in the middle of a lingerie store.

  “I think you should buy the black ones,” he said.

  She grabbed the black ones and smiled at Hart. “I haven’t seen a hat like that in a long time.”

  “That’s because the Brooklyn Dodgers aren’t a team anymore.” He took his hat off and put it on her head. “It’s vintage and one of my favourite things.”

  She stared up at him. “It looks good on you.” She took it off and handed it back. He put it back on and moved to the next display, suddenly he wasn’t feeling so self-conscious about being in a lingerie store. The thought of Elle in any of it was a turn on and that made it worth it.

  “What about this?” He pointed at a sheer bra and underwear, but when he turned around the look on her face disturbed him. “Elle, Are you alright?”

  She shook her head, and ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know.” Something was wrong, and her mind raced as she searched for answers. She couldn’t explain it. She watched Hart tug at his baseball cap uncomfortable. Maybe he thought she was about to lose it.

  She told herself it was all in her head. She was stressed out because she was about to do something big.

  “I’m probably just stressed out.” She carved a hand through her hair and hurried to pay for her things before she passed out. She couldn’t breathe.

  She moved around a couple of girls as they giggled by a rack of pajama pants and dropped to her knees only a foot from the registers. She couldn’t breathe. She closed her eyes, she saw the streetlights, the dizzying lights, and the radio. There was a song playing and it was way too loud. Stephy sung along. She could hear her voice. And she told her to put on her seatbelt. And all of a sudden she’s bombarded by the rush of people from the party. This was why they wanted to leave, there were way too many people.

  She screamed when Hart touched her. “I want to leave.”

  He helped her to her feet and out of the store. Everyone was looking at them and he didn’t care. If he had to he was ready to tell them all where they could go.

  Chapter 34

  Her hands were shaky, her stomach was in knots she had the biggest panic attack of her life. She clutched the bottled water to her chest and stared at the blank wall in Hart’s apartment. She didn’t want to go home. And Hart was sweet enough to offer up his place.

  It felt like she hadn’t said anything in hours. She wasn’t even sure what time it was she just knew she felt awful. And Hart didn’t push her to talk about it.

  “Dr. Jon said there will be times when this happens.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “That after you go through something traumatic anything can make you break down. Am I breaking down?”

  “I don’t know. Do you think you are?” Honestly, he thought she might be. She scared him, she looked at him like she saw a ghost. “I don’t think you are.”

  “It was all of a sudden.” She sat up. Hart tossed his hat on the coffee table and sat down next to her.

  “Maybe it’s stress,” he said, he kissed her knuckles, and pulled her close. “But no matter what it is you’re going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

  His words were reassuring. She let him stroke her hair. “It’s starting to come back. Little by little I’m remembering more. I didn’t want to think about that night ever again. And now for some reason my brain wants to bring it all back.”

  “Where do you think you would be if she was still alive?” He did what he knew best. “Do you think you would be any happier?”

  “For the most part maybe.” She hated school before Stephy died. She was stuck in a boring relationship, the only thing that gave her any kind of satisfaction was having Stephy to share her youth with. Sitting home watching stupid movies or tanning at the beach talking about plans for the future that’s what they did best. They escaped the mundane by fantasizing about the lives they wanted.

  “What about you?” She looked at Hart. “Was there ever a time you actually enjoyed life?”

  He wasn’t sure. “High school. I had this wickedly awesome art teacher. I was an awful student but it didn’t matter because he made everyone feel like they could take over the world.”

  “What about with Jesse. It seems like you had some good times together.” The friendship she saw between Jesse and Hart was undeniable. They had a bond, they were in sync with each other.

  “I told you. Jesse is the only one who still puts up with me. I think he feels sorry for me more than anything.” He scratched his head. “A lot of things I’ve done are because of him. He used to be real bad. If anyone should have died from that lifestyle it should have been him.” He also believed Jesse had a lot of guilt for the way a lot of things happened in their lives. Jesse was the cause of many of his relapses.

  “There is one person who came along and woke me up a little,” he said. “You.”

  She climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stared her down. “Those few months we spent locked up together in rehab were some of the best, even if I didn’t know it at the time. You were changing me.”

  She kissed him. “You refused to let me be miserable.” Hart was persistent. He never let her sit alone and dwell on her circumstances. He forced her to deal with him instead of her misery.

  “I thought about you almost every night before I went to sleep.” She never told him that. “When I thought about you I could fall asleep.” She was plagued with horrible breakdowns. But when she closed her eyes and thought about Hart and their conversations it was enough to calm her down so she could sleep. She started to crave it.

  He kissed her back. “You were the only person I wante
d to see. The only reason I came out of my room most days.” He had almost died, he was tired, and he didn’t want to do another rehab. He was at his bottom. He thought back to that day when he wrote in his journal. Writing about relief and how bad he wished he could get some. He needed something because he was afraid he wasn’t going to make it and that’s when he saw her—literally. He was drawn to her. He needed to know her and to convince her that she could make it, because he heard her crying when they brought her in. For once there was someone more miserable than he felt. She showed him he wasn’t the only one.

  “Come with me tomorrow?” She brushed his hair back with her fingers.

  “I’ll be there.” He promised. He watched her unbutton her top, she guided his hands to her stomach. He gripped her flesh, his fingers crawled higher.

  “I want you,” she said in nothing but a whisper against his lips. His shirt tangled in her grip.

  And he lifted her off the couch, and carried her down the hallway to his bedroom, he batted whatever was on the bed off and laid her down. It was dark and she could only see what little the moon provided through the blinds.

  She could taste the minty gum in his mouth and it turned her on even more that he was chewing it still. She could feel how hard he was through his jeans. They crashed against each other moving together perfectly. She pulled his shirt up stroking his lower back. He undid his belt with one hand using the other to steady their kiss.

  His hands were on her breast stroking her through the fabric of her bra. And she arched her back and begged him to give her more. He unhooked her bra and her nipples hardened at his touch. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He wanted it very much but he didn’t want it to be regret. He didn’t want to take advantage of her if she was breaking down.

  “I’m so sure,” she moaned against his ear, her hand slid further down and teased him.

  “I don’t want you to do something you regret because you’re upset,” he told her, he pushed against her when she bit his bottom lip.

  “I’m not upset. I’ll be upset if you don’t fuck me right now.”

  This wasn’t the Elle he was used to. But it turned him on hearing her talk to him like that. He was ready to give her what she wanted. He hurried out of his jeans. She rubbed the front of his boxer briefs. And helped him out of them and they kissed slow taking their time. They explored each other, every part their hands could touch with him above her. And when he couldn’t hold out any longer he unzipped her jeans and pulled them down her legs. He almost tore her underwear in half taking them off. And then he slipped between her legs and teased her.

  She stroked his chest as he fumbled for a condom from his end table. She was ready and waited impatiently as he tore the foil and clumsily rolled it on. She knew what was about to happen and she could hardly contain herself. Hart was a beautiful man and as she watched him touch himself knowing soon he would be inside her it was hot.

  He kissed her again and rubbed against her. “You’re beautiful. Every single part of you.” She pulled her shirt the rest of the way off so he could enjoy her completely. She was ready. She lifted her hips ready for him.

  He moved slowly into her, watching her reaction, the way her eyes closed at the feel of him. He eased in a little more igniting a beautiful sound from her lips. A little more and she gripped his back lifting her hips and welcomed him further. He groaned and went deeper, kissing her, tasting her, watching her come undone a little more with each thrust. He moved faster and harder dropping his head against her, he could hardly handle the way she sounded against his ear. What he was doing to her was driving him crazy. She had her pulled him against her making him go even faster and harder, begging him for more.

  He slowed back down and tried to make things last as long as possible. He stroked her hair, touched her face, and ran his hands down her neck. “God you feel amazing,” he told her.

  A few more thrust and he had it. He felt her convulse around him and he started to pick up speed, he kept going and she held on tight helping him orgasm. Her nails sliced down his back and she screamed his name. He slowed down, and let out a ragged breath. He kissed her lips over and over again, his fingers tangled in her hair.

  “Dear god,” Hart panted. “Another thing we do great together.” He pulled out and planted one last kiss on her forehead before he took the spot beside her on his bed and tried to catch his breath.

  “Can I sleep here tonight?” she asked.

  He kissed her shoulder. “Of course. I’m not letting you leave after that.” He wrapped his arms around her.

  Chapter 35

  Stroke after stroke she meticulously ran the brush through her hair. She touched the lace on her dress and took a deep breath. Tonight was the night she would bare her soul.

  She put the brush on her vanity and took a seat so she could slip into her high heels. Her stomach hurt. In the back of her mind she wanted to back out and have Hart pick her up.

  Speaking of Hart, he would be there for her speech. He would probably be the only person in the room that actually had sympathy for her. The only person that really got how she felt. Everyone else wanted to see her vulnerable in front of an entire room of people.

  Her mother tapped on her door. “Five more minutes.” She surveyed her room and took a seat on her bed. “How you feeling?”

  “Nervous.”

  “Do you know what you’re going to say?” Her mother picked at her nail. She looked as nervous as the day Elle went to rehab.

  “I figure it best to fly by the seat of my pants,” she messed with the clasp on her necklace and secured it. “Or dress.” Her mom didn’t even crack a smile.

  “Well good.” She stood. “I’m proud of you.” Her hug was rushed, she obviously wanted to get their little chat over with so she could report back to her dad.

  Before Elle could finish up her brother tapped on the door. “Are you ready for this?”

  She squirted a bit of lotion in her hands and started rubbing. “I figure I’ll give everyone what they want. This isn’t for me, it’s for Stephy’s parents.” Her father reassured her that they welcomed her there and were equally happy to hear that she wanted to speak about what happened. She didn’t know how true that was but she was just going to do it.

  “Don’t let them get to you,” Nick said. He usually scolded her on the topic of Stephy but he knew how hard it was going to be for her. He patted her back and pulled her in for a hug.

  “Thanks, Nick. I’ll try my best.” It didn’t matter what they thought she told herself. She already knew most of them hated her for what she did.

  “By the way,” Nick said, hands in his pockets as he prepared to leave. “The guy from rehab is downstairs trying to keep cool under the microscope of our father.”

  She grabbed her purse and hurried downstairs before her dad could scare Hart away.

  He was still there, which was a good thing. She came in the room and ended the conversation going on between her dad and Hart. How much of it was an actual conversation rather than a lecture she wasn’t sure.

  “Hey. I thought we were going to meet at the church.” She was sure she told him to not make a big deal about her big step.

  “Since when do I listen?” He stood up, her dad’s eyes were on the two of them. He pulled a box from his pocket and she was sure her dad was about to have a heart attack. “A gift for moving forward. Jesse always did the same for me, so I thought I would do it for you.”

  She smiled taking the gift, and opened it up to a dazzling pair of earrings. “These are great.” They were tiny diamond Hearts.

  “Glad you like them,” he smirked. He wanted to kiss her but with her dad feet away he settled on the awkward hug she gave him.

  They broke apart and her dad cleared his throat. “Are you ready?”

  She nodded, now that Hart was standing beside her she felt even more confident.

  “Well let’s head on over.” Her dad raised an eyebrow. “We’re you driving yourself or riding with your mother and I
?”

  She looked at Hart. “Mind if I hitch a ride with you?”

  “No problem,” he said. Her dad left the room a bit miffed. “I don’t think your dad wanted you riding with someone else.”

  “He’s getting what he wants, he can suck it up.” She applied lip gloss in the hall mirror. Her parents were gone along with Nick and they were alone.

  “He’s a hard ass but I really do think he cares about you,” Hart said. “It’s very obvious after the conversation we just had.” The guy had more or less threatened to debone him like a fish if he caused any more drama in his daughter’s life.

  “He has a terrible way of showing it. Maybe it’s the judge in him,” She shrugged.

  Chapter 36

  The place was packed. It was the first thing she noticed as she approached the church. The second thing she noticed was the big banner hanging with her best friend’s picture staring back at her. It produced a lump in her throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard she tried to swallow it down.

  It all felt real, too real. And her knees shook so bad she wasn’t sure if she could walk through the parking lot to the doors.

  “This is some turn out,” Hart said closing his door. He adjusted the collar on his dress shirt. “What exactly is this all about again?”

  Elle’s heart raced in her chest and she was doing everything she could to pull it together to form words and answer him. “They created a charity to protect the youth against driving under the influence. So what happened to Stephy never happens again.”

  Hart was by her side. He wasn’t sure if he should take her hand or throw an arm around her.

  Little by little all eye gravitated in their direction. Judgement was beginning all over again he could see it. He wasn’t so sure himself if it was a good idea.

  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone inside a church. And then it hit him it was the day he attended the funeral for Sadie. One of the first run ins he had with Elle before he knew how head over heels he was with her. He wasn’t ready to admit to love, but he was head over heels in something with her.